So I wake up this morning with a vicious headache, my tongue fuzzed over like Lolita’s love patch, and all I can think about is having myself a nice heaping bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats.
Only we’ve run out of Frosted Mini Wheats. Which means it’s either Cheerios or oatmeal. And not instant oatmeal, either—I’d have to slow cook the stuff and wait for it to thicken up.
Man, does 2006 ever suck so far.
Wouldn’t Lolita be, like, seventy, now? That’s a mighty fuzzy tongue you’ve got. No judgement.
Kimmee’s dad must be having a bad morning too. He’s on your front lawn with a baseball bat.
So, nowhere to go but up, right?
CHICKENOPTIMIST!
I’m reminded of the tale of the ant and the grasshopper. The ant spent the whole year saving up food for the winter, while the grasshopper partied the days away.
When winter came, the ant was prepared. But when he got up on New Year’s Day to get some Frosted Miniwheats, he found that he forgot to get some while he was out gathering oatmeal and stuff. So his year sucked.
The grasshopper, on the other hand, went on down to the quickie mart.
TW: went
Oooo.
Hey, I’m just happy when I wake up.
“A bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down – and won.”
— John Prine, “Illegal Smile”
Frosted Mini Wheats. Can’t live with them, can’t shoot them.
A nice soggy bowl of Chex Party Mix and eggnog should not be knocked until tried.
Well, at least you’re not waking up next to Ann Althouse.
I love cooked oatmeal, but cleaning the pan is what usually keeps me from taking up the process.
Am I one lazy f**k, or what? Don’t answer that.
Hmmmm…Frosted Mini Wheats, huh?
Now, do you eat them because the adult in you likes the nutritious wheat side, or because the kid in you likes the tasty frosted side?
Personally, I would have tagged you for a Frosted Lucky Charms man, simply because they’re magically delicious. But, to each is own I suppose.
You could make some popovers.
2 Eggs
¼ ts Salt
1 c Milk
2 tb Unsalted butter—melted
1 c All-purpose flour
Butter a 6-cup popover or Texas-sized muffin pan.
In a medium bowl lightly wisk together the eggs and salt. Stir in the milk and butter and beat in the flour until just blended. DO NOT OVERBEAT! Fill each cup about half full using all the batter.
Oh, and cook them, too.
Doesn’t sound very instant to me…
tw: living… Well, so far.
What is this “morning” of which you speak?
Since the recipe’s *very* nearly identical to one I have, Ill kill Sarah’s suspense and say:
Darker brown popovers:
40 minutes at 400 deg. F.
Lighter brown popovers:
50-55 minutes at 375 deg. F.
Remove from pan and serve hot…
tw: stock… No, we’re cooking dessert, dammit.
I’m sure you’ll feel better once you get the chance to threaten to smack someone around with your dick, Jeff.
I’ve actually had a lot of success with instant oatmeals. Granted, a lot of them are a little oversweet–but the “weight control” ones aren’t so bad, and are in adult sizes (sometimes I have to double the serving size on the ones marketed to little kids). The “banana bread” flavor, in particular, seems to be just the right level of sweetness.
If one is willing to wash a pan, and time permits, steel-rolled oats (e.g., John McCann’s Irish oatmeal from the metal container) is terrific. There’s also a whole-wheat variation on Cream of Wheat called Cream of the West. It tastes better than standard CoW, and the pan is easy to wash if it gets rinsed and then soaked just a bit.
Grab an Old English 800 and start the year the right way, dammit, you not old yet…
Wild Turkey and coffee. The Frosted Mini Wheats can wait.
I BLAME FEMA! And do you think Michael Brown is going to be there to wash out your oatmeal pan?
WORST SIMILE OF THE YEAR SO FAR:“….my tongue fuzzed over like Lolita’s love patch….”In a fair world the Blogbot known as “Jeff Goldstein” would be tortured by Karl Rove before he could write again.
Jealous.
It’s a fair cop. But just remember you said them when I’m helping Karl prepare your molten lead enema.
like Lolita’s love patch
It’s starting to look more and more like Goldstein is Derbyshire’s alter ego…
ever see them in the same room together? i’m just sayin’…