A few days ago, our good friend Jill at Feministe expressed the requisite feminist outrage over t-shirts being sold by Abercrombie that, to Jill’s way of thinking, “[promote] female stupidity, vapidity and competition […].” Others, too, found these shirts outrageous — and soon a “girlcott” against Abercrombie forced the clothier to pull the line.
Evidently, self-effacing irony is not a favorite literary technique among the perpetually earnest activist set.
Anyway, nothing wrong with the “girlcott” (well, except for the stupid neologism and the humorless, dogmatic thinking that underlies it); from a market standpoint, I say make a fuss if you feel you must. Abercrombie’s caving is disappointing, but—like Burger King’s caving in the case of the Allah swirly cone—hardly surprising.
Which, speaking of markets: one way to combat Abercrombie’s egregious attack on the woman is to strike back while the (non-curling) iron is still hot, as Amanda Marcotte and a few other strident feminists have done. Their gambit? To develop a line of shirts that make fun of the self-effacing irony that made fun of feminist earnestness in the first place.
Wonder if non-feminists will put together a boycott against these.
Of course, men, too, can be feminists—and both Allah and I decided we’d help out our sisters in their efforts to push the feminist message. Our t-shirt ideas below the fold. Sure do hope they catch on!
You two are my blogging heroes.
Excelsior!
You’ve got to include Jill’s classic
“to claim that the cultural ills which promote and allow intimate partner violence exist there and not here is delusional to the point of being dangerous.”
I was going to include one that reads “DOCTRINAIRE AND PROUD,” but I think the sisterhood would actually like that.
I actually own a t-shirt that says:
If a man makes a statement in the middle of a forest and there’s no woman around to hear it, is he still wrong?
Unscientific results:
Men laugh, women inevitably say “yes!”
SB: based
reality as an oxymoron
Excellent.
Backside of “My Uterus Hurts”–
“But if you’re nice to me because of it, I’ll hate your condescending ass even more.”
(secret word is “girls”)
“Who needs these with a brain like this?”
. . .now, you see, the main problem with that shirt is that ‘these’ and ‘this’ appear to refer to the same thing.
A more succinct version of the shirt would simply say, ‘Hi! I’m insecure!’.
“Feminism is the radical notion that I’m a seething, bitter bitch.”
“Friedanmania
—Catch It!”
”Born to Be Offended!”
IF YOU CONTINUE PERPETUATING STEREOTYPES OF FEMINIST HUMORLESSNESS I WILL CUT YOUR GODDAMN RAPE ORGAN OFF WITH THE RAGGED EDGE OF MY DISSERTATION
Make sure you order plenty of XXXL & XXXXLs.
I didn’t know the shirts were pulled. I wasn’t bothered one way or the other by them. I thought of them more as ironic than anything else, but they could have come up with funnier slogans. That’s why I hosted the contest. Hey, if you win, you get a box of X-rated chocolates.
I wanted to goof on Marcotte’s resorting to lame insults about penis size when arguing with Jeff, but I couldn’t come up with anything punchy enough.
Just having a little bit of fun, Countess.
It’s the Chink in me reacting to the cowgirls’ reaction to Yoni Yum.
BINGO!
TW: Length – It’s just too easy.
The A&F shirts offend me in the same way those yucky jogging pants with the word “Juicy” written across the ass do. And, I would guess that many of the girls who would wear such a shirt wouldn’t know what self-effacing ironywas if hit ‘em in the head.
Don’t you folks know the answer to “I Wish I Had A Cock”? It’s a t-shirt with an arrow pointing down that says “With One Of These I Can Have As Many Cocks As I Like.”
For the record—and I think I speak for Jeff here as well—none of this should be read as contradicting Jill’s point.
Competition, especially intra-gender competition, is, like, so archaic and uncool.
Iowahawk:
Is that a fat joke?
If we tried that, we’d be treated to God knows how many harangues about the male myth of female sexual power, how it’s all a ruse concocted by—ahem—“the patriarchy” to distract women from the myriad ways in which they’re cruelly being exploited, etc etc etc.
Seriously, scripts can be written to automate this bullshit.
“My Child Is an Honors Student In The Immoral Patriarchy”
–must be the Woodpecker in me–sheesh!
did’t mean to say “pecker”
sorry.
“Get Your Colon Out of My Vagina Monologue!”
Allah, don’t panic. Feminists do have a sense of humor. They’d see how funny a t-shirt with an arrow and “With One Of These I Can Have As Many Cocks As I Like” would be. I’d bet they’d even buy them. What you don’t get is that the joke would be on you.
But Amanda, Jill, et al are weak tea compared to this blog.
Patriarchical rants by a woman with a youngish son.
It’s fascinating reading. Here’s a sample.
Iraq, War, Boys … the Patriarchy
.
I get the joke, Countess. I think it’s funny. I just think reaction to that shirt would depend totally on who put it out. If you did it, it would be received with good humor. If two right-wing men did it, it would be critiqued to discern some ulterior motive and, once one was “found,” it would be condemned.
Jeff wrote about bad-faith assumptions not too long ago. Good post, if you have the time.
You don’t think we get that part? Do you even know any guys?
I see your point, Allah. I still think you’re projecting too much into what may happen, when there’s no guarantee that right-wing guys who made a shirt like that would get that kind of reaction. The thing is that I can’t imagine right-wing guys creating a shirt like that, unless they had a very high sense of irony. Feminists are only one group I can think of that would. I’m sure there are others. If I saw a shirt with that slogan on it (and if I were into t-shirt slogans; I’m not.), I’d probably buy it regardless of who made it..
Of course I knew you got it, Spongeworthy. I know lots of guys. That line is actually from a joke I heard from a 65 year old woman.
“With One Of These I Can Have As Many Cocks As I Likeâ€Â
– It would work with the arrow point up too.
I like the irony of “Junior’s Ringer Gym T (AA brand)”
Well, and the fact that the model is more like a C or D.
And there are way too many lines from “PCU” you could use as well.
“Please tell your tits to stop staring at me!”
So where can I get a “Keep your uterus off my patriarchy!” shirt?
I would hope women know this particular power arrangement basically guides every thought and every action a man takes from puberty forward. Of course, that includes tossing hookers into the backs of our Econolines and keeping their panties as mementos and stuff. So we’re not always laughing about it.
Countess,
I wrote this some years ago after hearing that joke.
At the tender age of eight
Mary Jane was already a bitch
Spoiled rotten by her parents
that were third generation rich
Now Bobby was a neighbor boy,
a playmate of Mary Jane
Poor Bobby never had a say
in the rules of any game
Mary Jane was strong and forceful
and always got her way
Do what I tell you, Bobby
and do it when I say
There was a day in early summer
when they played with a water hose
They both became completely soaked,
wearing transparent clothes.
Mary Jane looked at Bobby
and pointed at his crotch
What do you have in your pants?
Bobby, what is it that you’ve got?
Bobby pulled his shorts down
and said, it’s just a part of me
Just like you, it’s what I use
when I have to pee.
Mary Jane pulled down her pants
and looked, aghast
She didn’t have what Bobby had
She pulled her pants up fast!
She ran into her house,
screaming, “Mommy, come hereâ€Â
Safely inside her house
her eyes began to tear.
Bobby shrugged, pulled up his shorts
and turned to walk away
Suddenly a smile appeared
He had bested Mary Jane today!
He heard her door
before he heard her yell
“Bobby, Bobby, don’t go home
I have something to tellâ€Â
He saw here strutting down the walk
The same old Mary Jane
Not one trace of tears,
gone was all her pain.
With a grin, she pointed at her crotch
and said, with a triumphant grunt
“My Mommy told me, with one of these
I can get all of those I wantâ€Â
Hmmm.
When Sony markets the first sex-robot those feminists are going to be screwed!
Well not in a literal sense.
More of a figurative metaphorical sense.
Sorry, but I think those A&F shirts ARE awful. It’s teenagers they market to, after all. There are plenty of non-“feminist” women who object to the shirts as well. Here’s a post from American Princess, just to start with.
Ask yourselves: would you want your teenage daughters wearing shit like that? What kind of attention do you think that would bring them?
TW: mother. Yep, that would be me.
I swear that spam thing DOES work like Turing.
I use to be a cum-catcher, then I joined NOW.
How about “The chip on my shoulder is bigger than your dick”
If I had a teenage daughter, would I want her to wear one of those t-shirts? No. Would she want me to wear one? No.
If you don’t want your daughter to wear something, wear it yourself.
Remember the PornStar shirts from about 2 years ago? They even made those in little girl sizes. They were apparently the right kind of ironic.
HA! Isn’t that the truth!
Sure they would. They can buy sex-robots just like everyone else.
The countess and feministe remind me of one of my favorite political cartoons. It’s the information desk of a bookstore with this diminuitive old man in front and a big trucker-dyke-type woman behind the counter. The caption is:
“This is a feminist bookstore. We don’t have a humor section.”
Exploitation? She’s the one with the whip!
Haven’t really spoken to Jill at feministe all that much, but I can vouch for Lauren’s sense of humor.
I’m starting my own line of t-shirts. My first will say “All women with massive hooters like these say F**K BUSH”. Waiting for how contradicted the radical feminists will be with that one.
So, will Artillery Girl be by?
(Disclaimer, in case s/he is: I’m 6’/170, hopelessly heterosexual, impossibly romantic, very good-looking, self-employed, and deeply sensitive. And I date a lot. Women.)
Amanda said:
That poor girl must really be desperate.
Amanda doesn’t have to pretend.
Is that a wad of bills in your pocket or am I just happy to see you?
Allah:
<blockquote> Seriously, scripts can be written to automate this bullshit.</blockquote>
Countess:
Damn, stop messin’ up the cadence, will ya?
Well THAT didn’t work …
My uterus wouldn’t touch your patriarchy with a ten foot fallopian tube.
Or something.
BTW Jeff and Allah, your t-shirts were hilarious!
Anyone else read the phrase “Allah and I…” then say to yourself ‘uh oh’ as you clicked on ‘read the rest?’
TW: square
One of the Undeniable Truths of Life (by Rush Limbaugh) comes into play here:
How about this:
“Jump! Set! Spike! Block!
We don’t need your stupid cock!”
TW – ‘parts’
LOL! I think it was more along the lines of “Oh, Lord…”, but the same basic idea.
tw: line-> I was pretty sure they crossed it.^^
I’m still upset that T-shirt Hell quit selling the t-shirts that read: “I f***d the Olsen Twins before they were famous”
—
Now, It’s Always That >Time of the Month
</b>
–
I wonder what T-Shirt Hell thinks of the title of their post…
On a different subject —
Since Allah seems to be hanging out here of late, could someone point me to a URL for the “NEVER AGAIN” poster? I’m starting to see a few people suggest that we bail the Fwench out, and I want to use the poster as a .sig.
Regards,
Ric
Hmmm.
Would I want my daughter to wear something like this? Well I don’t have a daughter but the answer is no.
Would my daughter give a damn what I wanted? Probably not.
Why would she? You’re part of the PATRIARCHY!
As a conservative white male, I demand a safe space in which to explore the notions of high irony and the debilitating effects of matriarchy, ‘cause my mom was so uncool and made me do my homework.
Good Lord, you people are unfunny. Go and listen to the Bloodhound Gang for a few hours for real unPC humour.
But, please, do make up some of these shirts and parade around in them.
Too bad. Because I was so looking forward to hanging out with you and just yuking it up, Phoenician.
Yeah, Juliette–same reaction: what am I getting myself into?
What would I do with “my uterus hurts”?–wear it two days a month?
It took me a second scroll-through to fully get the “honk if you feel empowered” one, probably because it couldn’t penetrate my tiny feminine brain.
The “lick my beaver” shirt had a certain primitive charm, of course.
I’d hate to have to decide between “you only disagree because you hate women” and “get your uterus off my patriarchy.” Very nice.
[As for teenage girls, should I end up with one I’ll be going shopping with her, and there will be guidelines. (And, yes: it I want her to get disenchanted, I’m willing to put the clothing on myself, which would certainly give me a wicked thrill. I dress like a teenager as it is.)]
Zipper. Too many possibilities; I’d be here all night.
Whenever ther’s trouble/ we’re there on the double/ we’re the Bloodhoung Gang
If you got the crime/ we’ve got the time/ we’re the Bloodhound Gang
The Allah/Goldstein. collection I could see wearing to bed. Critics Roar! Whup some up and let the bucks roll in, my wallet is ready.
Abercrombie, not so much. Abercrombie stuff is a raggedy hoax perpertrated upon the young, and their T-shirts were just stupid and vulgar. Noone ever deserved a girlcott more.
The BK swirly cone reappears! I can almost understand your concern with retailers “caving” to consumer demands when they are responding to entrenched cultural superstition, and paranoiac cries of “you did it on purpose” because of course I would prefer they be dragged into the clear light of rationality.
Abercrombie, however, actually made the messages with some deliberation and purpose, and the shirts are guilty of everything Jill accused them of.
Bottom line, if you want to sell people stuff, don’t insult them. Caving to consumers who can affect your sales is a cost of doing business, not the end of the enlightenment.
<inevitable Reese’s commercial reference>
“You got Patriarchy in my uterus!”
“YOU got uterus on MY Patriarchy!”
</inevitable Reese’s commercial reference>
Bottom line, if you want to sell people stuff, don’t insult them.
Actually I take that part back. Selling stuff successfully sometimes requires a “you don’t measure up, but you can fake it with our product” approach.
I revise: If you want to sell people stuff, don’t make them mad.
(arrow pointing down)
If you don’t have one, BE ONE!
Ric Locke:
I happened to be rooting around, and found Allah’s “Never Again” poster.
Thought you and others might be interested.
Ris, that poem you posted is very similar to the joke I heard. They are almost identical.
Err: “With One Of These I Can Have As Many Cocks As I Like†– It would work with the arrow point up too.”
Now that’s funny.
What’s even funnier is that my 16 year old son got an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue in the mail yesterday. When I saw it, I just started laughing. I wonder how he got on the mailing list? He took one look at it, said “I’m not paying a lot of money for clothes”, rolled it up, and threw it in the trash. LOL
Hmmm.
I discussed this issue with a friend of mine last night, who does have a daughter but she’s (thankfully) only about 6 or so.
The best decision is IMHO to adopt whatever style you find offensive and claim it’s the absolute height of fashion, buy a few and wear them proudly all over the place. Particularly when meeting her friends.
There are few things that will turn a teenage girl off a particular style than having her middle-aged father, or mother, wearing them and prancing around her friends.
Honk these if you support the Patriarchy
You should perhaps develop a sense of humor before attempting to be humorous. I wish i had a cock? what’s that?
I dunno. Something you say to yourself in the full length mirror most mornings?
Bryant: It’s a male chicken. The other ones are “hens”.
…
I swear, if I hear someone seriously blame anything (in modern American society, at least) on “Patriarchy” again, I’m going to… be disappointed in them.
Punch it up, Jeff: “I wish I had a COCK!”
My wish came true, and I like the cock I have. It may not be attached to me, per se…
Ok, it came with the patriarch. But it’s MINE.
Vagina Addiction? I Can Help
I Joined The Cynthia Mackinnon Fan Club And All I Got Was This Lousy Product Of A Third-World Patriarchal Society
How about “Fill This GAP”
Whenever ther’s trouble/ we’re there on the double/ we’re the Bloodhoung Gang
Ä« was thinking more of “A lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying”.
Oh, and Jeff? I’ve had a satirical piece I wrote on the Internet used in lobbying the US congress. How well have you done?
Feminists usually wind up doing it with girly men because real men don’t bother with them,
I have been told they don’t talk during sex, they protest. A form of love-hate I think.
They love sex, but hate you.
Well, Phoenician, a joke I came up with about orthopedic slippers and a randy alligator once netted me a half-decent blow job from some really drunk chick in the bathroom at a Ruby Tuesday’s in Towson, MD.
Close?
Must … stop … laughing … wiping … away … tears …
Let’s hope that with end of the stupid socialist experiments in the western world, feminism will vanish with it.
Feminism and unhappiness are synonomous. They are always whining about something and they frown a lot.
They wear drab clothing and if they aren’t lesbian, they are often mistaken for one.
I have noted that conservative feminine women … look nicer, groom themselves better, smell better and oddly enough … actually like men. This does make for better relationships and better sex.
Well, Phoenician, a joke I came up with about orthopedic slippers and a randy alligator once netted me a half-decent blow job from some really drunk chick in the bathroom at a Ruby Tuesday’s in Towson, MD.
Mmm. Had a similiar experience with a long riff combining Giles from the Buffy series and Guthrie’s “Alice’s Restaurant”. Your drunk chick wouldn’t have been a librarian, would she?
Nope. Former Clinto intern.
For what it’s worth, though, I’ll concede that chicks do love to lick the knob to some Arlo Guthrie.
”…chicks do love to lick the knob to some Arlo Guthrie.”
They don’t love it. They hope your hands cover their ears while you skull-fuck them.
As the blowee, however, you can work up a pretty good rhythm to “City of New Orleans”.
Why is this even an issue? If women were always nekked and in the kitchen they wouldn’t have to worry about such things no?
One more tee shirt —
http://acepilots.com/mt/2005/11/10/another-tee-shirt/
All-pupose, one-size fits all.
My favorite feminist joke.
Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin on the end of a penis?
A: A man!
If an irony is trademarked, will it lose its irony due to familiarity?
Stupid stupid bar exam study.
Hello. I happen to be one of the girls that started this “girlcott” (I definitely did NOT come up with that, and I still wish we hadn’t called it that). I would just like to say that I think most of you are quite ridiculous about this. I am not a strict feminist by any means, nor am I a “dyke”, but I am offended by these shirts and what they imply about the women wearing them. Perhaps they are funny. They are also degrading. And while you are all entitled to your own opinions on this matter I would simply like to ask you to look at it as not an uber-feminist group that’s doing this. We are NOT an uber-feminist group. We just feel insulted and disgusted at something and it is our constitutional right to say so. We would like not to be mocked, and none of us would have the “The Man is bringing us down!” attitude about this. We simply wanted to get our opinion out there, make people think, and make a difference. And it appears we’ve succeeded. Good luck with those lovely designs you all came up with. I’m sure A&F would be happy to sell them.
My post notes that I respect your market position. You want to protest, have at it.
But at the same time, I’d respond that if you really believed women were capable of making their own decisions, you’d let them decide what is and is not offensive to them.
HONK IF YOU FEEL EMPOWERED!
I still say teenagers aren’t capable of making decisions in their own best interest.
Enough of sounding humorless.
Yet another t-shirt:
“I’d like to fuck you senseless, but it somebody beat me to it.”
It’s not as if we were deciding whether or not to bomb China. We felt that these shirts were demeaning (not only to women, but also to men, to homosexuals, to overweight people, to pretty much everyone out there) and we decided to do something about it. Maybe teenagers can’t make the most sensible decisions for themselves, but isn’t discouraging them only worsening that ability?
HONK!!!!
TW: done, as in, my work is…
Women do have a sense of humor but only if the joke is on somebody else, preferably a man.
How ‘bout this?
“You must be at least this high to ride”