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What’s left?

It looks like the national conversation on constitutionalism may finally be forced into the mainstream by The Liberty Amendments and the collective push of (real) conservative talk radio and certain FOX hosts to promote it, for good or ill.

That’s a positive turn of events, and something I’ve advocated for for years — most (in)famously, I suppose, in the Hot Air piece in which I argued we should actively and aggressively take power from the left by refusing to cede both the structural framework for debate and the language through which debate manifests itself, that eventually as it played out led to the whisper campaign and demonization that removed me from the ranks of the online conservative opinion leaders.

Old friends and allies turned on me. And a new generation of activists, brought in through the Breitbart platform, never even heard of me — mostly because advocacy from the bigger bloggers alongside whom I’d once fought and whom I’s often defended, ceased to be. Very ostentatiously, in fact.

So. Now what?

Answer: chicken salad recipes.

1. Basic Chicken Salad.

No need for fancy bread on this first one. Just toasted white with our without crust, slathered with mayo.

I like to use the breast meat from a rotisserie chicken, roughly chopped or pulled and diced. About 1 lb.
To that, I add a cup mayonnaise (light mayo is fine, but it ain’t as good. My advice? pop a low-dose baby aspirin and a Lipitor and go with the good shit. You only live once, and these past five years have been a real drag. Treat yourselves!)
2 diced celery hearts
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon cracked black peppercorn
a pinch of savory
(optional) a handful of dried cranberries, or cran-raisins, for those of you who have that Thanksgiving craving year round.

Mix, dish onto toasted bread fresh from the toaster, cut into 2 triangles, and gobble down immediately, like you were Michael Moore in a tub of bacon, or Andrew Sullivan with his head jammed into a bag of cocks.

Yield: gustatory orgasm. No guarantees, but trust me.

There. I’ve done my duty for the day. FOR FREEDOM!

77 Replies to “What’s left?”

  1. George Orwell says:

    2009. I don’t think I’ve needed Hot Air for at least four years anyway. And I view chicken salad as a Constitutional right. Give me mayonnaise or give me death panels.

  2. sdferr says:

    . . . duty for the day . . .

    Hmmn, somehow I suspect that parsing the deontology from the liberty is going to prove harder than removing the cracked pepper from the chicken salad after it’s already been tossed in and stirred up — harder, though not to say impossible. There’ll probably be a residual flavor, regardless.

  3. Shermlaw says:

    Fruit in a meat salad for sandwiches is culinary Bolshevism. The personal (sandwich) is political.

  4. Ernst Schreiber says:

    I hope you look your chicken salad bloody. Because the way things are going, people won’t be interested in eating the chicken salad until the only way you can get your chicken is raw.

  5. Salt Lick says:

    Dude, several years ago, I compared your fight vis a vis intentionalism to the first wave at Omaha Beach — Stephen Ambrose wrote that though that wave got slaughtered, they got their equipment, their weapons and their ammo to the beach, and that solved a supply problem for the follow-up waves, allowing them to succeed.

    Limbaugh is talking about the amendments as I type.

    Know in your heart you’ve been in liberty’s spearhead.

  6. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Stephen Ambrose wrote that though that wave got slaughtered, they got their equipment, their weapons and their ammo to the beach, and that solved a supply problem for the follow-up waves, allowing them to succeed.

    Stephen Ambrose neglects to mention, perhaps because he never knew, that the 500 German defenders of the 3000(?) yard Omaha beachhead ran out of ammunition themselves.

    I thaw it on PB-eth

  7. happyfeet says:

    what’s a celery heart

    nobody tells me anything

    i do my chicken salad light-on-the-mayo and some sriracha to where it has a nice color to it and I cut a bunch of red grapes in halfsies and throw those in too and that’s pretty much it

    canned chicken is fine

    America is a fascist piece of shit country now and all this talk of liberty is just so much blather anymore I think. But it makes some people feel better and that’s important.

  8. sunny-dee says:

    I do not like mayo.

  9. Ernst Schreiber says:

    You and BBH might want to share a bunker.

  10. sunny-dee says:

    For tuna salad, I use pickle juice instead of mayo to add the sticky moisture to hold it all together. I don’t think that would work in chicken salad, so I normally make a regular chicken sandwich instead.

  11. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Then use dijon mustard, honey, and a little olive oil instead.

  12. happyfeet says:

    I’m a try the pickle juice thing that sounds smart

    I’m winning our contest here at work so far by the way – I’ve lost 10 pounds in the past two weeks, which is many

    I’m a win the shiny brand new red swingline stapler for sure almost! – all I have to do is keep up the good work

  13. Shermlaw says:

    Then use dijon mustard, honey, and a little olive oil instead.

    Anything but mayo in/on tuna or chicken salad is unAmerican. Just sayin’.

  14. Silver Whistle says:

    Is homemade garlic mayo too socialist Euroweenie? Not enough outlaw?

  15. Car in says:

    What is your position on grapes in the chicken salad?

  16. Car in says:

    For tuna salad, I use pickle juice instead of mayo to add the sticky moisture to hold it all together. –

    Gross.

  17. serr8d says:

    The Sam’s rotisserie chicken ($4.90), the Asian Salad (bagged with ginger dressing on the side), add chicken and chopped fruit to taste (whatever’s in the fridge or on the sidebar: strawberries, grapes, blueberries, apples). No steenking bread, just toss that salad and enjoy.

    I’ve never been ‘fat’ fat, but somehow I picked up a dozen or so extra pounds in the last couple years (because, well, unsupervised comfort eating). That’s gone now, mostly.

    Where’s my stapler ?

  18. Car in says:

    I’m with the dead guy up there – I haven’t read Hot Air (besides the occasionally click – once every three months or so) in years.

  19. Silver Whistle says:

    What is your position on grapes in the chicken salad?

    Convulsive.

  20. Matt says:

    *Andrew Sullivan with his head jammed into a bag of cocks.”

    Diet pepsi meet monitor.

  21. happyfeet says:

    good job Mr. serr8d

    quitting smoking was very life changey for me

    pro tip: substituting cupcakes for cigarettes might be effective but long term it is NOT a Winning Strategy.

  22. happyfeet says:

    btw in the last week I been drinking lots and lots of yerba mate – we just make it in a large french press

    i think it has magical properties

    plus it smells like a barn

  23. Salt Lick says:

    Ernst — far be it from me to challenge PBth, but an aggregation of relevant websites show about 5,000 American casualties inflicted by those German defenders.

    The point is, many of those young men died drowning in sea water, nursing ghastly wounds, and calling to their mothers. But they got that equipment to the beach.

    Like Jeff has carried intentionalism through a storm of hate.

  24. angstlee says:

    You might trying adding some chopped pecans and chopped apple. Delish…

  25. Ernst Schreiber says:

    5,000 American casualties inflicted by those German defenders.

    That’s what happens when you burn through what is ostensibly supposed to be a two day supply of ammunition in 4 to 6 hours.

  26. leigh says:

    One of my favorite proverbs at work in that post, Jeff.

    You have only one life to live. You can either make it chicken shit or chicken salad.

  27. Car in says:

    Hey now … let’s not talk bad about chicken shit.

    It’s like GOLD in my garden.

  28. leigh says:

    Well, yeah Carin. But you don’t make sandwiches out of it.

  29. mondamay says:

    I like my “fruit salad” separate from my “meat salad”, and you can be assured that if I’m treating myself, no celery will be involved (I’d do something with onions/scallions/shallots instead).

    I get that rotisserie chickens are convenient and reasonable, but once you cook up a chicken on a Big Green Egg, you’ll probably find that the extra flavor dimension it adds to chicken salad will make it worth the extra time (and a great use for leftovers). You won’t need a lot of mayo, either, because it stays really moist.

    Now I’m hungry. I need to grill/barbecue something.

  30. geoffb says:

    Treat yourselves!

    Do it soon. Obamacare has a solution for people like you, it is heavily armed and likely final.

  31. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Great. Another Big Green Egg snob.

    Sniffed the Weber snob.

  32. Jim in KC says:

    Sliced pecans are good for a little crunch. For the dressing, I like one part Miracle Whip to two parts sour cream.

  33. leigh says:

    I’m a Weber snob, as well Ernst. We’ll be smug together.

  34. Car in says:

    or the dressing, I like one part Miracle Whip

    You’re dead to me.

  35. dicentra says:

    what’s a celery heart

    Those pale, floppy stalks in the middle of the bundle.

    nobody tells me anything

    You just been told.

  36. dicentra says:

    This chicken walnut salad sammich right here is what must be in heaven before I consent to go.

    If it’s found only in hell, that’s where you find me.

  37. McGehee says:

    My esteem for chicken salad is very much akin to my esteem for sausage — it depends on my not watching it being made.

  38. mondamay says:

    Ernst Schreiber says August 15, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Great. Another Big Green Egg snob.

    Nah. You can cook good stuff on lots of rigs. I’m just lazy/impatient and the Egg caters well to that. When I cooked a 12 pound brisket from below room temperature to 195 degrees and falling apart in 8 hours, and without having to add charcoal, I knew I wasn’t going back.

  39. Ernst Schreiber says:

    They’re good for tandoori too.

    And when you try to move it and drop it, you’ll have a lovely assortment of oddly shaped paperweights when it shatters.

    My brother-in-law has a Big Greeen Egg.

    I hate that guy.

  40. mondamay says:

    Ernst Schreiber says August 15, 2013 at 2:14 pm
    And when you try to move it and drop it, you’ll have a lovely assortment of oddly shaped paperweights when it shatters.

    Always a possibility, although my last metal grill was showing daylight through the lid (rust never sleeps) by the time it was as old as my Egg is (and has survived baseball sized hail). Durability can mean many things.

  41. mondamay says:

    I hate that guy.

    I’ll bet his food is good, though.

  42. Ernst Schreiber says:

    I wouldn’t know. I only see him at Christmas.

    I would love to see what happens to a hot Big Green Egg in single digit temperatures though.

  43. Ernst Schreiber says:

    I opted to replace a 14 year old Weber kettle grill this spring because I found a discontinued model on clearance. The only rust on it was around the base of the lid handle where the porcelain had chipped.

    Of course, I keep my covered, and move it into the garage for the winter.

    My father in law buys the cheapest two-burner gas grill he can find and replaces it every couple of years.

  44. mondamay says:

    I wouldn’t know. We don’t get a lot of single digits here in Tennessee (and even less at an hour I would be likely to be grilling).

    I have brushed show off the top before firing it up, though.

  45. mondamay says:

    “Show” should be “snow”.

  46. mondamay says:

    This guy claims he’s cooked at 3 F.

    Here is an area where I was pleasantly surprised and a bit shocked. So far the coldest weather I’ve cooked in was 3 F (-16C) . The Egg apparently takes no longer to warmup in the cold weather than the warm weather.

  47. Ernst Schreiber says:

    I’m not sure what would happen either. Probably nothing unless the temperature really took a dive before it had finished cooling.

  48. leigh says:

    It took me 20 years to burn out my last Weber kettle. I have two grills now. One is a Weber and the other isn’t.

  49. guinspen says:

    Go home, slewfoot.

  50. Ernst Schreiber says:

    I was in the store looking for replacement grates and a replacement leg kit for my One-Touch Gold when I was seduced by the side tables and cart of the (sadly discontinued)One-Touch Platinum.

    I have a WeberQ for weeknights, so I’m the bigger snob leigh.

  51. McGehee says:

    My mother-in-law tried to interest me in a gas grill yesterday at Home Depot. I patiently explained the difference between gas grilling (otherwise known as “indoor cooking without a roof or walls”) and charcoal grilling.

  52. leigh says:

    Until I break down and buy a third grill, Ernst.

  53. Squid says:

    I’ve got the Platinum as well, Ernst. Long may it reign!

  54. happyfeet says:

    I don’t have just a whole lot of use for your surly remonstrances Mr. guins.

    I’m a win me a stapler and then go from there I think.

    That’s the motherfucking plan.

  55. ebarker says:

    Dukes Mayonnaise. There is no substitute.

  56. BigBangHunter says:

    – I’ve moved over to the Olive oil based Mayo. Olive oil makes a difference in almost everything.

  57. BigBangHunter says:

    – You shouldn’t even think about motherfucking mustard toes, what with your obsession with baby non-survival.

  58. newrouter says:

    do you get staples with the stapler or do you have to get them at staples?

  59. BigBangHunter says:

    – Hopefully he gets them while sucking on a staple gun.

  60. McGehee says:

    Staples — the old age successor to pokemonpox.

  61. happyfeet says:

    staples are for paper

    I hardly ever use paper

    the shiny brand new candy apple red swingline stapler is mostly just for so people know that yup that’s who i am and that’s how i roll

    and make no mistake that stapler’s mine

    I already got a new desk organizer so I could declutter my desk and show the stapler off to more better effect

    just two more weeks!

  62. newrouter says:

    can one wish good luck to a pikachu or that declasse?

  63. happyfeet says:

    no that’s cool

    this guy M is sneaky and hyper-competitive

    and man does he want my stapler

  64. sdferr says:

    *** Old lady lost in the city
    In the middle of a cold, cold night
    It was fourteen below and the wind start to blow
    There wasn’t a boy scout in sight
    Pull down the shades cause he’s comin’
    Turn out the lights cause he’s here
    Runnin’ hard down the street
    Through the snow and the sleet
    On the coldest night of the year

    Beware, beware, beware of the Naked Man

    Old lady head up toward Broad Street
    Shufflin’ uptown against the wind
    She had started to cry — wiped a tear from her eye
    And looked back to see where she had been

    Old lady stand on the corner
    With a purse in her hand
    She does not know but in a minute or so
    She will be robbed by a naked man

    Beware, beware, beware of the Naked Man

    Old lady lean against a lamppost
    Starin’ down at the ground on which she stand
    She look up and scream
    For the lamplight’s beam
    There stood the famous Naked Man

    He say, “They found out about my sister
    And kicked me out of the Navy,
    They would have strung me up if they could.
    I tried to explain that we were both of us lazy
    And were doing the best we could.”

    He faked to the left and he faked to the right
    And he snatched the purse from her hand
    “Someone stop me,” he cried,
    As he faded from sight,
    “Won’t nobody help a naked man?”
    “Won’t nobody help a naked man?”

    Beware, beware, beware of the Naked Man ***

    In the manner of a roman à clé I like to think of the Old Lady as liberty, and the Naked Man as the political left on the assault. [It’s not Randy’s bag, I know, but still, it kinda fits.]

  65. BigBangHunter says:

    – Randy Newman? – Nah, he would have done something like:

    Seven boats without a sail, seven cats without a tail…
    Gee but its creepy here on this old pier, at night…
    But I’m not afraid even though I’m in trouble…
    Because of Linda, she promised to meet me here
    On our favorite pier, yeah she lied to me and broke my heart
    But I love her, and I’m alone cause of Linda….Linda…..Linda

  66. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Hey Squid, does the lid on your Platinum have a somewhat disconcerting habit of slipping/falling forward out of the lid holder?

  67. BT says:

    Chicken Salad, make a waldorf, add chicken.

    Jeff’s recipe is good with the cranraisins.

    Weber for grillin and short term smokin. Mines about 10 years old. Built a cart for it so i can roll it around and do prep work.

    Long smokes i use a chargriller pro with some modifications and a side fire box.

  68. Ernst Schreiber says:

    I’ve done spare ribs, four racks over about 4 to 5 hours on the Weber. I thought they turned out okay. But I’m not on the BBQ circuit, so what do I know? Hard to keep the heat under 300 and not have the coals go out on you.

    I wouldn’t want to try it for brisket or picnic shoulder though.

  69. Slartibartfast says:

    Great. Another Big Green Egg snob.

    I got the knockoff from Costco; it’s really good at about half the price.

    But the various BGE appliances probably don’t work, so I have to adjust temperature manually. But I’m not that tweaky to start with, and if I reallyreally need to, I’ll invent the stuff myself.

    I have smoked an already-done Boston Butt for about 12 hours on the thing; no better a pulled pork has anyone ever tasted. I did bake it for about 6 hours first, at about 250, rubbed with a large assortment of peppers and garlic powder, and wrapped in foil.

    It’s big enough to do the Costco two-pack of Boston Butts simultaneously, which I think I’ll do next time I want to have a party.

  70. McGehee says:

    I went with the Korean knockoff, the Big Puce Sphere.

  71. mondamay says:

    Slartibartfast says August 15, 2013 at 8:56 pm
    I have smoked an already-done Boston Butt for about 12 hours

    For the life of me, I don’t understand these kinds of cooking times (especially after baking it first). I can do a 5-6 pound pork shoulder raw-to-done in around 5 hours cooking between 200 and 225 degrees. That generally gives me an internal temperature around 195. I then rest the meat wrapped in foil, and sitting in a dry ice chest for about an hour, and it just falls apart when pulled.

    I can do ribs in about 2 hours, or a slower-cooked style that takes around 3.

    I guess people are all doing much bigger pieces of meat, or lose a lot of their heat, or something, because 8 hours is the longest I’ve ever had to go.

  72. mondamay says:

    McGehee says August 15, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    I went with the Korean knockoff, the Big Puce Sphere.

    I hope your kids and grandkids like the color. Unless you drop it, it should be around for a while.

    If the country lasts long enough, I hope to get an extra-large BGE if and when we move out of our condo into an actual house.

  73. Slartibartfast says:

    I don’t understand these kinds of cooking times

    Sometimes necessary to get the smoke flavor that I like. Not necessary to get it done. It’s done before it ever makes it into the Egg.

    I probably exaggerated with 12 hours. It was probably more like half that. But you CAN cook it for that long, if you do it right, and still have it be moist and flavorful. The time in the Egg is mostly just for the smoke; I keep the temperature down below 200 degrees.

  74. Ernst Schreiber says:

    I can do ribs in two to three hours too.

    When I’m doing one or two racks.

    I think the idea behind the long cooking time is to give it enough time for the connective tissues to break down and turn into gelatin, without overcooking the meat.

  75. Ernst Schreiber says:

    raw meat smokes better than pre-cooked

  76. mondamay says:

    Ernst Schreiber says August 16, 2013 at 8:17 am

    I think the idea behind the long cooking time is to give it enough time for the connective tissues to break down and turn into gelatin, without overcooking the meat.

    Yes, but the temperature is the indicator. That process occurs around 140 degrees (and your internal temperature pretty much stops going up until the fat and connective tissue have stopped absorbing the energy they need to break down). By the time the meat is up around 195 you’re about as tender as you’re going to get, and continued cooking from there is what confuses me. In my case, I try to cook at about 200-205 degrees most of the time, so once the meat is about the same temperature, it isn’t going to get any hotter or “cook” any more, it’s just going to dry out.

  77. guinspen says:

    Nor I for your fatuous pontifications, peepyfoot.

Comments are closed.