Sure, it looks scary. But don’t despair! Instead, think of this as a way to understand the root causes of terrorism! Take a few minutes to name each nail in this undetonated bomb for an offense the West has committed against Islam. Here, I’ll get you started:
1. Abu Ghraib / Gitmo
2. Supporting Israel
3. Women drivers
4. Allowing homosexuals to live
5. Infidel boots on sacred Muslim soil (though not sacred enough that keeping open the option to target that sacred soil might conceivably act as a deterrent against WMD attacks in US cities)
6. R-rated movies / freedom
7. Pork
8. An unwillingness on the part of the majority of Westerners to submit to the will of Allah and Sharia law…
9. Harry Potter
Now you try! And when you’re finished, voila!—instant nuance!
Related: “Sources: July 7 London Bomb Plot May Have Been Much Larger”
See also, “7/7 Suspect Nabbed”
****
update: Then there’s this:
The 14-year-old son of controversial film director Theo van Gogh, slain by an Islamic extremist last November, is said to have been threatened and assaulted by Moroccan teenagers in Amsterdam and insulted by his classmates. The allegations were made during an interview the boy’s grandparents gave to the Dutch television channel Nova. Amsterdam police have not confirmed any threats or aggression against Lieuwe van Gogh.
(Thanks to Carin)
****
update 2: Pandagon’s Jesse Taylor wants his readers to think that I’m suggesting that “trying to understand why and how terrorists work is as good as planting the bomb yourself!”—when in actuality what my post highlights is the vast and disparate number of excuses terrorists have already offered for blowing up civilians, on buses, subways, recruiting stations, tall buildings, hospitals, pizzerias, etc.
Seems to me those who wish to “understand how and why terrorists work” should have plenty to keep them busy by now. But then, maybe I’m just a bit quicker on the uptake than some.
Anyway, hopefully his readers aren’t as confused as Jesse and will see the distinction. But really—how likely is that? I mean, they’re reading fucking Pandagon, for Chrissakes.
****
update 3: more root causes?
Tara Reid.
Jim Beam.
Jews.
Secular governments and flavored, microwavable pork rinds.
Re-electing George Bush
Kareem abdul Jabbar who asks “how high” when the Great Satan tells him to jump.
Crusades!
And don’t you need to balance this photoblog with a nice kitty? If you don’t have one handy, Laurence could sure help you out.
Bikinis and those sexy, flimsy, sleeveless summer dresses.
God, I love bikinis.
Maybe this should all go under “An unabashed appreciation of boobies.”
Hooters, beer and Doritos.
Mel Gibson
Late night Cinemax.
Lack of cover on female infidel heads, allowing their hair-based sex rays to indiscriminately destroy the wills of righteous men everywhere.
Really tight jeans that have the very top cut off so that they hang just above the buttcrack, with the thong exposed.
Worn with midriff-bearing shirt and heels.
Fox is reporting that John Bolton will be recess-appointed sometime next week. That’s another nail.
They’re mad about cheetos? That’s the last straw.
Protecting Salman Rushdie from overzealous book critics.
Sorry, not cheetos. Doritos. Cheetos are evidently halal.
Grand Theft Auto “Hot Coffee” Mod.
Urine wafting through prison vents.
Oh, and that time I copped a feel off the chick in the burqa in the check-out lane at the grocery store. In my defense, it was crowded. But dude, they were big. Definitely real.
Geez, guys, you’re missing the obvious uber-provocation:
ELVIS!
Either because of his infidel blue suede footwear or because, as Mojo Nixon assured us, “he’s everywhere,” an omnipresence that clearly constitutes an affront to Allah.
I question the timing of this photo.
Come on, we all know this “terrorism” b.s. is flimflam to distract us from the heinous crimes of public enemy #1: Karl Rove.
Our stubborn refusal to sign the Kyoto Protocol.[snigger]
Pie.
Heavy Metal
Mmmmmmm, I love me some pig!
Jeez, I have nothing to say at the sight of that horrid photograph. Think of the hate that went into the careful building of this bomb…
And whaddaya wanna bet that those nails are dipped in rat poison or some such, as similar devices in Israel have been.
Turing = daily, as in This sort of thing is going from being unheard of to becoming a daily danger. I hate the jihadis for doing that to us.
I predict that if that stuff starts happening in the US, the backlash against our current PC culture will be relative swift and decisive. That doesn’t mean “racial” profiling, but it does mean we admit publically to having some rough idea who we’re looking for—with religion being one component of the terrorist profiling. I’d also anticipate a severe crackdown on Islamic Centers and any mosque receiving its funding / sermons from Saudi Arabia.
I don’t know about any individual nail, but the whole thing looks like the dildo used by the twins I slept with in college.
OK, I’m lying
touring word: game
as in: I got no…
Jeff,
Swift and rightfully so. Sorta a huge “told ya so” to the PC crowd and ACLU maroons.
Necrophelia.
“camel toe”
Al Franken’s teeth.
MILF
Ah, I see Lars has ruined this thread with his oversized link (to apparently nowhere ?).
You know those tattoos women get right above their butts? The kind I see every day on the subway on the way to work cause they’re wearing low-cut jeans and midriff tops with their firm, nubile flesh exposed and their perfect, college-aged bodies glistening with a fine sheen of perspiration in the summer heat and their pouty, full lips moistened with strawberry gloss and….
Uh-oh … I’ll be back later.
Sorry.
Simon Cowl
Natalee Holloway
Ricky Martin… uh, scratch that.
Glory holes.
Tickle Me Elmo.
Richard Gere and his gerbil.
Ass tattoos.
Michelob Ultra.
The last three seasons of The Simpsons.
Rodeo clowns.
Wal-Mart greeters.
Watching obnoxious jerks play poker on tv.
Soap.
Paris Hilton (okay, maybe we deserved that one).
The Ambiguously Gay Duo.
Rioting after the NBA Finals.
Ebonics.
The Grammys.
Britney and Kevin
My Sister, Who freely works at Disneyworld right now. My Mother, who freely works at the Bank right now. Both for not wearing Hijabs. My Father, for working as a clerk for the Latter Day Saints. Myself, for going on a mission for that same church. And all of us for not being followers of Islam.
Not that I hope to excercise intolerance by saying this, but there’s something wrong when the name of your religion literally translates into ‘submission’ when the spirit of god is ‘freedom’.
Saving tens of thousands of Islamic butts from ethnic cleansing in Yougoslavia.
Carelessly leaving typos in most posted comments.
Better Doner Kababs than their homelands
The massive transfer of wealth to the people who had their camels on the sand where our geologists and engineers found and developed the oil resources. How dare we “exploit” them by giving them so many billions of dollars?
My Jewish wife.
Daydreaming about Martha Stewart’s adventures in lesbonics while in prison.
Wondering where the Dusty girls went.
(And seriously, that piece about Van Gogh’s kid really pissed me off.)
Sean Hannity
Ronco
Hulkamania
Olson twins
sphincter bleaching
Bennifer
Ann Coulter
designated hitter
Nancy Kerrigan
Discorollerfishing
“flimsy, sleeveless summer dresses.”
God did a good day’s work when he invented everything involved in that phrase.
Michael Jackson (unless he comes to know Allah)
Stupidly-named blogs.
Hipsters.
Prince Alberts.
Alt-weekly papers featuring comic strips that no one finds remotely funny.
50 Cent.
The NHL lockout.
Windows Update.
Monica Lewinsky.
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bears
Kwanzaa.
Forgetting that you left your lawnmower outside and having it rust up after a thunderstorm.
Segways.
All the women Wilt Chamberlain boned.
The prefix “wiki-” and the suffix “-pundit.”
Libertarians who take out subsidized student loans, demand government funding for their favorite scientific research, or work as public university law professors. (Volokh, Reynolds, I’m looking in your direction).
Loud cell phone talking.
Pizza outside of New York, New Jersey, and maybe Philadelphia.
People who tell you that champagne is really “sparkling wine” unless it comes from the Champagne region of France.
Blue’s Clues
Early 1980’s SNL reruns.
Trucker hats.
The University of Phoenix.
“WARNING: This beverage is extremely hot.”
Having to wait for the power, water, gas, telephone, and cable companies to come out and mark their lines before you dig in your yard.
Sex-change operations.
Fighting over who gets to be the tophat when you play Monopoly.
Lisa Simpson’s preachy liberalism.
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
Virginia’s ban on radar detectors.
When you get Chinese takeout and they don’t give you enough fortune cookies.
Lifetime: Television for Women.
The Gitmo pig-in-a-blanket: Wrapping prisoners in the flag of Israel.
Jesus, AK. You’re starting to make me think we deserve it.
Did someone say pie? Because, there’s always pie.
Spam word: want. As in, “I want pie”. Jeff, this is too creepy for words.
Southern belles, who pretend to be oh so sweet and innocent with that accent but aren’t.
The rise of Western Civilization. The fall of the Ottoman Empire.
Pop-under ads that the Google Toolbar doesn’t block.
Beating off in an airplane bathroom and calling it “the half-mile high club.”
Epcot Center.
String cheese.
All those lound, angry Linkin Bizkit-style bands.
Crappy Cracker Jack prizes.
Soccer Moms.
Soccer.
How the last two minutes of an NBA game takes an hour.
O.J. Simpson.
Spyware.
Undecided voters.
Judge Judy.
When you think you hear a good song on the radio, but it’s just part of a promo.
Voicemail.
Dropping your funnel cake on the ground.
sphincter bleaching
Say what?!? That seems like a losing cause.
Anway, back to the nails:
-Smoked pork loin ribs smothered in bourbon-spiked barbecue sauce and eaten with the same hand used to wipe(after washing it, of course).
-Dogs
-Intimate piercings
-The battle of Tours
-Ishtar
I thought about listing O.J., but didn’t he commit “honor killings” against his shameless wife and the poor dude returning her sunglasses? Isn’t that right up Islam’s alley?
Al Sharpton.
Low-fat bleu cheese dressing.
When the gag in a Family Guy episode goes on for 15 seconds too long.
When my high school girlfriend got pissed at me because I killed her Tamigochi through gross negligence.
The boring showcase at the end of The Price is Right. You know, the one with the furniture and without the dune buggy.
People who think the Immaculate Conception was Christ’s conception.
“Gobsmacking vileness.”
Cinnamon dental floss.
Knob cheese.
The unwritten law that says that bloggers must use the words “wrongheaded” and “disingenuous” at least four times per week.
People who started drinking Pinot Noir because they saw Sideways.
WARNING: Your computer may be infected with Spyware. Click here to scan and disinfect your computer!
Rugburn.
Vegas Baby! Sweet sweet Vegas……
Damn, the guy before me took pop-up ads AND spyware. Of course, be honest – if you could target pop-up and spyware makers, YOU’D build one of these.
So we’ll settle for:
Flip-Flops
I was going to use “The girl who refused our affections”, but we then told friends we had sex with her, and her family killed her in an honor killing…
To quote my own blog caption for this pic – Islam is DA BOMB!
MEC2
BLOGS
interracial/ethnic marriage
WASPS
catholics
“You forgot about Poland”
Anime and otaku
Al Frankin
Al Gore
Al Einstein
AI
Al Sharpton
A1 Steak Sauce
Kurds
Whey
Sunni Days
Shiite Days
Grease
John Travolta
Scientology
Red tape
Post-it Notes
Acronyms
Marilyn Manson
Marilyn Monroe
M&Ms
Skittles
College Basketball
Baby Oil Wrestling
Charlie Daniels
Egg Salad
Pork Rinds
North Carolina BBQ (Eastern)
Local car dealership commercials.
Songs that don’t have a cowbell.
When you think you’re getting a chocolate chip cookie but it turns out to be oatmeal raisin.
When your metabolism slows down in your early twenties and you turn into a fat-ass.
How guys with English accents get all the chicks.
Doctors with god complexes.
Earwax.
Metrosexuals.
Hydrox.
That sinking feeling you get five minutes into a Simpsons episode when you realize it’s going to be a Lisa episode.
When Col. Sanders said “boo-ya!”
That time in college when I got wasted and threw up on the bench that was given in memory of the guy in my class who died of cancer.
Old women who have 300+ cats.
When Jesus killed Osama on Southpark
Christmas trees
the easter bunny and the tooth fairy
the old mcdonalds commercials where they bounce basketballs of grimace’s head
grimace
barney the purple dinosaur
barney fife
Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear the Reaper” BECAUSE it has a cowbell
theatre vs theater
People mistaking camels for llamas
PBS
When Winny’s brother got killed in Vietnam on the Wonder Years.
Going through a tunnel in the middle of an important cell phone call.
The default Nokia ringtone.
Every other ringtone.
When people say “I’m going to try to make it to the party” and it’s clear that they mean “no way in hell.”
Vacuuming.
Finding something obviously synthetic in a Chicken McNugget.
Chimpy McBushitlerburtonazi, Inc.
Getting pwn3d in Counterstrike by a 13-year-old dork who then calls you a homo.
Star Wars Episodes I, II, III, & VI.
Red Bull.
Atkins.
Japanimation.
Mosquito bites.
Lists of oddities of American culture
Doogie Howser, MD
Steroids in baseball
Tickle-Me-Elmo
Pet rocks
Chia Pets
One shoulder strap backpacks
Hipsters
Matisyahu (Hasidic Reggae)
Cuticle files
Self-referential comments (“Lists of oddities of American culture”)
Repeating stuff that was already mentioned (“Tickle-Me-Elmo” and “Hipsters”)
People who point out these sorts of things.
The Cross
Christmas
Good Friday
Easter
Anything to do with Christianity
Yarmulkes
Tephillim
Anything to do with Judaism
Italian white wine
Gallo white port
Guys who wear speedos at the beach/swimming pool
Guys who wear swimming shorts that hung just beneath their belly button
Guys who play soccer in short shorts so women can ogle all that fine muscle definition
Guys who run around barebacked in low riding jeans with just the elastic waistband of their jockeys showing
Hagen Dazs rum and raisin ice cream
Construction workers with a sheen of sweat
Necking
QBASIC
LABEL A
Loops
Lists that are so long that it’s hard to remember what has been posted already
Froods
Vitamin-enriched Towels
GOTO A
Using blogs to fill time at work
Realizing that you’re going to be stuck at work until 8:00 on a Friday because you wasted half the morning on this crap.
Knowing that there’s a computer joke, but not being able to appreciate it fully because you don’t know anything about programming.
People who make excuses about why they repeat what’s already been posted.
People who put the image of men in Speedos in my head.
Those dark wrap-around sunglasses that old people wear after eye surgery.
Specials that try to educate me on what “the true meaning of Christmas” is.
When people don’t wipe off the gym equipment after they use it.
Li’l Kim’s purjury conviction.
People who sell their kids’ fundraising candy at work.
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.
In a word: Goldstein
Madonna.
And The Madonna.
Jan Sobieski
Tai Chi
Cable television
Snow tires / Wrigleys spearmint gum
Zaxxon video arcade game (upright version)
Desi Arnaz
Snorkeling
Crushed ice / Absolut mandarin vodka
Tweezers
Disc brakes
Anything from Iceland
Nose piercing
The Australian phrase “G’day mate”
Back issues of National Geographic (1947 – 1953 inclusive)
Burton snowboards
Border collies
Dalai Lama / Refried beans
The full line of Norelco products
String cheese
ARMADILLOS
Real Ale & Hard Rock!
You guys are such nerds. I thought
INTERNET PORN
would have made it much closer to the top of the list.
1.After-school-specials with Naughty Teen Sex, only it goes all sappy when the bitch gets preggers
2.Very-Special-Episodes of favorite shows where the stupid kids smokes pot once and becomes a crack-addicted whore, only to have all problems resolved in a half-hour.
3.Bill Clinton’s well-used penis.
4.Soda vs Pop
5.Kriss-Kross backwards pants
6.Libraries
7.Car-bombs (the shot)
8.Ruby-red lipstick.
9.Is that a banana in your pants….?
10.That the last item was the second penis joke in this list.
11.Stripclubs
12.Tastseless American fart jokes!
Pull my finger!
Teletubbies
George Steinbrenner
Gigli
Leonardo DiCaprio
ME.
I admit it, I am just bad. I’m going to re-think the cartwheels in a sundress at Huntington Beach.
Michael Bolton’s nomination to the Supreme Court.
Thongs
“Plumber’s crack”
Fast Times at Ridgemeont High
Gus Van Zant’s Psycho
Anne Hesch
Kabala
Pre-teen streetwalker fashion
Hanson
Nation of Islam and their little bowties
Lindsey Lohan
Britney Spears
Those little vixens on the Facts of Life
Lepanto
Tours
Granada
Tripoli
Oran
Vienna
Baghdad
Kabul
Jerusalem
AVENGE THE BARBARY PIRATES!
1. Dogs. Not just dogs, but those spoiled pooches with their own personalized strollers and sparkly collars.
1 1/2. Anna Nicole Smith. Couldn’t decide whether to put her or the dogs first….
I’d like to add a hearty ‘Fuck yeah!” to all of these root causes that have been listed.
“New” Coke
Those “Dockers” Commercials From Way Back When
Hulkamania
Leg Warmers
Geez – I’m showing my age here, aren’t I?
Andalusia
The Crusades
The British Mandate of Palestine
The 1947 UN Partition Plan
The 1948 Arab-Israeli War
The 1967 Six Day War
The Gulf War
Also, Pizza Hut’s “pork topping.”
Jenna Jameson
Ummmm…. Just plain daring to exist, when <b>Allah </b>so “clearly” rules otherwise?
There’s a difference? Aren’t they, at heart, really the same things?