My name is Jeff Goldstein. I’m not black — though I’ve seen a few such people on my teevee, and in the summer I can work up a really nice tan — but I am a non-practicing Jew originally from a deep blue east coast state. And I’m a proud supporter of the TEA Party.
There. Allow my words to sweep over you. Like a wave. Moving fluidly to shore. That in its ebbing cleanses America’s beaches of their hateful social stagnation, revealing polished gems that emerge from the roil like the fresh clean sparkle of hope and change.
And once you do, hit me up on Twitter, M’chelle!
You should wait by the phone for that phone call from Obummer.
you have too many states plus all these things you’re saying I already knew so that’s not super couragey really but still everyone should get a ribbon
The Pres probably knows you’re one of those gun people, so I wouldn’t sit by the phone.
I come from a long line of black …… Irish. I don’t think that helps me out though. The other large chunk of my DNA would be Slavic, isn’t that the root for slave?
Hey, maybe I can play off the black (Irish) slave (Slavic) thing.
Yes, but are you gay? I don’t think it counts as a brave admission unless you’re a paid athlete admitting you’re gay, or if you’re some anonymous writer talking about rapey dog glances. Then, you’re Braveheart.
I think you should come out as gay. I bet you get linked like crazy.
What are they going to make you do? Prove it?
That smacks of hate.
I got off work early so I am slightly less grouchy than usual, does that count?
– You guys are all missing the point. The object de Terre is to make yourself seem interesting, different, and outside the box by adapting a 24/7 worldview in every subject and opinion counter to the word “sensible” in all possible ways, and you have to have repurposed yourself by the age 23 or you’re just soooo yesterday.
– For instance M’chelle is far too busy managing her homeboys new career in standup to bother with a Wham, and a gun loving Mr. Mom Wham at that.
– Without a g5 smart phone sutured into your forearm, you don’t stand a chance .
My great-great grandparents on my mother’s side were illegal aliens. They heroically stowed away in steerage on a ship headed to Canada from France. They then beat it down into the Indian Territories and later staked a claim in what would become Oklahoma many years hence.
Such courage and bravery in the face of audacious odds should earn me a phone call or an invite to tea.
For the gay thing you could come out as a lesbian trapped in a mans body. That would give you some kind of weird gender identity thing too. Twofer.
I’m so proud of you, Jeff! Such bravery! Let your freak flag fly, my friend. We’ve got your back, even if you want to let some dude cornhole you.
Well, maybe we’d have your side from a short distance in that case.
I remember back in college “learning” that homesexuality is not binary; there is a sliding scale where total homphobia is at one end (absolutely no touching of members of the same sex) and total homophilia (I will let you decide the best example for that, too close to lunchtime for me) at the other. The point, I think, was that we are all, to some degree, “homosexual” if we’ve ever, for example, hugged a dude.
Consider the way the “blackness” or “native american-ness” is considered – 1/64th gets you official recognition, maybe less – hell, maybe just the idea that you were brave enough to check a box on a form (I’m looking at you, freshman Senator from Mass.) – then I think that you can claim gayness if you’ve hugged a dude.
Welcome to the club, you gay Tea Party gun fetishist, you. Still no call from the President, however. Dude hates guns.
Dude hates guns.
‘cept for Michelle’s guns, he stipulated.
– Like Woody Allen, my Doc has forbid bullets to enter my body. Does that qualify?
– Gaye bullets?
– Gaye bullets manufactured in China by midget Lesbian transvestites?
I actually knew a guy who got a sex-change operation, then decided s/he liked girls.
So, there is a mix. And that lesbian trapped in a man’s body thing? Well, not quite as farfetched as you’d think.
sdferr – I’m not sure he doesn’t hate those too, for what it’s worth. Until it’s time to do some heavy lifting around the house.
I rely on the difference ‘twixt word and deed there, scooter. He says the one, whereas, he may do the other.
There was a movie about “Lip Pike” this year? Who knew.
I mean how do they know for sure? Did anyone detect the faint order of spent seamen on his breath or anything? Maybe he was just attentionfagging.
I’m still trying to figure out how much practice it takes to be a Jew.
Well, since one of the rallying cries of this movement is that same-sex attraction is perfectly normal and perfectly healthy and acceptable — in other words, just as good as being hetero — I have made a decision.
I”m coming out today as a heterosexual.
When do I get my call from the Oval Office?
Well, first you have to get admitzvahed to the bar…
same-sex attraction is perfectly normal and perfectly healthy and acceptable
Next step: Superior to
Followed by: Mandatory, because that other kind leads to vermin who destroy Mother Earth.
“Well, first you have to get admitzvahed to the bar…”
Ah, so there IS a test. That explains why people say it’s hard to be a Jew…
funny, you don’t look bluish.
If you can’t score well on the JSAT, forget it.
That’s a prime example of what Darleen was talking about in the other thread about how any and all forms of emotional expression (she used the word “intimacy,” I believe) have been sexualized.
Thus, if a kindergartener hugs you on the playground while you’re waiting there to pick up your kindergartener, and you hug him/her back and a teacher/administrator sees you,
why then, your ass is cooked.
The way my Israeli friends explained it: Jews are practicing all the time.
and a teacher/administrator sees you
Yet, don’t we tend to think that this [conditioned] response is less a matter of a moral judgment than a knee-jerk matter of self-preservation from any possibility of law suit, i.e. an immediate glance at the self-interest of the job holder (not to say wage-slave)?
Ernst – credit where it is due, I think you are talking about Dicentra’s comments. But the point is nonetheless a good one.
And really, if they want it that way (we’re all sorta gay) then no one is gay, we already have gay marriage, and we can shut up about it. Frankly, all the taco and cupcake talk is starting to get old.
total homophilia
Is that like when you get cut your blood comes out all rainbow colored?
I have a bad habit of confusing Darleen and Dicentra, particularly when I’m pounding out comments. Thanks for catching that for me. Apologies to Dicentra.
sdferr, sure there’s an element of better safe than sorry, but where did the staff get the idea that if you hug a kid, then you just might be a sex predator from in the first place?
” If you can’t score well on the JSAT, forget it.”
You just have to learn to spot the Goy Bloggs answers?
Hey, if we’re all gay, and the UConn mascot is a male dog, am I being raped too?
I dunno where they got the idea outside that there have been actual sex predators from which cases have been shouted to the roof-tops by bellowing do-gooders like O’Reilly that SOMETHING MUST BE DONE to see to it no sex predator is ever again successful at predation. Whereupon, the lawyers move in for the kill.
We’re at that awkward stage where, all forms of expression having been freely sexualized, all concievable forms of sexuality have yet to be freely expressed. Hence the schizophrenia in the popular imagination about all things sexual. Let your freak flag fly freely, but don’t let your kids walk to school —some perv is waiting behind the bushes to grab them as soon as you turn your back.
The only thing Huxley missed is the homosexual dimension of sexplay. But I suspect that was more of an editorial decision than a hole in his awareness.
Heinlein had that covered for him, Ernst. At least the lipstick lesbian part, anyway.
Lipstick lesbians were undoubtedly an editorial decision as well.
Perhaps. Heinlein and his wives were a bunch of swingers.
Illegals and squatters. That’s like a white-trash twofer!
We’re respectable now. Just don’t fuck with us or we’ll cut you.
link
Saw that Lord piece newrouter linked also linked over in Jeff’s twitter sidebar. It’s well worth the read. Maybe even a post.