On FOXNews moments ago, former Clinton Special Assistant for National Security Affairs P.J. Crowley made the case that, in the wake of the London bombings, we in the U.S. really do need to turn our attention to understanding the “root causes” of terrorism.
And you know what? I agree with him. And I can’t be afraid to say so any longer—even it it means I’ll be mocked by my more hawkish readers as being soft on terror (or some other ridiculously simplistic assertion). Because the fact remains that what we’ve been doing to combat terrorism over the past few years simply hasn’t been working.
To that end, below the fold is my four-step process for getting at the root causes of terrorism—and for using that knowledge to defeat it. Those of you who find such analyses too “squishy” are free to skip it.
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The first step to understanding root causes is identifying those causes—which, after much consideration, I believe I’ve been able to do: TERRORISTS WHO BLOW SHIT UP.
Step two, then, follows naturally from step one: we must understand the TERRORISTS WHO BLOW SHIT UP so that we can learn how to defeat them. And it is once again careful research—not blustery rhetoric—that yields the key information: namely, that the TERRORISTS WHO BLOW SHIT UP ARE HUMAN—MADE UP OF FLESH AND BLOOD AND TISSUE AND BONE AND ANIMATED BY HATRED, SHAME, AND AN HISTORICAL IMPERATIVE OF ENTITLEMENT.
Having completed the first two steps—identifying the causes and understanding them—the third step in our four-step process for getting at “root causes” and using that information to defeat terror becomes quite obvious: KILL THE TERRORISTS WHO BLOW SHIT UP BEFORE THEY ARE ABLE TO BLOW SHIT UP.¹ This seems disarmingly simple, I realize, but sometimes the most complicated problems are best met with the most common sense solutions.
Which brings us, finally, to step four: HAVE A SNACK AND WATCH A VIDEO.
Self-explanatory, that one.
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¹ I realize that pre-emptively KILLING THE TERRORISTS WHO BLOW SHIT UP can sometimes raise civil liberties concerns, resulting in the need to detain them indefinitely instead. In such cases, the contingency plan for step three is to dress THE TERRORISTS WHO BLOW SHIT UP in panties and thongs and make them listen to Christina Aguilera music.
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update: Far more urbane and serious take here.
Just make sure the video you watch isn’t about TERRORIST THAT BLOW SHIT UP. Because, that would be insensitive.
But, I’m behind you 100% on this plan. I feel so sensitive.
Great suggested acronym … TWBSU
But we have the BBC scrubbing it’s back issues of even the word “terrorists” (and heaven forfend even using the word “Islamist” on the same page as terr…er.. bombers) :::sigh:::
For a longer lasting solution find ways to help bring about the following:
1.Free Markets
2.The Rule of Law
3.Property Rights
Once we do, I’m thinking about moving there since we’ve given them up here.
You’re such a Giver, Jeff, always with the giving…
My word is “girls”. Man, I luv this site.
maybe some countries need to start cracking down on their domestic terrorists: http://www.danielpipes.org/article/2764 (via LGF)
“Steven Simon dismisses the British capital as “the Star Wars bar scene†of Islamic radicals.”
You’re a squish, Jeff. Is killing enough? Shouldn’t we torture them and THEN kill them? I expect you’ll be voting for Democrats next…you panty-wearer, you.
People like you who are soft on our enemies make me sick. Sick, I tell you.
Your plan, while a good start, lacks some details; what do you have for a snack, and what video do you watch?
Once these are answered, I think I can hop on board the Goldstein Terror-Root-Cause-Eradicator Train.
Sheesh, you’re like three quarters pinko with all this wussy “root causes” crap. I recommend you pick up a Toby Keith album and get yourself Hannitized. WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON, APPEASEMENT MONKEY!!!
fwiw, I’ve noticed this with regard to the War on Terror:
We talk about fighting terrorists over there rather than over here. Yet, we read that 4 people blowed themselves up and killed people along with themselves in London.
However, when we read about fighting terrorists in Iraq, the terrorists hang around, shoot back, and otherwise, you know, fight rather than stand around and go ‘boom’ unexpectedly.
My personal benchmark for whether the flypaper strategy is working will be in London – if any areas of *London* become unmanageable for the Police, if there are places where Muslim war lords control eight or ten city blocks, if Bobbies fear to tread within the shadow of a mosque, then – fuck it – we’re done.
As an alternative, if 4 guys blow themselves up and then 15-20 guys start firing on the first responders and the crowd, then I’ll just say ‘screw it’, get a diary at dKos and sign up for the Kuchinich ‘08 campaign.
BumperStickerist—Today. In Baghdad. American soldiers were handing out candy to children when a suicide car bomber struck, killing up to 27 people, including 18 children and teenagers.
In such cases, the contingency plan for step three is to dress THE TERRORISTS WHO BLOW SHIT UP in panties and thongs and make them listen to Christina Aguilera music.
Jeff,wouldn’t the panties be superfluous?
Spamword, “perform,” as in, “DANCE, Omar, DANCE!!”
My surprise was that Al-Jazeera didn’t headline that story:
American Soldiers Use Children as Human Shields
with the balance of the article pointing out that
Bush figured that giving soldiers bags of candy was
cheaper than giving soldiers adequate body armor for
their lower extremities.
I have to object to the insensitive use of the word “terrorist.” These are Misunderstood Men of God who Blow Shit Up.
Send the Manson family over there.
No, no, no, Jeff, that’s not how you’re supposed to “understand the root causes”. What you you’re supposed to do is spend the 4 years after the 2nd greatest loss of life in a single day in American history asking “Why do they hate us” without actually seeking out the answers. Even better is to just pick a reason you think sounds good and argue that it’s the reason the terrorists attack us. (e.g. poverty, revenge for our actions in Chile, Kyoto)
“Understanding root causes” certainly does not include reading the proclamations of OBL (like his declarations of war against the US) or any other jihadist writings. “Why do they hate us?” is a rhetorical question.
(It also helps to completely ignore chronologies or the concept of “linear time”.)
Damn it. Looks like I’m going to need to throw together a 4-step “understanding understanding root causes” process.
I know: I’ll do it as a prequel. Like, say, “Understanding Understanding Root Causes Episode I: The Phantom Menace.”
Would step four’s snack involve pork rinds or bacon at any stage?
Mmmm, bacon.
Do you know, my wife cooked like three pounds of bacon for a spinach salad a couple of days ago. And it’s alllll still in the refrigerator, waiting for me to go eat it.
Screw the terrorists. I have some pig to eat. Sorry.
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. Come on, buy a clue. The root cause of finding root causes is the full employment for academics.
If a real root cause is found, it’s quickly buried. That’s why it’s called a root cause. It’s like potato eyes.
Or we could just put them in man bras and parade them on stage at the next Hannity Freedom Concert thingie.
Well, Jeff, you’re being facetious, but since successful terrorist acts are what recruits more terrorists (not some photos of abuse in prisions), eliminating the terrorists is the only way to prevent more terrorism. It may be a different kind of war, but the old rule applies: kill enough of the enemy and they will admit defeat.
Not to get too serious here, but OBL publicly explained why he hates us. Among the reasons he listed is that we understand the time value of money, and built a productive economy around this understanding.
spamword industry
I think we should stick with a strict policy of making terrorists themselves a root cause.
Daisy roots, that is.
“indfinitely”. tsk.
…women, humiliation, blowing shit up, hmmm…. Sounds like a good topic for a book excerpt:
The Spectre’s weapons release officer was a woman, a stunning USAF captain named Allison. “Ally“‘s voice on the plane’s intercom and over the radio, as she coordinated the deadly 105mm and 40mm explosive rounds, seemed to flow like poetry as the Taliban bodies stacked up, resulting in her being nicknamed “the Angel of Death”. …
Allison, originally from New York, was proud that she was able to “bring some justice” to the people who were responsible for striking out at the United States on September 11. [Northern Alliance] General Dostum was utterly amazed when he heard of Ally. He immediately called his Taliban foes on the appropriate frequency, and then asked for Allison to speak on the U.S.
radio. Dostum first announced to the Taliban leader that “the United States has so little respect for you that they are using their women to fight you!” Then Dostum held his handset up and Allison would talk over the frequency, announcing that she had heard how badly the Taliban treated women, and she was here to give them a little payback. This was also translated to the enemy over their frequencies. The extreme gravity of the insult to an Islamic fundamentalist “holy warrior” cannot be translated.
— Robin Moore, The Hunt For Bin Laden: Task Force Dagger,
2003
Turing = law, as in Lay it down with the biggest stick we got, is what I say…
Sean M:
That was most clever!
Thanks.
Hmm I just had this argument <a href=”http://unop.blogspot.com/2005/07/can-we-officially-bury-flypaper-now.html” target=”blank<here</a< with someone who insists that terrorists are like the those brooms Micky Mouse had so much trouble with in the “Sorcerer’s Apprentice”.
I told him that the good thing about the Iraqi “flypaper” isn’t that we’re killing terrorists, its that Iraqis and (hopefully other Muslims) are coming to hate terrorists, and as soon as Muslims stop allowing terrorism to be taught in their madrassas and preached in their mosques, then we will have won the war on terror.
Imagine if terrorists really did double every time you killed them? Then if tried to kill all of the terrorists every single day (doubling their numbers) then in less than 8 months there’d be more terrorists than atoms in the universe! No wonder the peacniks are trying so hard to stop us from making that terrible mistake!
Oh damn it, HTML tags ate my post!
You know the stoppers who claim that ever time we kill a terrorist, two replace him? Well at that rate, if we tried to kill ever single terrorist ever day (thus doubling their numbers), then in just eight months there’d be more terrorists than atoms in the universe. Someone stop us before it’s too late.
Christina Aguilara ? What a crock. If you want real torture, put in the New Kids on the Block’s “Greatest Hits”. Nothing says torture like boy bands.
Jeff,
I’m a little slow, so can we simplify the root cause? The root cause of terrorists who blow shit up is that they are breathing. All that human being stuff is too complicated and maybe not even true, the human part I mean.
Solve the Terrorist problem, Given that these fools are macho imposters: 1. Host ALL leaders of Islam and terror states at an important weapons demonstration outside of Baghdad in the desert. Invite the hermit king also. 2. All who refuse to attend are assasinated with available weapons in our inventory. 3. Attendees are given demos of various weapons in our arsenal, including a battlefield nuke. 4. Attendees are then provided cell phone and electronic communication devices & told to email, phone and fax all of their jihadists telling them to come home. [they have their numbers memorized] 5. Attendees are given say, 21 days to comply and after that we start blowing up their cities with gas bombs and daisy cutters. 5. War is over in 21 days.
The root cause of terrorism is THE PLACENTA.
No, wait. That’s the root cause of CERTAIN BRANDS OF EXPENSIVE COSMETICS.
The root cause of terrorism is MATZOH.
Oh, what a giveaway!
I’m sorry. I spent most of the afternoon at Fark poking at Lefties about L’affaire de Plame and I’m a bit fried.
Spamword: “shut up and go away you git”
Would step four’s snack involve pork rinds or bacon at any stage?
Still laughing, JD.
Once again, spamword, “below,” as in, “Look out below, motherfuckers!”
Can you imagine the ratings a TV show would get that showed weekly terrorist humiliation at Gitmo?
Episode 1: Urine spray on Koran.
Episode 2: Genie in a Bottle and Victoria Secrets.
Best. Show. Ever.
Sheesh, dorkafork – are you saying I did it wrong? I spent months after Sept 11201 reading what the other side had to say (including re-reading the entire Qu’ran and way too many Hadiths). At which point I concluded that all Imams, Ayatollahs, Mullahs, Sheiks, and whatever else they call “Religious scholars” who advocate shariah (via outbreeding and politcs OR jihad) should be summarily hanged by sensitive portions of their male anatomies until dead.
And I could have saved all that work and just become a good little dhimmi? Sheesh.
(Not a snowball’s chance in Florida.) But thanks for the grins.