Enjoy the paper plate with the macaroni glued to it, Pops! It was a labor of love.
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Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
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A man for all! Happy Fathers’ Days.
pictures! pictures!
Happy Father’s Day Jeff. Many happy returns of the day.
Hah, loser.
My kids got me a sand wedge, a steak knife, box of steak-flavored cigars, a golf shoe-shaped decanter of Single Malt cigar-flavored scotch, a pair of plaid 12-year old of ScotchGuard-ed steak-scented golf pants, and a copy Sean Hannity’s “America: Why I Golf Her.”
Did I mention that the macaroni plate was scotch-taped to the steering wheel of a brand new Range Rover? And that there were 2 hookers in the backseat?
Not only is my kid considerate, but he’s hip, too.
Man. You’re son is growing like a weed! Best to you on this day, Jeff, you lucky snot.
Wow! Edible babe! You’re one lucky Da.
… and don’t tell me luck had nothing to do with it!
OMG! Gel him in aspic. Quick! He is just a gorgeous boy.
Yeah, and I liked peering at the book titles behind him, too.
Happy Faddah’s Day, Jeff. You gots a cute kid there. He’s got good taste in books, too.
[Thank God, he’s not holding a pair of baby Birkenstocks.] Hey, Satch! No socks with the sandals. Your dad will explain why.
Very cute. This is what life is all about.
Happy Fathers Day, Jeff.
I note that you posed Satchel in front of serious-looking books. Presumably the extensive collection of comic books is just to the right on those shelves.
Great eyes!
Aawwwwwwwww………
Thank God he takes after his mother.
He’s a doll.
I miss when my kids were that age. Toddlers are lots of fun, and still too young to piss you off in any meaningful way.
Happy Father’s Day to all the other Dads.
The only book I recognize is Tom Robbins, which is not serious.
Wait, is that Gravity’s Rainbow? My nemisis! Someday I shall finish you, evil Pynchon book.
Cute kid, too.
What a lucky guy you are, he’s cute as the day is long.
Is that a copy of Schroedinger’s Cat I see on your shelf? (Yes, I realize I probably spelled that wrong, it’s too early to fact check myself.)
Cute kid, he’s what, about 2?
One thing, though – Satchel?
Does he have a handle in the middle of his back or somethin’?
SB: church
Ok, ok, no lightening needed. Sheesh.
I have Gravity’s Rainbow on my shelf too, but it looks like you made the mistake of reading it.
One of the greatest novels ever written. A monumental literary achievement, Gravity’s Rainbow.
Mojo —
He’s 17 months. And he studies martial arts so that when he runs into people who make fun of his name, he can fold them up like cheap lawn furniture with a quick, concentrated blow to the kidney.
One he can reach that high, supposedly.
And I’m not cheap. I’m easy.
SB: mean
See?
Hey, speaking of his name, is he named after the late Mr. Paige?
He was indeed.
And he studies martial arts so that when he runs into people who make fun of his name, he can fold them up like cheap lawn furniture with a quick, concentrated blow to the kidney.
Or, alternatively, he can beat the crap out of his old man for saddling him with the moniker. It’s all good.
Anybody who doesn’t like my kid’s name is cordially invited to skip commenting on it.
Better than Kilgore Trout.
Okay, that’s that, then. I can’t even post a pic of my kid without catching shit.
Just kidding dude. Happy father’s day and cute kid.
Jeff
He has a good name…and he won’t be lost among the Mikes and Bills in class.
I gave my youngest the name – Siobhan – believe me, she’s been the only one in her school from k-12 (she just graduated)
Kids’ names should be out of bounds for criticism.
And I’m not just saying that because my children have names like Arlo Homer, Ethan Emil, and Owen Eno. My wife demanded that Elmer stay off the list, even though I’m still impressed with the black humor of that smiling cow from my schoolday glue bottles and think it represents laughter in the face of adversity and rendering plants.
Jeff, I wasn’t trying to give you shit. I was just trying to … well, that’s a lie.
I was.
Satchel is a good name.
TW: “did”, as in “I did give Jeff Goldstein shit for naming his kid Satchel.”
Happy Father’s Day Jeff!
No matter what anybody says about young Satch, make sure to teach him his namesake’s best advice:
“Don’t look back. Something might be gaining on you.”
He is beautiful!
You just posted that picture to watch all of us women swoon in comments, didn’t you?
Happy Daddy’s Day!
(“method”? nevermind.)
Very cute! And I like the name. It’s off the beaten path, without having been <em> made up.<em>
I’m with Carin. It’s different, but it’s a real name. I don’t think anyone will ever have trouble spelling it, or even worse, reading it off the page.
And he won’t have to go by Satchel G., that’s for sure. I kinda hated having a top ten name when I was in grade school.
Hahaha!
What he said.
See, Matt H. is still throwing that last initial around. Poor guy…
You know Matt (Moore -LOL) I can feel for the “trouble reading off the page” thing. My name is pronounced – “Car – in”. My sister’s name is Kirby, fwiw.
Man. That kid is going to be a heartbreaker, starting about 16 years from now, and continuing forward.
Satchel Goldstein?
Isn’t that a Steven Wright punchline?
But all seriousness aside Jeff, enjoy him while you can, they grow up quick.
(Oh, and my son is a red belt in Karate, so NOBODY makes fun of him…)
BTW, I couldn’t help noticing his nose looks a little orange. I thought my kids were the only ones to snort cheetos.
Adorable!
You’re both lucky to have each other.
So even if I ask, that STILL doesn’t make criticism of my kid or his name off limits, eh?
Okay. Well then, you don’t need me, do you? Do what you want.
Why do any of you think that it’s just good fun to mock any part of someone’s kid. I can be an incredibly mean sob, and even I recognize that such behavior is inappropriate.
In addition, as someone that explicitly rolls my eyes at the trend of goofy odd names, I’m puzzled by the idea that “Satchel” is negative or even odd; it’s a pretty fucking cool name, if you ask me.
I hope you don’t think I was being snarky or something with my comment. I do like less- common names; but I’m not as big of a fan of “new” names. “Apple”, for example. I have been known to roll my eyes behind people’s back.
Oh no! I made a joke – at a kid!
Go on, call the police. I deserve it. I’m bad, just plain bad. Like Bad Bob. The Original Bad Bob. E-vil, even.
I’m so ashamed…
(/grovel)
Bill, people do it because they come visit Jeff’s site every day, they read, they come to think they actually know Jeff, and thus, they’re buds! They can make fun of Jeff or any aspect of his life, because hey—Jeff and I know each other so well, so he knows I’m just joshin’! Like people who come up to celebrities at restaurants or at Starbucks and tell them, “Hey, so sorry about your relationship!” as if there’s some sort of connection there.
Then again, some people do it because they’re worthless pricks and get off on the negative attention.
That is a freaking adorable boy. Good job, Jeff.
Oh no! I made a joke – at a kid!
I make jokes about kids all the time. Personally, I think that they’re just dumbed down versions of people, they’re messy, annoyingly loud and directly contribute nothing to our nation’s GDP. Plus, until a certain age, they don’t even poo where they should.
But here’s the thing – as much as I can take or leave the grubby little munchkins, I’m not enough of a tone-deaf assmuncher to make a joke about a specific kid, to that kid’s parent, unless the joke is really good and/or really good-natured. Yours failed on both counts.
Parents tend to put a lot of loving thought into how they name and identify their children.
No one puts up a picture of their kid with the expectation that some boorish commenter is going to take shots at him. Keep digging, jackass.
Also consider the fact that despite my unnatural coldness towards the little miscreants, the overwhelming thought that popped into my head is that Goldstein’s spawn is really, really cute and pretty well-named, and not that he won’t be able to get laid because his parents cursed him with an onomastic albatross.
But hey, that’s me. I’m merely a prick, whereas you’re obviously a special breed of super-obnoxious demon sent to earth to bring great discomfort.
Parents tend to put a lot of loving thought into how they name and identify their children.
One can only hope so, but I have had too many bad experiences that say otherwise:
There was the mom who insisted on naming her little boy Joyce. No matter how much I tried to reason with her, I couldn’t get her to change it. Then there was the poor kid with cerebral palsy that the parents named Gazelle. I tried to get them to change it to Giselle. Nope. Then there were the parents who named there boy Merkel because that’s how they prounounced Miracle. Then years ago I knew this woman who named her little girl Triangela and her boy, Rhomboid. Then I worked with a woman who’s legal name was Wilbur, though she went by Wilma. It’s a tough tough world out there for some little kids.
Well, here’s hoping my son can overcome his parents’ mindless cruelty.
Come to think of it, I can help! By spending even more time with him. Rather than doing this crap.
Thanks! My eyes have been opened
I knew a Michael McMichael growing up. Cruelty? I never could decide.
Not cruel at all; everyone knows that uniquely named people are more successful, happier and atypically exceptional in their chosen vocations–so he’s got a great future ahead!
signed,
Toby
PS extreme cuteness, happy day, Jeff (belated)
Well, here’s hoping my son can overcome his parents’ mindless cruelty.
Oh, please! I’m not going to state the obvious.
Come to think of it, I can help! By spending even more time with him. Rather than doing this crap.
As you and every other parent who blogs, comments, or reads, should.
Thanks, check, consider it done!
Any other tips?
Enough of this … show us a picture of the macaroni decorated plate.
everyone knows that uniquely named people are more successful, happier and atypically exceptional in their chosen vocations–so he’s got a great future ahead!
I agree – except for the specific examples I gave. Maybe, Merkle is okay. Triangela & Rhomboid? Eh. It’s not like mom ever opened a math book. She was only 18 and had been forced to work the streets by her pimp since, I think, age 12. The story does have a happy ending: she killed her pimp and was found not guilty.
Satchel is gorgeous and sweet and completely huggable.
Ignore the nuts!
I demand Macaroni! Not nuts!
Any other tips?
It was your idea, not mine. I just agreed with you.
How socratic of you.
But seriously, any other tips? I mean, my expertise ended after I ejaculated unprotected. Whereas you seem to know things.
Gosh Bill! Can you teach me to be a prick like you? I’m tired of daemonhood, the hours are terrible and the pay is non-existant. And the Boss – don’t go there, don’t even mention his name. He hears things, y’know. (shudder)
I abase myself before you Tower of Pricdom.
BILL IS MY MASTER!!
SB: life
as in get a.
ll –
A. Are you implying that Satchel is some irredeemably odd name like those idiotic examples that you mentioned? I don’t necessarily think that you are, but given the nature of the thread, that may be how Jeff interpreted it. Sometimes stating the obvious to avoid ambiguity when someone’s defensive is helpful.
B. Are you endorsing the practice of pointedly mocking a kid’s name (especialy to a stranger) -AFTER those parents named their child – as an acceptable form of polite discourse?
Either way, just because a person has really, really (really – triangula?!) BAD TASTE does not mean they don’t VALUE the choice that they made. Or, boiled down to a metaphor – just because Nancy is wearing a greatly beloved feather boa to her son’s First Communion doesn’t give me the license to randomly walk up to her and say “Nice feather boa, you stupid whore.”
As it is, none of this applies to Goldstein’s kid, as he’s got a cool name.
I should write a book on manners.
Whereas you seem to know things.
Oh, you must be referring to my fashion tip: no socks with sandals (too euroweenie). Nope. That’s the full extent of my fashion advice.
Mojo –
Keep digging. You made a fool of yourself via the pleasant anonymity of the internet and so you lash out at me like a spanked child.
I’d venture to say that 90% of the human race would read this thread and agree that you’re an asshole, and I’m just serving the role of your daddy with a belt.
Now scamper away and shut your trap. I have “a life,” a minor symptom of which is not feeling clever by taking shots at someone’s kid when they post pictures on Father’s Day, and then compounding the offense like a defensive prick when the father in question (and others) voice disapproval of my socially unpleasant stupidity.
Quit digging. A grave is only 6 feet deep, and you’re pushing 7.
I’m sure you’ll want to show this comment thread to the boy when he grows up. On second thought…
Answers:
A. No. I was stating that I disagreed with your generalization which I quoted. I can’t get more specific than that. That I gave specific examples, couldn’t have been more obvious except for those who are just looking for a fight.
B. Are you always a prick? Oh, wait, that’s a question – and the answer is yes. While I often wonder what happened to those kids, and think how hard there lives must be, you, on the other hand, are more worried about the parent’s feelings. Your priorities don’t surprise me.
Either way, just because a person has really, really (really – triangula?!) BAD TASTE does not mean they don’t VALUE the choice that they made.
And bad taste does not mean they do. Frankly, it has nothing to do with bad taste but IGNORANCE, which, apparently, by your comments, should always be deferred to, least it conflict with someone’s choices.
I should write a book on manners.
Titled: A Prick’s Guide To Good Manners, by bill indc.
Satchel Goldstein is a wonderful name. What is his middle name?
I ask because some parents I know don’t give sufficient thought to possible future monogrammed gifts. Take my middle name, Edward, for instance . . .
On the contrary, Bill, I made a joke. A minor witticism, which may not have been the “funniest joke on earth” (a la Monty Python), but which wasn’t (in my admittedly twisted opinion) meant unkindly, and I didn’t gather that Jeff was overly enraged by it. I really don’t think I deserve to be compared to mythical satanic minions for a bon mot, at any rate.
But then, what do I know? I’m not a big-time blogger. Prick.
SB: audience
Dance, monkey-boy!
Or, boiled down to a metaphor – just because Nancy is wearing a greatly beloved feather boa to her son’s First Communion doesn’t give me the license to randomly walk up to her and say “Nice feather boa, you stupid whore.â€Â
As it is, none of this applies to Goldstein’s kid, as he’s got a cool name.
Forgot this: None of it applies to his son at all except in your sick mind. Freak.
So has he cracked his first joke yet?
He did. Paraphrased:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because someone farted.
He can pronounce farted?
Well, mine could say “broccli” at 14 months.
ll, mojo –
Enough already! It would have been extremely gracious of you both to have dropped in here, with simple congratulations to Jeff, wishing him a Happy Father’s Day.
Another county heard from. Thanks, Diana.
If Jeff wants an appy-polly-logy, I can feature that. It’s his place.
Bill, on the other hand, can kiss my ass.
Police your own threads, prick.
mojo – since your e-mail is not a valid one – let’s take this off-thread. My e-mail is arbitrar*at*allstream.net
Diana:
I say Happy Father’s Day to my own father. And I note, you have not chided everyone who commented but did not say those words or anything similar. I posted nothing insulting to anyone except Bill. I owe no apology to him or anyone else who deliberatley misinterprets my words or intent. Now, why don’t you STFU.
Sweet! Your manners are exemplary! I chided those who were ingracious to our host. My bad!
Wow. A PW pissing contest where I actually agree with Bill. He wasn’t policing the thread, Mojo. He’s done that in the past with me when Jeff had said not a word, but that’s not the case here. When Jeff said, “enough,” that should have been the end of it.
As for you, ll, you don’t have the class that Diana has in her little finger, which you amply demonstrated by saying, “STFU.” Why don’t you? STFU, that is.
Amazing how a simple, feel-good post like a “Happy Father’s Day from Satchel”, can degenerate this way. What’s happening to the world?
Jeff – my dad passed away 20 years ago. Happy Father’s Day, Dad!
30 for me, JW. Happy Father’s Day, Dad. And Happy Father’s Day, Jeff.
HAAAAAAA!! Spamword, “police,” as in Bill, will you stop policing this blog??
I just want it on record that I did not make any comment about Satchel’s name. Hey, with mine, do you think I would?
But I did make a comment that could lead one to conclude that I’m confident that Satchel’s cuteness has no genetic contribution from Jeff.
‘Cause although I don’t ridicule children, I’m still an asshole with or without Bill’s imprimatur.
And besides, it can’t hurt to suck up to Satchel’s mother.
Jeff, just wait until the potty jokes REALLY get going. Those little ankle biters love those.
Why did Piglet look in the potty?
Because he was looking for Pooh!
ba-da- bing
Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.
Why don’t you? STFU, that is.
You first, jerk.
What’s the lesson here? Put up a picture of a toddler and you’ll get a bunch of infantile comments.
Corollary: It doesn’t matter how cute the toddler is, the comments will be ugly.
Forgot this: None of it applies to his son at all except in your sick mind. Freak.
You know what’s ironic? I didn’t think that you were implying that it applied to his son and was just suggesting that you clarify it because Goldstein was defensive about it.
Also, my comments to you about the metaphor were not intended to rudely slap you down like mojo, I was honestly making a more general point.
Two observations:
1. You’ve got quite a bit of class.*
2. Also, fantastic reading comprehension skills.*
Since you’re reading comprehension is flawed, I’ll note that this was sarcasm.
And the more general lesson of this thread is that the peril of being a blogger with more than 5 readers is that everything you do, from your typos to your syntax to your opinions to your picture to your choice of material to your child is fair game to attack from some asshole, somewhere. Some of that really is fair game, a requisite of the medium. Other stuff? Not so much.
Prick.
And I mean that in the nicest possible way.
Cute kid. You’re very blessed. Remember that when you’re sweating the small stuff.
PTL I don’t have more than 5 readers. Pictures of my cute kids will be posted soon
Happy Dad’s Day Jeff.
Readin’ this post a few days late. Astounded at what this comment thread amounted to. Cute baby.