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If instead of a modern-day Gabor sister with a penchant for Bill Maher-bondage games and pseudo weblogs, Arianna Huffington were a bowl of creamed corn

Huffington

****

update:  “you dare to mock the creamed corn?  Because I must warn you that I have powerful friends, peoples.”

55 Replies to “If instead of a modern-day Gabor sister with a penchant for Bill Maher-bondage games and pseudo weblogs, Arianna Huffington were a bowl of creamed corn”

  1. leelu says:

    ..far more intelligent post than anything on huffblog.

    Turing word: “value”

  2. JWebb says:

    Unlike creamed corn, The Huffstress has not even a kernel of interest.

  3. Beck says:

    But man, Huffington’s new blog has a real Corner-esque edge to it, you know?  With people making sarcastic comments about others’ posts, debating each other, talking about their gardens, etc.  Think of it as the bright, bold new future of asinininity.

  4. leelu says:

    Beck…

    …more of a dank swamp of self-absorption, (OK, *and* asinininity) methinks.

    Turing word: “true”.

    Really.

  5. MC says:

    Maybe because David “creamed” Corn is trying a new form of George’s Pet Goat on Huff’s grog.

    I guess it’s now everybody be bloggin’ …

  6. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Huffingtonstoast?  What is that?

  7. MC says:

    Huffingtonstoast?  What is that?

    Pseudo-group blog answer to the bowl of creamed corn.

  8. AGR says:

    You’re on their blogroll, Jeff.

  9. keggin says:

    Don’t miss the links behind the “blogroll” at Huffingtontoast.

  10. AGR says:

    The links are classic, especially Oliver Willis and Matthew Yglesias.

  11. MC says:

    And you Jeff are Martha Stewart at the Toast.

    You are the only person in the world that could write: “reminds of a young woman I met inside who had a tongue like a hot, fleshy drill bit.”

    Sly dog:

    Huffingtonstoast?  What is that?

  12. Jeff Goldstein says:

    D’oh!

  13. AGR says:

    Or this gem from Hunter S. Thompson:

    There are certain things a man can only learn from tasting the muzzle of a well-oiled, Parkerized .45.

    The spicy scent of Hoppes Number 9 cleaning solvent is especially invigorating when it comes from one’s own upper lip . . .

  14. MC says:

    Well, I guess it took me 15 minutes to figure out that you were Martha – maybe another 5 to figure out that you are the whole dang thing. D’oh! indeed …

  15. Scott P says:

    Totally off topic, but I just noticed that you’re closing in on 2 million hits.

    Somebody wake up Jerry Lewis, quick!

  16. Daniel says:

    So, tell us about this new project of yours.

    Is it a one-shot-deal or an ongoing feature?

  17. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Who are you asking?

  18. Sean M. says:

    The links are classic, especially Oliver Willis and Matthew Yglesias.

    Also not to be missed are the links to Wonkette and Andrew Sullivan.  Both are gob-smackingly vile.  In a good way.

  19. Daniel says:

    I’m sorry – I meant you, JG. Your new Huffingtontoast gig.

  20. JWebb says:

    I think I ruptured my spleen on “Liberace has left the Cathedral.”

  21. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Well, it’s not my project, Daniel.  I’m just a contributor.  The “Liberace has left the Cathedral” thing?  Not mine. 

    Could make for an interesting game, though. Try to identify the Jeff posts.

    First prize?  Nothing.  Not a goddamn thing.

  22. Daniel says:

    Who else is involved, JG?

  23. Jeff Goldstein says:

    I honestly don’t know.  I get emails from a “Mr. Toast.”

  24. The Glenn Reynolds posts are bloody hilarious!

  25. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Not mine, sadly.

  26. Daniel says:

    I’m guessing that Allah is involved. Bill is one of the Usual Suspects as well but I don’t see him mentioned anywhere.

    Ace, perhaps – coming off the triumph of his ground-breaking new radio show.

  27. JWebb says:

    Where’s Judd Nelson when we need him?

  28. Sean M. says:

    I’d bet a large quantity of illegal drugs that Jeff was the one behind Dr. Thompson’s poet-mortem er, post.

  29. Sean M. says:

    Gah!  That should’ve been ”post-mortem er, post.”

  30. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Wish I could take credit for that one, but alas, that wasn’t me either.

  31. Sean M. says:

    Whoever is doing the “Glenn Reynolds” stuff has THE. BEST. POST. YET.

    (Seriously, the last line made me choke.)

  32. Sean M. says:

    Oh well, I guess I owe somebody a bunch of drugs.

  33. Jeff Goldstein says:

    My posts are easy to identify:  remove all the funny ones, and what’s left are mine.

  34. Diana says:

    There’s a distinct odour of denial around here.  Fascinating, and brilliantly done.

  35. AGR says:

    Sean, I would have made the same bet, so I guess I owe someone too

    spam word: big pile of drugs

  36. SarahW says:

    Find JG? My bet’s on the Marthy advice.

    It’s the recipes that give it away.

    p.s.  Add some spamword half-and-half.

    MMMmmmm

  37. AGR says:

    The Cynthia McKinney post (http://huffingtonstoast.com/53/pat-weve-got-a-big-tent/) is a beauty (and she’s workin’ that burqa). But put down your beverage before you read it.

  38. BLT in CO says:

    Holy $hit!  I was over reading The Toast and was about 4 sentences into “The Great Mark Hunt” by the ghost of Hunter S. Thompson when I realized that someone was copying your style so well it was frightening.  Fucking uncanny, even.

    “Like pulling up a Jimson weed and eating the root whole, with clods and frightened beetles still clinging to the bulb.”

    Nobody else could’ve penned that amazing sentence.  Nobody.

    Then I come back to find you’re contributing over there?  Like I said: holy shit.

    Turing word: “true” Most excellently true indeed.

  39. Percy Dovetonsils says:

    My compliments to whoever did the Lawrence O’Donnell post (http://huffingtonstoast.com/40/if-cathy-seipp-is-looking-for-trouble-shes-found-it/trackback/).  Utterly brilliant.  Someone should email the link to that bullying blowhard (O’Donnell, that is, not the scrumptious Ms. Seipp).

    I also would be willing to bear the child of whoever selected the picture of “Glenn Reynolds” –although I’m guessing Jonah Goldberg has already put in a claim.

  40. Joe@CF says:

    The url traces to Steve H. at Hogs On Ice. And Allah linked it early on. This smells like one of those three-ways I had in college Jeff’s so fond of.

  41. SarahW says:

    “not really Arianna” is totally Allah.

    BLT – I hadn’t read that piece, but you have the sharp eyes for the Goldstein frightened-beetle touch.

  42. Carin says:

    The whole thing is just brilliant.

  43. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Looks like I’m going to have to keep trying.  All of you seem to quite enjoy every post not mine.

  44. BLT in CO says:

    C’mon.  The HST post isn’t yours?  I’m seriously disbelieving if that’s your assertion.  The topic, style, content, phraseology, and just the whole feel of the thing, not to mention the inherent humor is pure Goldstein.

    You’ve either got a doppelganger or a separate by equally literate personality if that’s the case.

    Though maybe you seek anonymity and would prefer we not delve too deeply into authorship?  Therefore I will shut up now, already.

  45. Jeff Goldstein says:

    No, it ain’t mine. I wish it was. I hadn’t started posting yet when that was put up. 

    But it’s brilliant.  I’d like to think I could have done it, but I didn’t.  Maybe I’ll do some in the future.

  46. Diana says:

    Author’s bios are awesome … especially Keanu’s.

  47. Diana says:

    Uncanny!!

  48. Diana says:

    “Like, for example, you come up with the idea to shoot a man in the head just to watch him die.”

    Hah!

  49. willow says:

    You’re writing Al Franken, then, aren’t you?  Because of the punctuation.

  50. willow says:

    And the syntax.

  51. m says:

    Jeff,

    You wrote this; there’s no way you didn’t write this:

    I find it ironic that a cheap swarthy social climber suckled on moussaka and ouzo would dare denigrate my elegantly designed — though surprisingly affordable! — mass-market flatware. In public, no less!

    Remember, honey: I knew you when you were still wearing sequined gowns and trying to prove your American bona fides by serving your dinner guests Dinty Moore beef stew. And Christ, what an embarrassment that was.

  52. Ana says:

    Judd. Nelson.

  53. Farquar J. Toast says:

    Who else is involved, JG?

    Posted by Daniel

    I honestly don’t know.  I get emails from a “Mr. Toast.”

    Posted by Jeff Goldstein

    “It’s cash. Hundreds. It comes in an envelope. I don’t know anything more…”

Comments are closed.