Q: Why did Newsweek’s Michael Isikoff cross the road?
A: To deliver an unbsubstantiated report that American military interrogators were destroying copies of the Q’uran by flushing them down prison toilets as a way to force information out of recalcitrant freedom fighters, thereby setting off fierce, widespread anti-American rioting among Muslims worldwide that has resulted in hundreds of injuries, at least 16 deaths, and has undone, in one unsubstantiated stroke of his pen, the tenuous bond of trust the U.S. military has taken great pains to establish between itself and the global Muslim community—all because his years spent in the hive mind of liberal media elitism has convinced him that “real” patriotism is the province of those who are most eager to criticize the U.S. in a time of war, and that the most dangerous force in the world is not the lashing out of poor, oppressed third-world peoples who build car bombs out of frustration and ideological zeal, but rather is U.S. foreign policy, with its lumbering, ham-fisted military overreach and executive stupidity.
Oh. And he also wanted to pick up a pack of Trident and a bottle of Pellegrino.
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related: A PSA on journalism safety, courtesy Confederate Yankee.
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update: more here
Damnit, and I was going to say that he crossed the road because Burger King had those really cool new Star Wars product tie-ins.
Damnit.
No… because he’d heard from a friend that heard from a friend that Dari-Queen had cool new Star Wars ‘Episode Three’ collectables and he wanted to get the whole set before they sold out.
It turned out to be an unsubstantiated rumor, and not only didnt he get DQ Starwars Action Figures, but he was too late to get any from BK as well.
Crap. That was hard. I figured he was a “Big Red” guy…
I’d say something to the effect of “poor bastard,” but, well, you know.
I just assumed the other side of the road housed several more crowded theaters where he hadn’t yet screamed “FIRE!”
Newsweek; I grew up with it around the house. What a parody of reporting it’s become these past 10 years or so. I pick it up now and am just appalled at what passes for journalism. It’s invariably dated, slanted, and anti-American. I suppose there’s a market for that type of reporting, but I pity those who read it and don’t see the deliberate bias.
Because he was in lockstep with the Fifth Column that was already crossing?
And don’t forget: dissent is patriotism. Just ask anyone.
Newsweek crossed the road in order to corroborate their stories with those “other major news organizations” that reported on Gitmo abuses. Al-Jazeera and Al Arabiya. Or Dan Rather, who believes the story cannot be substantiated, but nevertheless is true. Assholes.
Homework for Descriptive Linguistics 397 will be to diagram that sentence Jeff just wrote.
Just kidding, it’s really just an infinitive phrase.
because he’s a dumbfuck?
Maybe because he couldn’t even think enough to ask:
Gee, would an interrogation room be likely to have a toilet in it?
Would any christians be convinced to tell all if a bible was tossed in the toilet?
Because his dick was stuck in a Chicken????
FLUSH NEWSWEEK!
Brilliant!
Have you tried to flush anything down one of these “water saving” toilets that are now on the market. I can’t even get a major dump down the hole much less a copy of “The book of Virtues” Bill Clinton version. So why did he cross the road? Just like any other animal, to move away from the major s h_ _ it just laid down on this side….
MJ Blek brings up a good point.
Are the toilets at Gitmo the watr-savr low-flo type as mandated by the Fed gubmint?
If Newsweek weren’t so busy publishing phony stories, they could be all righteous on this potential scandal.
Insert scatological punchline as needed here.
Gee, is this the same poor bastard who was ready to break a story that ended up dominating the news for years, and ended in the impeachement of a president, only to have the powers-that-be at Newsweak spike the story, because it might be inflammatory? And Drudge got the scoop, right?
( http://www.drudgereport.com/ml.htm ) And the same wizards in charge let this one go through, and he gets his ass handed to him for it. Bummer.
Maybe he wasn’t actually crossing the road, he might have just been stepping in front of a moving bus.
Are the toilets at Gitmo the watr-savr low-flo type as mandated by the Fed gubmint?
I doubt it, given that they’re in Cuba. Since healthcare and food and all that are free in Cuba, I assume that all the water you need for all your flushing needs is free, too. It’s a utopia, don’t you know?