From FOXNews:
Anti-U.S. cleric Muqtada al-Sadr came out of hiding Monday for the first time since his fighters clashed with American forces in August, delivering a fiery speech demanding that coalition forces leave Iraq and that Saddam Hussein be punished.
Al-Sadr, the radical Shiite cleric whose militia battled U.S. forces in Baghdad and Najaf last year, held a press conference in his father’s home in this holy Shiite Muslim city, 100 miles south of Baghdad. Al-Sadr criticized the American-led occupation and called for an immediate withdrawal of U.S. forces from Iraq.
Not to be outdone, protein wisdom immediately held his own press conference, where he, too, delivered a fiery speech and rattled off a list of demands—among them, a premium subscription to Dish Network, a Chrysler Crossfire coupe, and some really good calamari.
Failure to comply with these demands will lead to additional fiery press conferences, he promised.
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update: YOU DON’T WANT TO GET ON MY BAD SIDE, RUMSFELD! TRUST ME: BEST JUST TO PONY UP THE FRIED SQUID! BITCH!
This Sadr guy kind of reminds me of the Black Knight in Monte Python’s Holy Grail.. His arms and legs have been hacked off but he’s still gnawing at the US Military’s ankle.
Al Sadr also demanded a new rock to hide under, stating that his current rock was, “uncomfortable and a bit drab.” “And those damned American UAVs, the blessed Prophet curse them, spotted me as I oozed out from under it,” he added.
A large order of onion rings from A&W was also demanded, although it wasn’t clear if this was part of the original stipulation or simply a lunch order.
Allah & Wahabi?
Dude, hold out for the squid and score some marinara, too.
Excellant
Just make sure the calamari is properly cooked. If it’s rubbery, SEND IT BACK!
Ayatollah al-Sadr then rushed out into a cloudburst which had ruined his barbeque, squirted a garden hose at the sky and shouted “Two can play at that game!”
Chrysler… fucking… Crossfire?
Dude: you, Reynolds, and Kaus need to look into some serious car taste therapy.
Hmmmm.
I got a bag of dried squid in the pantry. Should I mail it to you?
“Dude: you, Reynolds, and Kaus need to look into some serious car taste therapy.”
Yeah. Go Corvair or nothing man!
I remember back in college, I held a press conference in front of the Lambda Chi Alpha house. My demands consisted of the removal of their house mother, a wide selection of oils for them to annoint my body with, and ten pounds of seedless grapes for my sustenance.
From that experience, I learned that research is a good thing. Especially when it comes to pesky details like the difference between fraternities & sororities………….
spamword: club
Somewhere, Andrew Sullivan has heard of Russ’s post and become strangely attracted to him.
/shiver
You came out of hiding for a Chrysler?
Does that mean “the eye of Sullivan” has turned my way? I hope this doesn’t cause the freak-out index to go up a notch when he realizes that my GI tract is a one-way street.