9 alternate excuses the Newsweek editorial staff considered offering for its decision to run with the Q’uran desecration story
“We thought it would bolster the morale of U.S. troops, who by and large are some demented and bloodthirsty Muslim haters to begin with, you have to admit.”
“It’s unfortunate, sure. But a lull in the Michael Jackson trial really kinda forced our hand…”
“BUSH LIED!”
“Life is but a palimpsest, a layering of competing narratives each one manuevering for primacy of place in an endless historiographical manuscript written in the postmodernist language of contingency and consensus. And besides: we really love using the word ‘Guantanamo’. So musical!”
“Dan Rather talked us into it. HE IS THE BEAST!”
“We think entirely too much is being made about the so-called ‘lack of sourcing,’ while not enough is being made of how beautifully written the report truly was.”
“What were we supposed to do? Isikoff is mobbed up, a made guy! And we certainly weren’t about to get ourselves whacked over a stupid two-sentence blurb.”
“Don’t blame us. Blame the goddamn Samoans and their crazy island black magic!”
“You should have seen the story we didn’t run! It wasn’t a toilet they were stuffing the Q’uran into, we can tell you that much.”
10 Replies to “9 alternate excuses the Newsweek editorial staff considered offering for its decision to run with the Q’uran desecration story”
“Man, those Samoans are a surly bunchâ€Â
.. last words written in Margaret Mead’s journal.
Is that not a line from “Bloom County”, 1984 or so? I see Milo Bloom and Steve Dallas sitting in a bar watching T.V. news when Milo repeats those lines. God my life must suck if that’s what I remember from the 1980’s.
I like the piece but you pretty much covered the response bases.. It amazes me you could think of 9 witty responses.. I cant even think of one half assed one to add =)
hey..How ‘bout’ “I thought they were sausages.. I love sausages !!!”
“Man, those Samoans are a surly bunch”
.. last words written in Margaret Mead’s journal.
Ever try flushing a Newsweek?
Not a problem. They’re mostly shit anyway.
Buy a Newsweek subscription for “that special Somoan.”
The Angry Samoans are one of the greatest punk rock bands ever.
Bumper:
“Man, those Samoans are a surly bunchâ€Â
.. last words written in Margaret Mead’s journal.
Is that not a line from “Bloom County”, 1984 or so? I see Milo Bloom and Steve Dallas sitting in a bar watching T.V. news when Milo repeats those lines. God my life must suck if that’s what I remember from the 1980’s.
Oooh, I’m sending this to Newsweek!
Really thought this post would do better. I fear I’m losing my touch.
Not likely! Take a gander down below. You’re going to pop two million today.
I like the piece but you pretty much covered the response bases.. It amazes me you could think of 9 witty responses.. I cant even think of one half assed one to add =)
hey..How ‘bout’ “I thought they were sausages.. I love sausages !!!”
Huh? huh? No?… Oh well….
10. Hey—you want facts, read the National Enquirer.