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Closing arguments in the Michael Jackson trial, abridged

Prosecution:  “He’s a forty-six year old man who sleeps with little boys.  Drunk little boys.  With porn next to the bed, and more in a secret room. His best friend is a monkey.”

Defense:  “Fine, sure.  But the accuser’s mother is a scam artist.  Quite nuts, to boot.  I mean, look at her!  What a conniving shrew, am I right?”

Prosecution rebuttal:  “Did I mention the guy sleeps with little drunk boys?”*

24 Replies to “Closing arguments in the Michael Jackson trial, abridged”

  1. I think the prosecution has the better argument.  Lock him up.

  2. zombyboy says:

    Man, when this trial is over and we can all go back to a Michael Jackson-less existance, it’s going to be like Christmas.

  3. zombyboy says:

    PS- I don’t think the prosecution had much of a case, but it would be a remarkably irresponsible parent who would let their kids do sleep-overs with the aging, freakish, and oddly sculpted Jackson.

    Or a parent who really wanted to cash in on the aging, freakish, oddly sculpted pop-star’s fading horde of cash.

  4. Shawn says:

    Big question of the moment: will there be rioting if he is acquitted?

  5. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Sure. Cub Scouts everywhere setting forest fires, kindergarten kids throwing cookies and juice… Could get ugly.

  6. Alpha Baboon says:

    Defense: “Did I mention.. Can I get an Amen !.. ?”

  7. j.d. says:

    Riots? And what will those cheese-asses that have been hanging out outside the courthouse do? Get a job? The very thought!

  8. JWebb says:

    If he is convicted, there may be irresponsible nationwide monkey-spanking.

  9. Don’t underestimate how difficult it is to get a 10-year-old drunk.  I mean, it’s really hard.

  10. Alpha Baboon says:

    Don’t underestimate how hard a 10-year-old is when he’s drunk.  I mean, it’s really hard.

  11. BumperStickerist says:

    Defense:  If it didn’t fit, you must acquit.

    Jury:  ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

  12. kelly says:

    Personally, I’ll be relieved if he’s aquitted.

    Then he’ll have time looking for the real pervert who likes to get young boys drunk and sleep with them.

  13. Lloyd says:

    Little Boy: Mommy how did Micheal get so pale?

    Mommy: Honey, he got that way from rubbing little white boys all over himself.

  14. Lastango says:

    My $2 is on acquittal. The state’s case is witness-based, and there’s way too much demonstrable sleaze and avarice among the people the prosecution is calling to the stand for the jury to dispel reasonable doubt.

  15. CraigC says:

    Gee, where to start?  Of course it’s “witness-based.” This isn’t the kind of case that lends itself to forensic evidence.  The events happened relatively in the past, and it wasn’t a murder case.  Did you expect the kid to have kept a come-stained blue dress?  And I think you meant to say that there’s enough demonstrable sleaze and avarice among the people the prosecution is calling to the stand to create reasonable doubt. Other than that, it was a great comment.

  16. Bill from INDC says:

    Now see, Craig – that was just mean.

  17. The key to this case is that Santa Maria is not Santa Barbara.  That town is populated by retired military, defense contractors ( Vandenberg AFB is nearby ) and central Californian ranchers and farmers.

    It is not downtown Los Angeles, and its not even the nearby Santa Barbara.

    Those people are probably the most likely Californians to convict Jackson.

  18. Lastango says:

    Craig, if you can spare a moment would you mind reading my comment again?

  19. pissoff says:

    Craig,

    It’s CUM – not “come”.

  20. Beck says:

    I’m hoping for guilty.  Why?  Four words:  Micahel Jackson Prison Diaries

  21. shank says:

    I’m with Beck, we all stand to gain so much at his conviction, that the temptation for the jury will be too great.  I mean, they’re only human.

  22. Alpha Baboon says:

    Hey, they put Scott Peterson away with less …

  23. Alpha Baboon says:

    … But then, O.J. got off despite more…

  24. AB, O.J. was tried in downtown Los Angeles.  Jackson in in Santa Maria.  While only a two hour drive, they are worlds apart.

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