Laurence Simon has now linked back to this site several times in an effort to make it clear to you (see update 1) that protein wisdom is no longer interesting or creative, and that I am a thin-skinned pile of ash with an empty ceramic cookie jar. Which is okay—Laurence is entitled to his opinions—though I must say that I find his need to publish his pronouncements and link them back here a bit strange.
Not that such self-important histrionics are out of character for Laurence, mind you. Because you see, Laurence considers himself some sort of brave, no bullshit BLOGOSPHERE ANTI-HERO, a man so unafraid of the “politics” of blogging that he says what he wants, when he wants—and if that keeps his many many blog incarnations mired in mediocrity and spotty readership despite 5 years of steady blogging and numerous “alliances” and “carnivals” joined, SO BE IT! THE TRUTH MUST WIN OUT! POPULARITY IS NOT WHAT LAURENCE IS AFTER! HE SEEKS THE REAL!
That’s right, Laurence doesn’t care about “being liked” or “getting traffic.” So bourgeois, those things. And he’s not afraid to speak his mind. Seriously. Just ask him. But what’s amusing is that he fancies this UNABASHED HONESTY his special gift—and whereas some folks might just write off his steady stream of unprovoked public criticisms of others as poor manners and a socially retarded sense of civilized decorum, Laurence has decided to wear his meanspirited directness like an insignia on his chest and his cape. Which, hey—we all need to derive our worth from something, I guess.
As for protein wisdom’s failings… Well, it’s true, I don’t do amusing cat photos—and my anger at the Palestinians lately is not near so burning as Laurence’s (come to think of it, there’s not much Laurence does like—except for cute little kitty photos, Scrappleface, and Meryl Yourish; and let’s face it, his “Dead Pool” is about as cringeworthy as his many many many posts on how the clients he works with don’t know computers as well as he does, and so are stupid and worthy of his ever-ready dose of scorn)—I have, nevertheless, managed to come up with a few creative things, though I admit that I don’t do cutesy little animated gifs near enough, and that I’ve been remiss in coming up with BLOGGY GAMES based around a BINGO board. But hey—I have other things in my life, so sometimes you, the reader, must suffer for it.
So anyway, there you have it. Yet another blog bridge burned in what is becoming an increasingly juvenile and petty community. Which can mean only one thing: time for me to have some coffee and watch a baseball game.
another update: Another Simon post dedicated to me—complete with a HILARIOUS top 10 list! Note: there seems to be some dispute as to whether I’m “frothing” in my response here, or too “above it all.” I’ll let Laurence and his army of geniuses puzzle it out amongst themselves.
But don’t dally. Go, enjoy!
******
update the last: Hey! Looks like Laurence has reeled in that HundredPercenter guy with his TOUGH LOVE approach to critiquing protein wisdom. Congrats, Laurence! Maybe he’ll make you his honorary “Conservative Jewboy Who Doesn’t Have His Beanie In a Twist.”
Which reminds me: Why did Malachy Joyce of HundredPercenter cross the road?
A: For God, Country, and to kill him some faggots and liberals. Yeeeeehaaaawwwwww!
Burn, baby, burn….
(It’s still hockey season, isn’t it?)
I am taken aback that you would allow any other priorities to come between you and the readers of this blog.
Where are your priorities? There are amusing photos of cats to be published! There are layabouts to amuse!
spam word: finally (i.e. fed-up)
New Adorable Satchel Photo!
That kid is cute.
Cute kid – but I’m still really going to visit just to see the Dusty girl.
Jeff, the email address on your contact page is broken – probably since you moved domains.
I’m not getting the photo or title. “Getting Big” just seems to have a comments section. [IE6]
Oh, ok, the “other things”. You know, that lad is almost edible. Well done, Mrs. Goldstein!
Look at those big eyes! What a beautiful child!
Oh Jeff, he’s DARLING. How do you get any work done at all? When mine were that age I was a drooling idiot.
Damn, Goldstein has a cute kid. Must be that HETEROCOCK OF JUGGERNAUT SPERM!
Baseball, huh? I’m a couple of hours away from WWE Backlash. You know me and my highbrow shit.
Thanks. I made him myself! (Well, my wife did some work, too).
Anyway, it occurs to me that I’ve been too glancing in my retaliations to criticism lately. To wit, see this comment from Laurence’s site:
That’s from someone named “marc” (no email address, just your typical anonymous cyber-tough guy who doesn’t put himself out there at all unless it’s to dump on those who provide pricks like him free content to piss on). But it got me thinking: if I’m both thinskinned and aloof, above it all and yet I spend “days” writing “derisive posts” about my detractors—my message is clearly a bit muddled.
So I hope to remedy that problem here in the near future. Because I can be direct and honest too, if the situation calls for it.
Then again, it’s hard not to “be above” a fucking BLOG FEUD.
I mean, seriously. Blog feuds are like watching Trekkies fight over who has the more authentic-looking rubberized Spock ears.
Spock ears? According the LA Times, most Trekkies are now fighting over which Cub Scout is the cutest…
OK, all Trekkies hate me now. Give me a few minutes while I try to fill that empty hole in my life.
Frankly, I don’t consider anyone a real citizen journalist until they put up some random posts of scantily clad hotties.
Your blog has been surprisingly lacking in this department, Jeff, and for that I loathe you.
Blog feud? Pshaw. On a discussion forum I moderate, we once argued the merits of the .35 Whelen for months. I actually shifted midway from one position to another just to see if anyone would notice.
No one did.
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I thought Laurence was being ironic,
silly me.
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Blog Feuds – like the Hatfields and the McCoys – only safe, like if they just got on the phone and yelled at each other and made fun of what the other person did.
Dude, who is Laurence Simon and why should I care what he thinks about PW ? You should be thanking him that he took you off his ‘Fav’ list.. PW being compared (by association) with Scrappleface and IMAO is like comparing Monte Python with network sitcoms.. Be glad that the illiterate, unwashed masses dont ‘get’ your humor. Hey, is Laurence Simon the same guy that was linking to PW for a numbers boost during the JIB awards? If not, they sure sound the same. I think youve given him more attention than he’s gotten over the last few years just by noticing his list.
At least the name of his blog is honest.
(** No disrespect intended to IMAO or Scrappleface.. both are excellent within their genre )
Turing word: below
As in: .. you know.. below something.. as opposed to above it..
Robin, My husband spent all of 1999 arguing about the difference between medieval and ancient Roman horse harnesses on a history discussion group. He finally felt he had exhausted the subject, but certain diehards are still arguing the point in 2005.
AB —
No, Laurence is one of the guys who emailed me asking for a guest posting gig when I went out of town. The site was good enough for him then, but now…well, it’s all about TOUGH LOVE!
Jeff, it is always important to be above it all when you froth. Otherwise, you could get, like, covered in your own froth and stuff. Which would be totally gross.
Damn. I come off hiatus and come back to yet another blog feud. If I want ‘lame’, I’ll go read the Perfesser blathering about all his toys.
But two froth-covered chicks wrestling – that could be pretty cool.
Gail, so now “no stirrups” has a double meaning for you?
Stirrups are for sissies.
Not that I don’t use them to canter, but still.
I’ve gotten to where I can no longer tell when you’re putting us on Jeff. For all I know, this is a staged “windbag wrestling” event, designed to boost traffic at your and Lair’s sites.
It certainly has me amused, at least.
If I wanted to boost traffic I’d put Google-friendly search terms in my titles and post pics of Angelina Jolie slathered in vanilla pudding (and yes, I have a few). I also would’ve made sure my old URL was directing people to the new URL—which evidently it was not all weekend.
No, not a staged event. Just me minding my business and posting my predictable, mediocre, malaise-drenched drivel only to be bothered repeatedly this weekend by trackbacks from the blogger must likely to whack off to pictures of a Petersburg Sphynx.
.. whoa.. whoooaaa cowboy.. did you say ”pics of Angelina Jolie slathered in vanilla pudding” ? So quit holding out… gives us a link or something..
I’m afraid you have a point there. Now we HAVE to see these…
Turing word: clearly. Clearly we do.
Ditto on Angelina.
Hey, some of us like the repetitive memes.
My husband spent all of 1999 arguing about the difference between medieval and ancient Roman horse harnesses
Do you mean the early medieval horse harness, or the post-12th centruty version?
…’cause there’s a big difference.
Bigger than an L.Simon blog feud.
Big.
Finn, Don’t. Even. Ask.
I don’t like repetitive memes, so if you have pics of Jolie slathered in various flavors of pudding—or any sort of dessert, really…
[actually, I’m kidding about not liking repetitive memes. I do them most days, over and over, but all at once. Quite frankly, that this dude takes so much time to do it should be a red flag.]
Repetetive memes? As Jeff reminds us, he has a certain education in matters literary. Such repetition, with variation, is considered the very essence of comedy by the highbrow set.
Both Evelyn Waugh and PG Wodehouse used the technique, and it’s difficult to think of comic writing that could go wrong by following either of those examples.
Wish I could actually do it though…and as for Angelina and puddings? Can’t we have cats and puddings?
Turing word: peace. Bro’
Somehow I don’t think a cat slathered in vanilla pudding has quite the same appeal…
Now if you have pictures of loaves of bread made to look like sleeping cats, or better yet, sleeping cats that look like parmesan-oregano loaves, that oughta get wood in some quarters.
Turing word: nuclear.
I really don’t mean to add to this nuclear exchange…