I’m torn on this, to be honest with you. I mean, on the one hand, I can almost sympathize with those calling for Mrs. Bush to be burned at the stake for her anti-Christian, pro-homosexual, pro-bestiality references to horse tugging; on the other hand, even those of us who stand staunchly against gay man-on-horse action have to admit that had the Good Lord not wanted the First Lady talking publicly about horse packages, He probably wouldn’t have made their junk so freakin’ huge.
I think it’s probably best to wait on a ruling from the new Pope on this one—though I reserve the right to express OUTRAGE any time I wish.
****
update: Michelle Malkin (whom I really do admire, despite our disagreements on a number of social issues) will be discussing Laura Bush’s performace on tonight’s “O’Reilly Factor.” She also links to her own Jewish World Review column, “Why I’m not a ‘South Park Conservative,’” which further clarifies her position.
Two things: First, as someone who has long been called a “South Park conservative,” I know other South Park conservatives when I see them. And I would never, ever describe Michelle Malkin that way (though the Manhattan Institute’s Brian Anderson seems to do just that in his new book); second, Malkin writes:
I’d rather be a G-rated conservative who can only make my kids giggle than a South Park/Desperate Housewives conservative whose goal is getting Richard Gere and Jane Fonda to snicker. Giving the Hollyweird Left the last laugh is not my idea of success.
Leaving aside the rather ridiculous charge that any use of non-G-rated language is intended to appeal to Jane Fonda or Richard Gere, let me just note that the measure of one’s conservatism is NOT tied to one’s vocabulary so much as it is to one’s political philosophy. And in many ways social conservatism—with its desire to dictate “proper” or “decorous” speech—is simply dressing the PC-sensibilities of the left in the starched, high-collared clothing of neo-Victorian morality.
****
update: Political Teen has video of the Laura Bush performance here.
****
update 2: I love Michelle’s earnestness. She acquitted herself well on O’Reilly, but her discussion about whether or not certain of Laura Bush’s jokes were “necessary” misses the point: jokes are not always “necessary.” Sometimes they are just funny. And I think the jokes in question represented Laura Bush as a person moreso than they did something so abstract as the “conservative agenda.”
Which is how it should be, in my opinion.
Hey Prince Charles actually married one, and do you hear any shriekes of outrage across the pond?
You can get away with antyhing over there.
Next year Laura will do the horsejacking bit with more style.
“Pope of Greenwich Village”-style.
“George told me he knew about a t’orobred”
I don’t know why; but, I’m thinking Catherine the Great.
Spamword: doing.
Ya know, sometimes I even disgust myself.
FILTHY FILTHY WHORE
My horses are gelded…
My horse is named “Lily”…
President should have gotten a clue from the breed – West African Dongola.
The term horse-jacking has me confused. I thought that meant stealing a horse.
I think the proper term for dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of horse lust is “roping tadpoles”.
And I don’t have a problem with it anyway, you know? I mean, he’s just helping a guy out, right?
Right?
Michele has an incredibly sharp mind, but her role as proselyte for the Keystone Kops cadre of the morality police is wearing thin.
In lieu of actual blogging, Allah proposed a more simple “I’M OUTRAGED!” for each world event. Using far too many words, that’s where Michele is now when anything remotely un-or-anti-Christian makes headlines. (And she’s not alone)
Is this helping the cause, or just making apparent a lack of perspective and humor?
And now that I see your update, Jeff, I have to ask with all sincerity, when Michele says, ”Giving the Hollyweird Left the last laugh is not my idea of success,” then goes on The Factor to explain how horse-wanking jokes aren’t teh funny, isn’t she doing exactly that?
What Hollyweird Lefty isn’t going to be howling with laughter at the prude justifying how the unintended grappling of a horse dong is tantamount to the unpardonable sin? Who’s got the last laugh here, really?
It’s a HUGE GAY HORSE COCK OF LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spamword: “ball,” which is just too fucking easy.
I’m not sure what happened at the end there, all those big words, I lost track.
But yeah, horse cocks are monsters right?
Better be careful in case that gay horse gets press credentials…
I wonder how much protein wisdom one could get from a horse. I can hear Richard Gere laughing his arse off right now. Anyway, nicely said, bro.
I hear there where thespians masticating there too. Yeesh, what next?
I tend to come down on the libertarian side of most issues, and I’m definitely not in the stick-up-the-ass social conservative camp, but there was something vaguely disturbing about hearing a horse-dick joke coming out of the mouth of the First Lady. I don’t think it’s that big a deal, but still…
It’s a HUGE GAY HORSE COCK OF LIES, why??
Because of the HYPOCRISY!!!!!!
I hear tell that down ol’ Texas-way, them horse tugging jokes ain’t considered even the slightest bit un-godly. Jess a fact uh nature.
Some on the right are just too damn uptight. Seriously. I mean, I’m down with calling trash and smut by their proper names (and probably keeping several gigs of it in a protected file on my hard drive) and keeping it from prime time, etc, but Malkin really does come across like a real lemon sucking bore.
As a trashy, FILTHY WHORE, aside, I wish to note that the newest “Say Anything” gal leaves a bit to be desired. She had big “shoes” to fill and all, but still, you set the bar high you gotta bring your “A” game everytime out. This was a let-down.
I’m beginning to think that the Bush family are actually the real South Park conservatives.
They can’t make the uber-right happy no matter how hard they try, and forget trying to satisfy the left. Any way they turn their pissing someone off.
And in this humble mans opinion, I think they are doing exactly what they should be. I don’t agree with many of Bush’s policies, but I grow more and more impressed by the dude the more he pulls back the curtain. Sticks to his guns, remains humble when his lady breaks his balls, makes fun of himself if needed, and doesn’t hide behind anything.
Dare I say he’s almost Presidential?
Sorry Michelle, but seriously- lighten up. It was a joke. Not every word uttered by this administration should be held up to the light of ultimate judgement. Sometimes you just need to take it for what it was.
A joke. Period.
I wish I was married to Laura and she could talk dirty to me every night. As the Aussies say “good on ya” Mrs. Bush!
Would it have been better if it was Theresa Heinz tellink the sex jokes? Forgive the pun, but she probably has first hand experience with milking the stallion.
And by the way, let’s stop calling it a horse masturbation joke- she was joking that George didn’t know which animal to milk- it had nothing to do with masturbating a horse.
Yes Michelle, the jokes were for grownups. They wouldn’t make your kids “giggle”.
Again. Please, for the love of all that is holy-
LIGHTEN UP.
You pansy ass city people don’t know anything about ranching.
Read this link if you want to hear about what really happens on a ranch. (Warning, its the grossest thing I’ve ever heard)
http://www.opinionatedbastard.com/archives/000372.html
Instalanche!
Wasn’t all the dirty stuff left to Michelle Malkin’s gutter obsessed filthy mind? Laura said she was not going to tell you what happened at Chip and Dale’s and I know these two Disney characters they NEVER strip it’s always just speedos-teases…
And it’s actually Michelle who spells out M-A-S-T-E-R******** on her blog-what a pig!
In defense of Michelle…
The joke, whether you found it funny or not, could accurately be described as “crude”. Many people find “crude” = “offensive”. Many conservatives (including, I predict, many of you telling MM to “lighten up”) acted outraged when Kerry found Whoopi G. et. al. riff on “Bush” to “represent American values”. If you objected to the crudity of the Hollywood Bush-Bash, is it not a bit hypocritical to say the crudity is fine when “our gal” does it?
Maybe, on YOUR sliding scale of crudity, accidentally tugging a horse is in the “acceptable” range of the joke-o-meter, while vulgar riffs on Bush falls in the “unacceptable” range – but you can hardly fault Michelle for at least being consistent (i.e. non-hypocritical) in the stand that “all crude = bad” from our public figures on C-Span.
Drc,
I agree that Michelle is consistent.
And I’ll consistently tell her, and other conservatives who want to drain every last bit of adult themed fun from our lives to LIGHTEN UP.
Oh, and one more thing…
What, exactly, did Michelle have to say about the First Lady, that you are all upset by? She said it “crossed the line” and “It was wholly unnecessary.”
Well, that’s just gob-smackingly vile of her to say now, wasn’t it?
And re the “Giving the Hollywood Left the last laugh” line that has Jeff’s panties in a bunch, I believe that was referring to the whole trend of “vulgar = fun”, not specific to Mrs. Bush’s remarks – I believe you have misrepresented MM’s comments.
Ok I am the one who ended up anonymously posting about Chip and Dale in their little Speedos-I have guts let Disney sue me.
Also what a DOUBLE STANDARD-if President Bush had told the horse joke Michelle wouldn’t be churchladying it AND she got rope-a-doped by the parody that Drudge linked to and she is too ARROGANT to admit that and back down-simple.
Thongs don’t bunch, drc.
Anyone mention to these people that ranchers actually DO things such as yanking off cattle and sticking things in horse poopers?
How do these people think we get the sperm for artificial insemination? How do they think the sperm/egg gets inserted? Oh the horror of those ranchers.
“The hypocrisy!”
I was about to respond to drc, but I don’t think I can beat that one.
I yield.
Everyone’s calling it the “horse masturbation” joke, and granted, that’s technically what’s happening in the joke, but it’s not like she comes out and says it. It’s not like she was doing some sort of “Laura Dice Clay” routine up there.
“Hickory dickory dock
Bush jerked off a horse’s cock
He stroked it at one…
yadadiyadida OH!”
Good. Can we go back to discussing throbbing horse cock now?
Texas ranch humor. There’s more and a lot far worse.
The expression on a cow’s face during artificial insemination is the similar to the one I have at tax-time.
Ms. Malkin may be an egg-sucking bore, but she’s been a consistent egg-sucking bore.
Turing word: fiscal. So many places one coudl go with that…
Plus, she’s really hot.
At least she didn’t discuss what they DID with the “Milk”.
What is it with the Bushes and scripted jokes? Every time they give a funny speech someone gets pissed. George pisses of the left when he “searches” for WMD, Laura pisses of the right with her tales of ranch life.
Second term. What we need, is more Ranch Humor. W was no choir boy. What made anyone think that Laura was a tight-ass? (Don’t go there.) I hope they let ‘er rip.
And more Condi in dominatrix outfits just so everyone knows who’s in charge of the free world. Someone get her a riding crop, too.
Soccer Mom has spoken.
hmmm. i guess you used big words and stuff. it threw me a little.
…and the two fingers of scotch probably dimmed my comprehension a tad…
oh – now i see-
yes! good show!
carry on-
you have been added to ye olde blogroll-
cheers-
Okay, maybe it’s just me…but on her blog she made such great pains to NOT call the First Lady a skank, that she basically called the First Lady a skank. Comparing her to Wonkette…saying most of the right would call Tereza a skank had she made those comments. Oh…but she didn’t directly call Mrs Bush a skank…so it’s okay.
I like Malkin a lot of the time too, but when she morphs into her Nellie Oleson persona, wears her Gladys Kravitz hat, that’s when she makes my teeth itch.
And quite frankly, anyone who thinks Laura Bush is too liberal, basically scares me. Right up there with old friends from high school who are bitching about Hillary being too conservative. Serious willies…not enough ice cream to calm those down.
spamword: remember
Laura Bush delivered her lines to the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner.
WASHINGTON D.C. JOURNALIASTS.
The joke-writer perfectly tailored his chops to the humor level of the intended audience. The First Lady’s surprising timing pulled it off.
I don’t think Laura Bush would use the same gag-writer for an address to a Focus on the Family dinner.
We fail to consider one very important aspect of this story: What if it wasn’t a joke? What if Bushitler actually DID come stumbling in, eyes glazed over, covered head to toe in horsejizz?
… and Yogi shows us quite adeptly why: “the only healthy way to look at Democrats and the Democratic Party is with a very active sense of humor.”
P.J. O’Rourke was right.
Man. Hadn’t thought of that. Were pretzels involved?
CITIZEN JOURNALISTS DEMAND THE TRUTH.
White House Correspondent’s Dinner (or, as I like to call it, “THE NIGHT THE WHORE OF BABYLON SPEWED HER DIRTY DIRTY FILTH!”)
Hillary Clinton spoke to the White House Correspondent’s Dinner?
For what it’s worth, I held my daughter’s gelding while the “large animal vet”, i.e. horse doctor, cleaned his sheath. Now my daughter has also performed this function, which was new to me, and involves getting the horse to let down his penis (that’s a trick), inserting ones finger into the tip and fishing around in there for the “stone”, which is about 1/2” of calcified smegma, and picking it out. The, yanking the penis down, one takes 4×4 wipes and wipes out the inside of the sheath, which protects the penis much as labia protect the vagina. Finally, one wipes down the entire length of the penis to clean it. I’m talking 24” here. So, yes,large animals have large penises (ever hear about whales?) and handling that equipment is just part of responsible ownership. I thought the joke was hilarious!
Turing word “increase” HA HA!
Seems Protein Wisdom is the go-to site for all stories involving the Bush administration and HUGE COCKS.
But, y’know, clearly that’s not as narrow a field of interest as one might originally have thought.
John Aravosis, eat your heart out. Poor guy–the media abuzz with stories that mention George Bush and horse masturbation in the same breath–why, it’s cockteasing pure and simple. So close and yet so far.
Get me a mare, Wilbur!
norm,
Do you know if they make a mouthwash for your mind? Because I need something like that right about now.
The “stone” will surely haunt me in my dreams.
And that Dusty Girl strikes me as just weird – ever see calves as large as thighs before? The leg warmers are just there to conceal ankles like kegs.
Turing word “wish”, as in “as if”
Sean – it haunts mine!
Hmmmm.
Some people just don’t get farm humor.
Now, is everyone completely sure that Laura Bush understood these jokes completely? Spending 12 hours a day in the library doesn’t necessarily develop that particular kind of education.
Aw god, laura, it’s in my eye! It’s in my EYE!
“thing”
Just don’t let Tipper find out.
Jesus, Yogi.
HORSE BUKKAKE.
I can’t help but notice Michelle’s blogads have this printed below her picture:
“suspended somewhere between meltdown and release…”
Uh, that strikes me as somewhat, er, suggestive, no?
It seems to me Ms. Malkin shouldn’t be so provocative.
Sigh as a Republican and a Christian, I wish some of my more uptight fellow Christians would learn to take a joke.
Save the outrage for real issues that actually mean something to people of faith (abortion, gay marriage, etc). Getting pissed off at the First Lady for trying to be funny is utterly retarded.
It should be pointed out that the Left is goign to take any opportunity to point out how crazy and uptight and unmaerican those Christians are – its part of their strategy. So when you see Malkin, Falwell, etc complaining about horse tugging, assume there’s a whole lot more Christians who thought it was funny or just don’t care. In short, expect democrats to spotlight every single Christian nutcase they can find, simply to undercut the conservative base.
I was impressed that she could “Roast” her own husband and his family with so much grace.
She is probably the most intelligent member of the whole gang.
Laura For President!
Would somebody please think of the horse children?!!!!
. . or are they in that bucket over there?
(My secret word is “moral”. I’m getting the giggles)
Well.. I came late and there’s not a damn thing I can add to the excellent comments above. I will say that after Norm2121’s shealth cleaning story, any dreams I had of one day owning my own little farm with a couple horses to trot around on are gone.. Man, I thought you just give ‘em some hay and shovel up the crap once and awhile.. If this whole Laura Bush story illustrates anything, it’s how desperate the media and the public are for some news to argue about.. Its been kinda slow since the elections ended. For what its worth I thought the Whoopi muff joke fury was stupid too.
Turing word: use
As in : ..use towelettes premoistened with aloe to clean the sheath after removing the calcified ‘stone’… omg
Man, if these people get uptight about what Laura said, they should NEVER go to a comedy club. They’re likely to have heart attacks. I mean, holy fucking shit, it’s just words. It isn’t like she actually demonstrated the technique with a real horse on stage or anything, at least not that we know of. Everyone cracks on repubs for being humorless jerks…good thing they’ve proved those critics wrong with their reaction to this nonstory.
Hmmmm.
“any dreams I had of one day owning my own little farm with a couple horses to trot around on are gone”
Writing as someone who has had more than his fair share of shoveling horse output I can attest that there is a strange and magical process going on inside them. If you weigh the hay and oats that go in, it’ll amount to much less in volume and weight than what comes out.
Scientists believe that much of the universe is made of “dark matter” but they aren’t sure of what that is or where it comes from. I know exactly what it is and it’s horse manure, and it comes out of the south end of a north-bound horse.
hahaha ‘Dark Matter’ explained.. I’m sending this link to Stephen Hawking.. maybe he can work it into his Theory of Everything.
And a big thank you to Jeff for spelling “bestiality” right, the misspelling of which is one of my “pet” peeves.
Gail, I think it should frighten everyone that you have cause to find that word often enough to be annoyed by its misspelling. Just what, exactly, are you reading?
Well, Ardolino for one.
Completely off topic, why no live CJR radio show today? Now I have nothing to listen to this afternoon as I work for the man, who continues to keep me down because of my skin color.
No radio show? This is going to be the longest thursday ever.
TW: figures, cause I was really looking forward to it
Michelle Malkin needs to understand Laura Bush’s humor was the high point of the evening and represented what the correspondent’s dinner is largely all about. Perhaps there’s a line that might have been crossed, but Laura Bush didn’t cross it.
Malkin: repent of thy vainglorious, petty moralisms or get thee to a nunnery, and literally so!
Oh, Michelle. Lighten up!
There should be warning labels on horses.
Warning! Do not feed this horse the following: Beans of any sort, Cabbage, Cucumber, Garlic, Onions, Canned Chili, Home Made Chili, Beef Jerky, Chef Boyardee Products, Blackned Cajun Food, Leftover Chinese Takeout etc.
Especially Beefareeno.
All of which goes to show that Laura Bush would get kicked off right-talk radio too.
you must be a COMPLETE idiot. you HAVE TO FUCKING CLEAN OUT A HORSE’S SHEALTH EVERY 6 MONTHS OR ELSE IT’LL GET INFECTED.. duh, dumbass.