9 indications that you might not be appropriate “academy” material, in Paul Krugman’s estimation
You adhere to the crazy “conservative” notion that US has been a force for good in the world
Your quasi-retarded decision to vote for Ronald Reagan all but destroyed the last great hope for economic and social equity that was at the core of Communism.
Your antipathy to the UN proves that you’d be unable to abide the consent-driven grievance politics so essential to the proper functioning of university humanities departments
When you hear “Columbus Day,” you think “yay, parade!”—when what you really should be thinking is, “fucking egomaniacal Dago bastard and his band of murderous, sea-faring imperialist world destroyers!”
You refuse to acknowledge the self-esteem-wrecking affront to the social progress of women represented in the following sentence: “Everyone should bring his baseball glove.”
Your skepticism over suggestions that Abe Lincoln was an active homosexual who spent the Civil War buggering taut young union soldiers clarifies either a) your hateful homophobia, or b) your latent homosexuality.
To you, a quilt holds very little social significance—though you do like the way it keeps your feet warm on those cold, winter evenings when you and your friends sit around the fire, shotgunning beer and recalling all the “wool” you “fleeced” in college.
You refuse to say that it is NEVER okay to execute a multiple murderer; yet you insist that it’s ALWAYS okay to snuff out a child in utero.
You believe in a higher power not named “Kennedy” or “Clinton.”
10 Replies to “9 indications that you might not be appropriate “academy” material, in Paul Krugman’s estimation”
I actually have a couple of Krugman’s books at home – written pre-2001, obviously – and he wasn’t insane at the time of writing them. I’m not kidding. There were some things I didn’t agree with (as a UofC person), but he was a very good writer and came off as he would have been an excellent Econ prof.
That said…
WTF? Seriously, WT-f’in-F? Did he literally go berserk after Bush was elected? Was there some sort of head trauma, an Oliver Sachs-type thing where a portion of his brain got excised by a power awl and radically changed his personality? I just don’t understand it.
In other words, these are the exact same reasons (since apparently Paul Krugman is an idiot) one should keep attempting (as I will, I promise) to get into academia; we definitely need to balance this out.
Which is why there will never be a Professor Zomby on campus.
Damned shame.
Indeed.
You haven’t met some of the profs I had back in the early 70s.
I actually have a couple of Krugman’s books at home – written pre-2001, obviously – and he wasn’t insane at the time of writing them. I’m not kidding. There were some things I didn’t agree with (as a UofC person), but he was a very good writer and came off as he would have been an excellent Econ prof.
That said…
WTF? Seriously, WT-f’in-F? Did he literally go berserk after Bush was elected? Was there some sort of head trauma, an Oliver Sachs-type thing where a portion of his brain got excised by a power awl and radically changed his personality? I just don’t understand it.
Outstanding!
10. You’re planning to go to Best Buy tonight to pick up the new Red Dawn: Special Edition Director’s Cut DVD.
In other words, these are the exact same reasons (since apparently Paul Krugman is an idiot) one should keep attempting (as I will, I promise) to get into academia; we definitely need to balance this out.
Good luck, sister. It ain’t gonna be easy.
Was there some sort of head trauma
All in favor of pulling Krugman’s feeding tube?!
10. You believe that Mary Mapes was actually a CBS producer, and not a plant from the office of Tom DeLay.