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Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
- In The Mailbox: 12.23.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll truly IS a sad, embittered psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
- In The Mailbox: 07.18.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
cross-posted at Vodkapundit, where regular readers are becoming very anxious for Steve’s return.
You got on the wrong elevator, dumbass.. This is 4B.. the sub-basement..
Wouldn’t that be the fifth floor? You start out on floor one, not floor zero afterall.
Yeah, yeah, everhyone’s a critic.
You start at the lobby.
Hardly matters when your elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top.
Fourth floor – locks, clocks, bagels & lox, watch your step…
Which, does your building have a 13th floor? How about a 7 1/2th floor?
Marsha: “This thimble is scratched. I bought it on the fourth floor.”
Salesperson: “I’m sorry, m’am, but this store doesn’t have a fourth floor.”
Marsha: “Why, there’s the girl who sold it to me, over there…but she’s a…a…mannequin!”
Malkovich Malkovich?
This was obviously abridged from my “Elevator goes to the 22nd floor” piece. I feel used.
Rod Serling:
A seemingly normal shopping trip on a seemingly normal day.. you enter the lift and press 4 intending to peruse the selection of Clocks, Cocks & Bagels and Lox on the fourth floor.. but youve accidently pressed 4B .. However this particular building only has 3 basements.. There is no 4B.. at least not in this world..
Your next stop.. the Twilight Zone..
DAAAAAAA da da da da da
Whew. For a minute I thought Beck was gonna hit us with that “Ding! The fries are done!” routine.
Hey, Ana, the obvious jokes are all belong to me!!
“Fourth Floor. Ladies lingerie, rubber goods, battery-operated devices.”
Sorry. That your schtick?
Cross-commented at Vodkapundit because somebody had to say it:
He is only letting Goldstein in because Goldstein has the photos of Green under the full moon with the mandolin, the canoe, the jug of Bali Hai, the Moose and the hand cream.
ding!
…[T]he mandolin, the canoe, the jug of Bali Hai, the Moose and the hand cream.
Title of the long-lost book of the Chronicles of Narnia.
Sometimes you start on the first floor, sometimes it’s the lobby, and sometimes it’s the mezzanine level.
Sometimes it’s a ding, but I usually hear bing. Of course, I rarely pay that much attention.
Oh…Good evening, Mr. Tyler.
Going… down?
Hehehehehehhh…
…
…
…
sniff sniff “Alright – Who farted?!?”
One should only fart when exiting the elevator.
It’s really Pavlovian, isn’t it? Does anybody else feel the need to fart every time they get in an elevator?
Ana, yeah that’s right, I want to be known as the guy who can only hit the BP fastball.
I was just being charmingly self-deprecating, as only I can. HA!
Ewwwww! Cross-posting is disgusting, disgusting I tell ya!! Next thing you know there will be transbloggers everywhere!
No, Craig, I don’t feel that particular need. But when the bell rings, I do salivate…
If blind people fart in an elevator, they can always blame their guide dog. Some people have all the luck.
PW Class Project: Get on an elevator wearing sunglasses and holding an empty leash. Now, cut a gnarly one and blame it on your guide dog.
Who’s gonna say a thing?
DING FRIES ARE DONE!!!
Thanks for reminding me JWebb.
If a schizophrenic farts in the elevator he can just say that the voices in his head made him do it.. theyre pretty lucky too..
Turing AI word: perform
No..the bipolars are the performers.. the schizos arent really performers unless you consider listening to someone talk incoherently to themselves to be entertaining.
I guess these things are probably everywhere, but in Ocean City, MD, they sell these leashes that go down to a stiff collar, so it looks like you’re walking an invisible dog. That would work on the elevator, huh?
Well, now that I think about, maybe not. Unless the other person on the elevator is a schizo.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m a schizophrenic
And so am I
Keyword, “myself.” Jeff, you’re a sorcerer.
I used to live in Ocean City, MD. One of my favorite places on earth. I would love to move back some day.
This has been your moment of pure nostalgia.
I love Ocean City too, Jeff, but you have to admit that it’s a white trash magnet. And what is the deal with big fat chicks with skinny meth-head guys?
THRASHER’S FRIES, WOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
And those invisible dog leashes.
Off-season it’s quiet and gorgeous. In-season it’s an endless procession of human oddities and crazy aromas. Man, do I love that place.
And I used to get my fries from the Potato Shack. Thrashers and their no ketchup policy just struck me as too snooty.
Alaskan Stand. My God how I miss the A-Stand cheeseburger…
Skinny meth-head guys in wife-beaters.
OH, NOOOOOOOOO. The whole point of Thrasher’s was putting malt vinegar on those fries. Do you remember what kind of oil they used to fry ‘em?
I always put malt vinegar on the Thrasher when I had them; always would have, too. It was their presumptuousness that pissed me off.
Don’t remember, but probably peanut.
Jimmy Dugan: “There’s no inside baseball in elevators!”
Well, since we’re reminiscing.. I’ll see your Ocean City, MD and raise you one La Jolla, CA.. Thats where I’d move back to some day.. Hawaii-like weather. Excellent beaches in both directions.. UC San Diego (at La Jolla).. Blacks Beach adjoining the campus.. excellent nude beach filled with hot coeds and Felliniesque monstrosities.. and Roberto’s Mexican Food.. No better Carne Asada Burritos or Rolled Tacos served anywhere in the world..
I havent been back there in 20 years, so if any of you have information that any of the above has changed..dont tell me.. I want to remember my youth just like that…
-AB
Turing AI word: getting
As in: getting older by the day.
Someone already told me that Bol Weavil Hamburgers in La Jolla Village closed… Goddammit
Its like ’The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind‘ and my memories are being erased.. I ate there during one of my best acid trips ever.. The giant burger spoke.. quite eloquently as a matter of fact (you know..for a burger).. and revealed to me a number of secrets of the universe..and then I ate her.. No, I’m not going to share those secrets with you all.. find your own mystic burger.. or Mystic Carne Asada & Peyote Burritos .. they have some mysteries to reveal as well..Carlos, Don Juan & I whipped up a batch out in the desert.. but thats another story for another time.. I have to head to work now.. My job of mating with all of the herd she-baboons and lying in the shade letting them pick fleas out of my fur never seems to end.. no rest for the wicked I guess. Ciao!
Special Hat Tip to Captain ColorAvant-garde Multimedia Artist & La Jolla Legend
“How many hits of acid is that??”
Thrashers fries are fried in peanut oil. You eat them with a heavy dose of salt and malt. And wash them down with that lemonade that they’d squeeze for you right there. Thrashers fries, Panama Jack suntan lotion, shorts that were so tiny they barely qualified as clothing, and a big sweatshirt with two oars crossed on the front. I can almost hear “Boys of Summer” playing….Ah, summer road trips to OC.
Beck. “Ding” has just been sent to my list of most-discerning fine-internet-humor recipients. Many thanks. That is my favorite Christmas song. I play it over and over again. That and Fever because of the Romeo and Juliet “Thou givest fever” and “forsooth” parts. But I digress….
Maybe it’s the exclamation point, but this one’s funny.
Not as funny as “thwap!” but funny.
When is RMBB?
Brilliant. I love this website.
I was just seeing if Jeff remembered the oil, and damned if he didn’t guess correctly.. Are you an OC veteran, Ana?
Daniel,
If only someone WOULD loudly demand to know ‘who farted?’. But no one ever does..we’re way too ‘adult’.. Someone cracks off the silent but deadly smell of death itself and everyone in the elevator (or bus or plane or whatever) pretends not to smell it as tears stream from their eyes.. and you can just feel the eyes on you thinking you did it.. Now if you did, that can be gratifying.. but if not its damned embarrassing and you just want to yell ‘It wasnt me, alright?!!’ Its at this point that someone should hit the emergency stop button and refuse to start it again until someone fesses up. Bring some peer pressure and public humiliation to bear on these sneaky bastards.. But if its a blind person, you know theyre just going to blame their dog..
Turing word: air
As in: Help! Were stuck between floor and need air STAT!
Craig–Raised in Bethesda, Maryland. I’m a veteran of OC, but my tours of duty were the weekend variety. My wise mother kept me out of fast cars with boys. That and my friends and I rather liked haning out in that former swamp called DC during the summers. You know. We were into oppressive heat and humidity.
We used to go to OC when I was in high school. At that time, they only had a 2 lane Bay Bridge, and the traffic tieups were truly monumental. Twenty mile backups were not unheard of.