In the time it takes you to read this post, some guy in Denver, Colorado will have briefly considered climbing into his brand new Ab Lounge before shrugging the idea off in favor of a fourth cup of coffee and a handful of really yummy Vienna Fingers cookies.
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’ts OK – as long as you don’t put any Vienna sausages in between the Vienna fingers …
Ab lounge! Did you see Penn and Teller on showtime the other night? Ripped those ab lounge folks a new one.
Vienna fingers go better with Thigh Master.
Missed the Penn and Teller thing, Winston.
JWebb—I like to spread peanut butter on my Thigh Master. For no reason whatsoever.
Think the Dusty Girl uses an Ab Lounge ? I mean, look at that flat belly.. Look at that definition.. look at that rack.. Oh, I guess the Ab Lounge doesnt have anything to do with that.. but look anyway..! Like Fabrizzio said “She’s a really putta together..”
-AB
Mmmmmmmmmm… you know that mighty “shudder of satisfaction” you get when Vienna Fingers kinda ….. melt in your mouth?
No?
Sad!
Diana,that is so Proustian.
Gracias! I’ve had a rather … um… eclectic education.
De nada. Moi aussi.
For those of you who don’t like foreign languages, I said, “I belong to the National Automobile Dealers Association, and I am an Australian,” neither of which is actually true.
That’s my cover story. I’m trying to throw Alpha Baboon off my trail, so he won’t drag me up the Empire State Building again.
No need to feel guilty, Jeff. We all know one could grate cheese on your abs already, anyway.
Turing word “show”, for which there’s no need, really…
Ooo Ooo OOOO OOOO eeee eeee eeeEEE EEEEEEEE !
Whoa… I ‘drug’ Gail up the Empire State Building ?? I dont think so.. all I did was call the front desk and ask for some extra towels.. Next thing I know Miss Caucazoid Hoochie Mama is at my front door and she’s all like.. “Oh Mr Baboon.. I feel like we have this special connection..” and she’s all flashing & presenting her stuff.. So what was I supposed to do? I’m just a Alpha Baboon not a saint.. So just like the Discovery Channel, I bent her over a chair and had wild monkey sex.
So that lasted about.. I dunno..30 seconds and I was finished, so I lit up a Marlboro and asked her, VERY POLITELY, to get the fuck outta my room cuz I wanted to go to sleep… and she all starts blubbering “oh, oh, you dont respect me..blah blah blah”.. Bitch was giving me a headache so I just says ‘whatever’ and pushes her out the door and locks it.. Next thing I know the sheriffs are banging on my door saying I hauled some babe up the side of the building or some such, against her will..Thats bullshit! I’m confident that I’ll be found innocent once all of the facts of this case come to light..
Damn.. My stable of bitch baboons is going to kick my ass when I gets home for dippin my 8” uncut ape cock outside of the herd… They’ll probably divorce me or tear me to pieces or something.. Damn these animal instincts of mine… how am I supposed to keep it in my pants when I dont even wear pants?!!
ok, gail! This one’s all yours!!!
Gail called and she’s flossing the hampsters teeny tiny little teeth so she won’t be posting for a while….
hampster’s
damn it
Okay Ana, Diana and Gail – starting to pick up a Charlie’s Angels vibe here . . .
we talkin’ royalties?
Charlie, I think he’s on to us.
I demand the Dusty look! No moosetache!
Uh, I was talkin’ to Jeff. Work with me here, Diana.
You’re the street smart Kelly, Gail is the smart Sabrina, and I’m Jill the deranged kung-fu master. Hi-yah!
Am I going this alone? Because I am SO not going this alone.
Ana, I’m with you! I was off in the other thread innocently writing poetry while I was being slandered by his Baboonness.
Me: I think we’re alone now.
Me: Yeah. Maybe you should have picked the new angels.
Me: But who would want to be the Cameron Diaz one?
Me: Eh. Go to sleep. That baby is going to be awake in like fifteen minutes.
A-HA!
Once upon a time there were three very different little girls…..who grew up to be three very different women….with three things in common…they’re bright…they’re beautiful….and they work for me…my name is Charlie.
No way! I’m Dylan! Gail is Natalie and you’re Alex!
We are now and totally demented and dangerous!
Together again for the first time!
Remember, I have the equipment and guidelines!
[GAWD! you gotta laugh – keyword “zipper”]
Now I’ll have to rent the goddamned movie so I know what I’m supposed to do (besides be demented and dangerous, which I am ALL ABOUT)
Hey!
We need an assignment.
ANYONE GOT AN ASSIGNMENT?
I’m thinking that MC and Bee Piss will be all over this.
I’ll see your keyword “zipper” and raise you a keyword “come”.
I think this had something to do with peanut butter and a Thigh Master.
Yeah. The whole “never saw the sequel” thing is problematic. But made up for by the fact that no one knows that I don’t look a damned thing like Lucy Liu, the dangerous flying dragon (whatever) martial arts mistress of darkness. Yeah. That.
What goes with a Bo-flex?
Nutella?
I’ll have to wait till tomorrow for my assignment; it’s bedtime in the cornfields. Ana and Diana, proud to be on the team.
Monkey man,I will have my revenge.
Gail is off on super secret tight pants assignment until tomorrow. I am off to kung-fu crouching tiger training.
Diana will fend off the moonbats with excellent links. As is her way.
Be afwaid. Be vewy afwaid.
I’m not really that street smart.
Your next mission, should you choose to accept it . . .
We demand a contract! We demand PIE! (along with a few fringe benefits, which we can negotiate, probably after a few shots!)
Yours truly,
Team Manager
[Keyword “soviet” uncanny!]
Sorry. I thought you were PIE. Or a close approximation thereof.
boy, am I gonna regret that
I guess I should have posted that “Three Musketettes” comment in this thread.
As much of a genius as Jeff is, you guys are the sharpest, funniest, most creative commenters on the web. Goddamm, you make me laugh like a monkey with alzheimer’s. Wait, I guess a monkey with alzheimer’s wouldn’t remember the jokes.
Um, if you’re looking for a mission, I might be able to supply you with one. But beware–it involves pillows, nighties, and…danger!
You’ll be able to recognize me as the guy on the ladder, wearing the smoking-jacket…of danger!
Girls, it’s two a.m. and if you don’t get to sleep by the time I count to three I’m going to come up there and spank each and every one of you while the others watch.
MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did Gail go to Syria? Because as I understand it there’s some ass-kicking that needs to be going on in Syria. “We’re leaving. Oh, no we’re staying. Your demonstrations mean nothing. And the wild rodeo ride ends here. Bucko.”
Deploy Angel of Orthography with bad-ass potty mouth.
I will destroy them all with cursing and tight jeans.
Excellent.