Many people aren’t exactly sure what Cinco de Mayo is all about. The short answer is that it was created so today you can experience vague, free-floating remorse for the things you assume you did last night but don’t actually remember.
There are a couple ways of dealing with such shame. First, you can resolve to be a better person and, for once in your life, follow through. Second, you can eat an egg sandwich and surf the internet for funny stuff.
Now, of course, I’m gonna choose the first option and get my life back on track. Probably build a shelter for old dogs with those gross looking eyes or something awesome like that. For those of you who aren’t as morally fibrous: here and here and here and here and here.
You’re gonna have to make your own sandwich.
Love the Garfunkel and Oates. Never heard them before.
Dan wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Dan is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste strong at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Dan had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, was a single red rose!! Dan sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean; so is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirin, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you,
darling! Love, Jillian”
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Dan asks, “Son… what happened last night?”
“Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you
puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”
Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? Mom left me a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”
His son replies, “Oh THAT… Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed…. “Leave me alone, I’m married!!”
Heh.
Of all the times I’ve been drunk I can only name one time I had a hangover. I blame my 31/256 Irish heritage.
The mornings I woke up with ugly women I blame on my 17/1024 French heritage.
So, it seems Europe has decided on suicide. That should be interesting. As always, keep an eye on the Germans.
bh, are people in your world panicking?
The congratulations start coming in.
It’s definitely not good news, Pablo, but take France, for instance. Hollande was ahead in the polls for quite awhile so their equities haven’t been doing so well and their bonds have been paying a premium.
There’s the realization that they’re going to at least make some noises about the austerity plans for the PIIGS but Germany has always been the only real player there. It’s all on Merkel. If she starts tanking, it’s time to panic.
So, 6 hours later and the Red Sox-Orioles game is in the 17th inning and Darnell McDonald is pitching.
I’m going up the country, girl don’t you want to go. Owsies are doing it so wrong, don’t recreate ’68, ‘69 is what you need.
Here’s the dumbest thing you’ll read on the topic all day.
And giving up a 3 run homer. Oy.
The focus of that is a little dumb, but the whole thing seems so predictable, so inevitable. The impending suicide, that is.
OK, that’s pretty stupid. The harsh reality of math does not care about your political lessons. What Germany will learn…nay, what they already see and what Europe is confirming… is that swimming with an anchor around your neck sucks and the Deutsche Mark was a pretty cool currency.
Here’s the standard view. (If you’re not a subscriber google the title and follow that link.)
As Obama is doing here, it seems France and especially Greece are going to pull the mask off and expose the inner beast. Interesting times a’coming.
What I found most stupid was the use of the word growth. (Second place in stupid was the notion that the Germans particularly care that the deadbeats are upset with the adults.) Like the Germans are anti-growth. If anyone is demonstrably anti-growth it’s the socialists. I think the words he was looking for was fiscal stimulus. Which, as even financial journalists should have learned by now, isn’t synonymous with growth.
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Sounds like your typical senior partner. How about you keep tabs on the overnights, Mr. Mead?
This seems to be a popular caption for that flock of Ferraris picture.
Link.
Just think, if the chambermaid hadn’t squacked on DSK and his rape-y ways, he’d be the new Presidente de France.
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Yeah, that. Like infants, they only know what they want and that the big people have to give it to them.
bh, what’s the deal with the “keep an eye on India” buzz I’ve been hearing but have failed to investigate?
The regulars are off having a life it appears so I threw up a post on this.
i read India might have to final solution the holy crap out of Pakistan, which they said might would dominate the news cycle for several days if it happened
Bibi called for early elections in Israel today, too. India making Pakistan go boom! and Israel making Iran do likewise sounds like bad news for the Wonce.
Huzzah!
hmmm… if they both go boom in the same week I wonder who gets the TIME cover
(probably Barack Obama if I had to bet money)
It sounds like bad news for Allah all around. And a decent idea. It’s easy to forget that there are 1.2 billion Indians that have no illusions about their neighborhood.
That would be a good bet, ‘feets.
If India and Israel take preemptive action against their murderous and thuggish neighbors how many glossy magazines will lionize the mullahs and how long will said glossy take to hit the news stands?
Here’s the Indian dealio, leigh.
Thanks, bh. I’ll go read.
Since I’m part Danish I prefer “Fries de Mayo”.
The Indians sound like they’re aren’t thinking this GAAR thing through, bh.
An Indian analyst that worked with me for awhile would always remind me that Khrushchev once rode an elephant in India to great applause. By that he meant that younger people like us sometimes forget about India’s relatively recent past.
Perhaps they are thinking through GAAR and like how it reduces the power of foreign capitalists while increasing the power of tax-collecting bureaucrats.
(I do know what you mean though. It’s a bad idea if you want investment and growth in India.)
India is still a third world desperately trying to be a second world country. If the GAAR passes, the only incentive that they have being cheap labor goes *poof* and off to VietNam or another third world country who are willing to sew garments and stitch soccer balls around the clock.
I think we also forget that there is still a caste system there. Supposedly abolished, but my Brahmin doctor told me (actually his gossipy wife) that it’s still there. And they made no bones about hating the Pakis.
OT: fuck the Lakers.
Go Kings!
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