My son turns 1 today. My, how the time flies…
*****
The “my son turns 1 today” poem
for S*tchel
Tonight when you dream
you’ll picture the candle
on your birthday cake –
instead of the nothingness
you dreamt while you were still
zero.
Normally, young kids look like rats to me, but your son is truly adorable.
In a non-Michael Jackson way.
Young kids look like rats? I take it you don’t have any ‘rats’ in your house.
Jeff, congrats. That’s a good looking kid there. (Not saying that in any Michael Jackson sort of way.) I have two boys and they grow up fast and obnoxiously. So cherish his innocence while you can. Soon he’ll be a smartass and giving you the finger at dinner…
How do you know he didn’t dream?
OH, I just miss those cuddly days!!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy EVERY moment. It is very true that it flies by.
I think he might end up making girls bank robbery stupid. So watch him.
Ummm…..Is that a snake behind him?
No wonder he is reaching for safety!!!!!
Happy b-day Satchel. Not that you’d remember because your brain is basically a jello mold. But don’t worry, that’s all changing.
Satchel, I have a question for you: What’s it like to shit yourself? I mean, I guess I could do a test run, but it’s unacceptable for someone my age to do so. You get away with it on a daily basis though right? Is it comfortable; like a warm blanket?
Destined to be a ladykiller.
If you don’t mind my asking, Jeff, is he named after a relative or did you just like “Satchel”?
Bay-beeeeeee! Cuuuuuute!
[maternal hormones render me momentarily inarticulate]… [baby pictures = virtual lobotomy]…[forget the ice pick up the nose, just show me bay-beeeez!]
Or was he born in a suitcase?
Happy birthday, Satch. Enjoy these early ones, while you’re still blissfully ignorant that your father may be slightly insane.
Soon enough, you’ll be reading, then one day you’ll discover this blog, and then…
To me, most babies look like Winston Churchill.
Without the cigar.
Or maybe like a cleanly shaven Uday Hussein.
Jeff’s kid looks like Jennifer Love-Hewitt.
In a macho kind of way.
Happy Birthday Satch. Don’t let dad convince you to start that beard too soon …
Allah —
Just liked the name. And surprisingly, so did my wife. So I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Named after Satchel Paige.
Happy Birthday, kiddo. Do you realize you’re probably already smarter than Al Franken?
Kid, don’t let the weird comments from these other people make you wonder just what kind of world you’re in. It’s weird. You’ll get used to it, like your dad.
He’s a cutie. Just don’t let him get hold of any red pills ‘cause it would make blowing out the candle and diving into his cake really trippy.
Happy Birthday Satchel! You’re gorgeous!
Jeff, pretty soon that little guy is going to race across the room, grab you around the leg, and do one of two things:
1) Look up at you, with a great grin on his face, and say “I wuv you Da”, or
2) Drop to the floor, laughing, and bite your ankles.
Didn’t Woody Allen also name his son after Satchel Paige?
What strange hold do the Negro Leagues have over comically-gifted Jews?
Look at that FACE! I king him baby new year.
Allah…..
Too funny. You should have a blog..
Just over the newswires: Larry David’s wife is pregnant with the couple’s third child. A spokesperson from David’s office said he and wife Laurie plan to name it “Josh Gibson David” if it’s a boy.
If it’s a girl? “Cool Papa David.”
Ok, who is Larry David?
You do nice work, sir. I have to agree with the “bank robbery stupid” comment above.
Legend has it that Larry David is so quick that he can turn off the lights and be smoking an after-coitus cigarette before the room gets dark.
Nice work indeed. He gives my lil boy Wes – who, incidentally, turns 268 days old today – a run for his money as cute kid of the year.
The joy of sex leading to the joy of fatherhood. Ain’t life grand?
Satch shares a birthday with Mr. Bean and Joan of Arc. But you knew that already. May he be Black Adder kinda funny and “I can even lead the lousy French” kinda brave. May you be blessed by your Benevolent Creator with a long and joyful life, little one.
Jeff, but….that’s not a good thing.
You and your wife do beautiful work, Jeff. When will the little guy have his own Amazon wish list?
He’s a beautiful child.
Congrats to the entire Goldstein clan on this happy occasion.
Happy Birthday, Satchel !
And while all these grownups act like idiots, I’ll ask the really important question:
What kind of cake ?
Isn’t this photo proof that Jeff abuses those ( admittedly small number of people ) who suffer from a marked disadvantage to Jeff in height.
Freedom to Short People!
Messy cake. He’s one.
Hey Satchel, happy birthday. And when we see you on Oprah and Dr. Phil and Ricki Lake, telling your story, we’ll be able to say we knew you “when”….
Don’t look back, Satch. You never know what’s gaining on you.
It’s a good thing that Andrea Yates has never been your babysitter.
Well, I try not to use babysitters who’ve been in and out of institutions and are on anti-psychotic drugs. I’m “crazy” like that.
By the way, I think your comment belongs on the Yates thread. That you posted it here contributes more to my understanding of your shallow thinking than it does to the debate over legal niceties in Texas.
Seems like only yesterday he was nearly 12 months old.
JD’s comment has got to be the ugliest I have seen yet on the net. And I thought I had seen them all.
Jeff, your restraint was amazing.
Jeff,
Give Satchel and your lovely wife a Happy Birthday smooch from the Heidts.
Will do, thanks!
Satchel. The Jews take all the good names. All that was left for my kids were Totesack, Shotpouch, and Minnowbucket.
Your blog, your call – but I agree with the visceral reaction JD might have had after being immersed in the horrible recollection of Andrea Yates. Bad taste, sure – but you were the one to juxtapose the posts so that an otherwise gentle reader gets to see your adorable son whilst digesting your defense of her (and in my case recalling the home videos of the Yates chidren on the news last night).
Uh huh. Juxtaposed. Sure. Whatever.
rhodeymark and JD –
You claim some high empathy, some greater feeling for the fate of children? And bring Jeff’s kid into it? In a discussion about whether a woman’s horrible actions were voluntary due to mental illness?
That marks you as less human. Really just hypocritical moralists, sanctimonious pricks. Not to mention ignorant about mental illness.
As Jeff said, please fuck off.
I apologize for the wrong headed usage of juxtaposed, obviously the placement of these two postings was merely unfortunate. Bill, I said the reaction was visceral – that’s all, tough guy.
Happy birthday + 1, Satchel.
I hope daddy got all of the birthday cake out of your nose. I’m sure he was smart enough not to let your mommy make you a cake with green frosting…
And you’d better watch out, because my little girl just looked at the monitor and squealed “BABY” with a VERY happy grin on her face. Be careful of older women – those 18 month olds will break your heart every time…
All the best to the entire Goldstein clan…
Yup. Still cute. Natalie Lileks, beware.