According to the Weekly World News, Honest Abe Lincoln, our 16th president, was a randy ol’ fella who liked his slaves freed, his years scored, and his women nekkid (and posing coquettishly with dainty silk kerchiefs):

A treasure trove of 19th century pornography found during renovations at the White House belonged to our revered 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, stunned historians report.

‘Don’t let the dignified beard and stove-pipe hat fool you — the only thing Honest Abe wanted to emancipate was women from their clothing,’ joked historian John Castelli, who headed up a team of 11 Lincoln experts charg-ed with authenticating the racy find.

‘Kidding aside, this discovery quite clearly has a serious side, too.

‘The photographs strongly suggest that Lincoln, a champion of human rights, viewed women as second-class citizens and mere sex objects.’

Well, either that, or he just liked to give himself the old “presidential pardon” once in a while (if you know what I mean), and alas, the White House didn’t yet pipe in Cinemax…

[…]Uncovered in a hidden recess behind the east wall of the Lincoln bedroom were three hand-bound albums containing what one Washington pundit called ‘four score and seven’ pictures of naked or scantily clad women.

A photo of Lincoln’s wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, graced one centerfold, her private parts barely covered by a dainty silk handkerchief.

‘The fact that Lincoln collected sexy photographs isn’t all that shocking when you consider that many accomplished men of his day were sexually repressed,’ said Castelli.

‘Like anyone else, they searched for a “release.”‘

Interestingly, the Lincoln collection is said to include a crude-but-working ‘flip-book precursor’ to modern X-rated movies.

Hmm. Lincoln bedroom, eh? Can they be certain this collection of antebellum beauties was left behind by some swinging Clinton rent-a-guest? I mean, did Charlie Sheen ever stay in the Lincoln bedroom?

Oh. And for what it’s worth, a quick Google search for “‘John Castelli” historian” yielded nothing concrete, so it may just be we should approach the Weekly World News with a degree of skepticism — despite it’s intimidating global reach…