Just witnessed a blue, 1989 Celica w/ Colorado plates making its way up my street. It appeared to be obeying the speed limit, but without a radar gun I can’t be absolutely certain. Kerry / Edwards bumper sticker on left side of rear bumper. Driver could be on his way to a “Save Kofi” rally, or maybe just to 7-11 to pick up a cup of coffee and a package of delicious Snowballs. I have no way of knowing for sure.
Yours in vigilance,
CJ
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update: 12:25 PM MST : No further sign of that Celica. Saw a 2002 Dodge Durango drive by, but I suspect that’s incidental.
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update 2: 12:48 PM MST: Halftime. Thinking about having some leftover chicken parmesan for lunch. With a side salad. But not just yet.
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update 3: 1:27 PM MST: Still no Celica. My CITIZEN JOURNALIST’S INSTINCTS tell me it may not be coming back this way any time soon, but I’m only speculating. Also: substituted steamed broccoli for the side salad—mostly as an excuse to use the spray butter.
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update 4: 2:10 PM MST: A couple of Hispanic kids toss a nerf football in the street as a light breeze blows in from the foothills, setting the bare white limbs of a nearby California Oak to swaying like a collection of trim Dominican nuns silently awaiting the rapture.
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update 5: 3:20 PM MST: Corrected the typo from my previous update. As a CITIZEN JOURNALIST, THERE IS NOTHING I LIKE BETTER THAN PEOPLE USING THE COMMENT SECTION TO POINT OUT MY TYPOS.
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update 6: 4:17 PM MST: A halftime phone call to Abilene, TX yields an admission from a bourbon-soaked Bill Burkett that he did indeed forge those controversial CBS TxANG memos, using an old Toshiba 486 laptop and Word 98. Burkett—who for reasons known only to himself insisted on calling this citizen journalist “Sammy”—claims he saved the docs to floppy and later printed them out in hard copy at the Merkel City public library, just outside Abilene.
Also during halftime: had some cashews and a Diet Dr Pepper. And for what it’s worth, still no Celica—which I’m beginning to think may have been some sort of sneaky leftist diversion.
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update 7: 5:22 PM MST: As a CITIZEN JOURNALIST, I wonder what Dick Cheney had for dinner this evening. Was it pot roast, with little baby potatoes? Or is he into oily fish these days?– so heart-healthy, so rich in Omega-3…
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update 8: 7:45 PM MST: Wheat pasta with a white clam sauce. For me, not Cheney. He probably has more sense than to eat wheat pasta.
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update 9: Behold the self-correcting power of CITIZEN JOURNALISM! CHARGE!
Seeing Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers these days brings a smile to my face. Echos of “smells like… victory.”
Don’t they usually drive Subarus and Volvos?
The bumper sticker I saw buried among a huge multitude of bizarre stickers on an obviously deluded DPS employee’s car read:
“Boycott CBS NBC ABC PBS NPR – Right Wing Media”
Obviously thrown out of Radio Pacifica for being too doctrinaire Marxist during a Trotskyite counter-revolution.
I sort of miss the old mimeographed typewritten singlespaced manifestos glued to telephone poles and utility boxes of how the Pope and the Queen of England ran international narcotics rings.
Dear Citizen Journalist,
Your information has been entered into our homeland defense department database. Thank you for your vigilance and thorough research.
If we had more citizen journalists like yourself, we wouldn’t even need a Homeland Security bureaucracy and I could go back into the private sector and make bazillions.
We appreciate your help more than you’re allowed to know.
Thanks,
Dept of Homeland Security
Update from Citizzen Journalist 2….
Just saw plumbing truck pull into the parking lot. No reports of plumbing problems. Will investigate further with the apartment press corps.
CITIZEN JOURNALIST witness to stupidity/ignorance/creeping meatballism/crudeness and as Cartman might expound:
Did you ever get your pie?
Yes. AND AS A CITIZEN JOURNALIST I SEND YOU BELATED THANKS.
…. and lacking any other gentlemen, I’m calling Zell Miller. He and I will make a great team!
I certainly feel safer now.
…oh, man …. that’s “sirentry” ….
StickyB – amazing how simultaneous “posts” can send a message …
“silentry” Is that when you try to be silent?
Cuz I am just no good at that.
Who needs motorcycles when there are Dominicans in the trees?
I feel for you Jeff as CITIZEN JOURNALISM has been hell this time of the year. One can only come up with so many forged documents from a nutbag in Texas to justify Jake Plummer.
I hear that Halliburton puts a little something under the table for Shanahan to make sure he doesn’t compete with the renamed Oilers.
Update 5: .. we only do it because we love you !!!
[keyword “son” heh]
As a CITIZEN JOURNALIST do you have an official salute?
no – not that one…
just wondering…. does broccoli cancel out spray butter?
Broccoli cancels out spray butter, a mis-spent youth, and can get your relatives out of purgatory.
Do ‘89 Celicas have two rear bumpers? Just asking.
OK, now that’s just plain weird.
Don’t think that all this diversonary stuff gets you out of finishing your Thornburg Report. You’re not going to bed until it’s done and Dan Rather is nailed to a tree.
NOW GET ON IT.
Can you say “trim” and “nuns” in the same sentence? Again, just asking.
As a CITIZEN JOURNALIST do you have an official salute?
Nope, but we DO have an secret decoder ring AND a super-secret handshake.
So I’ve got that going for me.
Which is nice.
Yep.
BENNY HILL WAS MY MASTER!
Spray butter?
I question the timing.
It’s not timing but etiquette. In mixed company, a man just doesn’t say, “Oh, I sprayed on Pam.”
as a CITIZEN JOURNALIST myself, I have to call UPDATE 6 into question. Word 98 is a Mac-only program, which would hence not run on a Toshiba 486. It would have to be Word 97 or Word 2000 to run on a PC.
See? The blogosphere is self-correcting, or something.
wheat pasta with white clam sauce?
….. put a bit of colour into your food! Cheney would’ve had the neopolitana!
With a side of assorted young spring shoots
I had a side salad. Lots of color there—though mostly green.
green is good
slippery little buggers, those oily fish
You are SOOOO Benny Hill! Just LIKE HIM! Except the being American, Jewish, alot cuter, no TV show, and not fat part…YOU COULD BE HIM! I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.
Duuuurrrr da da da da ta da da da ta da da da ta da ta da da da da da da ta da da da…..name the artist.
As I sit at the far end of the parking lot of the Kinko’s at the corner of Buffalo Gap Road and the Winters Freeway in Abilene, Texas, partially obscured from sight by a grove of leafless pecan trees, I spy Bill Burkett (aka The Bitchboy of Baird) as he repeatedly faxes new documents to Dan Rather’s heir apparent Katie Couric alleging that Condoleeza Rice enjoys hot monkey sex with white men.
It is not yet known what effect this will have on her bid to be the Republican nominee for president in 2008.
CITIZEN JOURNALISTS RULE!
Da da da da da da da ta da da da da da ta ta da da da…doo doo doo doo doo da…. durrr da durr da durr da doo doo too doo doo doo da doo too doo doo too doo….held the record for most consecutive weeks at number one for years and years….until the Beatles, of course.
The funny thing is, I’m really drunk, and I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out whether the doo doos and the da das are in the right place, and I just realized, IT DOESN’T MATTER!
No one has the slightest idea what I’m talking about!
Dude, DaDahism is so not now-where.
I got a fax from a “solid source” at a Kinko’s (in a state that shall remain unnamed) that Cheney had a roast leg of Iraqi toddler for his main course tonight, as per usual.
Oh, and he did also have a side or young spring shoots, topped with a crude oil vinagrette. For dessert, a special, secret recipe culled from the executive dining room at Halliburton…the infamous Raped Alaska!
(And don’t any of you plebes go sniffing around for the recipe, lest you find your family in the secret Bu$hitler gulag tomorrow!)
You have foothills? Damn! As a citizen journalist here in Missouri, we don’t have any of those. Sure must be nice having foothills.
For some reason, I can’t get the Benny Hill theme out of my head. It’s plaguing me.
That’s the last time I slap an old bald guy, I can tell you that much. The karma sucks.
Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk.
Thanks, Jeff, but name the artist. And while we’re at it, name the old bald guy. And no using the internet.
Shouldn’t we be figuring it out, to prove that WE’RE CITIZEN JOURNALISTS TOO?! JOHN HINDERACKER IS MY MASTER!
I shall name the artist ‘George.’
Update 9 & Mad Anthony
Sorry, wrong! It was also PC based.
… but then, again, maybe I’m wrong!
Personally I think Buffalo Gap is a disgusting name for a road.
I mean, why not Antelope Orifice Avenue?
That has a certain cachet.
Plus, it’s dactyllic trimeter. Should I go to work now? I think another cup of coffee would be in order.
Boots Randolph, dogg.
That was the easy one. And shouldn’t you be Tennessee Jed?
Hey, I just saw a Toyota Celica. It wasn’t blue though, it was browh. But still… coincidence?
I think not.
Gail, buffalo was the secret ingredient on Iron Chef America last night. Coincidence?
Robin, Coincidence? I think not. The laws of physics demand that a buffalo gap in one location must be counterbalanced by buffalo chunk somewhere else.
Craig C. :
You’re talking about the song, “Barbara Ann,” by the beach boys.
Then there’s this.
Broccoli cancels out spray butter, a mis-spent youth, and can get your relatives out of purgatory.
But, I thought only Mormons could do that?
As Colorado towns go, there aren’t many Mormons in Purgatory.