Serves 7. (Or Michael Moore, if you happen also to have a footlong summer sausage and a box of Fiddle Faddle lying around.)

• 2 x 4 oz cans mushroom stems and pieces, drained and finely chopped
• 1 14 oz can artichoke hearts, drained and finely chopped
• 1 10 oz jar pimiento stuffed olives, drained and finely chopped
• 1 6 oz can ripe olives, drained and finely chopped
• 1/4 c Chopped green pepper
• 1/2 c Chopped celery
• 3/4 c Vinegar
• 3/4 c Olive oil
• 1/4 c Instant minced onion
• 2 1/2 ts Italian seasoning
• 1 ts Onion salt
• 1 ts Salt
• 1 ts Seasoned salt
• 1 ts Garlic salt
• 1 ts Sugar
• 1 ts Cracked black pepper

standard preparation:

Combine first 6 ingredients, mixing well; set aside. Combine remaining ingredients in a saucepan; bring to a boil. Pour dressing over vegetables; place in a large jar with a tight fitting lid. Shake jar to stir ingredients; refrigerate overnight. Serve spread with assorted crackers.

preparation for your progressive guests:

Replace “assorted” crackers with “diverse” bread slices. For some reason, progressives fear crackers and prefer “diversity” to just about any word other than “imperialism.” Sadly, imperialism has no place in an antipasto spread. Unless you count the olives. Which by all accounts are a bullying fruit.