Systemic ontology follows from a logical starting point and—by way of dialectic—culminates in the telos. Or, as I told this smokin’ little fraulein the other night, if I buy you a beer, and you accept, then I have every reason to believe you and I will be spending the evening moist and in a tangle of hastily removed lederhosen…
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Ach mein Gott! The Hegelian dialectic!
This reminds me of collegiate chat-ups,
Male (Thesis): “You and I should sleep together.”
Female (Anti-thesis): “I think not.”
(Multi-choice synthesis),
“Hey, I’m the straight man here.”
“Would you like another drink?”
“My point, exactly.”
Sometimes the synthesis is just too easy.
Let’s see if I understand your first sentence correctly:
“asoi slkk mvsiok sdlskd owkdmal mxofdk mvois.”
I got a grip on the rest of it. Of course I’ve been drinking beer watching the Dodgers get their butts kicked for the last 3 hours…
So we should continue the exercise in logic:
Strike out, or home-run? No? Double off the wall? Single up the middle? Frozen rope to the short-stop? Tinker to Evers to Chance?
I see…You spent the evening drinking beer (Hey waitender, bing me nother coll one) and convincing yourself that she was not NEARLY good enough for you. I see. And that brunette at the corner booth is quite the little looker anyway, and she and you have been, you know, looking at each other all night. I see. Sure she’s a little older, and ok, well she could spend a little time at the gym. Who says mullets are out of style? A little personal expression, you say, a little sense of individual-ity, you proclaim. You are beginning to make quite the argument, aren’t you pal? Starting to feel better about yourself by now, and the world has a certain pleasant haze around it. No problems. Nothing real big anyway. Who needs that little stuck-up tart from an hour or two ago? What was her name? Catherine? Sherril? Man! this beer sure is good. Cold, frosty beeeer…
Oh wait, she’s standing up to go to the ladies room.
Holy Shit! She is OLD old. I’ll bet she’s my MOTHER’S age! And would you look at the size of the BUTT on that thing! It’s a damnned wonder she can even WALK…
Hey what’s the matter, buddy? Sit down a minute, pal. You don’t look so good. Here, have some water and take a few deep breaths. Yeah. That’s better. Uh oh.
Bloooughhhhhckkk. Huhhhhgloooglllorrrr. guhh guhh. Pphhptt. Pllphht.
Ok. That’s it. Get it all out. Just don’t get it on my shoes.
Logic. That’s it; now I see. Real logical.
Dan Patterson
Experienced in the Ways of Logic
Winston-Salem, NC
That’s Hegel, is it?
Pretty close. Except I was drinking this afternoon. And she had a butt the size of John Edwards hopefully-soon-to-be-deflated ego.
I hate Hegel. Mofo lent his allegedly Republican cred to that stupid-ass “bring back the draft” idiocy. When I heard about that I called him up and I told him, “Chuck, remember what I said to Leahy? Just think about it, is all I’m saying.”
mmm… lederhosen…
mmmmm…..HASTILY SHED lederhosen. coulter and dream sequences….mmmmm.
hmmm. it appears i’ve stumbled into some sort of druggie enclave… i guess i’ll be on my way.
but the exit, it’s on the other side of the room! i’ll never make it! one of them will surely spot me, wave me over, and begin babbling incoherently about cheese whiz and teletubbies.
my only hope is to distract them with a card trick of some kind. either that or divert their attention to a lava lamp, ceiling fan, electric clock, or whatever else is moving and/or emitting bright light nearby.
BREAK!
very sorry
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very sorry
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