And here I thought for sure Ted Rall was dead. I mean, “Whitney” has her own show. You’d think that alone would’ve been enough to convince Rall to self immolate.
Seriously. Jobs dies, and this douche is still finding ways to get air time? Can’t say that bodes well for those of you who believe in a benevolent God.
At any rate, having Rall pop up got me all nostalgic. So here are a couple blasts from the pw past: “Ted Rall’s Internal Monologue” and “10 things Ted Rall has called his penis at one time or another (confirmed)*”.
Ah. Good times.
I am happy to see that Rall says he won’t be happy until blah blah blah blah, since I can look forward to seeing Rall unhappy the rest of his miserable life. To which, yays!
Teddy is begging for a punch in the face. What a tool.
Diane’s not sitting on Jacky’s lap he doesn’t have his hands between her knees cause both of them are busy busy busy cause of they are part of a movement to stop the eternal rape of the 99% by the 1%, and that’s hungry work. Buy you can help Jack and Diane BAR HUNGER! Have a tasty Snickers!
It’s all cool cranky-d, he punches himself!
*But* you can help I mean
Or, sell pizza hf:
I like stuffed crust pizza!
I am the 99%!
Herman Cain has one more upside since yesterday: he never contemplated using Doritos in his pizza crusts.
Who’s Whitney?
Oh, I believe in a Benevolent God. I just also believe that He has a sick sense of humor.
Assuming this show which I’ve seen ads for.
OT: Al Davis died.
Yes, Ted. Let’s do that. Let me know the moment you put yourself into personal danger as opposed to drawing those cartoons that look like my cat threw up on a piece of paper.
Whitney is a sign of the End of Times, or some untalented, un-pretty, unfunny woman who must be sleeping with someone at some network and has in turn been given a TV show.
My cat’s barf has more socially redeeming value than Rall’s cartoons.
Anyone’s cat’s barf does.
Also, Jeff’s stream-of-consciousness bit is a masterpiece. I noticed that Whittle thought it awesome.
What network carries Whitney?
Please say cable. Then I’ll never accidentally click through.
OT: Please feel free to skip this comment if you don’t give a rip about religious questions.
[I do appreciate that the pw crowd doesn’t get all stupid about religion: LDS, atheist, Catholic, agnostic, Protestant, Jew, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim, whatever, as long as you’re also a Classical Liberal, you’re OK here.]
Is anyone else annoyed that the Robert “Mormonism is a non-Christian cult” Jeffress threads have become so long?
I mean, I expect that kind of thing is expected at Hot Air, but at The Corner?
I only dipped in at the beginning; I know that if I go back I’ll end up saying something extremely intemperate, and with the reputation of 14 million+ other people on my back, I’d rather say nothing more than deliver a bitch-slap that I can’t take back.
So I’ll say it here.
<personal rant>
None of us LDS gives a rip about who calls themselves Christians. You think Christ is the Redeemer? You try to follow the teachings of Christ? You’re a Christian as far as we care: end of story. The fact that you answer certain theological questions differently than we do is irrelevant. If you repent of your sins and have faith in Christ, you’re going to receive the same blessings regardless of the denomination you belong to. Shewt, even if you’re not Christian and repent of your sins, you get the blessings. (And it’s a good thing, else the world would have devoured itself ages ago.)
You think we’ve got it all wrong? Fine! So do most people! That’s OK. Not only is it your God-given right to think we’re up in the night, our eleventh article of faith explicitly states:
So why is it necessary to use terms such as “cult” and “non-Christian” when talking about us? Say we’re weird, say we’re wrong, say we’re dead wrong, say we’re misguided, but why the mischaracterizations?
I’ll tell you why: It’s because Protestants don’t want to accept our baptisms as legitimate.
Which is fine; we don’t accept theirs, but there’s kind of a “baptism exchange” among many Protestant denominations, where if you were baptized as a Methodist, and you join up with the Presbyterians, you don’t need to be baptized again. Something like that.
Again, the Protestants are entitled to do what they want regarding baptism, and we’re not bothered by the fact that if a Mormon becomes a Baptist, they insist that the person get baptized again.
But to justify not accepting LDS baptisms in the “baptism exchange,” there has to be a reason, and so they decided that we don’t qualify as Christians; ergo, our baptisms are not valid.
And why are we not Christians? Because we believe in the wrong Jesus.
See, the LDS and traditional Christians might all believe that Yeshua bar Yusef of Nazareth, whose life is chronicled in the New Testament, was the Son of God and that His Atonement cleanses us from sin, etc., but because the LDS don’t accept some of the post-apostolic doctrines that other Christians do, then we’re not Christian. We don’t accept the Nicean Creed, for example, and we answer the Faith vs. Works question differently than Protestants, and we don’t teach that the Trinity is three persons, one essence. [We teach three distinct beings with one mission; ergo, you can’t worship them separately the way you could with pagan pantheons.]
Apparently, Jesus was pretty clear on that point: either you get the theological esoterics right, or I’ll pass you over for that salvation thing, regardless of how much faith you may have in Me. And if your non-Biblical scriptures say stuff like this, you’re still not Christian:
See, if you believe the stuff I just quoted, you’re not a Christian unless you also conform to the Nicene Creed. Which Jesus clearly taught.
I don’t mind that people thing we’re wrong. Everyone thinks that most everyone else is wrong about religion. But please stop with the mischaracterizations, the slurs, the lies, and the attacks.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, people! Can we not leave the question of Who Is A True Christian to Judgment Day, and let The Man Himself sort it out?
Sheesh.
</personal rant>
Thanks for your indulgence. I feel better now.
this Jeffress creep is a hole Mr. Governor Perry shouldn’t be hanging around with trash like that if he wants to be president cause it doesn;t reflect well on him
can I get an amen
also we need a president what will address the semicolon menace head on
“address the semicolon menace head on”
But do it without taking our righthandlittlefingers away.
Amen.
Federal dollars for righthandlittlefinger-retraining programs!
This is nothing new for this particular degenerate.
Those golden plates would be worth a fortune today, if someone could find ’em.
Di, all I can do is suggest you contemplate 2Cr 10:12
.
All you need is love
Those golden plates would be worth a fortune today, if someone could find ‘em.
You’d have to wrassle them out of the hands of an angel.
Who can float. It’d be over before you started.
2 Cr. 10:12
Oh, I know. It’s just frustrating that people accuse us of being awful because we believe X, Y, and Z, and half the time, what they’re accusing us of isn’t even accurate.
It’s OK if you think we’re wrong. It’s not OK if you spread falsities about what we believe. It’s exactly and precisely the same thing the Left does to conservatives, but I tell you, it’s harder to convince an anti-Mormon Christian that we don’t believe X or we do believe Y than it is to persuade a Lefty that he doesn’t get Middle America.
on christ the solid rock i stand all other ground is sinking sand
“all other ground is sinking sand”
stop the frac NOW!!
well i guess it would be nice if i could touch your body i know not everybody has got a body like you
those are my two songs about faith I probably have more but I’m a go eat a hamburger
[…but I tell you, it’s harder to convince an anti-Mormon Christian that we don’t believe X or we do believe Y than it is to persuade a Lefty that he doesn’t get Middle America.]
– Attempting to convince antagonists of the error of their slander, agitprop they know is false but serves their agenda, is like ordering enchalada’s in a Chinese restaurant, or ecpecting Maria to at least let Arnold keep his nut-sack.
“but I’m a go eat a hamburger”
oh please stop the frac Now!!11!!
Hitler finds out CBS is reporting on Operation Fast and Furious
Don’t feel bad, Di. We Papists
wroteaccept the Nicene Creed, and we still get denied the status of “Christian” by the evangelicals when theirbloodgrape juice gets up.Because Apostolic Authority means that I worship the Pope.
Do I consider Mormons Christian? Based on what you say, I’d say “yeah, in the same way that Jacobites and Coptics are.” Which is to say, outside of what I’d consider orthodoxy, for whatever that might mean. Fortunately these questions no longer require the spilling of grape juice.
My favorite hymm? How Great Thou Art.
It wasn’t ever my favorite, it was in fact my least favorite of hymms, something too luther about it, until we sang it at my Grandfather’s and then my Father’s “going home” ceremonial.
Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder
Consider All the works thy hand hath made.
Then sings my soul!
– Hey, you think you’ve got problems….try walking a few miles in an Agnostics shoes.
– Whatever happened to the book of Mary anyway?…..Huh?…..huh?….!!11onety!!!eleven
in humble adoration
You mean the Gnostic Gospel?
It was full of Gnosticism. Didn’t make the cut. The rest is bestselling tedium.
I’ve always thought we have it pretty easy, BBH. Hmmm… beats me tends to keep any argument from getting too hot or complicated.
what JOY shall fill my heart
– Yeh, that Gnosticism stuff can be a real pita whem you’re trying to gain control of the flock, particularly when it raises the voting stock of a mere woman.
my Saviour God to ME!
– Quick, someone put on a Black Sabbeth track, steph has gone into thrall…..
Heh. I recall fondly some studies, back in my very early teens, conducted by helpful teachers at the Church of Christ I attended, on how to ‘save’ Mormons and Catholics from the errors of their ways. Some of those teachings still bubble up every now and then, unexpectedly.
We, of the Church of Christ, always felt that WE were the ones who followed original authorial intent, and insisted on only using the original text, so much so that, well, you probably know what was said of us.
There’s this other place I visit occasionally where original intent is considered sacrosanct, and the author’s written text is good enough without further interpretations. Can’t put my finger on where that is just at the moment… )
Oh. All of those hymns are very good, if you remember to do it in style a cappella only. There’s no scripture allowing otherwise. )
Parody or real?
Do I consider Mormons Christian?
The only vote that counts gets cast on Judgment Day: everyone else’s opinion is just spitballin’
Closing quote of the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, which got found at Babi Yar with the Dead Sea Scrolls and gets a shout-out in Stigmata:
Oh yeah. Gnosticism was super-feminist. But whatever, I’m sure Jesus and Mary Magdalene had a split-level in the South of France, and that their powerful seed brought forth such fine followers of the Savior’s teaching as Clotaire the Old and the rest of the Merovingians.
Preach. And if C.S. Lewis is right, God cares way less about Christianity than he does about Christ.
If you haven’t caught Bill Bennett busting the Evangelitard upside the head whilst laying down some righteous Catholic smack you really ought to.
Billy Ayers !
I’m not too keen on being on either end of a lecture about who’s not going to Heaven. That’s a question that only God can answer, and His answers tend to be rather cryptic, which I take to be either deliberate or some personal failure of mine.
I’m a Roman Catholic, so we take a lot of smack talk about that “worshipping statues” and such. We’re the OG Christians. We can deal with it.
Slart, one of my favorite religious jokes concerns the Wiccan who died and ended up at the Pearly Gates. He’s kind of depressed and asks Peter what happens now? Peter takes him and leads him off to a path that circles around the Gates and the next thing he knows he’s in the Summerlands. Peter tells him to run along. He looks up and notices a group of figures weeping on a hillside. He looks closer and it’s Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Fred Phelps, etc. So he asked Peter what’s up with them. Peter says, “Oh, they’re being punished. God doesn’t like being told He can’t invite someone to His house.”
“Oh yeah. Gnosticism was super-feminist.”
– Jesus was not a Gnostic, he was an essene, but whatever. The Apostles all reflected the cultural male dominated dogma of the time.
– Apparently whomever penned the books did not share that attitude. At least one possible reason for their demise.
“I’m not too keen on being on either end of a lecture about who’s not going to Heaven.”
.
God is all about individual free choice.
And consequences.
I like PW’s Ted Rall disgust pretty much since Let’s Rall.
And then there’s this, which I also liked but mysteriously refrained from commenting on.
“Now get on your knees and polish my boot with your hairless, little boy nipples… You might feel a stir, but don’t sweat it. You’re attracted to my power is all.”
Am. Not. Worthy.
You shift goalposts like a champ. You should work for the NFL.
So claiming the authority forgive sins and perform exorcisms was standard-issue Essene practice?
Yeah, in a world where Deep and Dark CONSPIRACIES and Teh SEXISM!!!eleventy! are the sole criterion of what cultures pass on. Outside of noire novels and Foucault screeds, though, people wonder if the fact that the Gospel of Mary was written after the first century, bore small resemblance to other Christian writings, and was only heard of in the circles of Neo-Platonists who were hijacking the words of Yeshua bar Yusuf to justify their jagoff “spirit good, matter bad” theosophy might have had something to do with it not making the cut.
But whatever, Templars! John looks like a chick!
If Jesus was an Essene, what was he doing hanging around with Galileans instead of chilling by the Dead Sea? And that whole Temple episode? Very un-Essene like!
– Switch Goalposts??? *snort*
– You need to seriously consider trying decaf sport.
– Someone points out a rather curious bit of religious editing and you get all stick-up-your ass about it.
– Relax – you might live longer.
“[And that whole Temple episode?]
– Even God hates the IRS.
– Even God hates the IRS.
The point being that the Essenes refused to have anything to do with the Temple.
dicentra posted on 10/8 @ 3:31 pm
Oh, I believe in a Benevolent God. I just also believe that He has a sick sense of humor.
I prefer to think of it as a finely honed sense of irony along with the knowledge that everything we do is somehow absurd.
He’s not laughing WITH us. He’s laughing AT us.
I can’t say I blame him.
You guys are going all Depeche Mode on us.
I mean, I don’t want to start any blasphemous rumours.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, people! Can we not leave the question of Who Is A True Christian to Judgment Day, and let The Man Himself sort it out?
A few years back I was a part of a homeschooling group, and one of the members was Mormon. another was of some evangelical doctrine (don’t remember which one) . The husband of the one didn’t like his wife hanging out with the Mormon mom, because she wasn’t a Christian. I was all :@ until I was informed that he didn’t like her hanging with me either, because I was also a non-Christian as a Catholic.
This looks like a good place to throw out a weird thought I had the other day: isn’t atheism just as faith-based as religion? You can’t absolutely prove there isn’t a God/Supreme Being/Advanced Conciousness any more than you can prove their is, can you?
I’ve been arguing that with atheists for years. I’m agnostic. Because I’m logical. Just the way God wired us. Or, if not him, nobody.
Hard to say, really.
The Angel of God told me, and not any of you unworthies, that God doesn’t quite get why anyone would argue about which team jersey He wears.
Oh, was I too aggressive in pointing out how wrong you were? I didn’t know I was supposed to use Nerf Bats. My bad.
I just find the use of Gnostic Gospels as a cudgel with which to beat the Early Church by people who don’t know much about Gnosticism or Early Christianity rather off-putting.
I’m the asshole.
““I’m the asshole.
– Well, nobodies perfect, but that’s being a little harsh on yourself.
– Aside from that, anyone who’s ignorant of even the correct sect that Jesus belonged to might want to refrain from pretending expertise in the subject, but you certainly have the right to keep making stupid statements. Your call.
Good advice. You should take it.
Or, you know, make an argument supported by something other than
stupid statementsassertion.That reference escapes me.
But this seems correct enough.
I was thinking more along these lines, serr8d.
I just got off the phone with God. He wants me to stop being a smarmy little know-it-all.
So lemme try a new tack.
Jesus wasn’t an Essene in any meaningful sense. There are elements of Essene thought in his teachings, but Essenes were rather monastic in their approach to life, and Jesus was not. This is one of the reasons why I find the Gnostic hijacking of Him so ridiculous. Gnosticism is esoteric; salvation comes to those who penetrate the deep secret; reality is itself a conspiracy. That was never Jesus’ approach. What he had to say, he said, to the confoundment of others.
When I see anything that smacks of Dan Brownery, I tend to start punching. Because that book sucked on historical, theological, and literary levels. Especially I don’t respect the premise underpinning it: that the Church ignored the Gospel of Mary Magdalene’s ahistoricity and Gnosticism, but rejected it from the canon because it had three kind words to say for the woman that Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John all say was the first one to know of the Resurrection.
To me, this isn’t about being Catholic, Orthodox, Protestant, Mormon, etc. This is the essence of the faith. If Jesus was nothing more than a guy with some ideas, then he was not all that important and possibly out of his mind. In which case, as Paul puts it, “if Christ has not been raised, all your faith is in vain.” (1 Cor 15-17)