9 more articulate ways John Kerry might have said, “I actually did vote for the $87 billion, before I voted against it”
- “I actually did vote for the $87 billion, before I recognized that to have any chance at winning the Democratic nomination I was going to have to appeal to the anti-war crowd that was threatening to throw its weight behind Howard Dean. The truncated mini-tyrant.
- “As a rule, I’m really quite indecisive. Sometimes. Vietnam.”
- “Instead of concentrating on what I say, try concentrating instead on my presidential hair and voice.”
- “Who wants a chili dog? With onions. My treat.”
- “Oh, c’mon. Everybody knows a single vote doesn’t make a damn bit of difference, anyway.”
- “The truth is, I was holding out for $87 gazillion! Because unlike Mr. Bush, I really really really support our troops.”
- “Sure I can explain my vote. In fact—wait, look! Isn’t that Barbi Benton?”
- “Two words: hanging chad.”
- “Honestly? I have no idea what I’m talking about.”
****
h/t Wizbang; See also Media Drop, Blogs for Bush, and InTheBullpen.
* “…and by ‘late in the evening,’ I mean of course noonish…”
Tuh-ray-zuh: On #4, what is this “chili dogs” of which you speak?
I see your chili dog is as big as mine. But do you know how to use it?
With apologies to Paul Simon…
The first thing I remember, I lied about the time.
It couldn’t’ve been no more than one or two.
And I remember there’s a radio, coming from the room next door,
Al Franken laughed the way some moonbats do.
Well it’s late in the evening, and my campaign’s in deep doo!
The next thing I remember, I am cruising Vietnam,
I’m feeling alright, I’m with my boys and with my troops, yeah.
Down along the river some guys are shootin’ gooks,
And I heard the sound of Genghis Khan-like groups, yeah.
Shootin’ late in the evening, from the swiftie John F sloop, yeah
Now I pretend to play a firm leader, but was misled to Iraq’s war.
But what the hey, I’m another J F K.
From the DNC’s smoky backrooms, in Boston we all seemed to groove,
So I turned my cant up loud, “Baby what’d I say?â€Â
It was late in the evening, and I blew that room away!
First thing I remember when you came into my life,
I said I wanna get that girl, no matter what I do.
Well I guess I’ve been in love before and once or twice have been on the floor,
But I’ve never loved no one the way that I love you.
And now it’s late in the evening, and Teresa still can’t buy a clue!
“Ah, I remember my first chien de chili like it was yesterday. Wait, it was yesterday. Last night around noon. Viyet Nahm.”
I remember thinking “I feel more like I do now than I did 10 minutes ago”. Then there was this purple haze. And bats. Big fucking bats. Say, that sure was good kool-ade. How about another cup?
What Kerry meant to say was not that he was dead tired at noon, but hungry because he had skipped lunch and when he skips lunch his concentration is terrible and then he turns orange.
Strange but true.
Las’ time I had myself of of em inarticulate moments my ass wound up inna back seat uv a POlice car! Wonder if’n Kerry had as much squeezin’s as I did?
“Ignore what I just said. I’m drunk right now. Really, really drunk. But nuanced drunk like Winston Churchill. So if I’m drunk, you’re ugly but I’ll be watchamacallit in the morning. Lying next to Teresa? No, that can’t be it, thats why I’m drunk now. Anyway, in the morning I’ll be something good, possibly still drunk, but you’re ugly. So there.”
I have a joke, but I just don’t feel right making fun of people of color. (orange)