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If April showers bring May flowers, what do ongoing Special Forces operations bring…?

Oh yeah?  Well then I question the timing of those who question the timing.

…Funny how a certain breed of Democrat can spend days excoriating Zell Miller for his histrionic indictment of partisan powerlust at the expense of national security—only to turn right around and greet rumors of an impending Usama bin Laden capture as some kind of electoral tragedy borne of carefully crafted GOP machinations. 

I mean, I thought these people wanted UBL caught?  In fact, to listen to Kerry and Edwards and the parade of Donk flacks they’ve surrounded themselves with tell it, the War on Terror can’t be won—indeed, the war is scarcely being fought—unless and until UBL is captured or killed.  I should think this rumor would have them ecstatic. 

Instead, they seem rather glum and cynical.  Which, why is that, I wonder…?

related:  Meanwhile, in his heroic effort to return the focus of political discourse to “the real issues,” Peanut Butter Ho Ho’s aficionado Oliver Willis has ceased trumpeting the AP’s “Bush crowd booed Clinton’s health troubles” fiction, and is instead peddling the Bush cocaine story, brought to you by Kitty Kelley, who—like a diamond-clad locust—seems to emerge from the dirt every few years to crinkle her veiny wings and sing her locust song to the rave reviews of People Magazine readers (and a gullible clatch of politically retarded partisans).

49 Replies to “If April showers bring May flowers, what do ongoing Special Forces operations bring…?”

  1. Zeb Trout says:

    Wankers, all of them.  Good work outing them.  And I LOVE a good conspiracy theory, I really do.  But this plot simply won’t play because its too stooopid, too unreal and the details don’t make sense.  I wish it were true because of a)Osama would get the smack-down he’s got comin’ and, b)increased entertainment would ensue in contemporary politics…but its not.

  2. BumperStickerist says:

    Jeff’s a class act.

    He didn’t bring up the “I’m not sayin George HW is a pedophile, I’m just sayin’ Kitty Kelly might be sayin’s all” bit on OW’s site.

    Me?  My dearest wish is that Oliver eats a 20ounce bag of Olestra-based chips by mistake, and suffers every side effect listed.

  3. “Politically retarded”? You’re saying they’re not generally retarded as well? You coulda fooled me.

  4. Conservative Warrior says:

    It’s going to blow your mind when the world finds out that Boy Bush is an ass-faggot and that he has Jenna & non-Jenna play Elvis sex games in their underwear for Prince Bandar. Doesn’t it really suck that we’ll never do anything about Saudi Arabia under Bush because W and daddy Bush are Bandar’s little white bitches that must do his bidding

    grin

  5. Jeff Goldstein says:

    …Whereas John Kerry would certainly give the Saudis a good, stern, talking to, then threaten to cripple their economy by promoting a 70 trillion dollar government-funded alternative energy initiative that would have the wheels of industry running on a fuel made from peanut shells, corn husks, and Diet Vanilla Coke by 2097—2157 at the very latest.

  6. You know, if we win the war on terror but George Bush gets re-elected, the terrorists have won.

    Err, umm, waitaminute…

  7. Conservative Warrior says:

    Good point Jeffey babe, letting Saudi Crown Princes have sex with your teenage daughters is probably a good way to help keep global oil prices down.  tongue wink

  8. Cartoonlink says:

    From Doc Mitchell.

    Try this link!

  9. Cartoonlink says:

    I mean this link…sorry!

  10. ss says:

    Oliver Willis? Sorry. Never heard of him.

  11. BeckyJ says:

    Yep, wankers.  The overwhelming desire to spin absolutely everything into a political conspiracy directed at Democrats is amazing!  I saw John Fund on CSPAN the other night and he made a very cogent comment that government is not venal, it’s inept.  I keep thinking that the Dems must be viewing Administration actions through their own lens of venality…”well, that’s what we would do, so that must be what they’re doing!”

    Note to self: do not EVER get on Jeff Goldstein’s bad side!

  12. allyk says:

    Conservative Warrior-

    What are you talking about?

  13. Conservative Warrior says:

    allyk – I’m just passing along some unsubstantiated rumors about the Bush clan, please do not get your panties in a wad like some kind of Frenchy liberal.

    If these rumors are false I’ll send the Bush clan and the Prince a nice letter of apology, really cheese

  14. Spud says:

    “Conservative Warrior” must be Moby. Has that same fruity retardation showing.

  15. Spud says:

    [Jeff says:  comment edited, because everyone already knows that this is my site.  What I’m wondering is, why on earth did Spud look up and post my WHOIS info when it was “Conservative Warrior’s” info he was interested in?]

  16. Mike says:

    A Moby!  Avast, mateys, ready the harpoons.

  17. Pale Infidel says:

    No doubt they’re feeling glum because we’re not trying to capture Ossama in a sensitive enough way. I mean, after all, we gotta protect his human rights don’t we?

    God, it was painful to even say that sarcastically.

  18. Willis is actually Brock’s secret plan to make Brock look like a real journalist by comparison.

  19. El Jefe says:

    Locust?  Funny, thought she was a cicada…

  20. Conservative Warrior says:

    Spud – what the John ‘go Cheney’ Kerry was that?

    angry

  21. Michael says:

    As a matter of fact, I’m a regular wanker, not that it’s any of your fuckin’ business. And it’s off-topic besides.

    Point me, please, to that place where I said I didn’t want Osama bin Laden captured. For that man, I’d make a principled exception to my principled objection to capital punishment, and I’d pay good money to witness his public execution.

    That said, however, I object–and strenuously–when the not-so-formerly fucked-up crew of morons who have been running this great nation into the ground for the last three and a half years try to turn the capture of the world’s most-wanted terrorist into a bit of cheap political theatre. Not to mention the fact that, as I pointed out in the post which you derided, if they don’t have his arse in a sling yet, they’re sure as hell not going to get it by telling the world they’re onto him. And if they really are such a pathetic lot of dribbling, toffee-nosed gits that they’ve managed to lose sight of Public Enemy #1 and hope to flush him out by this puerile press release, well, that says all that needs to be said about their fitness for office.

  22. Matt says:

    Heh, according to Oliver’s minions, the WH press contingent all know that Dubya is still doing lines daily and that Lovely Laura smokes 2-3 packs a day.

    Dammit, when do I get my free vacation to the universe these people live in?

  23. capt joe says:

    No, Mikey.  You are just one of those people who keeps saying that no one is talking about capturing OBL and then when does discuss capture then … oooh, it’s a conspiracy to rig the election.

    You characters are ridiculous.

  24. Jeff Goldstein says:

    That’s the point, Michael:  any capture of UBL by the “not-so-formerly fucked-up crew of morons who have been running this great nation into the ground for the last three and a half years” will be labeled “cheap political theater” by people like you, people whose throbbing, visceral hatred of the Bushies overrides common sense—and even at times calls into question the very laws of physics.

    A quick deconstruction of your comment might look like this:  1) if the Bushies produce bin Laden, they’ve had him all along and are simply using him as a prop to win the election (which is bad, because it’s cheap and tawdry political theater—your distaste for which clearly supercedes bin Laden’s capture, as the tone of your post makes clear).

    Or 2) The Bushies haven’t captured bin Laden, in which case they have “managed to lose sight of Public Enemy #1 and hope to flush him out by this puerile press release,” which says “all that needs to be said about their fitness for office.” Which, I take it, is also bad.

    So.  To summarize your rant:  If the Bushies do indeed capture bin Laden, we should all be very skeptical of the timing—which therefore cheapens the capture.  Or alternately, if the Bushies don’t manage to capture bin Laden before the election, it is because they are “a pathetic lot of dribbling, toffee-nosed gits.”

    Or, to further summarize:  If the Bushies capture bin Laden, they’re super-manipulative Machiavellians who can control the timing of any world event.  If not, they’re mouth-breathing morons who can’t pronounce “nuclear” correctly and have no business even holding scissors, much less the launch keys to the world’s most powerful weapons.

    Further:  If yes, evil and wily. If no, evil and stupid.

  25. moptop says:

    What I will always wonder about posts like that of Michael: “Does he really mean it, or does he think saying it will help his side?”

    Either way, it is pathetic. I don’t see the country run into the ground, sorry, you keep saying it, but I don’t see it. I guess you mean because the French and Germans are mad at us? Or is it the 5.2% unemployment? The deficit? What is it as a percent of GDP? I just don’t see it. Sorry.

  26. Pale Infidel says:

    Gee Michael, it’s good to see that the Lithium is taking care of those bouts of rage you’ve been having…but let’s just parse that last ‘graph, shall we?

    <object–and strenuously–when the not-so-formerly fucked-up crew of morons who have been running this great nation into the ground for the last three and a half years try to turn the capture of the world’s most-wanted terrorist into a bit of cheap political theatre.</blockquote>

    I have no idea what a not-so-formerly fucked-up crew of morons might be. In your opinion Bush and his advisors weren’t always fucked but are now? Then that sort of implies that they can be unfucked as easily. Or maybe not, maybe I’m just a not-so-formerly fucked-up moron myself?

    Cheap political theater? Would that be anything like lobbing cruise missiles at an organization that had declared war and attacked us numerous times? Anything like reporting for duty 30+ years after you besmirched the honor of all your fellow servicemen, the armed forces at large, and indeed the entire US? Or is cheap political theater more like Hollywood stars getting together to compare our president, our commander in chief during wartime, to Whoppi Goldberg’s unshaven and crusty genitalia?

    Perhaps you would prefer that if we capture Opie Bin Lauden we just don’t say anything until after the election? I’m sure a president Kerry would never think to use such a thing to his political advantage…right?

    …if they don’t have his arse in a sling yet, they’re sure as hell not going to get it by telling the world they’re onto him.

    Two responses to that: first, ever hear of rattling someone’s cage? Believe it or not we do have some fairly bright people working on this, and if they think there’s value in making that statement then perhaps there’s value in making that statement. More than that though, did you ever consider that the statement is not for Bin Lauden’s benefit? In a time when people are claiming that we’ve taken our eye off the ball so to speak, do you really have an issue with reminding them that, in face, we have not?

    And if they really are such a pathetic lot of dribbling, toffee-nosed gits that they’ve managed to lose sight of Public Enemy #1 and hope to flush him out by this puerile press release, well, that says all that needs to be said about their fitness for office.

    When did we ever have actual sight of him? Sure, we knew his general location, but knowing that the fish is in the lake doesn’t speed the process of hooking it. Good God man, Ted Kazinski went free for decades! Eric Rudolf was free for a long, long time despite the fact that we knew where he was down to a few hundred square acres. Ossama has a slightly bigger box to run around in, and a few thousand armed and tits-off crazy followers willing to die for him. Cut our government and armed forces some slack, they’re working on it.

    Now, I suggest you take another hit of the Lith, brew up some nice Chamomile tea, and think about puppies. It’ll all be ok.

  27. The Monster says:

    Michael:  Rest assured that if our people are letting on that we’ve got Bin Laden cornered, they’re either admitting to what they’re certain he already knows anyway, engaging in some psychological warfare to spook him into trying to escape (and thus pinpointing his position) or a combination of both.

  28. Michael says:

    Oh, please. And you lot have the gall to call me a wanker? Take Karl Rove’s cock out of your mouths, get up, and take off the kneepads. Laying off the smack wouldn’t hurt, either. Nor would a course in basic logic: then we might be able to have a rational conversation.

    Fact: In September 2001, Dumb-ya promised we would get Osama “dead or alive.”

    Fact: A year or so later, he asserted that he no longer really cared what happened to Osama.

    Fact: In his three State of the Union addresses and his two acceptance speeches at Republican conventions thus far, George W. Bush has mentioned Osama bin Laden a grand total of ZERO times.

    Then, a couple of days after the convention, I start hearing stories about how we might have bin Laden cornered. And I’m not supposed to look at that and think something might be rotten in the state of Denmark? I’d have to be high not to think that!

    Monster–You have no idea how much I’d like to believe you’re right. Unfortunately, I’ve spent the last three and a half years watching the Shrubbery turn absolutely everything it touched into shit. At this point, I have no rational basis for thinking they’re not going to screw this one up, too–and then we’re all in the shit, for however long it takes to get close to finding him and putting him permanently out of commission.

  29. dogman says:

    Yeah, I’m sure that bin Laden will be terrified when he picks up his paper tomorrow morning and reads that they have him surrounded…

  30. reggie says:

    ISLAMABAD (AFP) – Pakistan rejected as pre-election politicking a US official’s weekend claim that Osama bin Laden (news – web sites) was close to being captured.

    Photo

    AFP/HO Photo

    “He can say this but we have no sound information. This is a political statement,” Information Minister Sheikh Rashid told AFP.

    The US State Department official in charge of counter-terrorism affairs, Joseph Cofer Black, told local Geo television on Saturday that the forces pursuing the Al-Qaeda chief had got closer to him in the past two months.

    “If he has a watch, he should be looking at it because the clock is ticking. He will be caught,” Black, who headed a US delegation to Islamabad for bilateral anti-terrorism talks, said in the television interview.

    “What I tell people, I would be surprised but not necessarily shocked if we wake up tomorrow and he’s been caught along with all his lieutenants. That can happen because of the programs and infrastructure in place.”

    Rashid however said no new information had come to light despite a series of high-profile Al-Qaeda arrests which began in mid-July.

    “I think there is no confirmed information about him. We have no knowledge. Maybe he (Black) has. We exchange our information but we have no new information,” the minister said.

    “There has been no change (in the information) since then.”

    Bin Laden is believed to be hiding somewhere along the mountainous 2,450 kilometer (1,500 mile) frontier between Afghanistan and Pakistan, where conservative Pashtun tribes hostile to the United States are sympathetic to Islamic extremists.

  31. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Well, if Pakistanian Information Minister Sheikh Rashid says there’s nothing to Cofer Black’s statement, then that’s that. 

    Hard to see how making a statement that is so quickly and resoundingly refuted by the Pakistanis could be good for the Bushies politically, though…

    Of course, the statement did come from the State Department.  So I for one question the timing.

  32. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Michael —

    I sure do hope that stuff about Rove cocks and kneepads wasn’t directed at me…

    As for the mentions of UBL at the convention, I’ve addressed this elsewhere, but I’ll do it once more for you: what matters are the mentions of Al Qaeda, not the mentions of its nominal leader.  The fight against Al Qaeda is not the fight against one man—which is precisely what you’d be pointing out if we captured bin Laden and then declared the war won.

    Did Bush mention Al Qaeda at the convention?  Consult your statisticians and report back to me, if you wouldn’t mind.  Because I’m pretty sure I remember hearing him mention Al Qaeda in several different formulations (“al Qaeda,” “our enemies,” “the enemy,” “the terrorists,” “they,” “them”…).

    Boy, for a representative of the party of ever-expanding nuance, you sure do take things literally…

  33. Robin Roberts says:

    Uh, yep, Michael.  You are evidently still a wanker.

    As for the Bush administration running this country “into the toilet” … the only toilet around here is your mouth.

  34. Pale Infidel says:

    Poor Michael, it seems your brain melted like a snowball in Cambodia the Mekong Delta.

    Fact: A year or so later, he asserted that he no longer really cared what happened to Osama.

    Fact: your fact is wrong.

    Bush never said that, what he said was that Ossama was not the only or necessarily the most important target, and the fortunes of America would not rise or fall on him alone (or words to that effect). Or are you one of those people who stubbornly refuse to admit that the war is no bigger than one man and his organization, that, like the literal scapegoat of days of yore, all our evils disappear with one man?

    Remember: think about puppies and just breathe

  35. Doc Rampage says:

    Michael, can you explain why it is more suspicious that Bush hasn’t said Osama’s name? I would think that if they had a secret plan to capture Osama just before the election, they would want to keep it front and center, build up his villainous reputation for being evil and sneaky. That makes the capture a bigger story and makes Bush look better.

    If they haven’t mentioned him by name, that implies that they don’t expect to capture him. They don’t want to help create talking points for the opposition.

    I’d say that your logic is being severely influenced by your party affiliation.

  36. MarkJ says:

    “The only toilet around here is your mouth.”

    Amen to that.  I am so weary of people who think that a vulgar sexual reference is a hip, snappy riposte.  Nope.  It’s coarse, grating, and it says a lot about a person.  And strangely enough, it’s almost exclusively liberals that I hear that stuff from.  (Whoopi Goldberg, for example.) Why is that?  Why does a belief in liberalism seem to so often go hand in hand with casual vulgarity?

  37. dario says:

    Wow, I’ve never seen so many recent DU talking points stuffed into a single diatribe!  Well done.

    Forgive me, this is just a minor point but the talking points clearly put smack, as you barely mention in bold and underlined text.  As such I believe you should put much more emphasis on the smack.  Granted, it’s a minor quibble like Shrubbery embracing a state of plurality.  Unless of course you believe Jeb Bush has something to do with turning everything he has touched in to shit.  But I really don’t see what the hell Jeb has to do with UB.

  38. DelphiGuy says:

    Regarding Osama, the real pickle is if he is already dead under a ton of rocks somewhere.

    When was the last time he put out a video? The guy needed dialysis every month, and when you’re on the run from the US army, its not exactly that easy to get it, and even if you can, your days are numbered.

    The point being is how to deal politically with a guy presumed dead but never found? Will all politicians for the next 20 years be talking about capturing a dead guy? Don’t mention him and you’re ignoring him as public enemy number 1.

  39. ed says:

    Hmmm.

    In a way I don’t mind that UBL hasn’t been caught yet.  I figure that he throws a fit everytime a jet flies overhead.  That he distrusts everyone around him and probably doesn’t even trust the food he gets.

    It’ll all happen.

  40. M. Simon says:

    I love the sound of your smears.

    It sounds like victory for Bush. Now my take on all this is that the less the proof the more desperate the smearing party.

    The Dems must be losing big. Fortunately Kerry has time for at least 50 more minor/major campaign revisions before 2Nov.

    Eventually he is bound to get it right and attract at least a few votes. (I do not believe given the rumors that Terezza’s vote is in the bag for him). Kerry need a few bimbo erruptions to get the war off the front page. Clinton is still available for advice and he might even be willing to open a page in his black book.

    Bimbos would be much better than Christmas in Cambodia. Don’t cha think?

  41. Wow!  The Blogfather can really boost traffic.

    If I take the back-and-forth properly, there’s one side that says that news and/or the actuality of UBL’s capture is simple election year posturing.  Then there’s another side which sees news and/or the actuality of UBL’s capture as simply part of the war on terror which just happens to be happening right now.  A corollary of this to-and-fro is that Bush and his team are either evil incarnate, or the saviours of mankind.

    For myself, I tend to think that the capture of UBL would be a great election year boost, that the President might be hoping for it, but that life will go on even if it doesn’t happen.

    In other words, I don’t think that Bush has UBL in captivity, along with Elvis, Sasquatch, and Jacky Onassis, but he’d be happy to have him in the bag before November 2 and is probably devoting some large amount of effort to that end.

    And I don’t have a problem with that.  It’s certainly a better plan then nuking an aspirin factory to distract from a semen stain on a blue dress. 

    It’s just one of those times when national security and politics happen to line up just nicely.

  42. Bill in CO says:

    And though it’s been covered quite well above, it bears mentioning again.  Michael:  “I’ve spent the last three and a half years watching the Shrubbery turn absolutely everything it touched into shit.”

    Really?  Name one thing that’s “turned to shit.” Something that isn’t a lefty fantasy issue.  One concrete thing that we’d all agree Bush personally intervened/manipulated/legislated and is now worse off because of it.  You say “everything”, I just want one example.  Just one.

  43. David Gillies says:

    DelphiGuy raises an interesting point. What if that smart bomb on night one had mashed Saddam into an unrecognisable paté, and the only way to ID him was DNA? How much would you like to bet that the tinfoil-hatters like Michael would still be insisting we hadn’t got him? The great thing is we got Saddam alive and in one piece, and we got eBay and Queasy dead, but in sufficiently large pieces as to be identifiable (of course some of the more unhinged moonbats denied even this).

    Osama’s dead, and has been for a long time. The only way he’s going to be ‘captured’ is in a gel electrophoresis machine.

    P.S. It must be really strange to live in Michael’s world. I’ve often wondered what life would be like if I were a DU-style leftie. I can’t really imagine being that full of bile and shit the whole time without getting a truly monstrous ulcer. The cognitive dissonance of believing that everything is going tits-up while observing that it isn’t must be awful. I’ve said before that the only psychological release these people must have is doublethink, in the 1984 sense. Or perhaps their brain’s cognition module is saying to itself, “who you gonna believe, me or your lying eyes?”

  44. skipkent says:

    One concrete thing that we’d all agree Bush personally intervened/manipulated/legislated and is now worse off because of it. 

    The Taliban?

  45. capt joe says:

    Funny how lefties like Michael are always the first to pull out the homophobic smears on anyone that disagrees with them.  Hypocrites

  46. Kathleen says:

    Matt, trust me a vacation to their universe wouldn’t be a vacation. It is a world obviously filled with sexual degrading acts mixed in with political diatribe. Also, long on Bush name and family insults, short on substantive disagreements. A 2 week stint there would deprive your brain of necessary sane input. And then you would arrive back like,..well like Michael.

  47. kelly says:

    Damn.

    A guy stays away from the net in general and Goldstein’s place in particular for a few days and I miss the appearance of migrating moonbat leftie passing through. Did anyone bag him and tag him?

    Damn, now he’s gone.

  48. I took a shot Kelly but he didn’t leave much of a blood trail.

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