Michael Dobbs and Howard Kurtz, washingtonpost.com:
The lead expert retained by CBS News to examine disputed memos from President Bush’s former squadron commander in the National Guard said yesterday that he examined only the late officer’s signature and made no attempt to authenticate the documents themselves.
“There’s no way that I, as a document expert, can authenticate them,” Marcel Matley said in a telephone interview from San Francisco. The main reason, he said, is that they are “copies” that are “far removed” from the originals.
I think I just heard one of Dan Rather’s testicles climb up into his abdomen.
Well now the other one will finally have some company.
In the space of 30 seconds, I’ve been subjected to the genitals of both Dan Rather and Oliver Willis.
It’s like Atrios’ most deeply-buried fantasy.
He has testicles?
Who knew?
Dammit, Simberg, you beat me to the punch. Line.
The sound you heard is actually the noise both testicles make as they they try to climb over each other to get up into the abdomen. Visually, it’s like the Three Stooges trying to go through a door at the same time.
What were you saying BlogDog. I was looking at the “scantily clad babe” on the left?
I’m pretty sure that Mr. Matley meant to say that the documents were “far removed” from reality.
Hey, is that a nearly naked girl on the left?
As soon as Ace or Wizbang track down this forger I want to first dibs at him.. I’d like the guy to produce a deed for the Brooklyn Bridge that I can sell to Rather.
I forged the CBS-Bush Memos!
Those documents ARE REAL…
click on my URL to find an online Democrat selectotronic simulater.
No, I forged the CBS-Bush Memos!
So, are those pajamas the blogger-babe has on?
No, I forged the documents. I remember because I was in Cambodia at the time. It was Christmas and we were eating brownies to celebrate our invasion.
No, *I* forged the Killian memos, to destroy Dan Rather for his foolish attempt to usurp my throne!!!
(apologies to Jim Treacher)
No, I am Sparticus
I didn’t forge the Killian documents, but in the fifth grade I forged my mother’s signature on an absentee note.
And my forgery was better.
sear…seared into Dan Rather’s abdomen!
Liars all!
It was Epstein’s mother that forged the document.
Those are big, huge, documents btw.
CBS is expected shortly to issue a denial that there are any scantily-clad babes on this page.
I didn’t forge any documents, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Select last night.
Rather’s testicles haven’t dropped from his abdomen since 1954 when he washed out of Marine Corps bootcamp.
Probably why he went to the left. He can’t identify with anyone with balls.
“I think I just heard one of Dan Rather’s testicles climb up into his abdomen.”
Isn’t it getting rather crowded with a truck in there?
Men in pajamas! Hummph! Hellooo! There are women out here in cyberspace too!! What a chauvinist pig Dan is!!!
Dan rather has testicles? Whoa!
I had testicles before I didn’t have them.
The other one is currently living in a tenement outside Tijuana under the assumed name “Pedro Sanchez”.
It can also distinguish between Microsoft Word and typewriter.
The difference between Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather is Walter got away with it.
I got a feeling Dan is going to get a testy call from someone in the CBS front office. So that’ll make up for the missing one.
The memos were written on Microsoft Word AND they date from 1972. The pentagon has finally perfected time travel! That would explain everything, including the White House reaction.
It’s like when they found Data’s head in a San Francisco archaeological site.
http://www.startrek.com/startrek/view/library/episodes/TNG/detail/68560.html
You guys (and gals) are funny as hell. Keep up the good, er, work.
With Dan head in his ass, its getting crowded in that abdominal cavity.
Dan’s head is so far up his rear, his heart has been beating his brains out for years. (which explains his absolute lack of a clue on this latest)
That sickly sweaty look is of course what happens when you get kicked in the balls. Sort of the Oliver Willis look, without the smirk.
You are all completely insane and in need of serious help. I however, am the one who forged the document. I can also attest to the sickly sweaty look that ‘skeej’ mentioned, as I too have been kicked in the balls.
Photographed at Beasley Amusements in Centreville on the Toronto Islands. Jessica is wearing a two-piece suit by Body Glove, available at Bikini Bay Clothing Company.
Speaking of testicles… he is the expert on that subject:
From The New York Post:
The expert chosen by CBS to check Dan Rather’s disputed National Guard documents got his start as a graphologist analyzing “Spirituality in Handwriting” and lacks recognized document training, The Post has learned.
Analyst Marcel Matley lists “Spirituality in Handwriting” and “Female/Male Traits in Handwriting” on the Web site for a foundation he serves as librarian. They were privately printed, but another analyst provided portions to The Post.
In “Spirituality in Handwriting,” Matley assesses a woman’s “libidinal energy” based on her handwriting.
Now, we as know, Matley has flipped like a common street hood getting worked over by Sipowicz on NYPD Blue, and is now cooperating with the critics of the report [“1970s-Era Typewriter Vets For Truth?”] , and admitting he couldn’t authenticate the memo from a photocopy.
However, finding out that CBS originally thought this guy was going to save them and end the controversy reveals a great deal about what they think of their viewers, and their critics.
What do you suppose the CBS eye has been looking for for all these years? How to get away with it? Or, something more mundane?
Darling Skeej,
What heart?
Dan’s head is definitely up his ass though. Its so far up he can see daylight. (Which makes him think he’s seeing clearly).
“I think I just heard one of Dan Rather’s testicles climb up into his abdomen.”
That would be his right one. He gave up his left nut YEARS ago.
john (j.d.) roberts is probably dancing the bump in his office. dan’s nuts are out the door and the former veejay on mushmusic (canada) is a shoo-in to fill dan’s void. BTW, with Roberts, there’s no there, there and nothing below the hair anyway. should fit in perfectly.
Citations? Have I got
citations.
Now someone in position
has to ascertain who
rewrote Kerry’s Silver
Star citations during
Scty.of the Navy Lehman”s
tenure. He says they’re
a mystery to him and
signed by an autopen with
his signature. Couldn’t be
a member of Kerry’s Senate
staff, could it? Nawww.
Flash news – Al Gore says he invented postcripts, proportional spacing, and kerning in 1965!!!
I forged the memo. Right after I shot the sheriff.
I’m betting this all ends with a tearful dan, voice shaking, shocked and shook over being took.
wait for it, soon the left will be saying that the RNC released those documents to discredit CBS in a bladent attempt to get people watching Fox News..
He is taking a Rather big one for Kerry right now – so there’s obviously no room for his head up there too.
I shot the sheriff, muthafucka. But I did not shoot the deputy.
Good to see the National Lampoon letters page has found a home here. Keep it up.
BTW, I didn’t forge the letters, but I shot a man in Reno once, just to watch him die.
Marley???
You’ve changed!
Duh, if Rather can’t authenticate then they cannot be proven inauthentic. A photocopy of a photocopy is too far removed from the original to make a judgement. Of course, far be it from me to point out all the judging going on around Dan’s scrotum. Awfully obsessed with that, you naughty, repressed, closet-dwellers.