“US mulls changing terror list,” Brisbane Courier-Mail:

The US said today it will consider taking North Korea off its list of terrorist states if it meets conditions to abolish its nuclear weapons programs.

In unveiling a new plan to bring an end to the 20-month impasse, a senior US official dangled the terrorism carrot in front of Pyongyang.

Under the proposal, aid would flow immediately after a commitment by North Korea to dismantle its plutonium and uranium-based weapons programs.

Nations other than the United States would be given the go-ahead to start sending heavy fuel oil while Washington would offer a “provisional” guarantee not to invade the country, he said.

The US would also begin direct talks about lifting an array of American economic sanctions, and knocking North Korea off its list of terrorist states.

Reacting to the proposal from his “room where I wear red socks room” room, Dear Leader expressed delight with the news that avenues of diplomacy between North Korea and the US may be opening up, noting that “if there were a God, and he were a penguin, God would be black and white, like a chess board — or Charlie Chaplin, in those very humorous movies, where white people fall down more often than they might otherwise.”

Pressed on whether or not he would consider abolishing his country’s nuclear weapons program, however, Dear Leader turned coy: “Penguins, should one slaughter the animal and consume the contents of its stomach with the juice of many kiwi fruits, can teach you a thousand things about fission, fusion, rods, and the big boom boom. So tell me, do my socks not look red to you?”

“Sure, Mr. Il’s response is kinda out there,” an unnamed State Department source was quoted as saying upon hearing of Dear Leader’s penguin pronouncement, “but then, penguins are, y’know, a mystical, swimmy kind of creature bird. Beyond that, however, we’re not prepared to comment at this time.”