Deadbeat neighbor: “Be careful pulling out of your garage, okay? Somebody broke a bottle in the driveway last night. I think I got most of the glass up with a broom, but I’m not sure. I was pretty drunk.”

Me: “‘Somebody’ broke a bottle…?”

Deadbeat neighbor: “Yeah. I think it might have been me, if you want the truth.”

Me: “I do. Which reminds me: John Kerry is an asshole.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “Uh huh… Wait, who‘s this now…?”