“Authorities say Miami Dolphins linebacker Derrick Rodgers kicked and punched his wife and hit a man with a metal chair at a Miami Beach restaurant.

“Rodgers is [c]harged with aggravated battery and other crimes after yesterday’s arrest. He’s still in jail, pending a bond hearing today,” the AP reports.

Miami Beach police say Rodgers was arrested yesterday afternoon. Witnesses say they identified the 6-foot-1, 235-pound Rodgers as the man who had been fighting with his wife Kareff.

The man hit with the chair suffered a cut. Dolphins coach Dave Wannstedt released a statement saying the team will presume Rodgers’ innocence until proven otherwise.

Translation: “Like, maybe the chair was, y’know, sitting over a transdimensional vortex suddenly occupied by very angry Poltergeist or something…

“What? Don’t look at me like that, it could happen…”