…from the “How You Choose To Encapsulate Your Penis Speaks Volumes About You” Department…

“The rock band Kiss is getting into the safe sex business, with a line of condoms featuring their trademark painted faces on the package,” the Sydney Morning Herald reports.

“The first in the series of Kiss Kondoms are billed as ‘Rock ‘N’ Rubbers’ and are made of bright red latex.”

They’re labelled ‘Tongue Lubricated’, and the foil wrapper features bass player Gene Simmons in his trademark black and white makeup, with his famous tongue fully extended.

Simmons swears he has not personally lubricated the condoms, but promises deserving young ladies a personal demonstration.

The rock star who claims to have slept with more than 4,600 women, including romances with Cher and former Supremes diva Diana Ross, says sex without condoms is stupid, and he wants to provide an alternative to the clinical-looking ones commonly sold.

Gene Simmons says sex is always embarrassing and he thinks a Kiss condom will lighten up the situation.

Well, sure it will:

(Her): “Why, what’s that on your man meat, honey? Is it a replica of the tongue of ertswhile Glam Rocker-turned-Zionist spokesmen-and-business tycoon, Gene Simmons? Why, how absolutely droll! And right there on your Love Gun, too.”

(Him): “Uh huh. Ooh. Sex. Uhn. Uhn. Sex.”

The box of three will sell for $US4.95 ($A8.82)

Whatever. And in related news — pulling out is still free…