oatmeal: “That little leprechaun on the box of Lucky Charms? Take off that prosthetic makeup and his Mick suit and all you have left is Barry, the midget from Red Hook, whose sole ‘magical’ power is that he can eat an entire jar of Claussen pickles in a single sitting, then fart the whole of ‘Danny Boy’.”
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Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
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Lucky Charms are how I know God doesn’t hate me.
That’s all well and good, but you forgot the Dijon mustard.
Because somebody has to say it: RACIST!1!!!1
How much of “oatmeal” is this talking? All of it?
That’s freaky.
I like oatmeal.
red velvet cupcakes too but red velvet cupcakes don’t have a much-beloved spokescharacter probably cause they really sort of sell themselves don’t they what with their red velvety tastyness and all
Is the outmeal “steelcut?”
And why is that supposed to be so important that you see it thusly described on brunch menus? To justify paying $12?
Oops, it appears I’ve answered my own question.
Carry on, little leprechaun.
Does picking the marshmallows out of Lucky Charms and leaving the oats and grain qualify as affirmative snacktion?
ohnoes
FAIL
Steel cut sounds so much better than pinhead. And I’m not sure if my oatmeal is outmeal; I don’t ask, and it don’t tell.
Should have sent them here ‘feets.
Whereas the Quaker dude on my front is a dead ringer for Dr. Sid, the founder of Life Chiropractic University.
that was that site that got me so intrigued that one time
What I’ve always wondered is why Lucky Charms doesn’t include pink triangles among the shapes.
The pipes, the pipes are calling….
I know a way to make whiskey flavored Lucky Charms … if anyone is interested. I also know a way to make whiskey flavored oatmeal, if you’re worried about being caught up in that Gonzo/Cheerio thingy.
Malt the little fuckers, give them a taste of life, then toast them in the oven and turn them into something useful like beer.
Disturbingly that is what the Democrats do with people.
Yet he’s made it all the way to a heartbeat away.
Why, it’s the little troll from your cereal bowl!
Hi, Joe.
Are the charms in Lucky Charms distributed along these lines. Good news.
guinsPen, that little troll is your dick. You are creeping me out by calling it Joe. Stop abusing yourself.
Steelcut? Is that a Jewish slur?
Exactly, Joe.
Oh, and I think you meant Chuck Graham, Mr. Vice-President.
Yeah sure, but let that instant oatmeal steep for only two minutes instead of three before you gobble it down and you could fart the Star Spangled Banner complete with all the high notes, and a little vibrato.
Except that would be evil and wrong.
“Ah! Oatmeal!
Do we boil it? No no no no
Do we steam it? No no no no
Do we smoke it? Yea yea yea yea!”
/sorry couldna resist
Eat me.
Manly yes!! But I like it tooooo!
Oh, that’s Irish Spring, not Lucky Charms. My bad.
Aunt Jemimah and Uncle Ben are AA hires, just like Obama. At least they know their way around the kitchen.
Whiskey flavored oatmeal? Sounds like beer flavored barley.
Either way sign me up.
Hold up, Cracker! That bitch can cook like a muhfuuger.
Remember back in Opie Obama’s drugs days?? He used to sing….The pipe the pipe is calling!!
Aunt Jememiah and Uncle Ben were bred by the Massa to create excellent CHEFS. Their son was Hop Sing and their daughter was Betty Crocker.
oatmeal; Fuckin’ Cream ‘O’ Wheat better watch his ass.
John Barleycorn Must Die.
Dem niggas don’t look a gotdamn thing like me.
If I remember right, unlike Betty, Jemima, and most of the others, Uncle Ben was a real-life chef.
Hop Sing was a Mullato. Betty Crocker was adopted. They were fine Americans.
Mea culpa. It was the Cream of Wheat guy who was a real chef.
Uncle Ben’s provenance appears to be sketchy.
Uncle Ben was actually Ben Vereen. He could dance, he could sing, and he could whip up a rice side dish with the greatest of ease!!
I believe Mr Clean was photo shopped into Uncle Ben. Or so the story goes.
Ah, but did he convert the rice before or after his reincarnation. And how come he turned out black? Brain transplant into a black donor body?
Also, did he convert the rice to Orthodox or Reform, and is the conversion recognized in Israel?
That’s what I want to know.
God knows how Aunt Jemima keeps her job what with Al Sharpton always looking for a victim. She works it, flipping those jacks and pouring her sweet song for good Americans. She’s no Zeituni, no sir.
Jamie Foxx may play Ol’ Blue Eyes in the movie.
And Jimmy Cann may play Sammy Davis Jr.
Was their more than one Hop Sing?
Don’t you people know that methane is bad for the planet? Think of the children!
oatmeal is fantastic if you are training for a marathon like I am. They have the best kind of carbs.
downside? About mile seven of a 13-15 mile run, tremendous gastro-intestinal “challenge.”
Greetings:
Midgets don’t usually last long in Red Hook.
Condoleeza Rice is white rice.
Uncle Ben is “wild” rice.
My advice. Stop at mile 6. Take a dump. Take a nap. Problem solved.
Condoleeza Rice is white rice.
Uncle Ben is “wild†rice.
Good points both.
How is it the Frito Bandito was sent packing? No guest worker program back in the day?
And don’t let’s start in on the Morton Salt Girl. Underage, skirt up to her crotch. Where is N.O.W. when you need them.
The Frito Bandito and Speedy Gonzalez both live illegally in SoCal, and they are upset at Prop 8’s failure if “you smell what I’m cooking”.
The pipe the pipe is calling!!
From gleens to gleens and up the…
N.O.W. is serving Tea and Cookies at the OPERATION ABORT YOUR KID FESTIVAL in NATICK MASS. They don’t have time for womens issues anymore, there are too many babies to kill and too little time.
Well, gus.. who needs google when it’s all right here!
good news! the judge ruled in my favor
and now i can come within 100 yards of
st pauli girl..
things are looking up!
St Pauli girl was seen buying VALTREX today. Perez Hilton has the scoop!!!
DISCLAIMER: Valtrex does not prevent sexually transmitted disease, please use SAFER SEX practices with those, whom you are aware are infested, infected or otherwise carrying bad stuff that could harm you penis and/or other optional sex organs.
we should all go in our pantrys…
ooh i said pantry!
i meant joe biden secret squirrel food bunker..
and see how many food products have starey starey
faces.. i bet lot’s/ things be regional too
like when i went to san diego in 81/ they didn’t have dunkin’ donuts….
but boston didn’t have mexican food so…mmmm
anyway/ funny bones/ no one in cali ever heard of them…
shit’s all global now/ china wise
Don’t go dissing, DISCO SHERIFF JOE BIDEN.
When he ran his CLOWN MOUTH about the BUNKER BELOW THE NAVAL OBSERVATORY AND HOME OF THE VICE PRESIDENT, and when he made derisive mention of that being the BUNKER that VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY occupying after the WORST ATTACK ON OUR COUNTRY IN HISTORY!!!!!
He was either a)Kidding or b)referring to a bed room.
people in the know
say lincolns bedroom won’t blow
if u pay the ho’
Faith ‘n begora, but his version of Danny Boy is sure to bring tears to your eyes!
oh, hf, did you see my latest batch o’ red velvet cupcakes?
Though I can suppose they tasted just fine, those things are nothing but creepy looking maggie. Good job.
oh yes, they were quite a hit, Sdferr. We’ll probably try the fingers again for Halloween.
Maggie, good stuff. I don’t think I could eat the faux fingernail though. Not sure why but that freaks me out.
NOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOO MISSAH CAHTWHITE!!!!!! NO LYNCH HOP SING!!!!
Soilent Green is people, just so we’re clear.
it’s not easy
being green
Mrs. Butterworth was a real oppressive bitch insisting that she be poured over dem flapjacks!
My oatmeal started talkin.
I shot that mufucker.
The dog was impressed.
orville redenbacker did not
molest me…
but my second step- mama said sue…
so now we in a double=wide
oatmeal is fantastic if you are training for a marathon like I am.
mcgruder, you’re a class act. If you’re an experienced marathon runner, then ignore the advice I offer. If you’re like me and you’re just running one marathon to say you did it, by all means lubricate your nipples. I learned that early in my training. And when I ran the marathon, I saw a guy in white turtleneck with two blood-streaks originating at his teats and flowing toward his much-too-short-shorts. It was like a mix of “Anchorman” and “Passion of the Christ”. Either way, good luck.
Time to work on sphincter strength!
Fuck the spurtle; I want to know more about Miss Scotland.
I’m afraid there may actually be useful things I don’t want to learn from others.
Midget? Why not just add the clowns and ventrioloquist dummies and go whole hog on your obvious goal of making me not be able to sleep?
I have nothing to add. Jut wanted to quote that.
by all means lubricate your nipples
Where else on the internet could one have this phrase come up in normal conversation?
This sort of leaves me wondering, in an idle way, whether there’s any product for runners like “nipple lube”. Musicians have specialized lube, after all.
That’s only for musicians with lips. The lipless variety must look elsewhere.
Maybe Bag Balm?
“#
Comment by TaiChiWawa on 5/18 @ 10:03 pm #
Faith ‘n begora, but his version of Danny Boy is sure to bring tears to your eyes!”
I thought it was the onions.
Chest goggles [ 0-0 ], 2″ circumference plastic rings (cylinders, standing 3/4″ tall) positionable on an adjustable elastic strap, designed to be placed around the nipple area, keeping a “standoff” distance between the nipple and any clothing worn over it. Antishreads, they’re called.
We called “pasties” when I was young…With tassels!
Do you get time shaved off your run if you get through the race with the tassels spinning the same way the whole time?
T’would be just if such points were awarded Rob and more just still if double bonus points were awarded for consistent counter-rotation, don’t you think?
Counter-rotation — for the entire race — should automatically put you ahead of everyone else.
“them,” dammit! “We caled THEM pasties…” Where the FUCK is my edit key?