Some folks like to wrap holiday gifts using pages from the Sunday funnies. Me, I’m more a “thousands of jobs lost in December as economy collapses” / “town’s Christmas tree felled by lightning killing 9 orphans”-type guy.
— You know, lend some emotional balance to the season and problematize that rampantly artificial good cheer with a healthy dose of thoughtfully juxtaposed irony.
Happy holidays, everyone. Try not to cut off a finger slicing that overpriced glazed ham. But if you fuck up, just go with it.
Live the gravitas, baby!
He ain’t heavy, he’s my blogger.
I’ll wish you a Merry Christmas anyways. And a Happy New Year to boot, from the Winter Wonderland of Michigan.
assclown electrocutes self using non-UL approved Christmas ornament as anal autoerotic stimulant.
It’s alive!
Hi boss! How many inches of
global warmingclimate change in your area?Happy Hanukah!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Jeff! May all of your Catch Wrestling bruises develop into a rainbow of bruisey colors such that little children will faint dead away when you remove your shirt.
Or, if you prefer, have a very satisfactory RamaHanaKwanzMas!
Happy Holidays Jeff, to you and yours. Recharge, my brother. Recharge.
To use my favorite Christmas phrase, “Bah effing humbug.”
I knew I liked Jeff for a reason.
Darleen,
Not much snow (less than an inch in most places) with a dusting expected tonight. But, thank god for the global warming keeping us free from sub-zero temperatures.
Oh, wait…
Happy Holidays to Jeff and all the guest bloggers and commenters here at PW, unless of course, you don’t truck with that sort of thing, in which case, lighten up, Francis.
Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!
In preparation for Christmas, I’m busy isolating myself from the rest of the World so’s I can truely know what it’s like to be a Progressive. But the rest of you, go have the best Christmas ever! – you damn dirty Neocon Redumblicans you…
You can take your Christmas and %$&# it in a #$%#$ of $%#!@$ whilst $%^*&# it with ^!@$%@! And then you can stuff it in a sock!
Well, yes, that is traditional.
Regards,
Ric
Jim, you should write the Hallmark Gov. Blagojavich Christmas Card Series™.
Happy and Merry and all of that back at you, Jeff.
What brought up the subject of a sliced finger? And ham?
ISLAMICIST!
Live the gravytas? What I wanna know is can we make latkes now? Oh, and applesauce or sourcream?
I hope that’s just “glaze” on that ham…
MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm, HAM!
And pie. Lots of pie.
“I hope that’s just “glaze†on that ham…”
Dude, I will never eat ham again after that . . . .
A blanket with sleeves is what this world needs for Christmas.
Best wishes to all
“Look, Daddy! Teacher says, ‘Every time a bell rings, a really cute puppy dies.”
Life is just like that. Roll with it, baby.
May I suggest one of these.
http://www.honeybaked.com/
Joan of Arrgghh. Oh, you mean “Treacher”.
Still have to buy the tenderloin and all that crystallized farking ginger I ate.
Sunny and 40 degrees in Atlanta. Early Merry Christmas, all.
Hmmmmmmm…Gives a whole new meaning to finger food…
Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Splendid solstice; whatever appelation you’re celebrating, enjoy!
Try not to lay too much irony on the in-laws; some folks simply wish to bask in the warm fuzzies of the season…
Here’s hopin’ that the fruits of your film career come to more than bumbs, bruises, twisted tendons, stretched ligaments, and some ego inflating pix; namely, cash!
ALl the best to you and yours; and to all the PW crowd too…
@Sarah.
:o)
Can I take the opportunity to say Fröhliche Weihnachten to all you PWers?
Best wishes from across the pond,
Born to roam where happiness grows on trees, Merry Christmas, Swan!
Hope everyone is spending the year end celebrating whichever holiday they do in a way that’s meaningful to them.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to finish the Christmas lasagna, the Christmas lemon pie, the Buckeye candy, and the scalloped pineapple.
This seems appropriate.
The reason for the season.
noël
I came here for the gravitas, but I stayed for the OUTLAWNESS of it all!
Happy Holidays to Jeff and the rest of you freaks.
A blanket with sleeves is what this world needs for Christmas.
My 94-year-old gramma is getting one from me, so can the snark, eh? :D
We’ve got about 4-6 inches of climate change in the valleys, and it’s piling up too fast in the mountains to measure it.
Ski Utah!
Non-compensated celebrity endorsement
If we’re celebrating an OUTLAW Merry Christmas, does that mean we have to wear leather chaps?
It doesn’t have to be chaps, but you need to be wearing something made of leather.
You know who has gravitas? Ass clown, that’s who. What with his Churchillian rhetorical turn and surprisingly important job and all.
Mascarpone gives better gravitas though, I think.
Remember, Jeff, Hannibal Lecter collected church collapse stories, so I guess you’re in good company.
Anyway, Happy Hanukah!
…and for comic relief, we can always wish for thor to fall down an open manhole and die.
Loosing focus OUTLAW. You should be taking a jaded view towards HOLIDAY. That’s OUTLAW sh*t.
Try not to cut off a finger slicing that overpriced glazed ham.
I worked for several seasons at “HoneyBaked Hams” on winter breaks. Part of the job was running the hamhocks through a circular spiral slicer. Next came sprinkling powdered sugar and crystalized honey and spices on the ham and then blasting the ham with a blowtorch. 14 hour days during Christmas season. Woo hoo!
From the deepest, darkest recesses of the Bear Cave (at least it’s warm back here)….
May y’all all have a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, or whatever floats yer boat…
So sayeth The Cave Bear…
My 94-year-old gramma is getting one from me, so can the snark, eh? :D
Actually, next year, I’m planning an all-TV christmas. TV Ears and Wonder Hangers for everyone! God bless us. Everyone! What’d you day? Turn up your Lee Majors Bionic Hearing Aid Grandpa.
Oh hey, it’s slated to be 78 degrees here on Christmas Day.
Christmas by the pool. Life is good.
Don’t be hatin’.
I’m green with envy Joan…Where are you, Florida or SoCal?
Good to see, er, read? you Jeff.
Floriduh Cracker, Bob. I would die of hypothermia anywhere north of Virginia. Well, this season, anywhere north of Jawja.
Hey you PW slackers, go visit Andi Sullivan and vote for the Velciman!
Joan,
As a former Carolinian, now in NYC via DC I can assure you that your assumption is correct…
It’s around 20 deegrees, static temperature here; and the wind chill? As they say in Brooklyn, Fuhgeddabowdit…
Best WIshes
Happy Merry Everyone!
(My best Tom Waits voice)
Oh ya better not lie
ya better not steal
ya better not pimp
ya better not deal
Cause Santa Clause is commin to town
Yeah. santa Clause is commin ta town
He knows if you been huffin’
He knows when ya done coke
He knows where ya hid yer stash
He knows when ya gone broke
So put the good rags on yo hos
And polish up yo ride.
put down da glass pipe
an don’t ya dare try ta hide.
Cause Santa Clause is commin to town.
etc
gotta run.
God Bless you all.
Merry Christmas, Jeff.
Good God Almighty, Sullivan has nominated Orson Scott Card for his “Malkin Award”, which he defines thusly:
The Malkin Award – named after blogger, Michelle Malkin – is for shrill, hyperbolic, divisive and intemperate right-wing rhetoric.
He really is completely fucking deranged if he that is how he sees Card.
#48 Bob Reed
So Cal is going to be (for us) chilly for Christmas — mid 50’s and scattered showers.
I’ve seen snow on hills around here that haven’t seen snow in decades.
Great to see you back, Jeff.
I’m wearing sheepskin slippers at the moment — I guess that counts as leather?
I’ve also got a mug of Irish coffee made with fresh-ground beans, Black Bush, whipped cream, and cinnamon, and I don’t have to do dick until next Tuesday.
It’s a good life if you don’t weaken.
Merry Christmas, every one.
Comment by B Moe on 12/23 @ 5:25 pm #
Good God Almighty, Sullivan has nominated Orson Scott Card for his “Malkin Awardâ€Â, which he defines thusly:
The Malkin Award – named after blogger, Michelle Malkin – is for shrill, hyperbolic, divisive and intemperate right-wing rhetoric.
He really is completely fucking deranged if he that is how he sees Card.
***************
What the hell did Card say to set off Andi? OSC is not a leftie, but neither is he what you’d call a conservative either.
While I now have an overwhelming urge to take a long hot shower to clean up, I drilled through Excitable Andi’s domain and found what it was that has his panties in such a knot over Orson Scott Card:
“Regardless of law, marriage has only one definition, and any government that attempts to change it is my mortal enemy. I will act to destroy that government and bring it down, so it can be replaced with a government that will respect and support marriage, and help me raise my children in a society where they will expect to marry in their turn. Biological imperatives trump laws. American government cannot fight against marriage and hope to endure. If the Constitution is defined in such a way as to destroy the privileged position of marriage, it is that insane Constitution, not marriage, that will die,” – Orson Scott Card, Mormon Times.
Yep, guess that would do it for widdle Andi. Poor pussito…
Cave Bear,
Yup. I didn’t have to wade through Excitable’s droppings, either — Card does not (to put it mildly) accept the modern Left’s assumption that all heterosexual intercourse is abusive at best, and only homosexual relations can possibly be virtuous. That alone would be sufficient without the quoted bit on gay “marriage”.
Regards,
Ric
I’ve gotta wrap some presents tomorrow, but beyond that, I don’t need to do anything until Jan 5th.
Ah, but do you have Black Bush, Rob?
Merry Christmas, Jeff. Do return soon.
SBP,
Don’t you have more respect for a lady than to refer to her as “Black Bush”..?
I know, I know…I denounce myself…
Best Wishes to you and yours, and enjoy that Irish Coffee my friend !
The same to you and yours, Bob.
I think I’m going to stick with just the one tonight. I’m planning to watch The Fellowship of the Ring with the wife later, and I want to stay awake until the end.
Darleen Darlin’,
As they say up here, “You’re killin’ me, ah-reddy!, wit your fiddy freakin’ degrees…”
I’m sorry it’s so unusually, ahem, seasonal in SoCal; global warming to be sure-I blame Boooooosh!…
We used to howl and roll on the floor laughing in years past when my relatives would call us from San Diego and tell us how it was so cool they had to actually wear jackets…When we inquired as to exactly how cool they were talking about, their answer was, “Why it’s only 60 degrees here today…”
Years later, when I did some time at Mirimar and China Lake, I came to realize why they loved SoCal so. Still, they were all astounded when I decided to head back east…
San Diego was my kind of place; San Fran and LA were nice places to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live in either-no offense meant. It was the culture, man!…
So after many turns in the road I’m in NYC, enjoying Brisk! conditions, but admittedly cliche seasonal…
So have a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, or whichever you celebrate; and enjoy the look of the snow in the distance; according to that quack James “AGW” Hansen it’ll be hotter than hell within 4 short years…And I’ll be as buffed, svelte, and handsome as I was at 24!
If you believe that I’ve got a bridge to sell you back here in NYC-NO MONEY DOWN!
Best wishes to you and yours
Happy Merry and all that, blah blah blah.
No really, enjoy.
Merry Christmas, all, and the happiest of new Years.
My 94-year-old gramma is getting one from me, so can the snark, eh? :D
Hmm Dicentra, so are you wearing the “free” one yourself then? :-)
Merry Christmas, One and All!
Nah, Mark H., the free one’s going to Gramma (hehehe)….
“I’ve also got a mug of Irish coffee made with fresh-ground beans, Black Bush, whipped cream, and cinnamon”
I try to avoid jealousy, but I fear I cannot in this case…
What brought up the subject of a sliced finger?
The Prick claimed he’d cut his finger in a blender, leading to an overuse syndrome involving his left shoulder, then sought empathy and suggestions from the rest of us! Wolf, Wolf, ralph, except that the last person I knew of to do this then died. Acidman.
n.b.: Acidman was indeed sick, probably mostly from ETOH, but he’d also make things up. Once he faked olfactory nerve/area hallucinations. I told him to either stop picking his nose or sucking his thumb, or something. Then the symptoms disappeared almost as soon as they started, and he proceeded to die about 6? months later. RIP, Acidman.
dicentra – skiing in Utah is a slice of heaven. I am counting down the days until my annual sojourn to Park City.
Merry Christmas everybody.
Just to clarify the intent of my two posts most immediately above: I really, really adored Acidman, too!
Merry Christmas!
I tried to talk my parents into the OUTLAW wrapping, but they declined. so dad got to spend another hour “at Walmart” by himself.