Early this morning, after a couple cups of coffee and a belt of Old Crow, I pulled on my leather riding gear and — armed with nothing more than a saddle bag full of dried feed and some labor pamphlets I borrowed from the PLP — pushed north along a series of dusty county roads that lead to a cluster of farms in rural Colorado where free range chickens are raised.
And I’m proud to say that by 8:15 this AM, I had (with only a handful of dissenters, all of whom were subsequently pecked to death) completely unionized the chickens.
I figure the negotiations, which I’ve been pegged to handle, will add another $6 – $7 to the price of a Whole Foods roaster, and at least $3 to a dozen free range eggs — which is only fitting, given that the preening, environmentally-conscious fuckers who laud such specialty items are looking to add a couple bucks in taxes to the price of my gasoline, and will likely drive the up the price of beer, too, what with all their grain subsidies.
Developing…
Me, I’m gonna organize the pigs.
They’re what? Oh.
Did the chickens hold a secret ballot..? Or did the largest hens in the yard inform the others of the correct way to vote…
Are we gonna have to make a video sampling the chickens who voted…
Howthechickens organized.com
Aramdillo eggs not good enough for ya anymore?
Don’t forget to wrap one of those chickens up in duct tape and photoshop him into that creepy night-vision snapshot of the local congressman you took by the pool at the last “Meet Your Representative” get together at the Holiday Inn Express. Gotta make sure it’s “Fair” trade, not free trade.
OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH….loook for the Union label….
Nothing so embodies the proud, unbroken spirit of the frontier lifestyle like the noble free-range chicken.
What is the name of the new chicken union?
Save the Texas Prairie Chicken!
Chickens United for Hope and Change!
They’ll be holding out for a game room, nap breaks, and a spa.
Not to mention retiree health care. Do you have any idea how much a month in the burn unit costs?
An outlaw???
ROFLMAO!
Yer about as much an outlaw as, ohhhhhhhh, I don’t know, a five year old with a stick pony, Jeff.
You’re too funny, only unintentionally…
actor212 needs to be sure to put out that ass fire while he’s ROFLMAO.
Drop, tuck and roll …
JeffG: I pulled on my leather riding gear…
I hope this doesn’t mean “assless chaps.”
I’ll take the hen. You take the cock and pullet.
I hate free-range eggs.
Know why?
Becasuse they’re runny!
actor, here’s a quarter.
Go buy a Clueâ„¢.
Mr. O’Brain: BA-DUM CHING!
Will you be here all week? (heh)
Did actor212 question my OUTLAWYNESS three times? Or did the New York off-off-off broadway bit part player simply get so excited from rolling around on the floor, laughing its ass off, that it overused the question mark?
The OUTLAW needs to know. That’s how he gauges his Establishment enemies.
Civilian Chicken Security Force. For the bunnies.
Fear the well-fundedness.
Link to Security Poul”tr”ice
Wrong industry. Other than Washington De Capitol, chicken shit has little value.
Free range catfish are actually easier to unionize. And just as tasty.
C’mon, you know you can only be an outlaw if THE MAN gives you permission.
Aren’t all chaps assless? I mean, if they has an ass, they’d be pants, wouldn’t they?
[…] Protein Wisdom: Citizen outlaw prepares for life under obamist socialism. Chickens unionized before breakfast. […]
>>Aren’t all chaps assless?
Didn’t you bring that up last time we discussed assless chaps? I’m not sure, but the subject does come up frequently around here…
NTTAWWT
I’ve always wondered…what are those chickens ranging on, and is it really free? And furthermore, how far do they range?
These are deep questions that a union organizer should study — for the chicken justice!
Chicken justice is too individuall-y, JBean. . . . .Maybe shoot for flock justice, or perhaps better, roost justice…..
The Super Target people get annoyed with me when I continually ask to be directed to the INorganic produce.
OUTLAW!
I’ve always wondered…what are those chickens ranging on, and is it really free?
Nah, free range chicken is just a chickens what got rights. They aren’t inalienable rights, but apparently Jeff is working on that.