From chapter 27, Still Life with Woodpecker:
“[…] I love the trite mythos of the outlaw. I love the self-conscious romanticism of the outlaw. I love the black wardrobe of the outlaw. I love the fey smile of the outlaw. I love the tequila of the outlaw and the beans of the outlaw. I love the way respectable men sneer and say ‘outlaw.’ I love the way young women palpitate and say ‘outlaw.’ The outlaw boat sails against the flow, and I love it. Outlaws toilet where badgers toilet, and I love it. All outlaws are photogenic, and I love that. ‘When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free’: that’s a graffito seen in Anacortes, and I love that. There are outlaw maps that lead to outlaw treasures, and I love those maps especially. Unwilling to wait for mankind to improve, the outlaw lives as if that day were here, and I love that most of all.
“[…] In my bartender’s pockets I still carry, out of habit, wooden matches. As long as there are matches, there will be fuses. As long as there are fuses, no walls are safe. As long as every wall is threatened, the world can happen. Outlaws are can openers in the supermarket of life.”
Let’s feast.
Tom Robbins is a douche. But a good read, nonetheless.
That’s beautiful as it is necessary. America needs its outlaws because hope has been co-opted I think.
“But when you talk about destruc-shuuunnn
Don’t you know you can count me out . . .”
oh. I was thinking more that
it’s really not that you can’t see
The forest from the trees
You never been out in the woods alone.
So go ahead you can laugh all you want to
I’ve got my philosophy
When you’re a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Furthermore, even when the problem isn’t a nail, you can beat a lot of problems into a nail hole with a little persistence and a damn good hammer.
‘When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free’
Here’s to two years of being outlaws.
Toileting where badgers toilet? Look, I’m all in for this Frontier Party business, and I promise, I am not a high maintenance broad in the least — but I am going to have to insist on decent toilet paper and indoor plumbing.
I have a delicate tushie, you see.
To live outside the law, you must be honest.
I don’t feel very outlaw. I think it’s my new company mug what they gave us.
Well, you say that I’m an outlaw,
You say that I’m a thief.
Here’s a Christmas dinner
For the families on relief.
Yes, as through this world I’ve wandered
I’ve seen lots of funny men;
Some will rob you with a six-gun,
And some with a fountain pen.
And as through your life you travel,
Yes, as through your life you roam,
You won’t never see an outlaw
Drive a family from their home.
-Woody Guthrie
Seconded. In fact, to not insist on this is an insult to our ancestors who went through the trouble in inventing these things.
fountain pen
I can remember dad used to call things fountain pens.
Alright! I’ve already got the leather chaps, the paisley salmon bandana, and the ace of spades stuck in the spokes of my Schwinn. The road calls to THIS outlaw, baby!
VRRRRROOOOOM!
“I don’t feel very outlaw.”
Give it a few months, the Dems haven’t started legislating yet.
Sadly, I fear Talldave may be close to the truth on that.
Puck – No worries. We have indoor plumbing at the compound.
Seth,
Ask Mark Steyn.
Dave:
What, and be accused of a hate crime by association?
as i wander
and roam
i think of that message in a bottle
i cast in the foam
water wings!
“Comment by Puck on 11/7 @ 10:36 am #
I have a delicate tushie, you see.”
Umm, I’ll be in my outlaw bunk.
Too late Seth, you’ve already been found commenting here, incriminating pixels soon to be transliterated into Newspeak thoughtcrimes by the High Court of Fairness.
Sorry for waxing bombastic there.
I have a delicate tushie, you see.
I just thought I would repost that for everyone’s reading pleasure.
yeah, I agree with the first guy, Robbins is pretty much useless. Very talented writer, engaging, a good read. But every novel seems like it lapses into some sort of pining away for ancient fertility cults and the superior virtues of same versus our modern society. He has nothing original to say at all, just the usual boatload of accusations leveled against modern America that only resonate if you lack any sense of perspective or history. Admittedly, he says it with flair, but it’s empty-headed leftwing spitballs nonetheless.
toy’s r us
whats the fuss?
a shiny red plastic hammer
could not beat ur yammer
back into ur barney frank barn
what’s my “watch” at the compound?
3 to 3 fifteen?[am]
the sheriff is near
So…where’s the discussions of the Obama Effect vs. the Bradley? Bradley is no more, but we definitely do have a new effect to study, esp. persons who voted against their stated principles on racial lines.
I am willing to concede upfront that the effect may be muddied by the flaccidity of McCain’s principles.
green grass and high tides
outlaws forever
guitar army
wanting steel horses
dead or alive
oiy
janet reno called
a garbled message…hug ur chilluns
unless they’re tank proof
guitar armies are sooo 70’s
banjo pickin’?
dj spinnin’?
i shot barney fyfe
but not sheriff andy
dreadlock rasta
mayberry ganja
no papers, no cry
This “American literature’s most facepalm-inducing paragraphs” series is off to a banging start.
Reading a Robbins book without redlining it down to a Ferlinghetti poem is a great test of willpower.
“I love the beans of the outlaw” would be nice by itself, eh? Metonymy and shit.
And “shit” would be good. “Where badgers shit” is tight. “Toilet”-as-a-verb makes me want to bomb Massachusetts.
But so many things do.
I did not become an outlaw. It became me. or something.
There are limits to hipster romantifyin’, and I think you can see them here. You don’t need to be honest to be an outlaw, you need to not give a shit. Sometimes not giving a shit helps you to be honest, but they aren’t the same thing.
And that’s where the hip and I cross paths. They equivocate fucking everything, and think they’re stumbling across truth like gold in a California stream. In the end, only the bartenders make any money.
psycho’s comments are always great. I am not always clear what psycho means, but I always enjoy them.
bonanza jellybeaned
another roadside attraction
sissy hankshaw paper mached
my thumbs with
magic mushrooms
“Toiletâ€Â-as-a-verb makes me want to bomb Massachusetts.
You have a lot more self control than I do.
#30 lol
sweeyt!
If youse guys don’t cut it out, I gonna roll with….BON JOVI!!!!!!!
[cue scary music]
weird. I am becoming a libertarian, in other words.
bartenders are the most self-destructuive people in the world; they keep nothing.
YAY! I can just smell the love already!
goobers and raisenets
teh barber floyd’s a cutter!
qouth the biden
stand up floyd
stand up!
my sister Really looks like amy goodman
It’s all the same, only the names have changed…..
@40
Go ahead and join them. That’s how they’re identifying who needs to be rounded up for the re-education camps.
/black helicopter wackiness
Amy Goodman has a brother. I think she wrote a book with him. I looked it up once.
Anacortes is a nice little town with a great view. Fills up with actual Outlaws and those who just like oysters once a year. Good place to catch a ferry to other places with great views.
ch-ch-ch-anges
ground control to major tom…
ziggy stardust
voted no on prop 8
dude looked like a lady
with hermaphroditic
androgenous fall fashion
sound the mervyn’s
death knell
I am going to have to insist on decent toilet paper and indoor plumbing.
I just hope that I have something to shit.
You know who I feel sorry for? The RNY surgeons. They’re the buggy whip makers of the 21st century.
i like amy goodman
she’s got balls!
i like c-span
almost voted nader
[did twice]
like my cup of meat
i’m 48
votes
80-john anderson
84-reagan
88-nader
92-perot
96-nader
00-bush
o4-bush
08-palin
for what it’s worth
–
I’m not in a feeling sorry for place yet. But so far all my friends are ok.
i’m from mass.
just drop the bomb already
like my vote matters
dissapointed [sp] in NH though
gun control
to major tom
4, 3, 2, 1
thor never saw this part coming.
Woody Woodpecker would make a great mascot for Viagra.
Pfizer could probably license the character for next to nothing; they haven’t made one of those cartoons in decades.
Ha-ha-ha-HA-ha!
g’morning thor
i likes u
u own it
bone up!
re-mem-mem
remember
dissent is the highest form of blah blah blah
Thor cannot dissent any more. He’s The Man now. Own it, pussy boy.
I see london
I see france
hairplugs sees
hezbollah kicked in the pants
I’m stocking up at the compound. Ammo, seeds and generators. Big fuel tank.
I want my free gas, bitch.
i think[u’ll agree]
most peeps on this site are way smarter than me but…
i looked up a word in the dictionary
insufferable
and it a picture of Richard Holbrooke next to it!
[i’m not a hater-but…]
Ya’ll saw this right?
Look, they wanna be friends.
it had a picture
Dear 52,
You wanna us to play nice now that you’ve got all the power?
I don’t think so.
Lurv,
the Outlaws
so if we alls be outlaws
what’s the tell?
if i’m holding ur hand on some hillside and singing “kumbiya”
can we look at each others shoes?
cuz if u r wearing sandals
pffft
steel toed boots?
maybe
if u don’t tap on the mens room floor
@61:
I think they’re feeling a little self-conscious about their behavior the last 8 years.
“Oh, NOW we want comity!”
i see trance
mrs. torrance
redrum
REDRUM
we don’t see eye-to-eye
and you lost your feel for me
you say he’s the guy
but we just disagree
i wear panties
i dress goth
i love some country
i write 4 the atlantic
[monthly]
Hopey-changey dudes,
I want my free gas, bitches.
Two years to House vote.
I think they’re feeling a little self-conscious about their behavior the last 8 years.
Actually, I think (and reading around supports this notion) they felt perfectly justified behaving as they did (because, you know, Bush should be tried for war crimes), but “we” certainly have no such justification. So, let’s just all make up and play nice.
unity cries from O!
draws firstblood rahm-bo
no political hack(s)
except for freddie mac
just an aside
barack obama
haiku
5-7-5
a wet-bathrobe greets
the limp microphone does grate
sorry/i’m busy
Chimpy McPretzelchoker! Wow, I never heard that one before. That’s pretty funny, in a partisan kind of way.
Carin, when I say self-conscious, I don’t mean in the sense of embarassed. I mean self-conscious in the sense of “oh, crap…now the shoe’s on the other foot…how can we avoid the inevitable?”
salted pretzels
make me thirsty
for malt liquor
So last night, I said, ‘Blanche, how’s the bird?’
And she said, ‘Well.
The bird was delicious. He tasted just swell.’
But as I fricasseed him. He gave out a yell.
Oy! Willow. Willow. Titwillow!!!’
Barko Marx.
other foot meet shoe
can I haz this kibuki dance
but I got two left feet
so can you take the lead
Dear 48,
We’ve got our own 48 who are planning on not doing shit and still getting checks in the mail. Now remember, this is the UNITED States of America, so those 48 million slackers are your slackers too. So peace, love and friendship from the 4 million who need your help in feeding our lazy loser 48 million.
Sincerely panicked,
52
The Feast . . . it is ruined.
i’m am not a SORE loser!
but–the bedsores…
could u cash my check?
no..serious like….
[burp-fart-burp]
Dear 52
Fuck off.
-48
and where’s my damn free gas?
Dear 52,
Make me a sammich, bitch.
blanche?
is that a vegetable cookie thing?
cuz i prefer to put them in my potato gun
and get on my helly-copter
and shoots the bambi’s
[softens em up-veal like!]
Dear 52: If you promise not to spit in my eye, I’ll promise not to rip your heart out of your chest and devour it in front of you while it’s still beating.
Deal?
Dear 52,
Why don’t you first try APOLOGIZING for your behavior for the last years?
-48
bodily fluids
they are best kept to ones-self
say it!-don’t spray it!
Dear 48,
Have we met?
Love,
52
El Presidento is looking to require 50 hours of community service for all adults.
In schools even. A good dose of indoctrination might just be the way to turn this thing around.
Baracky better get a good dozen people to perform community service what involves tracking my not community serving ass down I think.
Don’t tempt him hf.
But community service people wave at each other, and bypassing cars when their picking up the roadside trash. That’s love that grows.
Someone PLEASE needs to photoshop a few of those.
that should have read “El PresidentO”
So many hours
I walk by the roadside,
Waiting for someone
to throw out some cash,
I wave and smile,
My orange vest still gleaming
poking the wrappers
of thrown fast-food trash
And you, you light up my life
You bring me HOPE,
To carry on
You *HONK* Aaaaahhh…..
Happy, I think refusing to do community service is racist. And selfish. And not patriotic.
Yes, that should cover it.
Baracky should just explain to all those people in Chicago he didn’t pay that they were just doing their community service early.
If I had a more better community I might think about it. This community what I have should serve me I think.
“Chimpy McPretzelchoker”
Howze about Obama McDumboears?
BushyMcLick’nboots
Barack McRibletsaucelips.
Hey now this is fun. Let’s turn it up a notch.
So, if I want to spend my 50 hours reading The Federalist Papers aloud to every child in my community, that’s okey-doke with The Messiah, right?
SarahMcTardtits
Love the outlaws. Now the flip side of Tom Robbins; Bleah! (From “Even Cowgirls Get the Blues.”
So he’s just like a Goron, only more literate and far crankier.
Joe Cleanarticulatemainstreamnegromahoney
Still, life with woodpecker would have its challenges.
RahmMcSlamyall
Skinny O’Boneyass
Barry O’Peaser
Obama Servion McTaximas
Rahm Fingerfood
sorry, McFingerfood
Dear 52;
You spent the last 8 years insulting the President, and everyone who voted for him. You called us stupid, racists, war-mongers, fascists, Nazis. You called where we live Dumbfuckistan, Jesusland, Trailerville, Redneckia. Now we are supposed to smile and thank you for the massive pile of shit you’ve placed on our table for the last 8 years. Fuck you very much…
With loathing;
48
Baracky McHopeyness
O’Fingerfood
BTW: If Baracky has to send a dozen of his volunteers to hunt down happyfeet, I WANT VIDEO!
Since we’re going for nicknames, I’m referring to the president-elect as “The Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers.” See http://images.google.com/images?q=will%20smith%20obama&ie=UTF-8&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&sa=N&tab=wi
Sorry, no HTML-fu.
Dear 48,
Shutter’ya waaaaaaah holes.
Suck’ems,
52
I will disobey civilly I think. oh real mature, thor.
Dear 52,
We’ll treat you the way you treated us the last 8 years.
– 48
“The Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers”
HA! I think that might have some stick to it.
ThorMcMaturitynot
Dear 52,
Enjoy that switchblade in’ya ass.
All Smiles,
52
Dear 48,
Wrong ass, thwack! There.
My Bad,
52
Seth wins something I think.
thor: why are you still here?
You’re at the helm now, son. Get to work on building Utopia. Barky is going to require you to work, remember?
100% of the House and 1/3 of the Senate up for election in two years.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
I want my free gas, bitch.
oh. I mean fine scotch, a wins something I think. Sorry, Seth.
No problem…I was grooving on AFS’s brilliant turn of phrase so much I forgot to attribute.
I feel contrite now.
Because of the Hope.
…and Change!
So do I just forward my mortgage bill to Baracky or what? How’s this supposed to work? All this change has me so confused.
Dear 52…
NOW can we have a three way with Sweden? I promise to respect you in the morning.
-48
I’d go ahead and forward it to the Office of the President-Elect, steph.
Write CHOP! CHOP! on the envelope.
When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.
WOLVERINE!!! (Bang!)
Here’s the thing… I would really like to outlaw with you guys but my wife says “no way” until I get back from the store with her tampons.
BJ – but who’s paying for the damn stamp? The devil is in the details, ya know?
Oh, steph, steph, steph. You sent it “postage due.” No one turns down mail to !O!. You really need to get on board and understand all of the hopey benefits to the new Socialist overlordness.
I don’t think the Post Office will accept mail without postage any more.
However, I do believe they’ll accept mail with “insufficient postage”.
It might be a good way to use up all those 1 and 2 cent stamps you have hanging around from previous rate increases.
Okay, this post has eaten 3 of my comments, so B Moe was on the “Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers” back in August.
Check the Pub archives on August 26 or do a site search.
Yup, afs, BMoe wrote that he wanted to beat Collins to the pun.
As I recall, said Dan was sore wroth.
Comment by Carin on 11/7 @ 1:07 pm #
Dear 52,
Why don’t you first try APOLOGIZING for your behavior for the last years?
-48
Apologize???? Fuck that, we want some reparations.
Rahm-
reammeorangaungatangislandmrpotatoheadoffblockfilibustergrapenuts[catch breath]
bidenslidinglistenenglish/u-friedednationsgibberishbillygoatclopclop[catch breath]
oragamipaperhatpuppetheadmarkymarchwindymills/generalmillscheerioes[milk]
Emanuel
lets give him some rope
ropeadopesoaponaropechangeyhopelet’sleaveittobeaver
if the gloves fit…
Well, reparations and Gas. And my mortgage paid.
And a sammach!
I want pie, bitch!!
I would rather be a desperado than an outlaw, is that cool?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFb1lGMvS3I
How about a bandolero?
Badges? We ain’t got no badges.
“It’s a beautiful thing, to be alone in a bank at night”
— Willie Sutton