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Fundraising / Election homestretch: Don’t even pretend the two events aren’t metaphysically tied together in some way

***new posts will appear below. which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be reading this one.***

Thanks to everyone who has contributed. Saturdays, I realize, are days when many of you are out harvesting the fall wheat, or going door-to-door selling ShamWows, or working on your rock operas, so that explains why the fundraising needle barely even quivered yesterday.

Like a zombie prick, almost. Just kinda stood there — the only movement forward slow and halting. And grotesque.

On Sundays, however, people are watching football and eating chips. And hopefully drinking. Happy times! Which is good. Let your inhibitions down, my friends. Don’t be afraid to be a giver. It doesn’t make you less of a man to open up. And if you’re a woman — well, you’re supposed to be all nurturing and whatnot. So it’s just a matter of doing what comes naturally.

I’m currently at about 92-93% of my goal, with 2 days left to make the final push. Polls are currently running about 2 points in favor of my opponent, who has used the help of a disinterested new media to suppress excitement about my campaign.

Frankly, with the cards so stacked against me, I’m surprised I’ve come this close.

Anyway, the fate of the free world is in your hands. Or at least, it is willing to let you cop a quick feel, to see what kinda skills you got.

Don’t waste that opportunity people. I beseech you. And so does your country.

61 Replies to “Fundraising / Election homestretch: Don’t even pretend the two events aren’t metaphysically tied together in some way”

  1. happyfeet says:

    It’s morning in America and it’s ok if you have carbs for breakfast you just have to make sure you work them off later. I’m not having any though but you go ahead.

  2. Bob Reed says:

    Jeff G, who is your opponent? And, are there any race cards among those that are stacked against you?

  3. Carin says:

    I only had two small English muffins, which aren’t so bad. One egg. Strawberries. ONE piece of bacon. Then I went to church to pray for our country. Bunch of gun toting, bible clingers there, I tell you. The priest spoke up against Prop 2 (here in Michigan) which is a stem cell thing.

  4. Carin says:

    Well, Jeff is Jewish, which is code-word for neocon. You got the memo, right?

  5. happyfeet says:

    I just talked to a Baracky voter type downstairs and the election didn’t even come up and I suffered through all sorts of inane chitchat but nope. I take that as a good sign really.

  6. Pablo says:

    You bitches really ought to pony up so we can get on to funding the boomsticks.

  7. JimK says:

    I wish I could call up all my programming clients and tell them they have to give me money now or I won’t be around to fix their code when they run into bugs. But it just doesn’t work that way in my world. So as soon as that next contract comes through I’ll be sure to send some your way, this month the mortgage and the electric bill come first. That is if the O! doesn’t get elected, in which case there probably won’t be any new contracts.

  8. SarahW says:

    I had pancakes yesterday and then sat around all day. Then after ten I had some of that huge cache of underused candy I mentioned.
    I knew I should have put it out of the house.

  9. SarahW says:

    Usually I have just a plain greek yogurt, maybe some berries on it, and coffee. Pancakes demotivate.

  10. SarahW says:

    I have tombstones to put away. I feel so guilty I’ll just have to sit here awhile.

  11. David says:

    I’m really getting frustrated at the negative add’s. Has anyone ever asked why McCain is protecting the interests of bussinesses above $250.000? Maybe not , but his wife Cindy belongs to that group and I believe it is not because of America…. but because of personal interest that he is against senator Obama,s Proposal to ease taxes on the middle class. Dick Cheney is an Oil mogul making billions because of this current administrations support for Oil production…but McCain is after all through marriage to Cindy the owner or part beneficiary of Anheuser-Busch. The company that provide’s the cheapest drinks in the poor black communities.. example :Huricane – 40 Ounces?????.

    I hope someone if not the entire media should ask…are you gonna help the poor or are you gonna be just as close to being another drag dealler McCain?????.

    David

  12. happyfeet says:

    Axelrod is scraping the bottom of the dirty socialist barrel looks like.

  13. SarahW says:

    Yep. And pretty obviously fake like the glow-in-the-dark cutworms I put in my halloween yard. Creepy and disgusting, still, maybe, but fake.

  14. Bob Reed says:

    David,
    What have you been getting from your “drag dealler” lately…?

    Because, in your comment you certainly are hallucinating!

    The matters of fact are that the Boooooooosh! tax cuts actually provided a greater percentage of relief to thos whose income was below 50,000/year as well as repealing the marriage penalty…

    What lord O! is not telling anyone is that any tax “cuts”, as he referres to his plan to redistribute income, that he deigns to give middle class Americans will be reversed once the Boooooosh! tax cuts are allowed to expire…

    Might happen sooner if Pelosi/Reid decide to rescind them before 2010…

    I know you’re paid to provide troll services through Tuesday, but at least run your talking points through both a spelling and a reality check before posting…

  15. urthshu says:

    I wonder how David feels about being a loser? I might buy him a beer and say sorry, but nope I’m not.

  16. geoffb (JARAIP) says:

    Ah, David, (Axelrod) it’s “Everything I tell you three times is true” so you need to say it again.

    Oh, do you have one of those real purty newsletters I can subscribe to cause you say everything so, so, so so.

  17. urthshu says:

    I’m still waiting for the secret word before I scream real loud, though

  18. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    I’m really looking forward to the Axelrod perp walk video.

  19. urthshu says:

    Hey! Don’t bother with the shotgun

  20. pdbuttons says:

    auntie-social
    works 4 me

  21. Carin says:

    You think David has a newsletter?

    And you think he pays for those extra question marks??????????????????????

  22. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “or going door-to-door selling ShamWows”…

    I have a contract hit out on that Vince guy. ShamWows are ShamShit. Lint EVERYWHERE!

    “Are you following me camera guy?”

    And who the fuck says “cola?”

    Bastard.

  23. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    It hurts my brain to look at David’s comment.

  24. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    Now I’m off to harvest the fall wheat.

    Where’s my damn sickle?

    Oh, there it is.

    Right next to my Meatloaf/Tenacious D rock opera CD.

    Always the last place you look.

  25. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “It hurts my brain to look at David’s comment.”

    I, for one, think it’s great what kids with Astro-Turf Tourette’s Syndrome can do now days. David took out his circle of paper and safety pencil and made that comment all by himself. Sure he did.

    David gets an extra Obama juice box and some government cheese after nap time! Yea David!

  26. Carin says:

    I kinda wish David would come back. I kinda like this line:

    Has anyone ever asked why McCain is protecting the interests of bussinesses above $250.000?

    That has to be one of the stupidest lines I’ve read on the internets. And, that’s saying something.

    David- why shouldn’t we protect the interests of businesses above $250,000??????? (extra question marks for dramatic effect?)

    David – why are you allowed to vote? I’m thinking you’re just too stupid.

  27. Mossberg500 says:

    Hey David, do you think it would have been better for ACORN to entice young blacks to register to vote with 40 oz. Hurricanes instead of cigarettes? I’m sure they’re looking for great minds like yours for future registration drives.

    DOH-bama!!!

  28. Carin says:

    While working out, I was thinking that if O! raises my taxes, we’re gonna have to cut back. Music lesson will prolly be the first to go.

    Why do liberals hate Art? What is my kids music teacher going to do once he loses his students?

    I think we should come up with a term for everyone who loses his job because of Obama’s Hope and Change™.

    Whattya think?

  29. Carin says:

    Lookee there. Lions are snatching defeat out of the mouth of victory.

    Big bad Chicago Bears. Beating the LIONS. Do they feel like “The MAN” now? Please.

  30. Mossberg500 says:

    I say we make a sniglet(Rch Hall) of Chope™, a combination of change and hope!

  31. Mossberg500 says:

    Your job has just been choped!

  32. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “Has anyone ever asked why McCain is protecting the interests of [small] bussinesses above $250.000? ”

    Cuz they employ 35% of working Americans maybe?

    Now I know the kinda crap the driver on the short bus hears everyday. Thanks Davie.

  33. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    David took out his circle of paper and safety pencil and made that comment all by himself. Sure he did.

    Be fair. He did add all the extra question marks.

    David is such a creative young man.

  34. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “I think we should come up with a term for everyone who loses his job because of Obama’s Hope and Changeâ„¢.”

    Redistributed. Ya know, kinda like Trump’s “you’ve been fired!”

    You’ve been Redistributed!

    I say that thinking of a line from the Matrix…”I watched as the [wealth/job creating] dead were liquified and fed intraveinously to the [selfish/shiftless] living”…

    We’re so fucked.

  35. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “David is such a creative young man.”

    To cut and paste like that!? Incredible. I stand in awe. The genius, the bravery. You don’t see that every day. I applaud you, noble David.

    Clearly, he’s an Ivy League man.

    Harumph! Harumph!

  36. SarahW says:

    The period used for a comma in “250.000” indicates David might not be American, as that is a european convention.

  37. Mossberg500 says:

    Yeah, it goes along with another European convention, surrendering!

  38. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “The period used for a comma in “250.000″ indicates David might not be American, as that is a european convention.”

    Well, misery fucking LOVES company.

    Come on Super-Fly Half-Black Commie Jesus, make us just as dead and worthless as Western Europe.

  39. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    I’m starting to think this cocksucker winning will actually start another civil war. We’ll carry the Stars & Stripes.

    Wonder what his flag will look like? Bet it has a big red star on it.

  40. pdbuttons says:

    my- my -my -said the spider to the fly
    ur common/flirty
    politics be dirty

    do u make over 30?[k]

    u just like the way
    i hold the microphone

    sit up
    shut-up
    it’s a stick up

    only later
    sounds to this commentator
    did he say”i’m a chicago machine operator”

    ’twas what he said
    ur dead

  41. pdbuttons says:

    peg the noon
    rinsed out blond
    on my left

  42. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    Will somebody recognize “pdbuttons” poetry and tell him it’s “really good” or whatever so he’ll cut it the fuck out already?

    I mean it’s ok, but it gives me a headache.

    Lookit dude, you’ve compiled like 30 rap songs just around here. Master P & Russell Simmons are waiting for your call.

  43. Rusty says:

    The price of stainless is, like, at rock bottom and the scrap guy isn’t even paying for scrap steel anymore.The Mexican guys who travel the alleys and vacant lots have had to look for other work.So it looks like your gonna have to wait until the silverware sells. Sorry bro.that’s just the way its gonna have to be.

  44. SarahW says:

    I think my half-brother cut me off of his facebook page because posted a zomblog story. I am sad.

  45. SarahW says:

    It makes me forgive Michelle Catalano.

  46. SarahW says:

    because *I* posted…

  47. You know, Ihave always wanted one of those Sham Wow things.

  48. DCLex says:

    Wait, am I too late to join the fundraiser??!1?/ I haz monies! Fifty monies sent via Amazon!

    Mr. Goldstein, I. can. not. live. without. PW. That is all.

    PS Did I even nudge the zombie prick?

  49. Dean says:

    Jeff – I just bought me a nice big bottle of Tanqueray No. 10 (it’s better gin because it’s made with fresh botanicals, or some such bullshit). I figure now was a good time to send you a bottle too, or at least the cash value through PayPal.

  50. TmjUtah says:

    Anyway, the fate of the free world is in your hands. Or at least, it is willing to let you cop a quick feel, to see what kinda skills you got.

    Dress that sumbitch in chainmail, add yerself a few “men in other places asleep in their beds” and at least one hearty “ST. CRISPIN’S DAY!” and you might have something there. It speaks to me, just the same.

  51. happyfeet says:

    Has anyone else been wondering?

    Magnesium burns at 3600 F (2000 C) and at close distance is brighter than the Sun! Paper, on the other hand, burns at a measly 454 F (220 C). Since magnesium burns so very hot, it can actually split water into hydrogen and oxygen.*

    That’s really hot I think.

  52. twolaneflash says:

    Dude, just sent you a bit of loose change to buy the child and the ‘dillo some long underwear for the coming winter. Coal should be hoarded now, imho; bag it and stack it. I hear it’s going to be outlawed unless you raise more money than Obama. Well, my one C-note won’t be buying Michelle’s fruit or paying for Obama-Auntie’s illegal welfare/government job pay/public housing! Kumbaya my ass. I think The Silenced Majority, The Bradley Effectees, and the polling Spiral of Silence, will be voting McCain/Palin by Tuesday’s end. For Obama to win, corruption and/or stupidity of an apocalytic size has to have hit the entire American geography. They came for Joe-the-Plumber for just a couple of questions. When they come for you, Jeff, none of us are safe.

  53. SarahW says:

    I stay away from things that hot.

  54. SarahW says:

    But it’s ok if it is covered by a thin film of oxide. Or a salt.

  55. SarahW says:

    My Dad let me toss a piece of sodium into water once, I have that in common with Oliver Sacks. I wad frightened though and that’s the difference.

  56. psycho... says:

    A friend of mine who’s a crazy person has a collection of my broken bike pedals that he’s waiting to start a backyard magnesium holocaust with.

    I’m going to not be there for it.

  57. Jeff G. says:

    Hey! John B just sent me one of those thingies that shows up in the address bar telling you that you’ve found pw.

    If I can figure out how to get it to work, that’ll be quite trippy.

  58. MAJ (P) John says:

    OK, I am going to toss another few bits into the PW kettle… it would be more, but I need to send some flowers to my wife before I leave for home.

  59. Rusty says:

    One of those mexican scrap dealer dudes traded me some gold fillings for all that stainless. No. I didn’t ask and either did the pawn shop guy. I hate to haggle over the spot price on a weekend, but I got some money. Now I can finnally afford that operation for grandma and some money to send you. Anyway. it was a lot of runnin around for a weekend so you better be entertaining as hell and fucking informative too.
    So, like, make with the insights, Goldstein.

  60. Diana says:

    So, like, make with the insightsincites, Goldstein.

    Fixed that.

  61. baxtrice says:

    Jeff,

    If you get a chance to update the Protein Wisdom store, I would suggest a “BECAUSE OF THE HYPOCRISY” T-Shirt. I would totally wear that. Good luck on the fundraising!

Comments are closed.