Get it all out now, folks. Here’s your chance to hack into me. Tell me how vile, foul, and silly I am. Tell me how poorly I write, how erratic is my “thinking” (look, I even pre-scare quoted it for you!), how genuinely and generally awful I am such that, were there actually a God (god forbid), He’d be angry at Himself for the very idea of man, so much does my unholy stink blacken His nostrils and sour him on the once blessed notion of creation.
Last chance. Because after this, I start deleting those kinds of comments at my whim.
One day only offer. No money down, no credit check.
Jeff, your farts smell like roses and rainbows. ;)
My only complaint is that I get dizzy in the middle of your sentences sometimes. But that’s because I’m a dumbass.
Last chance. Because after this, I start deleting those kinds of comments at my whim.
Promises, promises.
I heard from a friend of a friend of a friend that you smell faintly of elderberries.
Well, you’re aces with this sprite, Jeff.
Even if you’re a Joooo.
Well … Well … sputter … Your sentences are VERY, VERY LONG. TOO MANY WORDS.
Lots of words hurt, ya know, but do you care? NOOOOOOO! It’s like you are indulging yourself, ya know? And it’s cruel to write at an intellectual level that forces me to go back and reread 2 OR 3 TIMES. sob
How was that?
Oh and CHICKENHAWKKEYBOARDISTNUTTER!!!!
You’re not nearly as bad as you think you are.
Wow, I think I just fell totally in love with you. Bastard. Oh, wait this is the “theater of hate” not the “peepshow of love” so umm, let me try some hate: You totally make unicorns weep. You Fiend!
Scott just feels defensive about Baracky for some reason. I think he identifies with him. I know that sounds odd but I think he does. I don’t get it. Socialism will be completely discredited if it becomes Establishment. Scott knows enough history to know that. Maybe he just likes the sport of it?
I’d rather some hint as to whether I ought to make blackbeans or redbeans. I keep waiting for my mouth to say and it’s getting pretty damn tedious, lemme tell you. How about it beaneaters, a hint is all I ask.
Jeff sucks because he never runs a Caturday feature.
And he’s biased away from periods and towards deviant ‘other’ punctuation symbols.
I am an American expat, living in Spain and a European style social democrat and I think your blog is a lot of fun and I read it every day.
I hate that a nautical turn of phrase isn’t enough to make Jeff buy into a meme.
poopy pants
You are a hell of a lot nicer than I. And your writing, if I was even 1% as good it would be an immense improvement.
Sorry, I can only hate those who would enslave my son or granddaughter and those who through their actions enable the slave masters. You don’t fit in there.
And for all you lefty socialists out there. Socialism in all it’s forms is slavery, by the State instead of private individuals , but slavery still.
If you hate Jeff G. then you hate me too. And the feeling is mutual.
Your blog is a vast morass of dispicable rightwing lies. This has been demonstrated to the satsfaction of every intelligent commenter on the internet, by Glenn Greenwald, who has incidentally been cited in Congress, you know.
I BID YOU GOOD DAY, SIR.
I want to take you up on your offer, Jeff, but everytime I start to type, all that wants to come out is a confession about how I want to write like you (and VD Hanson) when I grow up.
I’m sure, in some PoMo way, you can interpret that as a statement of hate. Derrida knows how. Sontag knows how. Chomsky knows how.
This was no boating accident.
Our Lord and Master, Dear Leader Obama the Magnificent will know what to do with reprobate reactionaries like you. You won’t have a pot to piss in, a broadband to ban, a internet to enter, a computer to pute, or nothin once he’s done gettin midieval wid yo ass, jooooooooo boi. Mock my woids, youse days of makin fun of yo bettas is OVA!
I ran over an armadillo in Midland once… just to watch him die.
Subprime?
New research done by yours truly using painstaking and in-depth researchy stuff will show, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that protienwisdom is, in fact, ghost-written by Glenn Reynolds.
The show that never ends.
“If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”
I want to take umbrage at your frequent us of the parenthetical, the way you use commas when a regular person would commit to using a period and starting a new sentence, and your, most likely, semicolon abuse. However, I cannot, since I never have any trouble following the thoughts espoused therein (being possessed of a memory longer than that of a fruit fly), nor do I consider such writing to be, as some of your detractors have stated, “run-on sentence” (which to my mind merely reveals their lack of education in the language), and furthermore, I often do it myself.
So, ummm…. you use big words that are scary. Sort of. Or not.
Two-minutes hate! Fuck the fucking fuckers.
Ummm…. You were late in getting back to me in email. Not that you have a life or anything. But dammit!! I needed you!!! (Although I got an A on that paper without your help. Thanks a lot, buddy.)
You sure are Mr. Crankypants lately, Perf. I must have passed my crankypants on to you.
Hey, fuck CNN too. Jeff, from what my anonymous super-reliable sources tell me you used to work there. Fuck them and there fucking “Palin: Abuse of Power” subheading can’t even do a goddamn decline bench without seeing one of those fuckers bloviating their motherfucking socialism. FUCK.
Ted Koppel I think has box seats in the theater of hate. He sees the racisms and he is concerned. Ohnoes it’s just like Selma all overs Ted says. It must be horrible to see all those years of steady progress just vanish cause of Baracky. If only Baracky had been less socialist maybe people would have been more nicer.
Nah. Tried three times, just can’t do it. You’re teh awesome, Jeff.
I can note, however, that unless Obama starts eating aborted fetuses, live on Oprah, the press won’t have a problem with anything he’s ever done, said, or anyone he’s ever given a political blow job to. And even then, it’s iffy.
Stop picking your nose all the time. It’s disgusting.
You seem pretty cool, Jeff. I bet I can hit my 4 iron longer than you, though. Been striping that thing lately.
Your mother wears army boots. So there.
you’re such a fucking nerd.
That was not the Jeff G that I knew.
Well, normally I wouldn’t qualify for this; but, considering there’s no credit check and nothing down, well heck, it’s practically free:
Hey Jeff, the buttless chaps store called, and they’re running out of you.
See. I knew I wasn’t qualified, and I went ahead and accepted the offer.
I blame the Republicans.
I shall submit a detailed account of your shortcomings later, Jeff, whilst sipping grasshoppers or mai tais or some such. For now, though, suffice it to say that you’re completely wrong in everything you attempt to say. Racist.
Did I miss something? What prompted this post anyway?
Since you’re one of those dastardly BLOGGERS I totally can’t link you to back up any negative thing about Obama. Because it’s not in the news, you know, and bloggers can totally make up anything they want about anything.
Damn you, Jeff. You’ve broken my heart, you bastard.
I thought you meant “Theater of Pain,” and was going to mock you for your frightful taste in music.
However, I was incorrect; you typed, “Theater of Hate.” This appears to be an “alternative” band with 763 friends on MySpace. However, I do not know if you are, indeed, one of their “friends,” so I cannot, in all fairness, mock you at this time.
Will await future developments, etc.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Crankypants.
Embrace obfuscation. If I understand what you write, you can’t be an academic.
Is that sufficiently hateful? Have a good day. Disco. Are your ears bleeding yet?
I can be a real jerk sometimes.
RACIST!!
Surely you’re expecting that kind of response when you write something like “What if Ayers wrote Obama’s books”? I would think it drove up hits like a motherfucker, which I assumed was your goal. Get enough and you’re bound to move up the PJM hierarchy. Excelsior!
Jeff, I rarely find your “thinking” to be erotic. I do read in a hurry, though.
I have it on good authority that you fart cinnamon scented rainbows.
“Atlantic” magazine? Is that the one with the stories on Hillary Clinton’s love affair with the space alien and the captured mermaids and stuff? No wait. That went out of business. Damn. Is it the one with the stupid cartoons that nobody understands but everybody pretends to? No, no, that’s not right. Is it the one with stories on Jamie Lyn’s tummy tuck? Aw, hell. I give up.
Never heard of it.
Under an Obama administration all comments will be carefully screened before they are posted for any racial context including code words that the right uses to inject it. A list of common code words will be distributed after the election but shall include the following. Liberal, Conservative, Republican, Obama, socialist, socialism, tax, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mack, FHA loan, subprime loan, Chicago, Acorn, voter fraud, taxes, raise taxes, fake voter registrations, poor, unemployed, redistribution, wealth, flip-flop, voiced opposition to any Obama program or policy, written opposition to any Obama program or policy, Iraq, withdraw, cut and run, pre-conditions, McCain bumper stickers, GOP, the, and, Hussein, muslim, TUCC, Reverend Wright, AIDS, government, deregulation, opposition to any Supreme Court ruling that Ginsburg does not write the majority opinion for, Islam, abortion, Constitution, rights, right, Palin. List subject to additions at any time.
Insert “thor” and this makes just as much sense, ‘feets. Or nuggie-san, or any of the other leftists who deign(ed) to interrupt rational goings-on: Not a one has a platform; all have noisy lies and diversions.
Which is to say that the political divide isn’t a linear continuum on which co-equal contestants discuss things rationally and fairly. Which is to explain Jeff’s (and your and my) frustration with the left end of it, the vulgar, profane, dishonest, intolerant end.
It’s asymmetric. It feeds the dependency gene, which is to say the Socialist instinct.
Which is to say the same thing that makes thieves thieves, which is The Lie. Because that’s what first legitimizing and then mandating envy and theft from the central god-power of sheer majority rule is: The un-principle of American Socialism O!-style.
To make your stuff their stuff your mind must heed their mind, regardless if it holds up to any external, higher principle and its scrutiny. Your truth simply must be their truth, even if by coercion, intimidation, or force. Making sense or being sound is, in the end, irrelevant.
You can add terrorism, radical, Ayers, domestic, and terror to that list.
“You’re a towel…”
You don’t post enough lesbian porn.
If you can’t fall into line behind Obama like the MSM you might as well re-name your blog The Theatre Of Hate. Obviously you have been whipped into an angry frenzy by Palin’s nasty and irresponsible rhetoric of hatred and racism.
I cannot believe that you understand and are able to speak the “language” of post-modernism without having once drunk that poisonous Kool-Aid yourself.
So, as Dash Rendar stated a bit earlier, “Two-minutes hate! Fuck the fucking fuckers.”
Dude…
You have been, and remain, my 3rd cup of morning blog; just after Drudge and the blog-father.
Really glad to see when you went single again (My take..? They sucked; it just wasn’t Jeff…)
Don’t quit now, brutha !!!
Semper…
Now playing on my stereo, “Fuck the World” by ICP.
– ShamWOW – you’ll never go back to paper towels.
– Your eyes are too close together, and your mother dresses you funny.
– When do I get My check?
ShamWOW – you’ll never go back to paper towels.
Fuck that guy too. I bet you fight like a pus, J.
Anybody wanna get high?
Sorry BBH but that ShamWow commercial sold me. Even though the commercial was overtly racist in it’s tone. Notice all the stains that the white and blue ShamWow towels cleaned up were black. Fuckin racists.
Please pass the bong.
– You know those Germans, they always make good stuff.
JHoward farts nematodes, stabs circus clowns, feasts on grubs and has fantasies involving kangaroos.
BBH smells of what’s left on the curb fresh after a Dutch bum’s relief.
thor? A blind, catatonic goat last seen limping away from a Palestinian prison.
You never channeled Anna Nicole like you said you were.
See below for Hatred using XML Tags
Mother
Father
I hate that Jeff gets to wear Lisa’s crankypants. Didn’t bring enough for everybody, eh sugartits?
You, sir, are generally very unpleasant and I don’t think I like you at all.
Good day, sir.
Crap, the tags were scrubbed. Nevermind.
– ….this costs a dollar, this costs ten dollars – I don’t know, sells itself.
@68: Don’t worry. BLAME YOUR FAILURE ON JEFF, THE VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY, AND RACISM.
And Jooooos, but that goes back to Jeff.
…joooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooos
hehe XD
– ….Hey, if you own a car or a boat, or even a camel, you’d be nuts to buy anything else.
…
joooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooos
You write sentences the length of paragraphs, which if diagrammed would produce heaping bowls of grammatical spaghetti. It’s as though you think you’re some kind of whiz-kid prodigy of the Den Beste school, going on at length about shit people will insist you don’t understand. Well, I’m here to tell ya, “friend” — you don’t know jack shit about anime.
Poseur. Wannabe.
– ….ewwww, thats gotta leave a stink….Just lay the ShamWOW on top…look at this, without even applying any pressure…..you following this camera guy?
Hey, even my McAfee Site Adviser says this is a green site, so how bad can you be? I come to read the humor, and stay for the literate eviscerations.
Maybe I should hang around more…
@74: WEEABOO D:
The soundness of my sleep has forever been compromised.
No, Good day to you, Sir!
ACORN has issued me my very own clipboard. You will pay now! I’m off to the hood, to register ’em voters!
I should be good at this, I just came from a Palin rally.
So…um… TREASON!
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of Elderberries! Now go away or we shall taunt you a second tiiime!”
For the record, screw the haters dude, you’re better than them, and they know it, so they’re jealous. Or stupid, never rule out stupid…;-)
I’ve got nothing.
Fucker.
Curse you, you sesquipedalian freak. Your polysyllabic prolixity is deliberately obfuscatory, thus to preclude undesirables from apprehending the gnosis.
IOW: RACIST!!!111
– ….not like a towel, this works wet or dry….soak up those blood stains just like that…..see? the bodies virtually dry on the bottom….You’ll be saying ShamWOW every time.
MAKE IT FUCKING STOP SHAMNOW
You suck diddlyuk Flanders GoldSTEIN!
Bite me.
Respectfully,
OTT
Ok, you win. Everyone gets a shamwow under the O!. Now start fucking scrubbing.
The armadillo has not yet danced for us. For that you are truly vile, foul, and silly.
Sarah W. just poke the Perf in the ass with the pitchfork you brought to the rally.
And just how long has it been since we’ve had pie?
Asshole.
– ….if you act right now, we’ll double the offer….thats 8 ShamWOWs for %19.95….cut them in half….one for the shower, one for the car, but we can’t make this offer all day…here’s where you can get them….
My water tastes a bit soapy. RINSE FULLY.
How come this guy gets all the fucking pie?
Well. You promised to show us armored dildos and you never did, so that should be a big strike against you in the hate column, but you write good that’s a plus. And you attract other people here who write good and some of them are funny, more pluses. Nope. No hate.
Armored dildos!!!!!??????111!!!!
Hell motherfucking yeah, bitches!
Wasting our valuable time while you wax your armadillo ever so languidly and affectionately…I’m denouncing you to PETA. (Perversions Exercised Tactilely on Armadillos.)
And just keep pretending we didn’t notice the way the tip of your pink tongue meltingly lapped the armadillo’s era, you! What’s next on your perversity agenda, sloth-twiddling?
they didn’t call ’em steely fer nothing.
EAR! Armadillos have the same era as we do.
What about Willam S./Edgar Rice collaborations, Sdferr?
Tarzan of the Junkies.
The Naked Princess of Mars Does Lunch.
I convinced my wife to read two of your epic language posts. I cannot remember which two since it was a while back. I had so completely booted explaining the subject of your posts (and the subsequent discussion) that I was so worked up about that I convinced her to view the source.
She sat quietly at the computer, moving only to tap the down arrow as she followed the paragraphs. Know that she’s smarter than me like Jupiter has mass and reach on Neptune in a fight…
Finally, she finished.
“Well?”, said I.
She looked me in the eye and said, “Now there’s a man who knows how NOT to use semicolons.”
DAMN YOU TO HELL; just damn you!
Okay, I’m done. It’s not really a hate unless there is an armadillo, anyway. It’s written down somewhere.
And I can’t see any cake for all the cinnamon scented rainbows, either.
;Good DAY to YOU Sir!
I’ve come to view reading your blog (and attendant comments) as a quotidian fix. Bastard.
towelism
Not enough recipes.
You may be flying with a bent propeller, but that’s what makes the ride so interesting.
What a weight from my shoulders.
Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
(I feel better already. This is better than primal scream therapy.)
Come to think of it, there’s precious little posting on nanotechnology around these parts. Fucking slacker. Oh, and cookware.
Ack-ack!
I’ve been saying that all day for some reason. Saw no reason to stop here.
“And just how long has it been since we’ve had pie?”
I had pie last night; but I had to MAKE IT MYSELF! That’s unfair.
Semicolon abuse also.
Although Ace won’t print Obama’s alleged mistresses name, because of the ethics, I will:
Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie!
&ct.
Only an Alaskan hockey mom would tag her yard-moose with a name like Sweet Potato Pie.
Mooocist!
What, no mimes? Now, that’s some theater I can hate!
I got nothin’
You do not see science fiction as a test run for the future.
For that you are despicable.
Imagine how much annoyance and aggravation you’d have missed if you’d have started keeping house years ago.
baracky: socialism y’alls?
happyfeet: no thank you, no.
baracky: for reals?
happyfeet: socialisms is more a you thing than a me thing, really. We talked about that, remember?
I find it extremely scary that you write such long sentences as parts of such long essays. Scary because I usually understand you! (though on occasion I have to pop an Advil xtra strength gel cap halfway through) :-)
Wisdom makes my head hurt.
Vera Baker bundle maker
Pretentious asshole.
I think you overuse the “…, which …” construction.
the which construction is my favorite one. I stole that a long time ago.
Or ‘lectric cars, kelly, or Amazon links.
greasey union thug: Card Check?
me: Call the INS miguel
greasey union thug: CARD CHECK pal
me: Hallmark mostly
greasey union thug: CARD CHECK PAL
me( wiping blood from nose): Where do I sign comrade?
One of my readers writes to ask, “What’s a good, low cost, cranial probe that you can recommend?”
Eternal penis extenders? Faster, please!
Plumber to Obama: “Your new tax plan is going to tax me more. Isn’t it?â€Â
Obama: “It’s not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody that is behind you, that they have a chance for success too. I think that when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.â€Â
The Bill bone ain’t connected to the B. Dorn,
The Dorn ain’t connected to the Michelle bone,
The ACORN ain’t connected to the Barack bone,
Now heed the word of your Lord.
Your Fannie is connected to the Barney bone
The Freddie bone’s connected to the Dodd bone
But Raines ain’t connected to the Barack bone
Now heed the word of your Lord
*Key Change*
Socialism ain’t connected the recession bone
High taxes ain’t connected to Depression bone
Depression’s coming with Barack’s Cap Gains bone
NOW.HEED.THE.WORD.OF.YOUR.LORD.
doo dee doo.
Dang, Jeff. Are you sure you want to go there? ‘Cause, logically and rationally, that means you won’t be able to riff on Sullivan and Reynolds and PJTV. ‘Course, it’s your site and you can damn well do anything ya wanna. …as long as ya don’t frisch yerself, that is.
BREEDER!!
PALINIST!!!
Can I score some of those little blue pills? Been too damn busy blogging to get my meds. Hubby won’t go–said I could damn well drag my crazy fag ass to the Walgreens without him. Silly boy.
Did you see those Levi photos?
Know you did!
Kisees
Milky Loads
Amazon is having a sale on candelabra, up to 90% off. When the Instadaughter was at mortuary camp, I sent her this one.
Okay.
You’re probably too old for, and overcompensating by, rolling around on the wrestling mats all day.
Bear in mind this coming from a guy who 15 years on in the Army is trying to keep up with the 18 year olds.
But that just means I know what I’m talking about.
You mean THIS one, Dan?
How’s that beagle Andy?
That’s the one.
I like Glenn, and I wouldn’t be so “edgy” if I didn’t think that John Fucking Cole got about as much out of his PJM affiliation as Jeff does.
You are, on occasion, uh, extremely glib. There I said it
Barry Glibb?
not enough cat blogging
I LOVE YOU MAN!!!!!!
Oh…..
Wrong thread.
138 comments in, and noth’in but insincere horse shit!
Where’s the HATE people?
Ain’t never going to raise a mob with this sorry pack ‘O pussies.
YOU’RE PATHETIC!! ALL OF YOU!!!
Especially YOU mister bottom of the totem pole of pathetic Goldberg!!!
What? Goldstein?!
Oh…never mind.
They said that if Jeff finally had enough of idiot trolls, he’d start banning them and deleting their posts.
And they were right!
Dishwasher to Obama: “Your new tax plan is going to tax me more. Isn’t it?â€Â
Obama: “It’s not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody that is behind you, that they have a chance for success too. I think that when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.”
No one is as glib as Barry, Dan.
Except maybe Bill Clinton.
Pensioner to Obama: “Your new tax plan is going to tax me more. Isn’t it?â€Â
Obama: “It’s not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody that is behind you, that they have a chance for success too. I think that when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.“
Obama to Obama: “Your new tax plan is going to tax me more. Isn’t it?â€Â
Obama: “Where’s Axelrod”?
Gal-darnit, Mr. Goldstein, you use your tongue prettier than a 20-dollar whore.
dre
there is only one pie for Obama and he’s just trying to give everyone a slice.
Just those who actually MAKE the pie…no pie for them!
“Amazon is having a sale on candelabra, up to 90% off. When the Instadaughter was at mortuary camp, I sent her this one.”
Ahahahhaahhahahaha!
Plus: free shipping with Amazon Prime.
Glibbly trolling. Back to topic:
NO, NO, NO NOT G@D BLESS JEFF.G G@D DAMN JEFF G. AND HIS ROOSTING CHICKEN CHOKER THOR
Some sweet potato pie i hope.
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite; and furthermore, always carry a small snake.”
I just went to SEK’s web site where, in his biography he announces that he was “christened” a Dr. of Philosophy in English by UC Irvine. What an insufferable prick! That’s all the hate I can muster at the moment–none left for Jeff. Who doesn’t warrant a great deal anyway.
has anyone brought up Jeff’s mom yet?
I don’t remember who is was on this site that got me addicted to Girl Genius
BUT I BLAME JEFF!!
Andy Glibb?
Mainly a lurker (rare commenter: reader since I-dunno-way-back-when) …but since the little insider personality tiff several weeks ago, I have made the blog a daily (or more) read again (after checking in quarterly or something, I think. That’s my biggest “call-it-criticism-if-you-will,” and I’m stickin’ with it.
That was Ric, Darleen. I know because I blame him too. (And it’s Monday isn’t it?)
What–SEK was dunked in water while crying? That didn’t happen to me…
I like the ceremony for CS PhDs at Brown. You get pelted with rubber chickens.
I recall the Brothers Glibb and the movie Saturday Night Fliver.
I’ve got a coat made out of rubber chicken pelts.
SEK’s web site… Dr. of Philosophy in English
I bet his business card read “Dr. SEK, Phd.”
Oh, and maybe that Irvine “christening ceremony” should come with a dictionary — a really good one which includes the meaning of obscure words such as “absurd”.
A copy of Irv Copi’s Informal Logic would also be helpful, I think.
RTO
Sometimes I cheat and look after 10pm the night before.
I’ve passed on the addiction to my 14 y/o stepson. We can talk in code to each other while his dad (my husband) looks on in bemused confusion.
Just don’t put that in the deep fryer, LMC.
‘Cause that doesn’t work out well at all. Trust me.
“Dow jumps 936”
IT’S YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!!!!
BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Comment by jpike on 10/13 @ 5:39 pm #
has anyone brought up Jeff’s mom yet?”
No, you dope, Jeff’s Mom brought HIM up.
Shheeeesh.
Dear Mr. Kotter,
Please excuse Jeff from class today.
He was up late last night clobbering trolls.
Signed,
Goldstein’s Mom
True story:
Working as a bank teller, I was handed a check one time from, oh, call it “Joe’s Bar & Grill”
It was signed “Joe’s Bar Manager”.
Swear to ghod.
The Dow’s up because Obama is tanking.
#126 dre:
He wants people behind plumbers?
#131 RTO:
My little bro still keeps up his airborne quals, but he’ll be forty next year. He’s in great shape, but he acknowledges that this stuff is for young guys.
#169 NOB
I love stories like that.
One of my all time fave excuses of a guy stopped, patted down, and discovered with a couple of bindles of meth in his pocket
“These aren’t my pants!”
The Dogers are pussys.
What, they never saw a brushback pitch?
Pussys.
People say So. California has no seasons
Yes, we do.
We are in Fire Season right now.
There’s the old story about the guy who tried to get a prescription filled for “Mofine, 1 lb.”
Groucho gets caught kissing another man’s wife — “I was just whispering in her mouth!”
#154 Darleen:
For the Girl Genius stuff you need to spread some of your hate to Ric Locke and me. We’ve been riffing on it for sometime.
Anyone up for some Battle Draught? Brewed especially for Jagermonsters?
Maybe some side effects, but…WOW!
Okay – I hate Jeff G. for having Darleen blame him and not me!
Smoke gets in your eyes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57tK6aQS_H0
“In a restaurant to a waitress: “Do you have frogs legs or do you always walk like that…”
Groucho Marx
“Seven children? That many?”
She blushed, and said, “Well, I love my husband.”
Groucho came back with, “I love my cigar, too, but I take it out on my mouth once in a while.”
I denounce all who do not put the bacon in the Foreman Grill! I’m commenting right at you Jeff G.!
(It does cook it nice and crispy and non-shriveled up – shriveled like the soul of anyone who would insult a Downs child.)
Buried my wife the other day, had to.. she died, you know.
W.C. Fields
MIke
Sure, I’ll bring my hat.
#172 Darleen:
When I was law clerking for a judge at Wayne County Circuit Court Criminal Division we had a guy that tried to rob the bank from the drive-thru.
It didn’t go so good for him.
Emmanuel Goldstein holds his OWN two minute self-hate?
What? ‘Jeff’?
Nevermind.
A good plan is one where you don’t lose your hat.
BTW – Nize Hat!
I could probably do with less GAY PORN COCK OF LIES, but your mileage may vary.
“I love my cigar, too, but I take it out on my mouth once in a while.â€Â
Jeff G. doesn’t have a cigar. Jeff G. has a herbal cigarette.
Mikey NTH
Best original “excuse” so far… prostitute picked up in a sweep saying to arresting cop
“I am NOT a whore! I give blowjobs for donations!”
#185 Bod:
And you know what is wrong with that? The chant “F— the F—ing F—er” was started and no one kept it up. That is a demoralized population right there.
Okay – end your posts with F3. To keep the chant going.
It never rains in California
but, girl, don’t they warn ya?
It burns, man it burns.
I got no teeth, I got no bread
I’m out of meth and sudafed
I’m unemployed, my dog is dead
I wanna go home!
Oh, and the absences. Make them stop. Now.
#189 Darleen:
The guy testified that he did so to get arrested because he was safer in jail than on the streets where people wanted to kill him. The jury took that so to heart that they sent him to the Michigan Department of Corrections; for his own safety, I’m sure.
F3.
Absinthe makes the heart grow Fonda.
Jeff Goldstein doesn’t smoke cigars. Cigars spontaneously combust from proximity to his fiery hot intellect when they tousch his lips.
I think the quote should be “Absinthe makes the heart grow fondle.”
But hey – these are all artists so what do you expect?
F3.
Or ‘fondler’.
I’m doing this on the fly.
F3.
Comment by charles austin on 10/13 @ 6:28 pm #
Come on give him some HATE. I hope that someone brought some marshmallows to Topanga Canyon.
Jeff Goldstein has never offered me anything for a donation.
And that explains why I wouldn’t take it if it was offered. :)
“So how many times did you register?”
“….Ummmm I thinks 47….”
“What?”
“…Wall theys axed me to keep signing, but I had to go or I wuld’ve mixed the last bus”
You, sir, are a doodyhead. And a big fat liar, because of the armadillo.
Actually, Jeff, I wish I could write half as well as you. Wouldn’t mind knocking back a few beers with you at a Denver Bears baseball game or whatever that team you’ve got out there is called. Denver, you know, was named after a Kansas territorial governor probably because Colorado used to be part of the Kansas Territory.
But I seem to have digressed. What was I talking about? Oh well.
Jeff G. Lobbyist?
Jeff, you aren’t nearly as smart as I think you are.
Blah blah hright-vink Hrumsfeld varmonger shickenhak efil Bushies Volfovitz und hiz neocon cabal for oiloiloiloiloiloil blah blah ignorant shtopid blut-dirshty morons, de real axiz uf efil on a ranch in Cravford und blah blah blah no VMD he lied, Bushitler lied, pipple died died died tie-dyed peace peace peace down vit de Zhionishts! peace peace Kyoto! dey hate us dey hate us dey hate us und vot can ve do und root causes und root causes und blowbeck und Pleme und Pleme und Chalabi Pleme Vilson blah blah blah unylatral multynashional Hallyburton Enronism crony capitalism und eet’s all about oiloiloiloil blah blah blah, cowboyish dishregard for allies, for de vishes uf de vorld commoonity who rise op againsht us, de terrorisht threat iz oferblown und anyvay, it’s all our fault becaush ve gave Saddem hiz veapons to begin vit, foto uf Rhummy und Hushein, bot make no mishtake, he no longer has doze veapons because inshpections vorked, containment vorked, und blah blah blah Shaudi Arabia, Pakishtan, Shudan hundle it, Roy, hundle it hundle it, Caspian pipeline oiloiloiloil blah blah blah show me de shtockpiles, anthrax CIA plant Richard Clarke said zo und ve believe him becaush und onless onless onless Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib, sqvare-jawed cocksuckink military jarhead torshurink fucks, brink home our troops! Ve care about de troops! Ve shopport de troops und don hyu qveshtion our patriotism our love for diz fuckink filthy crass consumerisht bullyink country uf rhedneck dolts und biblethumpink bourgeoiz shuburbanites vit der SUVs und vere are de CAFE shtundards fight de real terror, eco-terror, Israel, de US, imperialisht colonialisht rashisht homophobic hegemonic und blah blah blah blah blah becaush dishent iz patriotism und fightink againsht you country iz really fightink for you country und our dishent keeps de nation shtrong und ve’re brave und heroic und op iz down und black iz vite und oiloiloiloiloiloiloiloil blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.™
Sienfeld’s mom “Why would anybody not like you?”
Jeff Goldstein won’t delete posts. He’ll look at them and they’ll just know to leave on their own.
Umberto Eco called. He wants his signifiers back.
Charles Peirce called. He said to tell Eco he was a friggin’ lightweight and also that he did Eco’s mom.
Do you think those workouts are going to save you from a righteous ass kicking?
“#
Comment by Billy Jack on 10/13 @ 6:54 pm #
Do you think those workouts are going to save you from a righteous ass kicking?”
Pure HATE SPEECH here!
Frigging rogues. As soon as Evasion runs out he’s going to eat a crushing blow from the Dow, and after all that self-healing because Baracky couldn’t GET OUT OF MELEE, its HP isn’t nearly low enough that it’ll die before Evasion runs out. And he only went far enough Sub to get Improved Sap because everyone knows MUTILATE IS TTLY AWESOME POLITICAL DPS. So it’s not like we’re going to see him using Prep or Cheat Death.
And David Axelrod is a keyboard-turner and a crap healer. “No seriously guys, Holy Shock is my most efficient heal!” BS. This is why you don’t let one-button healers into your raids. They might’ve made it if they hadn’t gkicked Wright; say what you want about the man’s attitude, but he knew what he was doing as a priest.
And where the hell is Biden? Is he sitting in a corner with Shadowmeld up again? Bastard.
…wait, what?
Jeff = teh suxx0rz.
I think Biden is off in the corner somewhere with one of those Simon games from the 80s.
Maybe a See ‘n Say.
Well THAT was special….
#212 Pellegri:
I have no idea what the F3 you were talking about, but it seems to be the right level of brooding crazy needed for a good takeover of the world. Can I sign you up multiple times?
F3
Obama wasn’t prepared for McCain’s Will of the Forsaken, Pelligri, now when Palin Flares and Hunter’s Marks them it is all over.
pwned.
They might’ve made it if they hadn’t gkicked Wright; say what you want about the man’s attitude, but he knew what he was doing as a priest.
That was fucking hilarious, by the way.
And where the hell is Biden? Is he sitting in a corner with Shadowmeld up again? Bastard.
Either that or still in the Barrens because he can’t stop arguing on /chat.
“….So then she looked at me and then she turned and walked in the cave and left me standing by the water, and….I don’t know, it just brought up a whole bunch of issues….”
“Hey…wtf?….those aren’t the right lines….what are you doing…..this is supposed to be a ShamWOW commercial – dork…..”
“CUT!!!”
Because evil plans and autobiographies don’t just write themselves.
Be put in a cauldron of lead and usurer’s grease, amongst a whole million of cutpurses, and there boil like a gammon of bacon that will never be enough, thou fobbing beetle-headed skainsmate!
And I’m back.
On Sale Now: Odinga Bacon. Burning churches extra credit for your lit course.
– Would it be asking just too much if they refrained from running the Etrade/baby barfing commercial during mealtime – huh – huh?
NERDS!
So, in another comment thread I find out that SEK is in Irvine?! I’m just up the road in Anaheim for the week. I suppose I could trek down there and offer him some help with that whole reading comprehension thing.
I love you, B Moe. In a gay way.
(Barrens or Trade, same diff. He’d be there.)
Mikey NTH: How many times do I need to sign? Can I do this on-line?
I love you, B Moe. In a gay way.
Back at you. I dropped out of WoW recently and am trying to reactivate an old FFXI account, Sean M, so I am like some kind of retro-NERD now actually.
Pellegri: I suggest you consult with your local ACORN affiliate.
Does ACORN even exist out here in California? I DENOUNCE MYSELF–but we’re already far enough left that their presence would seem to be superfluous.
Ahhh, FFXI. Some of my WoW guildmates are pretty heavily into the game. I looked at the Pandemonium Warden debacle and died a little inside. Still, it’s tempting, given the way WoW is gradually turning into a socialist paradise itself. That is, however, a rant for another time.
Tell me how vile, foul, and silly I am. Tell me how poorly I write…
Nonsense! You’re my favorite blogger, Jack.
My only complaint would be that you go to easy on the pompous, palavering, post-modern popes of political correctness, the popinjays populating politics…jus-sayin’
To hell with all of those SEK spam-a-zoids. I know your policy on discourse makes you loathe to delete comments, but the electronic brownshirts deserve it…
As Barone said, O! is foreshadowing the coming Thug-ocracy!
I am way to casual a player to ever make it to any end game, I just goof off and explore until I get bored and then take a break or go to another game. My entire WoW guild moved to Warhammer, and I don’t have the machine to play that one right now, so I am going to look up old friends on FFXI and go help/harass all the PS3 noobs.
Jeff,
Sometimes your breath is not as fresh as it could be.
Can’t sleep–David Caruso will eat me. After he removes his sunglasses.
Mr. Goldstein, how DARE you write as if you were being read by intelligent people! Type DOWN to us, dammit.
Barack, Ayers and Odinga: Collective assholes.
I hate that Jeff hasn’t said whether he likes “Sons of Anarchy.”
I have 8 of ’em tivoed, McGehee, but I haven’t gotten around to watching them, what with baseball, football, sickness, and the bunch of old movies and Granada Holmes episodes I have lined up.
I’m sad what happened to Katey Sagal’s face. Still got one of the sexiest voices alive going on though.
She sure is the alpha she-wolf of that pack, no mistake.
I hate that you no longer post the ramblings of drunken actress/hos. Paris Hilton. Would it be so hard?? Not to mention the disturbing lack of prison blogging. I mean, the free world and capitalism as we know it are coming to a crashing, flaming, gut wrenching end. Is it so much to ask? Circuses! Whimsy! Dance damn it! Dance!
Nikkei 225 is up 13% at this moment.
Grind that organ Ana!
..were there actually a God (god forbid), He’d be angry at Himself for the very idea of man, so much does my unholy stink blacken His nostrils and sour him on the once blessed notion of creation.
Hard to say; hack-wise, I got nuttin’. But then I’m not an immersion blender, either. )
OK, damnit, I hate that there’s not more threads with more than 500 comments…
Almost halfway there on this one.
<tick>
oh snap
Toasting in an epic bread!
Having been drinking a lot of Guiness since my last pathetic comment, I have no hate in me. No love, but no hate either. Suffice to say I’m full, and contemplating pouring myself something else.
Hate and other things may come my way for this but it’s funny. Saw the link at the Insta-place.
Howard Stern interviews with Obama supporters in NYC.
Insults? Hate? Hmmmm…
Not enough cowbell?
Oh, I know! I bet Jeff liked the ending to “The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana” Ah, there… I have really let the hate flow with that one!
There’s nothing you can do
To turn me away
Nothing anyone can say
You’re with me now
And as long as you stay
Lovin’ you’s the right thing to do
Lovin’ you’s the right thing
I dropped out of WoW recently and am trying to reactivate an old FFXI account, Sean M, so I am like some kind of retro-NERD now actually.
I have no idea what that means. Does that make me a jock?
There used to be a lot more pez.
Is that the TV series about Sherlock’s illegitimate daughter with the
illegal alienundocumented immigrant maid, who goes around solving crimes with Wilmer Valderrama’s accent?I hate that the title of this post got an Anthrax song I haven’t heard since I was thirteen stuck in my head.
On the home theater of hate front, I’m watching the Cartoon Network…with a big fucking blue rectangle over it.
Because apparently when the batteries in a DirecTV remote run out, instead of letting you use the buttons on the front of the box-o’-TV thing to do shit, the system locks up and slaps a big fucking blue rectangle that says you need batteries over the picture.
There’s no 7-Eleven in my living room, assholes.
I, The Jury just started. The super crap-ass ’80s Armand Assante version that rules. Can I watch it? Fuck no. “Blue thing with cartoon haircuts popping out” is the show on television.
So I’m going to watch a vile, foul, and silly Dario Argento movie. Because Jeff doesn’t like those. IN YOUR DISTANT SLEEPING FACE, whimmy.
only
I did not know accents could do that. and here I’ve only been using mine for parties.
Granada Holmes, good show old sport.
More like “Dr. SEK, Super Genius.”
I’m kinda miffed that Robert Downey Jr. is playing Sherlock Holmes in Guy Madonna’s-Husband’s new movie. Downey looks like Sherlock Holmes like Martha Stewart looks like Paris Hilton.
But Jeff G already knows all about that.
Or Martha Stewart looks like Martha Reeves.
“I did not know accents could do that. and here I’ve only been using mine for parties.”
– Actually, if you can trap one in a good tight psychic stasis zone, and get it wasted on belly shots just before your guests arrive, you should be able to have half the room hurling, and the other half pissing themselves by midnight.
– Getting rid of them when the parties over is the tricky part. Cartoon network usually does the job.
If Martha Stewart looks like Martha Reeves, then who looks like the Vandellas?
Its questions like this that make me hate you!
The 24 hours are not yet up!
F3.
who looks like the Vandellas?
Here’s your answer.
– Tried a new java script linked to the function keys to make the hate flow easier, but the only key that works is F3, and the only thing I could get it to type was:
“Goldstein? Oh yeh. according to Bill A. he writes like a ten year old, and has an ass to match.”
– Needs work.
You didn’t say we get seconds. I wish the nuns beat you as hard as they beat me so you’d stop the run on sentences.
That’s world class hate.
– MarkD – He gave us a blank check for 24 hours to vent. Enjoy.
– I just felt that 5 year shooting pain in the kidney area. Guess all this hate mongering triggered another little calcium beauty.
– If anyone calls I’ll be in my room screaming into my fist, giving birth to a bouncing baby 1 millimeter sharp edged piece of stone.
– Think I’ll name this one “Jeffery”.
F3
To quote Major Steiner of the Fallschirmjager in The Eagle has Landed:
“(Thor) reminds me of something I find on my shoe in the gutter! Very unpleasant on a hot day!”
Or any other day, come to think of it.
As for Jeff, I’ve spent a fair amount for some ‘dillo dancing over the years. And I expect to see some footage of that scaly moneymaker shakin! NOW!
Downey looks like Sherlock Holmes like Martha Stewart looks like Paris Hilton.
better Downey as Holmes than Annette Benning as Madeline Albright. One would have to attend THAT movie under the heavy influence of drugs to suspend disbelief in that bit of casting.
Darleen, I think they’re going to have Brad Pitt playing John Dean, too.
Barack Hussein Obama <— obligatory hate speech
Goldberg! I’d move away from you on the Group W bench! So there! How about a few more !!!! just to be sure? I feel better now.
Only in America can using somones name be construed as hate speech.
Jeff,
Face it. Any credibility you might have had in the “vile†department disappeared back when you bought your house.
Even though I provided you with excellent council on how to leave the seller broke, suicidal and bleeding from every violated orifice, you worried about…..wait for it…….
Karma.
Borderline gay on the vile-o-meter.
Holmes, ah, a clue there.
Holmes has his Watson.
House has his Wilson
Goldstein, your G needs a V.
You could build one, we have the technology but nowadays it would be more like 6 billion dollar guy. So name the ‘dillo “Ventura”, “Vandella”, or “Wilmer Valderrama” even.
This proposal may have possible side effects not covered by the rather useless warranty.
Apropos of earlier posts: I do not apologize for hooking people on Girl Genius. Instead I gloat. My plan to corrupt the entire Universe is proceeding, if slowly…BUUUUUUUWAHAHAHAHA!
Regards,
Ric
– I find that whenever I corrupt the entire Universe its a good idea to get an early start and pack a good nutritious lunch.