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If instead of an inexperienced Chicago pol running for President, Barack Obama were an ice-cold bottle of Coca-Cola

Obama: “I’d like to thank the very lovely and capable pink lemonade for adding a bit of competing refreshment to such a long summer of thirst. But as my marketers will remind you — I’m the real thing, baby! So perhaps now is a good time for pink lemonade — and all those who claim to prefer it — to, with graciousness and dignity, support my rise as beverage of choice.

“– Then, if it wouldn’t be asking to much, to go make me a fucking sandwich.”

45 Replies to “If instead of an inexperienced Chicago pol running for President, Barack Obama were an ice-cold bottle of Coca-Cola”

  1. MC says:

    LEMONADIST!

  2. Pablo says:

    Today’s Gallup Daily Tracker: McCain 49%, O! 44%.

    The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and..OH SHIT!!! AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!

  3. urthshu says:

    Coke Zero, baby

  4. largenfirm says:

    “sandwich”?

    Shouldn’t that be “sammich”?

    Large (with deli mustard!)

  5. Jeff G says:

    Please, largenfirm. Senator Obama is, as his VP reminded us, nothing if not articulate. And clean, too!

  6. TaiChiWawa says:

    A childhood friend of Sarah Palin, one Lucy Ramirez, said Sarah once referred to herself as a “Pepper.” Investigative journalists are looking into what many believe is Ms. Palin’s membership in some kind of cult.

  7. ThomasD says:

    Since I’m quoting lyrics today…

    ‘d like to teach the world to sing
    In perfect harmony
    I’d like to hold it in my arms
    And keep it company
    (That’s the song I hear)
    I’d like to see the world for once
    (Let the world sing today)
    All standing hand in hand
    And hear them echo through the hills
    For peace throughout the land
    That’s the song I hear
    (That’s the song I hear)
    Let the world sing today
    (Let the whole wide world keep singing)
    A song of peace that echoes on
    And never goes away

    Bringing back the 70’s one schmaltzy song at a time…

  8. mojo says:

    This wheel’s on fire
    rollin’ down the road
    Please notify my next of kin
    this wheel shall explode

  9. Jeffersonian says:

    Would he settle for a waffle, if he could eat it in peace?

  10. Things go down the drain better with Coke.

  11. Sean M. says:

    And some lefty with a secret decoder ring claims this post is somehow a reference to Barack’s past cocaine use in 3…2…1…

  12. Sdferr says:

    Blak.

    Nuff said.

  13. Carin says:

    Sure, but has Coca-cola met the new kid in town … the Arnold Palmer? I bet Sarah Palin drinks Arnold Palmers…

  14. Bob Reed says:

    And then, if we consider Palin as a Pepsi…

    Then according to the latest Gallup poll the public is saying;No Coke, only Pepsi..!

  15. Bob Reed says:

    If O! is Coke, what does that make McMav???

    7-up, the un-cola

  16. Salt Lick says:

    If Obama was a Coke, he’d be a fizzed-out Diet Coke, and he’d be pleading for some sugar from a big, fat cracker.

  17. BJTexs says:

    If Hillary is a pink lemonade. does that make Bill a cream soda?

    I denounce myself.

  18. DarthRove says:

    If Hillary is a pink lemonade. does that make Bill a cream soda?

    With a bent straw, if reports are correct…

  19. happyfeet says:

    The part about the make me a fucking sandwich makes me think about lunch. Not Barack Obama cause I’m just so over him lately. Stammering marxweasel. What I’m more concerned about is the nickel and dimey pissant approach to energy Nancy Pelosi is trying to foist on my countrymen and she’s using Baracky’s media to do it. She’s a conniving sack of shit I think and Baracky needs to bitchslap her too while he’s bitchslapping all the other womens. Then I might think he was sort of interesting again. Maybe.

  20. TaiChiWawa says:

    Some familiar themes – –

    Soda Squirt

  21. Sticky B says:

    If that long-legged mack-daddy of a coke bottle manages to get his ass installed in the oval office, then I’ll be taking mine with liberal doses of Crown Royal for the next 4 years thank you very much.

  22. Kevin B says:

    “Three wheels on my Wagon,
    And I’m still rollin’ along,
    The Cherokees are after me,
    But I’m singin a happy song!”

  23. Kevin B says:

    Oh, and Thomas D, that should be:

    “Perfect Harm-o-knee-eee”

  24. B Moe says:

    “Stammering marxweasel”

    That’s a keeper, right there.

  25. Ric Locke says:

    …tried to find me an executive position
    But no matter how smooth I talk
    They wouldn’t listen
    To the fact that I was genius
    The man say they got all that we can use…

  26. Urainium238 says:

    Question: Would Obama be “Coke”, “New Coke” of “Coke Zero?” I can find the “change” in that group but it can’t recall if the phosphoric acid or the sodium benzoate is the “hope.”

  27. Kevin B says:

    I’d like to point out that I was quoting the lyrics of “Three Wheels on my Wagon” as a metaphor for the Dems election campaign, and not because some bastard quoted “Teach The World to Sing” and another bastard quoted “Wheel’s on Fire” and the two resultant ear-worms rattling round in my head dislodged the tune and partial lyrics of that excecrable piece of doggerel and I decided to pay those bastards back. (Assuming of course that any of them are old and demented enough to remember it.)

    Just thought I’d clear that up.

  28. Mikey NTH says:

    But now the coke looks around the fridge and sees that the orange crush it so recently dismissed as ‘no competion’ has teamed up with a bottle of hard lemonade and is coming for him. Coke looks back in his corner and all it can see is a flat bootle of grape nehi that can’t stop babbling. So it turns to the pink lemonade it insulted earlier in the summer, and the pink lemonade says

    “I’m not your attack dog.”

    (To Be Continued…)

  29. Mikey NTH says:

    Sure, Kevin.
    I believe you.
    Really. I do.

  30. mojo says:

    …because some bastard quoted “Teach The World to Sing” and another bastard quoted “Wheel’s on Fire” …

    Hey, I resemble that remark!

  31. Kevin B says:

    (Assuming of course that any of them are old and demented enough to remember it.)

    I;m sure you don’t resemble that remark, mojo

  32. JD says:

    Is a stammering marxweasel anything like a lying crapweasel?

    Arnold Palmers are my choice.

  33. mojo says:

    I stand second to none in dementia, sir!

  34. SteveG says:

    A sandwich brought to you by a superhero non union Chinese worker from Beijing where construction is booming…

    Obama keeps citing China’s growth and in particular Beijing without challenge.
    Imagine the infrastructure and construction growth the US could buy with monthly wages at about $200.
    Laborers make about $85 a month.
    Low wages and poor working conditions plague construction in Beijing.
    Not me saying that… it’s UC Berkeley http://berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2008/08/14_china.shtml

  35. ThomasD says:

    Um, what was the question?

    And when’s that damn aide gonna bring me my tray…

  36. ThomasD says:

    Another thing about Chinese construction costs, the scaffolding you see clinging to the sides of the skyscrapers as the are being built?

    Bamboo.

    Try that in Chicago.

  37. Swen Swenson says:

    I can’t think of Teh Obamessiah and Coke without thinking of this series at the Sloane Gallery in Denver..

  38. SteveG says:

    I dunno
    Rezko probably found a way around the inspection process

  39. The Way Lost Dog says:

    Sarah Palin blows me away! How many of us have gone from “fuck it, I’m not voting” to a screaming “YEEEHAAAW!!!!”? And, as long as we’re on lyrics-

    Turning on the world the way she turned upon my soul as I lay dying
    Feeling as the colors and the sunshine and the shadows in her eyes
    Loving her was easier than anything I’ll ever do again.

    Kristofferson can’t sing to save his ass, but he sure can write some awesome songs.

    And the “guy with the cigar and hat” from Texas is Kinky Friedman, from Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. He has brought us such unforgettable songs as “Waitress, Oh Wairess, Come Sit On My Face”, “They Don’t make Jews Like Jesus Anymore”, and “Old Man Lucas, Had a Lot Of Mucus(running right out of his nose)”.

    In the seventies he used to play at the Lone Star Cafe on 5th Ave. in the Village in NYC every Sunday night. And I don’t think I missed his show more than two or three times in two years. He always had a Lavoris squeeze bottle, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t contain Lavoris, because he kept sticking it in his nose. That was one of my tricks, too.

    Kinky is kinky, for sure.

  40. Adriane says:

    Kevin B –

    Dude. You forgot the … “They look mad! Things look bad!”

    I myself, am currently stuck on singing Stone Soul Picnic though. So none of this makes any difference.

  41. And the “guy with the cigar and hat” from Texas is Kinky Friedman, from Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. He has brought us such unforgettable songs as “Waitress, Oh Wairess, Come Sit On My Face”, “They Don’t make Jews Like Jesus Anymore”, and “Old Man Lucas, Had a Lot Of Mucus(running right out of his nose)”.

    yeah, when he ran for governor here, RTO sent me a cd. The discussion about dogs and burying bones the other day reminded me of Homo Erectus catchy tunes, if a bit dated. They’ve grown on me over time.

  42. That would be a fried egg sandwich for sure.

  43. Slartibartfast says:

    Another thing about Chinese construction costs, the scaffolding you see clinging to the sides of the skyscrapers as the are being built?

    Last time I was over there, they were digging foundations for tall buildings by hand. They weren’t in any particular hurry, you see, and labor is cheap.

    Impose OSHA regs on them and I bet they become a great deal less productive. But they probably won’t get killed quite as often, so there’s a plus.

  44. um, yeah, and let’s not bring up the mining accidents.

  45. ChrisP says:

    Or that whenever the ground shakes, schools and office buildings fall into piles of dust.
    Re-Bar, what’s Re-Bar?

    Cheers!
    ChrisP

Comments are closed.