Baddie
by: David Brown
You do not do, you do not do
Any more, damned Jew
The which I have suffered to post
For seven years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.
Baddie, I would like to fuck you.
You left before I had time–
Marble-heavy, a family man,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Wide as a Frisco ass
And a head like the freakish wingnutter’s
Gerrymandering red over blue
In the suburbs of mile-high Denver.
I used to dream buggering you.
Ach, du. In a costume of Pepe Le Pew.
In the Persian tongue, in Diala town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of Bush, Bush, Bush.
But the name of the town is common.
My Lefty friend
Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your hoof, your roof,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.
It burned in a white phos flare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly post.
I thought every fascist was you.
And Amerikkka’s team
An engine, an engine
Fucking me off like a shrew.
A shrew, or a cow, a bitch, or a cunt.
I began to write like a shrew.
I think I may well be a shrew.
The snows up in Golden, the pilsner of Coors,
Are not very pure or true.
With my Christian father and my strange predilections
And my fur costume and sexual preference
I may be a bit of a shrew.
I have always been scared of you,
With your intention, your hetero-fu.
And your neat combed beard
Your Semitic fu manchu.
Zion-man, Zion-man, O You–
Not God but a yarmulke
So thick that no proggs could squeak through.
Every faggot adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a Jew like you.
You stand at the blackboard, Baddie,
In the jpeg I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the swarthy man who
Bit my pretty pink heart in two.
I was old when you left, boo hoo.
At twenty I tried to die
And turn back, backtrack, into “Sue.â€Â
I thought even the name would do.
But they pulled me out of the closet,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a straw man of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look
And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said woo hoo, woo hoo.
So Baddie, I’m finally through.
I’ve disconnected my phone,
Your lawyer just can’t worm through.
If I’ve killed one man, I’ve killed two–
The child who’s so very you
And you’ve pissed me off for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Baddie, you can cease to post.
There’s a furry convention to do.
And the furries have never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was Joos.
Baddie, Baddie, you bastard, fuck you.
The plot goes nowhere.
What do you expect? It’s Sylvia Plath.
She became immortal by rhyming her beau
With the sound of Holocaust Jews.
Her husband, poor old Ted Hughes.
That’s kind of good. It hits all the notes really. I don’t get it.
Hey! Sing it to the tune of “Somewhere over the rainbow” and you’ve got it.
oh.
I really don’t fancy that cooz.
It’s very dark.
Nice, Dan.
I had hoped to capture the daddy issues. Maybe not. Oh, well.
I feel the daddy issues, Dan. Also this guy sold me a bootleg of Hellboy II in the Vallarta parking lot for $5. Well, maybe. I haven’t tried it yet.
Rudyard Kipling eat your heart out.
Brings a smile to my stone face.
Maybe funny, maybe not. I tried.
It is a Grown-up Diaper,
And it soppeth up the pee.
‘By thy fur suit and effeminate swish,
Now wherefore stopp’st thou me ?
The FurCon’s doors are opened wide,
And I am in like Flynn;
The guests are met, the beast is pet :
Thy balls upon my chin.’
He wank’d him with his furry hand,
‘Hot-looking sheep,’ quoth he.
‘Hold off ! unhand me, feathered loon !’
Eftsoons his hand dropt he.
The FurCon-Guest is spell-bound by the eye of the old sea lion man, and constrained to hear his tale.
He strokes him with his rubbery glove–
The FurCon-Guest stood still,
And fancied self a one years’ babe :
The better seed to spill.
The FurCon-Guest sat on a bone :
He stuck it up his rear ;
And thus stroked on that ancient Pan,
The doe-eyed White Tailed Deer.
I’d do the rest, but I don’t have any opium on hand.
Off-topic:
Would someone ask Lost My Cookies aka Maddad to email me? He can check his blog’s comments for my addy. Thanks!
Oh SPANG, that made me laugh
With your intention, your hetero-fu
Just brill. ::Weeps::
By me. My canoe missed the river for this race. I get little sparkles of the water here and there, yes, but nothing to like, smack with an oar or anything.
I retreat into muddled metaphor when confused. It’s like spreading the wealth. In a sad, pathetic kind of way.
What a weekend this has been.
It’s making sense more and more. I like the part where Jeff made the when and if I come back noises cause the way I read it the emphasis was on the when, at least I think.
I love it, SBP. Thanks, Sarah.
SI
Ah, the answer you seek is where two trains meet.
In other words, I couldn’t find your address. Check my place.
Wanna go ride bikes?
My wife just observed that this guy has a special CSI episode just waiting for him.
Dan, I don’t think your uniqueness has been remarked upon here lately. Who else would do this and do it so nicely? Wicked funny.
That’s a very good point. And also it was a bit challenging in just the right way. At least if you kind of walked into this in the middle.
Nobody’s ask my opinion but I’m going to give it anyway..
Forget about this guy.. He came by.. had a vile keyboard bowel movement and ran off.. Just another one of a billion such creatures in the blogosphere.. So what are you going to do when and if you can identify him? Go say mean things to him? Sting him with snark? There’s nothing you can say to him that will knock him down a few notches.. He’s at the bottom already.. This guy’s an angry, left-fringe liberal, gay, hetero-hating, racist, geek-boy furry fetishist.. How much lower do you think he can go..? His very nature is more of an insult to him than anything you guys can dream up to say to him….
By the sound of his poetry this guy’s more of a danger to himself than anyone else.. and deserves all the attention usually reserved for the perv exposing his dick in the subway or the bum squatting to crap in the middle of the sidewalk.. That is to say, none.. Just turn your head and put the pathetic creature out of your mind.
My two cents..
I don’t want to let him off the hook for being miserable Ouroboros. I think it would be a mistake to give him special treatment, as a taxpayer and all.
Gotta ring to it.
Please tell me you’re not talking about this post. Regardless, dude is a major league freak.
This is the sort of S.O.B. that glories in the experience of disemboweling himself and wearing a party hat steeped in colon.
I’m gonna pass on the spectatoring, it makes me feel dirty. I am sort of happy though, that he showed up as a matter of fact. It helps me remember just how vitally important conservative dialog is these days. I hope Jeff doesn’t lose faith, and honestly, I’m pretty damn sure he will not.
Fucker has talent and all that.
I WASNT TALKING ABOUT THIS POST.
Ok.. actually I was.. Did he really write this or did you guys mock it up?
I didn’t say he isn’t a weirdo.. just sounds to me like the confused, conflicted kind of weirdo they’re gonna find wearing a buttless Pepe Le Pew costume dangling by his neck on an appliance cord in his garage…
I mocked it up. I’ll see whether I can work the Pepe thing in there.
Et, voila!
Ouroboros,
I suspect that this furry freak made the allusion to Jeff’s kid in a conscious or unconscious imitation of Crazy Deb. If a Bad Thing happened to one or both of these freaks it might prevent more copycats from creeping up from the basement.
I’ve formed a suspicion that he isn’t just a freak-but-a-harmless-freak fail-bully, but creepily fascinated enough by young boy butts enough that someone should keep an eye on him.
Perhaps he confines himself to fantasy and role-play and not-illegal-on-its-face-to-view images and audio, as collected on his you-tube. But a look on his hard drive might shed a different light.,
Dan applied the freak perspective to a Sylvia Plath piece. It’s brilliant, really. But our diapered furry didn’t write it. He’s not that bright.
I guess I missed a lot over the weekend.
Honestly, all this furry-sex, diaper-wearing … I mean, just YUCK. These people are sick fucks who need therapy. We’ve become a society that allows people to wallow in their peversion – very possibly encouraging it. Sex totally detached from love – from any illusion of love.
Stomach turning.
Does that make it a plathtithe?
Regards,
Ric
I don’t know, Ric. I tried to keep it full of plathitudes.
::shrug:: That just means you stayed faithful to the original, no?
Regards,
Ric
Parodies. I like juggling teh nice parodies.
I like juggling teh nice parodies.
Last time I tried that I got slapped.
So, guys, I was busy this week end. Did anything interesting hap…
HOLY CRAPTACULAR BEANIES OF PAINT BOMBS!!!!!
You guys need to turn off the “Freaks Welcome” neon sign.
Sadly, they already did a “furry” *AND* a coprophilia/infantilia episode. Couple of gay-bashing ones, too.
Maybe they could do one where they have three different murders, each involving some aspect of this, and it turns out they were all done by the same guy…
Its people like this LC eprson that make me realize that I am actually pretty normal and functional.
– feets actually seemed to understand this cerebellum collapsed spinal column’s visceral, “meat cleaver in my neck” prose.
– That could be worrisome if it effects this months shipment of cupcakes.