The research found that even men who say they are committed to their wives and girlfriends are vulnerable to the advances of a flirt.
By contrast, women naturally see attractive single men as a potential danger and are less receptive to his come-ons.
The report concluded that men must form a plan of how to resist a good-looking temptress.
Me, I generally excuse myself to the bathroom and punch myself in the groin. What’s your plan, guys?
(h/t Hot Air Headlines)
My plan? Gas. Lots of gas.
I eat large amounts of garlic.
I also find talking to women about how my Dungeons and Dragons character just reached level 20 is a great tactic also.
I try to make it easy on men by being as unattractive as humanly possible.
I picture my wife punching me in the groin. With an axe.
BECAUSE OF THE PATRIARCHY!!
oh wait….
Read Feminste on my iPhone browser?
Bueller?
I work with ugly people. Then I go to the gym and karate with my wife.
That way I’m not tempted. If I am tempted, my better half is around to keep me on good behavior. If I try anything in spite of all that they kick my ass. It’s no problem at all.
My ability to resist such temptation has required years of prior planning and preparation. And people think I’m an out-of-shape shlub just because I don’t like to exercise and eat right. Pshaw!
1. “The report concluded that men must form a plan of how to resist a good-looking temptress.” I had to RTWT to note that this is directed at people in committed relationships. ‘Cause my plan generally revolves around meeting good-looking temptresses. Hasn’t been working, but it’s a plan, anyway.
2. MayBee’s plan seems to revolve around false modesty.
3. See what I did there?
I drive a green 1994 Toyta Tercell, that seems to do the trick. Making under 20K a year and working at McDonalds helps alot too.
I think it’s definitely the color, Mr. Pink.
It’s definitely harder to resist a good-looking temptress than an ugly one, Karl. That’s where beer comes in.
The women who fit the personality type (temptress) to be narcissistic (not ‘a little’ or ‘sort of’ but actually full blown narcissistic), so just say something they disagree with and they will leave you alone. They are also mostly progressive feminists, so mentioning you voted for Bush will almost always do the job.
Its tough, but it only takes a second and then you’re out of the danger zone.
PS
and if your wondering, no I am not kidding.
I pretend to be 40 plus instead of 22. It works!
Maybe you should consider Acuvue.
Most temptresses are progressive feminists?
God, the world just sucks.
I’m sort of a clean 2001 infinity with low miles. Birdseye maple dash, maybe the seat belts are a little wrinkled.
Wrinkled seat belts are a total turn-off.
I think men, when tempted, should simply imagine how much the hotty is gonna like him when he’s broke because he’s handing his ex-wife 60% of his salary for child support.
That should bring Jhoward out of the woodwork.
Bonus comment: I always tell my husband that if he cheats, it had better be for LOVE, because I’m gonna have all his money.
My work here is done.
I mean, don’t you iron your seatbelts? Have you no self-esteem?
I wear my “Meat is Murder, Tasty Murder” t-shirt.
GX4. Engine running nice and cool, might be good for another 4 or 5 years till it starts overheating.
Two words…Plumber’s Crack.
Sunlight does something to the webbing I think.
Fuckin’ women. Why do you feel compelled to make it so damn hard on us simple mouth-breathing lumps?
Comment by Mr. Pink on 7/16 @ 10:42 am #
Two words…Plumber’s Crack.
Crotch Stain!
Comment by Dan Collins on 7/16 @ 10:38 am #
“Most temptresses are progressive feminists?
God, the world just sucks.”
Actually, it works out well for us because they tend to screw over anyone they have a relationship with. I’ve seen the cycle a few times. Married friends of my wife flirting with me while in the process of splitting up with their husbands (over trivial stuff). They tend to be the somatic narcissists who are obsessed with their bodies and being attractive… so they are hot… but if you ended with one you’d get chewed up eventually.
Rules people, rules.
You have to sleep with both women. That way they cancel eachother out. You’re not technically “cheating” on either. This rule will still get your possesions burned on the front lawn, but stands up in court.
Drive her to another state. It’s not cheating if you’re in another state.
In other news: STUDY FINDS GRASS IS GREEN, THE SKY IS BLUE AND A DUCKS ASS REAALY IS WATERTIGHT.
Gee guys.. ya think? With beer goggles on a guy could be tempted by pretty much anything on two legs or four… A knothole in a fence isnt even safe..
(except for me.. I work for the phone company.. temptation isnt a problem)
Plumber’s Crack? You ever smoke Drano?
what’s my plan?
I don’t resist. I surrender.
Did you see that Craigslist piece Insty linked? Men go looking for that? Eeeep.
“I wear my “Meat is Murder, Tasty Murder†t-shirt.”
Is that a realt-shirt? Where can I get one?
Something tells me Thomass is really depressing at parties.
LTYD, you can’t be married. A long stare while dining out can cause an instant heel to the groin under the table.
“Is that a realt-shirt? Where can I get one?”
Probably. I have one that says, “There is a place for all Gods animals…right next to the mashed potatoes.”
Meat is Murder, Tasty Murder
No, not hitched (can’t imagine why).
I do worry about wrinkled seatbelts. I have the strangest craving for a new little sportscar. I made my husband test drive this one and he said I wouldn’t like it, it was for “enthusiasts”. I can see how a woman getting on in years might take on the wrong thing for the sake of novelty.
Simple enough. I consider it a point of honor that I’ve never been unfaithful to a girlfriend. What else do you need to be able to say “No”, no matter how hot the other woman is?
Cybrludite – why, honor, of course.
What else do you need to be able to say “Noâ€Â, no matter how hot the other woman is?
a blowjob from the wife or girlfriend just prior to the encounter with the temptress helps.
I’m told.
otoh, it might be a case of the guy thinking “Hey! I’m on a roll …let’s parlay this …”
We’re kind of stupid that way.
.
A punch in the groin helps me. Just sayin’.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 7/16 @ 10:51 am #
“Something tells me Thomass is really depressing at parties.”
Your not reading between the lines. I am the one they were flirting with. ;)
“What else do you need to be able to say “Noâ€Â, no matter how hot the other woman is?”
Gay?
Kidding, kidding. That is indeed most honorable sir.
“Your not reading between the lines. I am the one they were flirting with. ;)”
Whew! For a minute there it sounded like you were on a quest to get every one of America’s ugly women laid.
And I’m only one man. I can’t sleep with all of them…
…(sratches chin) Or can I?
There are punches that indicate honor of the puncher.
A punch in the groin helps me. Just sayin’.
That’s the other thing I do. I punch men in the groin.
Exactly.. The other evening while I was having a quiet dinner with my friend Scarlett Johannsen and she was running her bare foot up the inside of my thigh under the table.. I just thought to myself ‘Remember your honor, man.. you’re twice her age and she has a boyfriend..”
Then I woke up and struggled unsuccessfully over the next 4 hours to fall back to sleep and finish selling out my honor for a tawdry and cheap affair with a really hot babe..
Whew! For a minute there it sounded like you were on a quest to get every one of America’s ugly women laid.
And I’m only one man. I can’t sleep with all of them…
No worries, drunk trumps ugly.
while wearing a black catsuit and mask. and it’s completely random. at least, that’s how I do it. They’re all, “just mindin’ my own business” then. BAM!!!
that’s comedy.
#49: MayBee,
Based on that Craigslist article, the punch in the groin may be what some men are looking for.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 7/16 @ 11:12 am #
“Whew! For a minute there it sounded like you were on a quest to get every one of America’s ugly women laid.”
No you big dummy, they actually were great looking. Anyway, one of them nagged her now ex to be more like me. Fun and positive. I was thinking the whole time no wonder the guy is down and negative, you treat him like crap 24/7. That and I’m fun and positive because conservatives are, but you have conservatives! :) Later when she tried to propose an affair I just mentioned my politics.
…especially if you wear a black catsuit like maggie.
Rawr!
Seven, not always. Sometimes the beer goggles, they do nothing!
That’s the other thing I do. I punch men in the groin.
MayBee, men will pay good money for that kind of activity! Got a leather outfit?
Scarlett Johannsen is cheating on me?????
“What’s the matter, big boy? Cat got your nuts?”
Then she mewed and vanished into the night.
carp, I could make money doing that? um, I’ll be back….
McGehee, c’mon, I haven’t had lunch yet! Back at you!
Mr. Pink: Scarlett Johannsen is cheating on me?????
Naw.. I never closed the deal.. She’s just a tease..
Scarlett doesn’t believe in monogamy. Sorry guys, but she’s as free as a bird (she’s also Obambi’s girlfriend too, so there’s that).
I have fun little list that the gf approves. It’s not cheating if the celebrity hottie hitting on you in the bar is on the list. Otherwise, they’re strictly off-limits.
I tell my husband that if he cheats on me, I will not only cheat on him instantaneously (and I could because I have a pussy), but I will make him take custody of the kids. I would happily pay child support just to watch them cramp his style.
Hey Thomass, your premise was stay away from the hot women because they’re “narcissists” and you’ll get “chewed up.”
My premise was basically, “But..but…look at that rack!”
“Later when she tried to propose an affair”…
Propose an affair? Did this all happen in a French novel? I think we go to different parties.
Zelda, that’s a good one. Cruel and unusual punishment indeed.
I was debating whether to hang olives from my nosehairs before bar-hopping, but this about settles it.
I was debating whether to hang olives from my nosehairs before bar-hopping, but this about settles it.
Braid your ear hair as well. Chicks really dig that.
Braid your ear hair as well. Chicks really dig that.
Actually, it works pretty well if you wax them down with chocolate. But the flies…
Zelda? ZeldaC? The Gut Zelda? That you girl? I think it is, but not sure.
It’s the Zelda of Sleeping Ugly, Lamont.
“It’s the Zelda of Sleeping Ugly, Lamont.”
Yeah, she’s an oldschool commenter from The Daily Gut. Hadn’t seen her in here before.
She’s good people.
I introduce them to Maggie in her black catsuit. Rawr.
Best thing to do is to remember that “the bottle has a hole and the girl doesn’t”. Or don’t. Better for me really if you don’t.
#73: RTO,
I’m sure some would find that hot, too. ;-)
Karl,
I know you’d do the honorable thing.
Unless it’s Christina Ricci in a Girl Scout outfit, then all bets are off.
No, really Karl. I look rediculous in Maggie’s catsuit. And that I’m introduing them to my wife just proves I’m clueless.
Shuts ’em down every time.
I have fun little list that the gf approves. It’s not cheating if the celebrity hottie hitting on you in the bar is on the list. Otherwise, they’re strictly off-limits.
Interesting. My sons have compiled a list of celebrity hotties my husband can dump me for.
I plan to punch you in the groin too, Dan. It’s my standard plan.
*burning catsuit*
I’d mostly prefer not to think about Dan’s groin.
Oh, no you don’t, mojo. I’m taking a page from Baracky and preemptively punching myself in the groin before you or Michelle get to.
If you avoid temptation at all costs, you do not have to worry about being weak. Just sayin’
Education guy as Bartleby.
I always kind of pictured Dan as Loki.
Those temptresses are their own punishment. I watch the narcisstic chick at work…at work, and I have only sympathy to the poor clods she lands in her net.
I guess that would make your groin my employee. Don’t make me show you my pimp hand.
No, Bartleby’s the scrivener, EG.
JD–Maybe, but I kinda miss thor.
I usually just turn off the computer and go to bed.
“but I kinda miss thor”
Oh that’s a punchin’. MAYBEE~ hurry quick!
*POW! * PULL!* TWIST!*
*MADELINE ALBRIGHT BOOB FLASH!*
OW! KER-@#%$-OW!
Did MayBee just give Dan a titty-twister? That is both hurtful, and oddly arousing.
Madeline Albright boob flash? I just hurled.
You mean the dank halls of justice, Carin. Assuming I don’t slam my cape in the elevator.
Actually, they had me at “naturally.” The article, I mean.
Before a temptress can start tempting, I go on offense.
“Hey are you just glad to see me or is there a baby crying somewhere?”
“Heaven must be missing and angel, because I’ve got a massive woody.”
“Congratulations! You’ve just been voted ‘Most Beautiful Girl in the Room’ and the grand prize is a Hot Carl.”
Use them in good health boys.
Sorry about the “harlot” thing MayBee. I didn’t know you were a sack-puncher. We cool?
That is low. I mean, that is fargin’ low.
But are you sure that wasn’t her ankle?
Nice can . . . kles. Ewwwwwwwwwww.
Who? Me?
I just think of all the wonderful decisions I’ve made in relation to who I have chosen as my “significant others”, and then I picture them with Alzheimer’s, drooling and pooping on my bed while demanding a banana split – after they have loaded up thr Visa, of course.
When it comes to women, my power of discernment is less than negligible.
Those aren’t breasts, they’re bait (Sorry, girls. This is about me, not you).
I haven’s had a bad relationship in years. heh.
…men must form a plan of how to resist a good-looking temptress.
I recognize the words as English, but the sentence makes no sense to me.
Those aren’t breasts, they’re bait
That would make a nice t-shirt slogan.
Carin,
T-Shirt Hell has a couple similar ones. “I’ll be using these to my advantage” is probably the best one in that vein.
The best strategy is just act all creepy like. Really, if she’s still interested, it’s her own fault.
Wife: Dear, do you think that woman is attractive?
Me: Woman? What woman?
Wife: The lion-maned honey blonde who’s spilling out of her black sheath.
Me: Where? Oh, her?
Wife: Yes! Is she attractive?
Me: Ohh…well…not really. She’s got bad…posture.
There is only one thing greater than HONOR…..in her!
Free Mammogram
That’s Mumia, you goof.
TOP-HEAVYIST!!!!
“We’re fighting over this woman’s honor – which is probably more that she’s ever done.”
— Groucho
Have someone you really care about cheat on you.
Later, if tempted yourself, remember that feeling.
[…] Dan Collins links to an article about how women resist temptation from single men better than men resist temptation from women. Hmmm… […]
I find that pretending not to understand what’s going on works really well. Women are more than willing to believe we’re oblivious to everything happening, so getting a confused-dog look and saying “Like how do you mean?” a lot eventually drives them away.
If all else fails, wet your pants.
Resistance is futile.
Billy Graham’s strategy was to never be alone with a woman who wasn’t his wife, ever.
Well she did it, she cheated. I still can’t believe it.