Ketchup or mayo on my burger? Fuck it. Slather ’em both on there. I’m nothing if not willing to reach a happy consensus. I mean, who wants a condiment war? Except maybe John McCain?
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Recent Comments
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Neither. Rare, and eaten with a fork. No bun.
Or, toasted sourdough, with sauteed onions and ‘shrooms, Melted Jarlesburg cheese on top.
Great, now I’m hungary. I’m heading to the gym.
There should always be room for Spicy Brown MUSTARD!
John McCain would relish a condiment war.
Same as Karen I only medium, with maybe a lettuce bun. Or not. But about half a jar of dill pickle slices.
The Goops fight it out elsewhere. On the burgers of real men.
ANTI-PICKLEIST!
If you’re Russian, you already know the answer to that question. Hey you stupid Russian people would you stop eating mayonnaise for one minute and look at what a sad, corrupt sheep-like people y’all have become? I’d be embarassed if I were you, at least between bites of tasty mayonnaise-laden native dishes.
Also I like little burgers. Cute ones. You can make pickle-eyes.
Me, I’ll exhibit some 19th century Romanticism and have a plain, ungarnished buffalo steak, eaten on the fruited plains beside the maggotty bodies and burned-out cabin of Chinese settlers WHO HAD NO RIGHT TO EXPECT MY HELP IF THEY COULDN’T F*CKING SAVE THEMSELVES!
I wonder if a burger pa-Kievski would be any good.
Oh hey. I did buffalo burgers from Trader Joe’s on my George Foreman last night. They grilled up really lean. Also the package said that one serving has 48 grams of protein, which is a seriously large amount of protein. Especially cause they didn’t really cost a whole lot. All in all this is a flavorful and nutritious product and I definitely recommend it. I went with the spicy brown mustard I bought to make that tuna with the horseradish we talked about the other day, which was also flavorful and proteiny.
Ketchup, Mustard, Tabasco, Diced Onions, Dill Relish and American Cheese. Obama’s got nothing on me as far as uniting the worthwhile condiments.
Mayo can go screw itself. Unless it brings me another shot of Jim Beam that is, then it can stay.
I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57, french-fried potatoes, big Kosher big pickle, and a cold draft beer.
That sounds way better, HF, than a burger pounded flat, wrapped around a cylinder of parsely-coated butter, then breaded and deep-fried.
Mayo on a burger!?
Jeff, I just don’t know you anymore.
I went into Trader Joe’s once, and I had this horrible feeling I was going to be discovered. My conservative, war loving, bible-reading self revealed. Everyone did look at me funny.
I mean, cripes, I don’t even have a recycling bin. If they knew, they prolly wouldn’t have let me anything. I didn’t buy much anyway. Too much prepared food. I’m one of those backward types who makes her own stuff.
You do know that in Belgium it’s chips and mayo, right?
Belgium. You know, Brussels.
Just saying.
So… which is it? Kilos or pounds?
I thinking of trying that poach-a-salmon-in-a-dishwasher trick. They have some big fat fishies up at the Ukrops.
Condom wars? That reminds me of the day-glo cockfight in Skin Deep, one of John Ritter’s finest pieces of work.
Mayo decreases the risk of food poisoning. That being said, Jeff already knows I’m a ketchup-only knd of guy.
Trader Joe’s did used to have a burger that was stuffed with Blue Cheese and crumbled bacon. But not no more. Stupid Joe, that was his best product.
Isn’t that same as chicken fried steak almost, Sarah? They had that as the breakfast special at Viv’s this weekend but I was good and got the grilled tuna-onions-mushrooms and eggs no toast thing. And also I got a hamburger patty on the side. When I go to Texas is when I have chicken fried steak, even if more and more the places you go get that from are just basically getting it off the Schwan’s truck and throwing it in the fryer. It’s all about the gravy anyway.
Trader Joes is coming to my town. It can’t be as bad as the
Dirty HippieCommunity Foof Mart. I’ve heard TJ’s has their own store brand of greek yogurt (which BTW is a good mayo substitute, though it is enemy of ketchup)Fage has this new USA plant full of fail and it keeps sending me diseased yogurt.
TmjUtah,
You’ve got something against the Yellow Mustards?
My mom used to sometimes make chicken fried steak on a little skewer, to like a drumstick. It was all a little too halloweeny for me though it was supposed to be fun.
What I like about Chicken pa Kievski is that you stab it and butter asplodes out like Krakatoa.
“To look like a”
No for real, Trader Joe’s new best product is the Shepherd’s Pie, which has salt but really not a lot of calories or fat and a good amount of protein but more importantly it’s very very tasty. You have to remember to put a plate under it though in the microwave cause the gravy never fails to get rambunctious. Mostly Trader Joe’s is for lunch you can take to work, really. That’s what I use it for. That and now buffalo burgers but that’s a very recent thing. Oh. Also that’s the only place you can get mochi ice cream without overpaying that I know of.
Maybe a person could stuff a breaded burger with barbeque sauce or something.
Call it a volcano burger.
“I’m gonna keep the coke and the fries but I’m gonna send this burger back. And if you put any mayonnaise on it, I’m gonna come over to your house, I’ll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door. “
Oh. Also Trader Joe’s is a lot being eclipsed by these people here. They’re British. There isn’t one in my zone yet but all the foodie liberals are very impressed and also it apparently competes really well with TJ’s on price.
I love greek yogurt … especially the fig kind, but it has really a lot a lot of fat in it.
Some favor a “kinder, gentler condiment,” but I say, “don’t stop thinking about tabasco.”
Heh. I finally had enough the other day and took a burger back to the counter at DQ because they had — as always seems to happen in these parts, regardless where I go — they had made a burger that didn’t need any dressing at all on it, and dumped half a jar of
toxic wastemayonnaise on it.I didn’t used to mind mayo on a sandwich or even a “specialty” burger — but since moving to Georgia I have gotten almost literally sick of the quantities they insist on foisting on people without even asking if we WANT that shit on our food.
Green Tea Mochi, Yum.
Fage has a fat-free version, a 2%, a 5% ,and a full fat version. I lived on the fat free till the USA plant started up, using Albany cows that must be eating grasshoppers shipped in from Edison NJ, or recycled bicycle tires, or something.
another lie from “right-winger”
BJTex at #3:
“John McCain would relish a condiment war”
-That actually will be John Kerry.
Leave beer out of the ideological disputes, please…
McGehee – urk! is my usual response to Mayo on a burger, and this one time I went to Georgia that same thing happened.
Fage has a version of greek yogurt that is. Not mochi.
yea, yea….
shows how much you know….
sour cream on my potato, herring, caviar and Champagne. Live large, people…..
People have been known to put scoops of lard on their hotdogs down that way. I wonder where they come by that desire.
I like mayo on my burger, on the bottom bun, under the lettuce and tomato.
There, I said it. Let the mocking begin.
Racists!
sashal: You’ll just have to ketchup with the rest of us.
John Kerry puts a confit reduction on his burger and then complains that its not Kobe beef. Theresa slaps him.
“You’ve got something against the Yellow Mustards?”
Well, they always say, “Once you’ve had brown you never go…”
Well.
I can’t dance, either.
And I so denounce my (mostly brown) self.
I do ketchup my BBQ, BJTex, even though it brings profits to Kerry, which bothers my communist soul to no limit.
At least beer production is not monopolized by evil capitalist like ketchup
Anyone who would put ketchup on barbecue, would put mayo on barbecue.
(I once had that happen — mayo on a barbecue sandwich. In Louisiana. If it weren’t for the drive-up frozen daiquiri kiosks I’d say take off and nuke the place from orbit.)
I went to Trader Joe’s with my wife one time, and we were standing in the dairy aisle talking to the guy doing the stock.
My wife, Scottish Kate grew up with brown eggs, no white ones in Scotland.
They had a nice selection of free-range eggs.
I told the stock guy I didn’t like free-range eggs.
They were too runny.
“John Kerry puts a confit reduction on his burger and then complains that its not Kobe beef. Theresa slaps him.”
John Kerry asked for swiss cheese on a cheesesteak.
Benjamin Franklin slapped him.
Ha, Mr. O’Brain! That was at Pat’s, wasn’t it? Really, really gave him everyman props with the South Philly set. He was as clueless to the working man as your average potentate.
Man, I despise him with every fiber of my being. Jus the sound of his voice is liable to set me off and have me biting the heads off of chipmunks.
Mustard, please. Mayo if you’ve also got lettuce and tomato and a pickle (dill only, please. If pickles were supposed to be sweet they’d make them out of sugar beets.)
Oh, and if you’ve got it, a little wasabi will put some kick in the mayo. Horseradish works equally well.
No catsup. Better dead than red.
The only way we’ll ever get out of this bloody condiment war is to establish a coalition government that represents all of the major groups.. Mayo.. Ketchup.. Relish.. E Pluribus Unum Secretus Saucus.
Wasabi in mayo … now THERE’s an idea.
As for mayo on a burger – I do like it, but if the meat is rare I can do w/o and save the calories for something much more pleasing. Like wine. Priorities.
Happyfeet – Costco has those Angus burgers with blue cheese in ’em. I’ve never tried, because (really) the idea of buying pre-prepared burgers just seems a little strange. Kinda like those PB&J frozen thingies they have. I mean, Cripes people! MY six y/o can make his own peanut butter sammaches.
Ouroboros – I think what we have here is a quagmire. We need to get it out now.
coalition government that represents all of the major groups
As long as it isn’t that crappy “Sandwich Spread” that Kraft used to make (mayo, ketchup, relish, and, I believe, mustard, all blended into one barf-like substance).
Nasty, nasty stuff.
Oh. I will try the blue cheese burgers maybe. It sounds like there would be some serious George Foreman cleanup involved though. But you never know if you don’t try I guess, and that sounds really good.
Oh, and eating bleu cheese should be grounds for having your US citizenship revoked.
Just you leave that Belgian mayo alone. Homemade mayo with frites and a big filet steak, washed down with Beersel blonde. Oh Lord, I’m hungry.
It is such bullshit that sasha gets to have this “I’m from Russia” persona that underlines everything he writes. It’s bad enough that now I picture Yakoff Smirnoff when I glance at his nonsense, but I’m pissed that I don’t have a “go to” back story. So, for all of July, my comments will be peppered with the authority that comes from being a former porn star who was once at the very height of the industry only to have crashed in a heap of cocaine dust and huge fake jugs. Oh and I may have helped a group of hippies rob someone and then they got their heads bashed in by a couple of massive bros.
The pork shoulder roat turned out great. Shredded and crocked with cider vinegar bbq sauce, then served on a hoggie role with Dill pickles.
What? Do i have to give the recipe for my bbq sauce to avoid heresy charges?
Here is the wasabi GourMayo. You will buy this product if you are a good consumer I think. I keep meaning to try. There are many different flavors and it’s kind of overwhelming I think.
Here
I just rather please no one here has admitted to using Miracle Whip. Shunning is really too good for users of that crap.
I can’t stand to eat mayonnaise ever since I was doing a picture with Harry Reams in ’82. 76 Tom Bones was the name of it and it was going to break the record for “most money shots” in one scene. Fuckin’ Harry went left when he shoulda went right and there I am with cum-slug on my forearm. To this day, he still doesn’t know what I did to his Chapstik.
Please RTO, I am all ears.
RTO – my husband doesn’t allow me to serve any meat that is shredded. Matter of fact, anything that reminds him food served while he was in the military is banned. Casseroles. Crock pot is verboten.
I did time in Canada during my formative years. The only positive thing I took away from the experience is fries are delicious with brown gravy .
Sorry to be off topic, but fries do go well with burgers.
Don’t get me started on brown gravy.
No offense, Mr Puccino, but could we hear about the big fake jugs instead?
“I think what we have here is a quagmire. We need to get it out now.”
Carin: The only thing preventing an immediate pullout are those damned fundamentalist Miracle Whip insurgents … like fake dressings hiding in the sea of sauces … I say we surge some A-1 steak sauce and clean their clocks..
It’s a long month SW.
“…anything that reminds him food served while he was in the military is banned”
OT.. but oh man… you havent lived until you’ve had Korean War era C-Rat Spaghetti.. so good it almost made up for the canned eggs (c. 1953)
..almost.
That’s OK alp – there’s a big bourbon in the glass, and I’m not going anywhere.
Don’t get me started on brown gravy.
Oh, please no.
I’m really, really sorry I brought it up.
60+ comments and no one has mentioned “fry sauce” which in my neck of the woods is equal parts ketchup and mayo. Odd.
(I’m just hoping Al can work this into his porn star CV.)
“fry sauceâ€Â
Oddly enough that same recipe produces ‘Secret Sauce’ and ‘1000 Island Dressing’.
Then there is the sheer horror represented by anything containing canola oil.
That crap smells like cat piss mixed with latex paint.
Sorry, that aroma just doesn’t say “food” to me. More like “Can I get away with disposing of this in the regular trash, or do I have to take it to that special Hazmat shed at the landfill?”
“Fry sauce”. Round these parts that concoction is known as Marie Rose sauce. Now that would figure in alp’s CV.
OH, guilt. I’ve just slunk back from a visit to Ray’s italian water ice, for a furtive chocolate rocket.
RTO: Guess what my local supermarket is now carrying?
NAAAAAAAAN!!
I haven’t tried it yet but am planning a marraige of Portuguese barbeque and Naan just for yuks.
I’ll let you know.
Al, you are one demented, freaky, screwed up dude, lol!
Use it to make tuna salad for sandwiches. Once you go tangy zip, you will regard plain old mayo as I do: an industrial lubricant.
Well, I happen to be a firm user of Miracle Whip instead of mayo (which I find to be quite bland), and I will resist your shunning with all the fiber of my being.
BRING IT ON, MIRACLE WHIP HATERS!!!
MIRACLE WHIP???!!!1111????
Why don’t you just scramble up some eggs with oil and sugar? Top off with more sugar.
El-Yukko!
Oh, it’s on.
BJ. W007!
CArin–Too bad. My mother says I institutionalize easliy, so may that explains it.
SW:
1 1/2 cup Apple Cider Vinegar
1/3 cup Molasses
1 tbsp hot sauce
1 tbsp kosher salt
1 tsp liquid smoke
1 tsp browning sauce
9 or 10 grinds fresh black pepper
1/2 tsp onion powder
put in a sauce pan and simmer 7 minutes. You may substitute teh same volume of brown sugar for molasses, in which case simmer until sugar completely disolved.
I will use mayonaise on a burger occassionally, but only a small amount with an equal amount of ketchup (which is otherwise a crime to use on beef), placed on the bottom bun with a couple grinds of black pepper. It’s only acceptable where teh burger has been immediately taken off teh grill and put on the prepared bun. Put whatever other stuff youwant on top.
h/t: Alton Brown
I’ve heard Miracle Whip causes Big Head Syndrome. You?
RTO,
Thanks for that, will try it this weekend. But, wtf is browning sauce?
I imagine you MW haters are really into bland food. Can’t even handle pepperoni on a pizza I should guess. Pussies.
As for Big Head Syndrome, I have no idea what that is, but my head is HUGE, man! Gi-gan-tic. Since my dad’s is, too, I think it’s probably a genetic thing since he was a farm boy and probably did not get MW until he was fully grown.
“furtive chocolate rocket”
It seems we’re tossing you slow hanging curveballs here, alp.
I imagine you MW haters are really into bland food.
Yeah, ’cause nothing says “spicy” like a mixture of canola oil, wood-pulp vinegar, and white sugar.
Comment by alppuccino on 7/7 @ 2:14 pm #
Don’t get me started on brown gravy.”
Mine was great yesterday.
Cranky and McGehee … the two of you are now going on a list.
Miracle Whip people just aren’t right. Mayonnaise isn’t there for FLAVOR. It’s more of a texture thing. I often substitute yogurt or sour cream – especially in recipes. MW just overpowers everything. Why not just leave the tuna out? Yum MW on bread … just doesn’t get any better than that, does it?
I meant to throw half that chocolate rocket away but I didn’t.
I think I’m anxious because I can’t avoid having to buy a car, and I am cheap.
My oldest son likes ketchup with everything, so much so that our store had it on sale @ 5 for $5, she got the 5 32 oz. bottles.
N. O’.: It’s okay. Ketchup has never gone bad in the entire history of mankind. You could leave that stuff in the fridge for a decade or two and it’d still be fine.
SW: Two brands I’ve seen: Kitchen Boquet and Gravy Master.
A browning and seasoning sauce for meats, gravies, and stews. It’s ingredients include caramel coloring, mixed vegetable stock, salt and parsley.
Mostly it’s just a coloring.
Hey, one subversive condimental element hasnt been mentioned.. a condiment cabal so secretive that it has no known name.. only a description.. Anyone know what’s in the ‘Strange Yellow Big Mac Sauce’ ? An unholy alliance between the Mustards, Teh Relish and MW has been hinted at but not confirmed… Probably an arm of the Palestinian organization, Hummus, if you ask me..
Now waiting to see what Alp does with “Gravy Master”
Thanks RTO – 2 countries separated by a common language.
Microwave a little petroleum jelly and it makes a great substitute.
Texture-wise.
Maggie’s your source if you need to infiltrate the Hummus.
…also flavor-wise.
Ok.. you answered the ‘cooking brown’ question… Now tell me what makes one salt kosher and another not… Is the goy salt made from licks with cloven trotters or what?
“infiltrate the Hummus”
Okay, alp, how about we toss the ball over the left field fence and you just run the bases, huh?
Don’t mind me. Nope. Just move on by, folks. I’ll just wait here and catch the asteroid.
The K word in the same sentence as barbeque. If this were Spain in 1492 we’d be having a roast of a different kind, make NO mistake about it…
Seriously, though, through the haze of OTC meds I was on over the Fourth, I executed the Tmj marinated ribs. It does no harm to let slip that garlic, balsamic (dark, dark DARKEST I could find), bourbon, paprika, the juice of one plump lemon, and olive oil was involved – for over 24 hours.
I like to think that in some deity – forsaken cave on the other side of the planet some turbanned son of the prophet paused in cleaning his rifle to remark “Wow. That’s some kind of cookin’ going on out there.”
It certainly worked on some of the neighbors.
Your neighbors were cleaning their guns in a cave?
As far as ketchup going bad, I have found that it will get more acidic and not taste very good any more if left out for a very long time especially during hot months. Refrigerate and the flavor is good for years, probably.
Sometimes I make stuff just cause I want something to put ketchup on. It really is a flavorful little condiment I think and very flavonoidy. Also, mustard.
Kelly –
“Your neighbors were cleaning their guns in a cave?”
Nah. Out on Porches, mainly. When they could force themselves to put down the bibles, of course.
You know what’s good? Vegemite. I’m not sure what’s really in it, though. It’s yeast extract of some sort but I don’t know what the proper chemistry isl
The difference between ketchup made with actual sugar and high fructose corn syrup is very noticeable. I don’t mind pesticides on my tomatoes but organic does bring the cane sugar.
You are all a bunch of fools.
A Nathan’s dog, topped with kraut, mustard, and catsup. And fries, hot and salty like Harry Reem’s wet dreams. And a cold beer with lime.
I’m not sure a Nathan’s kosher dog would cotton to having a kraut on it… history being what it is and all…
History is tragedy first, tasty second.
Put some spice in your life. Ask John McCain about nuoc mam.
Cold beer with lime?
Do you put a little umbrella in it and sip with pinky extended too?
Honestly, McGehee … you go too far. I denounce you and your Miracle Whip ways. I mean … it calls itself a “salad dressing.” I think it’s confused, and has issues.
I think ushie is mixing food nationalities with unhealthy abandon. I would say “yuck” but then I’d be accused of racism.
Miracle Whip … calls itself a “salad dressing.”
I think there are a couple of words missing in there. Perhaps “-tossing” followed by “cross-“.
See, you learn stuff on the internets. I learned what Salad Tossing was at Ace’s.
Miracle Whip has its uses. 1/3 Miracle Whip to 2/3 sour cream is perfect for making chicken salad. And then throw some bacon chunks in there, too.
“Your neighbors were cleaning their guns in a cave?â€Â
Nah. Out on Porches, mainly. When they could force themselves to put down the bibles, of course.
Gun cleaning kits with Bible verses written on disposable swabs. Find some investors and my retirement problems are solved.
Comment by CArin -BONC on 7/7 @ 1:55 pm #
Wasabi in mayo … now THERE’s an idea.
I’ve got a jar of Dynasty brand Wasabi Mayo in the fridge right now. Asian markets are you friend.
Also Sriracha sauce instead of ketchup.
“Nah. Out on Porches, mainly. When they could force themselves to put down the bibles, of course.”
Your neighbors have Porsches?
You would put ketchup on a Nathan’s hot dog? Begone!
Oh. My favorite alternacondiment is massaman curry sauce. Here’s not the one that I get. You can add this to any old soup from a can and it makes it way more better. It’s almost like you know how to cook.
“Your neighbors have Porsches?”
You are relentless, you know that? The only time I commit typos is when I …type.
Your spelling is fine, T, and I’m looking forward to trying your rib marinade. The dark balsamic sold me.
hf – that’s good stuff. I haven’t tried putting it in canned soup though, I’ll have give it a try.
Modena brand. One generous Tsp in addition to the other stuff for about four pounds of spare ribs. Put it in a gallon zipper bag (you will have to cut the rack into serving size chunks) OR in a glass cake pan, covered with plastic wrap. Turn once in the morning. Cook directly over medium coals. Turn three times, going long the first time, baste that seared side, then go about half as long as the first, twicet. Need pretty hot coals though, and it’s a crapshoot if the pork will hold the juices since it depends largely on how seared you get that first side.
Hmmm. Not complaining, but did anybody else notice that the day has brought us topics that the trolls aren’t anxious to grief on?
Stuff that makes you go…. “I believe I’ll go nuke me a rib~!”. Oh, and “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”, as well.
What’s in that curry?
Thanks. I’ll probably do what I normally do and tightly wrap and seal the ribs in double sheets of heavy duty aluminum foil and toss them on the grill for about 20 minutes a side before taking them out of the foil and finishing them on the open grill while basting w/ the marinade.
If you haven’t tried this technique, I strongly recommend it. All my neighbors who drive Porsches and simultaneously clean their guns and cling to their Bibles love ’em this way.
TMJ: Modena is fabulous but I haven’t tried it on a rib marinade. Sounds delicioso.
My wife works for Williams-Sonoma which gives me access to all kinds of really good spice rubs and infused oils. Big time recommendation: If grilling fish get your hands on Potlatch Spice Rub. Absolutely great for most fishes. That and lemon juice is more than good.
Hey, everybody, let’s make Miracle Whip! I got me a big bowl! First. let’s throw in a whole bunch of refined sugar. Next, let’s add the cheapest vinegar you can get, like Walmart brand or something. Now, more refined sugar. Next, cheap assed canola oil, the stinkier the better. Finally top off with a big dollop of corn syrup and another cup of sugar. Beat the whole thing until the smell causes the entire neighborhood to be evacuated. Voila, Miracle Whip.
Or … you could just stick your head in an oven with some stinkly cheese and old socks.
YOu want to know where you can get some very good rubs? Costco. Seriously. I’ve tried three different ones and they’re great.
Kelly, I think it’s against the law in my state to have masseuses working where food is sold.
Least ways, I’ve never seen them in Costco before…
Geez, it only took two comments for the massuese joke to surface against “rubs.”
I expected at least five or six.
Scott, who used to comment here a lot (before he got married, now he must spend his free time with his bride – LOSER) makes an excellent rub. The Costco rubs are good, but Scott’s is better. They’re called “Survival Spice” and he has a deal where if you order a couple of tins, he’ll send some to our troops. He also has a great recipe for hot poppers on his site.
I can’t stand cold katsup, yuk.
Ha! Never underestimate the speed of moron at PW!
Oh. I really don’t know what’s in it, Sarah. It has a really nice almost floral overtone to it.
Oh. Other Guy has a steak rub he goes on and on about and now he cuts it with chili powder and it’s even better. I mostly just pretend to listen though so I’ll have to ask what it’s called.
“What’s in that curry?”
Is this a trick question.?
Lee: Thai tranny masseuses, no less, at my Costco.
BJ: I was waiting for a crack about rubs as well.
Eat what you want and die like a man.
Damnit… I always get to the good threads after the kegs run out.
Mayo is fine on burgers, but needs to be “angry.” Put your mayo in the processor with one jalepeno and one cerano pepper (pitted, unless you want to have to wipe your butt with snow cones the next day). Applewood smoked bacon, aged cheddar, colby, lettuce, tomato, red onion, then slather your “angry mayo” on (buttered & grilled) buns. Add an ice cold Negro Modello (for northerners, that does NOT mean invite Obama).
For bleu cheese people. Fry up a few medium sized onion rings first. Aged sharp cheddar, lettuce, tomato & vidalia onion dress the burger. After flipping patties on the grill add your cheddar to them, then immediately set an onion ring on top of each. Drop blue cheese crumbles inside the onion rings and let everything get all melty. On (buttered/ grilled) buns slather on some poppy seed dressing. Serve with a cold Harps and vidalia onion rings (salt and vinegar).
Yeah, I hear you Lamontyoubigdummy. I should’ve been here to defend the honor of Miracle Whip, Heinz Ketchup, and tabasco sauce, all on a 98% lean grilled burger (propane gas of course) with my garden tomatoes and, if you’re really feeling frisky, some jalapenos from the next row over.
If Tennessee would just allow the import of Fat Tire beer (maybe by next year) that would put a smile on my stone face.
(Oh, when shopping at my favorite store, the Sam’s Club hotdogs, beef, with some ketchup and mustard and those sprinkled red peppers originally intended for pizza…best $1.25 you can spend.)
Let me tell you about my camp out cooking; the famed pot of death… )
When it comes to a really good burger, what I put on it is cheese, some onion, perhaps a pickle slice or two. Bacon if it’s available.
No ketchup. No mustard. No relish. No sauce of any kind. Also no lettuce or tomato.
I tolerate ketchup and mustard if they’re put on by default, and I probably won’t pull out the lettuce while I’m extracting the tomato, unless I can be sure the lettuce will take at least three of the four ounces of mayonnaise with it.
I’m serious you guys — Georgia must have pipes delivering mayo to burger and sandwich places around here, just like water and natural gas. There just aren’t enough tanker trucks to haul that much goop.
Oh, and having grown up west of the Mississippi I am here to tell you that grilling with gas is properly known as cooking like a woman.
When I grow up I want to be Lamontyoubigdummy .
“Add an ice cold Negro Modello “
Lamontetcetc, what ‘r you, living in the freakin 50’s ? You cant just blurt out shit like that (unless you’re Chris Rock)… You have to say “African American Modelo”, “Sub-Saharan Modelo or simply “Cerveza of Color”… Lord, get with the program.. You wanna get renounced or something? (or hell, just be safe and switch to San Miguel..)
I’ve been meaning to bring this up, but totally independent of knowing about “Lamontyoubigdummy” – my husband’s new employee has put the “Sandford and Son” theme song as his ringtone.
It’s like a convergence or something.
Serr8d,
You come out to Colorado and I’ll take you on the Fat Tire tour. I go about every other month in the summer. I say it’s because I’m interested in the environmental technology they use to brew their beer or try a new brew, but mainly I go because I can.
Also, if you can find it out east, check out Left Hand Brewing Company’s stuff. Delicious.
Oh, and I’m going to the GABF again this year if anyone’s interested in joining me. More than 1,800 brews last year (at the event, not all tried by me) and they’re expecting almost 2,000 this year.
A lot o’ people don’t realize what’s really going on. They view life as a bunch o’ unconnected incidents ‘n things. They don’t realize that there’s this, like, lattice o’ coincidence that lays on top o’ everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you’re thinkin’ about a Lamontyoubigdummy. Suddenly someone’ll say, like, Lamont, or big dummy, or Lamontyoubigdummy out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin’ for one, either. It’s all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.
For burgers, make two patties, each from 1/3 c. ground chuck, make a dent in one, put shredded cheddar & minced onion in the dent, top it with the second patty and seal them. Charcoal grill, hot coals, about 4 min on a side. No salad, just a little A1. Only thing MW goes with is Sp*m, on a firm white bread – no squishy crap.
The “Sanford and Son” theme plays when I drive my old Kia Sportage around. Not for real but if you have metal fillings you will hear it. People come running for ice cream, then they run away.
I am in a black mood. It is black tuesday. I hate Infinitis and think they are stupid and walked by them at carmax to mock them.
Then the heavens parted unexpectedly an a beam fell on this one car. I stopped, hypMOtized, as it was one of those tractor beams of love.
The most beautiful car in the world! An Infiniti? It had a real cherry wood dash and this indescribeably gorgeous black and tan leather upholstery and a push button start and and ethereally glowing ladyofthelake bluegreen paint. A carmax man wandered by at that moment and I got in it and when I started it the seat moved perfectly into position. It was for me!!! It was nearly new…pristine…5K miles.
It was double what I wanted to spend, though I could…..if I really wanted….so I walked away with magical sparkles of magic all flying off me as i kinda shook it out my hair.
I walked away to think because what I really need is a cheap-ass grey nissan pathfinder. Or somebodies decade-old jagular if I am trying to be all fancy. But I could….If I REALLY wanted… but no. I have fresh fruit to buy and there’s college coming up and that rusting plumbing in the crawlspace and…
Why did fate show me that car? Because it too, wants to say “YOU BIG DUMMY”. It’s a sign.
Did I mention that the car was bought by someone smarter?
Handy spam. I do need some silver polish.