Company releasing home-made porn flick claimed to be of Jimi Hendrix getting it on with a couple of women (which the article helpfully identifies as “brunettes”). Enterpreneur thinks it would be awesome to have sex footage of Elvis or Sinatra (young, in both instances, I presume).
Which brings up today’s question: What historical figures would you most care to see resurrected in porn?
(h/t Hot Air)
More Zombie Love: Fuck their brains out?
George Washington – he’s 6’20” you know.
video
Definitely not Catherine the Great. That whole thing with the horse…ewwww.
How do you think she got to be the Great, cjd?
Tiresias.
Point taken, Dan. Let’s not ask how Ivan got to be the Terrible.
Theda Bara or Louise Brooks.
Lillie Langtry would be interesting, too.
“Pictures of Lily/Made my life so wonderful…..”
Kant — to see if he could.
But, seriously –
– Angela Lansbury – Really!
Elizabeth Taylor – before she went insane
Amelia Earhart
Alice Roosevelt-Longworth
–
Eirik Bloodaxe. He’d do it like a Viking.
I bet the Marquis De Sade made up too much of his stories (not that I’d really want to watch them,) so I’d have to say: PM Profumo, Ms. Plaster-Caster (for the process, mostly: blowjobs that need to last whatever number of minutes must be fun-to-watch, plus there’s the bondage aspect of the setting process itself: major kinkage there,) Marianne Faithful (though much of the footage would be illegal,) Mary Ingalls Wilder, Daniel Boone, Saladin, Henry VIII, Joan of Arc (but not the snuff film,) Caruso, Rasputin, Teddy Roosevelt, Dillinger, Benjamin Franklin, and Gengis Fucking Khan. It would be funny as hell if he yelled “Khaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn!” while climaxing.
On horseback.
SBP,
Dead Viking porn is a genre that can’t fail, IMHO. Harald Hardraada (with a name like that, it can’t go wrong) in “A Longship for Freja”
A Parthian money shot?
Lord Byron stars in Don Juan (to do it again?)
http://tinyurl.com/4gkvtc
Lord Byron
Interesting choice. Perhaps Mary, Percy, and Claire could join in as well.
Marilyn Monroe and Bacchus
Jim Bacchus?
Oh, Magoo, you’ve done her again!
Baby got Bacchus.
Is Catherine Zeta Jones circa 1996 historical enough?
Lots of guys thought she was pretty historical, Eric.
Ann Boleyn and Henry VIII. In lieu of that, we could have a reenactment by Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy.
Henry VIII.
MORE snuff films.
Youse guys are perverse.
“Long” Tom Jefferson and Sally Hemings in “Yes, Master: A Hot, Wet Patriarchy.”
Pure gold.
I’m down with that, Benedick. Ain’t had that brown sugar for nigh on two centuries.
I’d like to expand this to include literary figures. I pick Mr. Darcy. We didn’t even get a stinking KISS in the book.
How ’bout Jesus?
Oh yeah. That film’s been done. Thanks Martin Scorcese. Asshole.
Resurrected, eh?
Here’s the thing with raising the dead to make porno movies. It’s a lot of work. And your fantasy of Zombie Hedy Lamarr and Zombie Lauren Bacall all scissored up is better than the real zombie thing could ever possibly be, so why go through all that hassle just to disillusion yourself?
But can you really imagine Zombie Morris The Cat raping Zombie Billy Barty, or Zombie Mao blowing Zombie Buddy Holly? No. To really see it happen, you’d have to really see it happen. And of all the reactions you could possibly have, disappointment isn’t on the list.
First the “Marilyn blows” film, now Jimmy? I predict a spate of films being found.
Scams all, of course. Bleat, little lambie…
Zombie Rob Zombie.
Or is he already undead?
Caligula’s Italian Restaurant.
Caligula’s Italian Restaurant.
Would you like the squid or the calamari?
Would you like the squid or the calamari?
Some like both oysters and snails.
You can get anything you want
At Caligula’s Restaurant
You can get anything you want
At Caligula’s Restaurant
Jump on from the front or around the back,
Sexual sport off the beaten track
And you can get anything you want
At Caligula’s Restaurant
I will probably never have sex with a dead person again, because they smell REALLY bad. I think mostly because they are unable to take a shower.
This reminds me of a wonderful scam, that – hmmm -I know nothing about.
I used to know a guy named “Sir Lawrence (who was a bouncer at Gilly’s, and is in the movie “Urban Cowboy”). A true howler.
He had a tape of someone impersonating Elvis (perfectly), and we -uh – I mean HE – would go to Graceland every year with about a hundred of these tapes on Elvis’s birthday.
They would be gone (at $50 a pop) within three hours.
That was even better money than playing on Hee Haw.
Can I get my $50 back?
Jerk.
…and they all moved away from SBP on the bench there, gave him the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly things…until he said “and creating a sexual nuisance,” and they all moved back…”
You should all be ashamed of yourselves, since all historical figure sex is rape.
(Unless it’s, like, two chicks, in which case: Myrna Loy and Rita Hayworth.)
Stalin mouth fucking Olberdouche
what, no Heddy Lamar?
was watching something with her in it the other night and would just occasionally think, “Damn! she’s a beautiful woman”. or maybe she just had a really good makeup person.
No, she was extremely hot.
“Comment by Big Dan on 4/29 @ 10:33 am #
Can I get my $50 back?
Jerk.”
Big Dan –
Who? You or me?
“That’s Hedley.”
“Would you like the squid or the calamari?”
Anything but the alfredo.
“Marks are like sheep, kid – they need to be fleeced regularly. It keeps ’em happy and productive.”
How about Mr. Hands? He may not be historical, but he is dead!
Hedy, Heddy, Hedley? Sure it’s not Heady?
Vlad the Impaler
so I can’t type!
The Hepburns. Audrey and Katherine. And, they’re not related, so it won’t be so freaky if you had a menage a trois. Audrey also played a lesbian once (well, sorta kinda), so that’s a bonus too.
Tamar. From Genesis. That would have been absolutely cool.
None. I sure wish it were possible to see pictures of people from the past, though. Was Helen of Troy really hot? What about Cleopatra?
What about Cleopatra?
We actually have portraits of her.
Doesn’t do much for me, but then there’s the Sarah Jessica Parker contingent to consider.
I like your work!,