Scientists say that one third of us think that the others are out to get us
h/t Hot Air
Full disclosure: I am out to get a third of us
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If one third thinks the other two thirds are out to get them, they have reason to be worried.
Being outnumbered, and all…
Lest we forget, sometimes people *are* out to get you.
Not me.
You.
If the one third is mostly upper tax bracket folks, they are right.
In other news.
Russian scientists from the city of Novosibirsk, Siberia, made a sensational report at the international conference devoted to new methods of treatment and rehabilitation in narcology. The report was called “Methods of painful impact to treat addictive behavior.â€Â
Siberian scientists believe that addiction to alcohol and narcotics, as well as depression, suicidal thoughts and psychosomatic diseases occur when an individual loses his or her interest in life. The absence of the will to live is caused with decreasing production of endorphins – the substance, which is known as the hormone of happiness. If a depressed individual receives a physical punishment, whipping that is, it will stir up endorphin receptors, activate the “production of happiness†and eventually remove depressive feelings.
Russian scientists recommend the following course of the whipping therapy: 30 sessions of 60 whips on the buttocks in every procedure. A group of drug addicts volunteered to test the new method of treatment: the results can be described as good and excellent.
Doctor of Biological Sciences, Sergei Speransky, is a very well known figure in Novosibirsk. The doctor became one of the authors of the shocking whipping therapy. The professor used the self-flagellation method to cure his own depression; he also recovered from two heart attacks with the help of physical tortures too.
â€ÂThe whipping therapy becomes much more efficient when a patients receives the punishment from a person of the opposite sex. The effect is astounding: the patient starts seeing only bright colors in the surrounding world, the heartache disappears, although it will take a certain time for the buttocks to heal, of course,†Sergei Speransky told the Izvestia newspaper.
The whipping therapy has not become a new discovery in the history of medicine. Tibetan monks widely used it for medical purposes too. Soviet specialists used a special method of torturing therapy at mental hospitals. They made injections of brimstone and peach oil mixture to inspire mentally unbalanced patience with a will to live. A patient would suffer from horrible pain in the body after such an injection, but he or she would change their attitude to life for the better afterwards.
â€ÂPeople might probably think of me as a masochist,†Dr. Speransky said. “But I can assure you that I am not a classic masochist at all,†he added.
The revolutionary method may take the Russian healthcare to a whole new level. The method is cheap and highly efficient, as its authors assure. Why not using something more efficient, a rack, for example?
I’m not out to get anyone. Takes too much time and energy away from my diabolical plans for world conquest…
Did I just say that? I mean, it takes time and energy away from my…helping…at the puppy orphange.
Yeah that’s it.
â€ÂThe whipping therapy becomes much more efficient when a patients receives the punishment from a person of the opposite sex. The effect is astounding: the patient starts seeing only bright colors in the surrounding world, the heartache disappears, although it will take a certain time for the buttocks to heal, of course,â€Â
Might have to set up a clinic here in Athens. These guys selling franchises/diplomas yet?
People are always following me on the freeway. Anyone else notice this too?
I found this image of Mikey NTH , just in case you see him roaming the neighborhood.
sashal – We are not out to get you, or any of your Russian whip-bearing hottie friends.
B Moe, you do not need a franchise to have fun, buddy.
JD, speaking of hotties, why does the respectable british bank buys russian one ?
The answer is here: read the center article
Bah. They give themselves too much credit.
If I were out to get ’em they’d never see it coming.
Regards,
Ric
Or, just wanting to get a better look at your boobs. Men sometimes do that.
Got burkha?
Dan! Good to see you up. Thought maybe we were gonna have to call on Liz Stephans to give you a whipping.
God invented boobs to keep men awake.
Thanks, serr. I’ll take you up on that!
We are not really out to get you, however if we can convince you that we are, then you will be too busy worrying to see what we are really up to.
Boo!
I find that when people think I’m out to get them, one of two things will happen. Either they will try to buy me off, in which case at some point in the future I’ll give them cause to believe once again that I’m out to get them. Or, they’ll turn around and try to get me, in which case I’ll leave them alone in the future.
I’ve long believed the most telling sign of intelligence isn’t learning from one’s own mistakes so much as being able to learn from other people’s mistakes. I’ve learned from the mistakes of the appeasers.
If you want to be safe from predators, you need to know how they think.
“If you want to be safe from predators, you need to know how they think.”
Scream. Pounce.
Speaker-To-Animals, Kzin Ambassador
I pounce without screaming.
The look on the prey’s face when they realize I cheated, makes it all worthwhile.
[…] related news, 1/3 of people who read that story will probably think that government bloggers are targeting them. Related PostsApril Fools’ Day Fun: Al Qaeda Versus TruthersSuper Duper TuesdayServer […]
Psychologists using “paranoid” to describe fleeting anxiety based on possibly (but unquantifiably) misasessed risk in order to make a political point so vapid Eddie Vedder would write it on his arm are out to get us.
I think that’s spelled Spankersky.
The Others? You mean…
Just because your paranoid doesn’t mean everybody’s not out to get you.
…paranoia is much more common among people who have no mental health problems than scientists had thought.
Wherever there are well paid “scientists” such as these, verily, the end is near.
Only one third? Take a look at legislative overbloat; I’d reckon at least half of us are out to get the other half.
It’s probably no coincidence at all that Speransky’s name has “prank” embedded in it, and that it’s April Fool’s Day.
– Yeh, well Collins, just don’t think you’re fooling anyone with your “pretty boy” Irish Catholic upbringing, and holier-than-thou perfect rich-whitey manners as taught to you by Our Mother of Mercifully perpetual Thunder thighs, because its all a transparent act chum.
– You SAY you’re out to get 1/3 of them, ah….us, us but another 1/3 of them, ah….us, us know exactly what you’re up to.
– You think the other 1/3 of them, …us, is,….are, are stupid. And another thing buddy, if you think you’re going to get away with…..(ppssssstttt)…….Wha……what?
(you accounted for 2/3’s of them, ah….us, what about the missing 1/3?…..what are we, ah…..they up to?)
– Oh….Ohhhhhh……yes…..THAT 1/3……Um….well we,….they, they are helping Collins keep a close eye on the boobs….they, ah…..we, we think……?……..What was the question again?