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Teh Love Song of Eliot Spitzcock [Dan Collins; UPDATED]

A Per-Verse Fragment (please add your own):

LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening spreads its legs upon the sky
Like a harlot penetrated in a stable;
Let us go, through certain hifalutin’ streets,
The puttering retreats
Of restless nights in high-class swank hotels
And five-star restaurants with pastry-shells:
Streets that follow like a tendentious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an underwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “Who is it?”
Let’s blame Bush and make our visit.

In the room the women kvetch,
Complaining about anal sex. [Little Miss Attila]

You know, as Karl points out below, it’s really great that the NYT gets the interview. Why? Because all of us have wondered for a long time just what it’s like to have dirty, dirty sex with the Governor of New York.

And don’t tell me you haven’t.

Liar.

Heh. That Gay Conservative has a post up about Spitzer, Nifong and Earle, which somehow brought this old ditty into my head:

Has anybody seen
My old friend Spitzer?
Can you tell me
Where he’s gone?
He fucked a lot of people,
But at least he was progressive:
I just looked around and he’s pwn3d.

7 Replies to “Teh Love Song of Eliot Spitzcock [Dan Collins; UPDATED]”

  1. Dan Collins says:

    Come to think of it, though, there are probably plenty of people who could tell us what it’s like to take it up the ass from Spitz.

  2. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    In Albany did Spitz the Gov
    A stately pleasure-dome decree
    Where the filthy Hudson River ran
    Through waste dumps measureless to man
    Down to a shite-brown sea.

    * * *

    And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
    His piggy eyes, his thinning hair!
    Weave a circle round him thrice,
    And close your eyes with holy dread,
    For he on spendy whores hath fed,
    And spunked a spunk at market price.

  3. McGehee says:

    Beware the regulators my son,
    Their agents that audit, their programs that watch.
    Beware the bank officers with their scruples
    And for God’s sake disinfect your crotch!

  4. In the room the women kvetch,
    Complaining about anal sex.

  5. slickdpdx says:

    Awesome stuff. The comments too.

  6. mojo says:

    And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
    It was matter for general remark,
    Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
    In his zeal to discover the Snark

    But while he was seeking with thimbles and care,
    A Bandersnatch swiftly drew nigh
    And grabbed at the Banker, who shrieked in despair,
    For he knew it was useless to fly.

    He offered large discount–he offered a check
    (Drawn “to bearer”) for seven-pounds-ten:
    But the Bandersnatch merely extended its neck
    And grabbed at the Banker again.

    Without rest or pause–while those frumious jaws
    Went savagely snapping around-
    He skipped and he hopped, and he floundered and flopped,
    Till fainting he fell to the ground.

    The Bandersnatch fled as the others appeared
    Led on by that fear-stricken yell:
    And the Bellman remarked “It is just as I feared!”
    And solemnly tolled on his bell.

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