the left bird tries to drink herself to death. (Hint: Because of teh Patriarchy and teh Capitalism)
Teddy must just do it out of solidarity.
Hey, look!  Troubling advice about what to say apres sex:
I’ve enlisted the help of sex-book authors Steve and Vera Bodansky, who suggest one use the moment to declare: “I loved it when I slowly entered your pussy and you said, ‘Oh, God, that feels so good!’ It sent a fantastic electrical feeling from my penis to my head and back.”
Woah! Really? “It sent a fantastical electrical feeling from my penis to my head and back!!!!” That can’t be the right thing to say. Also, can you still utter the phrase even if the woman in question said, “Oh, God, I’m so wasted” or “Oh, God, It’s cold in here. You mind turning on the heat? It’s down the hallway on the right hand side, right before the bathroom!”
OT (perhaps?) but, my head?
Ow. Really. Ow.
That poor girl, being forced to drink herself into silliness every day. I hope she can find some happiness in her life, but I will give her a hint. Blaming her problems on society, supermarkets, and tabloid magazines is never really going to help her fix anything.
Things to say after sex:
I’m pretty sure if I said anything about fantastic electrical feelings during sex, my wife would give me the “what is wrong with you?” look.
Sometimes the best thing to say is grunting.
I’m usually too busy pulling on my socks to say anything.
One would think that after exhausting the list of things to NOT say, I would eventually know what to say. Speaking from experience, the following do not go over very well.
1. Who are you?
2. Where am I?
3. What is that smell?
4. Oh, shit !
5. Where is the front door?
6. You must have been really drunk.
7. Oops.
Was it good for me?
Things to say after sex:
Zzzzzzzzzz……
That electrical thing… Would that be like the guy who zapped his wife while doing it? That didn’t work out too well for her. Or him.
Talk? I’m supposed to talk? Afterward? Why?
Where’s my sammich? Oh, and a cold beer while you’re at it, pretty please.
I guess “go get me a beer” is right out, then…
Wake up, dear, I’m done.
“Okay, now turn over and let me do your other side.”
” We agreed on $50. Right?”
So I read this book to get some ideas and then made sure to enter her pussy more slowly than normal, which is something I wouldn’t have thought of, and I kept waiting for her to say, “Oh, God, that feels good!” But she didn’t say it so I kept reentering her real slowly and then she goes, “What the ?uck is wrong with you, you ?ucking prick tease? Get on with it!” Then I lost my boner and didn’t feel like ?ucking anymore so she’s totally rags on me and I tell her about the book and she calls me a moron.
“No! Don’t come in here yet!”
“You know when my penis got an erection and I ejaculated? That was pretty cool. Good job. Thanks once again for having sexual intercourse with me. Sincerely, Dorkafork.”
That’s what I wrote in my thank you letter, anyway. Figured it was proper etiquette. Unfortunately Hallmark doesn’t have a “Thanks for the Sexual Relations” section, so I ended up using a “Happy Mother’s Day” card. Haven’t heard back from the girl, I’m worried she’s been in some sort of accident maybe.
Hey, don’t let the door hit you in the butt. I gotta get up early tomorrow.
I used to be really good, when my new friend got up to go to the bathroom, being able to get out of bed, get dressed, and out the front door, without anyone noticing. But, when you didn’t make it, not a pretty scene.
dorkafork and daley are in a virtual dead heat right now. But, I said every single one of mine.
JD – I’ll probably burn in hell.
Do you always sweat this much?
I have resigned myself to the fact that eternity will be something like a Georgia summer. Hot, humid, and oppressive.
“Can you break a $5”?
Wow, since I’ve been in prison the last few years it’s been a while since I’ve done that with a woman.
What about when you wake up and hear the shower going and hazily remember what you did and what you did it with. So you sneak out of the bedroom and find an open window and climb out on the ledge. Then you notice that the only place to go is two stories down into a dumpster. Focusing, you realize that the dumpster id primarilly full of broken glass.
Then you reflect on the activities of the night before and a clear image of your partner finally forms in your mind.
Then, you realize that this is your appartment building.
And you jump anyaway.