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O! Bitchuary! [Dan Collins]

If Britney Spears were to die today, it appears that at least one news organization is admitting that it is ready to go with her obituary.TMZ.com reported that The Associated Press has a pre-written obituary ready to go for the embattled pop singer. The celebrity gossip Web site confirmed the obituary with AP Entertainment Editor Jesse Washington, who explained the reasoning of the article to Us Weekly. “We would never wish any type of misfortune on anybody and hope that we would never have to use it until 50 years from now, but if something were to happen, we would have to be prepared,” Washington told the magazine.

Washington also told Us that the AP has a “pretty extensive obituary operation,” and that staffers are “constantly adding people.”Pre-written or pre-taped obituaries are not uncommon in the news industry, especially for high-profile people who are ill or elderly.

I think that we should have our own PW collection of obits, so that we’re prepared for those very sad occasions when our readership soars.

O! You Airy Bitch!

Associated Press

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan is about to see dead people.

The 21-year-old actress will soon be working at a morgue as part of her punishment for misdemeanor drunken driving, her attorney, Blair Berk, told a judge Thursday.

She has also spent two months in rehabilitation and has done some community service, Berk said at a hearing on her progress toward fulfilling the terms of her plea bargain.

Her two four-hour days at the morgue are part of a court-ordered program to show drivers the real-life consequences of drinking and driving. She must also spend two days working in a hospital emergency room.

h/t Hot Air

37 Replies to “O! Bitchuary! [Dan Collins]”

  1. happyfeet says:

    We would never wish any type of misfortune on anybody…

    He’s lying, just so you know.

  2. JD says:

    JD – An insouciant lovable bastard.

  3. happyfeet says:

    700-word datadave rejoinder in 3… 2…

  4. happyfeet says:

    Hmmph. I still don’t think journalists are good people. Except for maybe Pamela Hess.

  5. happyfeet says:

    Lindsay Lohan is pretty. She can sing too. She should go do that deal with Scarlett and then maybe people wouldn’t think she was such a loser.

    Also, I’ve decided that Scarlett is a dumb name.

  6. JD says:

    A rejoinder is not complete unless he tells us about rich people in Zaire, poor people being poor because of the rich, his maid cleaning up his Depends, and how we are racists. For starters …

  7. JD says:

    Now that Lindsey is legal, it is alright to note that she is hot, right? Troubled, but hot.

  8. happyfeet says:

    Hey! You made pinkness. I wanna try.
    poof!

  9. happyfeet says:

    Dan isn’t sharing the pink-fu.

  10. The Ouroboros says:

    This is OT but since this appears to be pop-culture day it’ll fit right in.. Plus you PW lot seem to have wide ranging interests and experiences.. maybe you can answer what no one else on the web seems to know.. Want to know how to make nerve gas or a working suitcase nuke? No Problem..easy to find.. Want to know what Britney’s bare minge looks like..? Child’s play.. Wanna know how to hack and crack the DoD’s ICBM computer..? A noob could find it.. but God forbid you should want to find the recipe for real SoCal Carne Asada marinade like they use in genuine Roberto’s Carne Asada burritos in San Diego.. Easier to find the identities of all living Illuminati members.. Easier to find Osama bin Ladin’s home address..

    Someone help a poor Cali expat out and let me in on the Carne Asada secret.. I’m castaway in Seattle and they dont know from good Mexican food up here…

  11. Dan Collins says:

    font color=”#ec147f”

  12. happyfeet says:

    Oh. I just go to King Taco. Really you just have to look for the word carniceria – they didn’t use that word in Texas a lot that I ever remember but it’s a big west coast thing. Also what we had called gorditos they call sopes out here. Carne asada sopes are even better than the tacos. You have to go out anyway to get that white crumbly cheese that I can never remember what it’s called, and usually where you get the white crumbly cheese they have good asada. I mean I think you can get the white crumbly cheese at Ralph’s but it costs like seven times what it’s supposed to.

  13. JD says:

    TO – Sorry, bro. Out here in the flatlands of the midwest, the closest we come to good Mexican is Taco Bell. Well, the new ceviche restaurant is not Mexican, but very good. And el Tala del Sol, but they would not give me their recipe.

  14. happyfeet says:

    I tried really hard D, but the comment box ignored that font tag. I’m not worthy, really, and would I abuse my color powers? Yes. Yes I would.

  15. happyfeet says:

    JD – next time you are in Pasadena you have to get them to introduce you to King Taco. They’ve been holding out on you.

  16. SarahW says:

    Insouciant souffle

    Pinketty poof!

  17. SarahW says:

    Hey, there is no pink.

  18. SarahW says:

    My pink is poorly supported.

  19. happyfeet says:

    Oh. To be clear the gorditos thing is confusing cause sometimes they’d come in this like little taco cup shell thing and sometimes they would come on the sort of upside down English muffin thing. If you do the upside down English muffin thing yourself you buy them by the bag but to prepare them you have to dunk them into frying oil for like a minute so it’s better to just go out and get them cause then you can pretend you don’t know that they’re kind of not the healthiest thing in the world.

  20. JD says:

    Poorly supprted pink sounds like something Joan Rivers would say. Ewwww.

    Insouciant is a term reserved for me and happyfeet ;-)

  21. Dan Collins says:

    My family piss me off, because they won’t buy corn tortillas for me. I love me some authentic tacos al pastor, buey.

  22. happyfeet says:

    You’re kidding. I just edumucated my office on how the corn tortillas have like no fat and the flour tortillas are like totally held together by fat molecules. I can send you the powerpoint.

  23. Dan Collins says:

    Glewwwwwwwwwwwwwwten.

  24. Dan Collins says:

    On the other hand, I like my refritos fatty.

  25. SarahW says:

    Ouroboros, Is this recipe a FAIL? The cilantro sounds good.

  26. SarahW says:

    Sorry JD. What would Joan Rivers NOT say. I want to say that.

  27. daleyrocks says:

    Lindsay Lohan working with stiffs. That’s Hawt!

  28. Dan Collins says:

    Yeah. There’s nothing like a cadaver moaning, “Touch it! TOUCH IT!”

  29. The Ouroboros says:

    SarahW .. I dont know if that’s the Roberto’s recipe or not but it looks pretty dang good.. I’ll give it a try soon and find out.. thanks!

  30. happyfeet says:

    Ok but spending one of what is only a finite number of your God-given Saturdays working up a carne asada marinade is just kind of indicative of latent metrosexual tendencies I think. God I’m a dick today.

  31. happyfeet says:

    That was just mean. I’m just jealous cause I can’t cook is all. I really need to look at myself.

  32. Mike C. says:

    Mmmm. Roberto’s Taco Shop. They’re all over here in Vegas, too. Hate to rub it in but there’s one just a few blocks from our office. Even in Seattle, chances are you can find a neighborhood with a grocery store/carniceria where you can buy carne asada already marinated (ask for carne asada preparada). It will be sliced in thin sheets, not chopped in cubes like Roberto’s. But some that I’ve found are even better than Roberto’s, if you can believe that.

  33. happyfeet says:

    Oh. I should have actually said I’m sorry to Ouroboros cause I really feel like that was unwarranted what I said. As long as you don’t go buy a ceramic tortilla warmer. The baskety ones are ok though.

  34. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    My preferred epitaph:

    Here lies Spies, Brigands, and Pirates: shot by a jealous husband at the age of 95.

    (not original, but that’s still what I want it to be.)

  35. Kevin says:

    Hehe. You said ‘bitch’.

  36. fletch says:

    Yeah. There’s nothing like a cadaver moaning, “Touch it! TOUCH IT!”

    Cadavers! (Do they really need a “touch” to get “hard”…)

Comments are closed.