Well, a visit to the Denver Zoo is always nice. Just don’t let your being dead convince you that you can enjoy a leisurely stroll through the tiger cages unharassed. Unless, that is, one of the things you wish to do in Denver while you’re dead is have your lower torso pulled apart by an 800 lb. cat — something a dead acquaintance of mine found out recently when a lovely white Indian Bengal decided to lunch on his thigh and calves.
Turns out Bengal tigers aren’t particularly fastidious about their meat source — and evidently there’s no genetic memory, nor any social construct peculiar to jungle cat culture, that demands from its identity group members the equivalent of a halal diet.
On the plus side, though, my dead friend no longer has to worry about how bad his decomposing feet stink when the sales girl at Dick’s Sports helps him try on new mat shoes. Plus, awesome handicapped parking!
So, you know — glass half full.
Incidentally, my DSL line has been up and down the past two days, so I haven’t been able to get to the site regularly.
And now my laptop won’t start, so I have to take it in for service at the Apple store on Thursday.
Until then, expect these kinds of posts. Because other than how much I’m enjoying season 1 of “Monk,” or how difficult it is to find a good 4 oz MMA open-palmed striker’s glove at a reasonable price, I don’t really have much to talk about at the moment.
Leaning toward Fairtex, by the way — though if the ones at SSFgear are decent knockoffs, I might just save myself the $25 and go that route.
“The cab driver told me the White Tiger was the place to go, if you know what I mean.”
— Big Trouble In Little China
“So, you know  glass half full.”
Of what, embalming fluid?
that demands from its identity group the equivalent of a halal diet.
Are Bengalis halal?
I’m not on a halal diet. I’m on all hentai diet….
The proper diet for a tiger is harrarr, which, being translated, means “meat within reach”. When you hear one say that, check the range.
Regards,
Ric
Cheyenne Mountain Zoo is better – you can feed the giraffes!
Used to (back in the mid-80’s) be able to feed the brown bear, too. They had a kibble dispenser outside his enclosure, 25 cents for a handful of Purina Bear Chow, and, if you tossed it at him, piece by piece, he’d catch in his mouth those he could get without moving, then go clean up the rest after hours.
He’s gone now. A shame, as he was the most rotund bear I ever saw.
At least you have a DSL line. I live in the boonies, and can only get satellite out here. I’ve had to clear my dish three times of snow already.
Global warming, mumble mumble.
Better dead than Gilbert:
I once wrassled with two baby tigers: Bengal/Siberian mix, which meant that they were marked for a post-partum abortion.
That’s right, if you’re trying to Save The Tigers, you can only save Pure-Blood tigers, either Siberian or Bengal but not a mix, and not too closely related. So what happened is these two tigers were in a Florida zoo and one of the keepers called a guy in Nampa, Idaho (just east of Boise) and he hopped in the truck and rescued the fellas from certain death.
The guy had the coolest exotic animal farm/enclosure/zoo that was cheap to visit and had lots of hands-on stuff, such as the bebeh tigers cavorting on the lawn with the guests. I was tempted to let one of the tigers bite me hard enough to break the skin so I could say, “Wee that? That’s a tiger bite.” But I chickened out.
The guy got shut down shortly thereafter because some woman with an advanced degree in telekinetic atomic fission let the nice kittehs get too close to her infant, who was injured by the cubs. She sued, the guy lost his shirt. I don’t know what happened to the critters.
Pity. The guy was fighting all of the stupid “conservation” efforts of animal rights folks and fellow travelers who would insist that he break the eggs of his Whooping cranes because the parents were too closely related and stupid stuff like that.
So, help me out here..
On judgement day when there’s a resurrection of the flesh does your friend get a whole new body.. which hardly seems fair to the rest of us that have to settle for old worn out bodies reanimated from dust.. or does he have to return to face his maker as a sort of life size, tiger turd, Mr Hanky?
(A note to Warriors of Christ for Justice: I’m just kidding. Please don’t shoot me. I’m betting Jesus laughs at South Park too.)
I wonder what the over/under is on the number of blogs that complete fairy tale #8 has been copied and pasted on? It has that Che Che flavor to it.
Took my angel to the St. Louis zoo for her birthday party with the family. Great zoo, and it was free.
I slowly nodded my head.
“That isn’t fair,†Gilbert said.
“I agree,†I said. “It isn’t fair.â€Â
That writer’s nickname isn’t Che-Che, by any chance?
“I’m betting Jesus laughs at South Park too.”
Only if he’s getting residuals.
“How can that be?†Gilbert said. “We all live in the same country. How can the rich get richer while my family becomes poorer? Are you getting richer?â€Â
“I nodded my head happily and told the sorry fuck to learn a trade and stop mopping bathroom floors………Now pick up those towels bitch……”
Speaking of things to do in Denver, do you ever listen to Dressy Bessy? I hear they’re big in those parts…