Your Dogma Eliminated My Smegma
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Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
- In The Mailbox: 12.23.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll truly IS a sad, embittered psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
- In The Mailbox: 07.18.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
DON’T BLAME ME. I VOTED FOR DENNIS KUCINICH. (my other car is a spaceship)
I saw a bumpersticker this weekend that said “My other car is a hybrid”. It was on the back of a Hummer.
Support Ribbon Awareness!
I like the classic:
“My other car is a piece of crap, too!”
Support Hose!
YOU! Get off my planet.
I love animals. They taste great.
I am driving this way just to annoy you.
Keep honking. I am re-loading.
“All extremists should be taken out and shot.â€Â
“Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep”
“Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!”
“If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?”
“Give me ambiguity or give me something else.”
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather….
…Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….”
I’d rather be driving a Titliest.
I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.
Favorite all time:
“I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on your little sister”.
#2:
“Jesus is coming. Look busy”
Don’t Vote- It only encourages them.
“Insanity takes its toll; please have exact change.”
“Some days it’s not even worth chewing through the restraints.”
“Since I gave up all hope I feel much better.”
“I was standing there, wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger. Then it hit me.”
“I used to care, but now I take a pill for that.”
“I love cats…they taste just like chicken”
“Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.”
“Cover me. I’m changing lanes.”
“As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools”
“Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”
“Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.”
Help stamp out, eliminate, and reduce redundancy.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
How’s the new job at the bumper sticker factory, N. O’Brain?
If we quit voting, will they just go away ?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
Honk If You’ve Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Everyone has the right to be stupid but you abuse the privilege.
If you can read this…I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
My Otha Ride is YO MOMMA!
Jesus loves you…but everyone else thinks you are an asshole.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
“#Comment by alppuccino on 11/26 @ 12:33 pm #
How’s the new job at the bumper sticker factory, N. O’Brain?”
Well, I’m sticking with it.
So you got JD a job too. Nice.
Si usted no puede leer esto, agradezca a inmigrante ilegal
“Visualize getting a job, Hippie!”
Visualize swirled peas.
The classic:
99% of Democrats give the rest a bad name
Actually it’s “Visualize Whirled Peas”
“Feed the homeless to the hungry.”
“Bad hippie! No patchouli!”
“Hippies Smell” (actually a t-shirt I own, but I hates me some hippies)
Vote Democrat – Why think when they can do it for you?
On a car with front end damage [which happened to mine]:
I don’t brake for shit!
On a t-shirt:
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals
I loves me a thick slab of capitalist pig for breakfast.
My all time favorite as stated before:
Back in the seventies when protecting Whales were paramount and the NY Mets were a particularly bad baseball team, I saw a variation of the old “Save the Whales” bumper sticker while driving in Brooklyn:
F*ck the Whales: Save the Mets!
Ah, BJTexs, that reminds me of “Nuke a gay whale for Christ” though you really have to see the little drawing too.
“Save the Whales: Collect the Whole Set”
Where’re all the “do it” bumper stickers? You know, “Firemen do it with a big fat hose” or “Plumbers do it with a big fat pipe” or “Waterboarders do it with a towel over your face”……you know..
Bush does it with the SHREDDED REMAINS OF THE CONSTITUTION!!!!!
Bill Clinton does it
Earth first! (We’ll strip-mine the other planets later).
Bill Clinton does it with a humidor.
Bill Clinton does it with a young fat fugly female employee of his.
Hillary did it at least once.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.
It’s not Deja Vue: I really did shoot you again!
al – allegedly.
Make a liberal miserable: work, make money, be happy.
Hillary did it at least once.
With a turkey baster and a willing cousin.
OUCH
Ain’t that Vuja De?
As in “Go ahead! Vuja De!”
My faves:
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can’t.
These are 10 types of people: those who understand binary notation, and those who do not.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is actually kind of neat.
I say what it occurs to me to say when I think I hear people say things. More I cannot say.
Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.
No matter how devastatingly beautiful she may be, I guarantee you there is some guy, somewhere, who is tired of putting up with her shit.
First rule of the marketplace: Faster, better, cheaper. Pick any two.
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
Don’t be sexist — broads hate that.
Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.
At strategic moments, it might be advantageous to creatively modify the terms of competition. (When in doubt = cheat.)
Conscience is that little voice that says someone may be watching.
Here’s a joke for all you psychics out there…
Are you always an idiot or just when I’m around?
Be a pessimist – your whole life will consist of either being proven right or being pleasantly surprised.
A fine is a tax for breaking the law; a tax is a fine for obeying the law.
The early bird may catch the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese!
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
668: The Neighbor of the Beast
According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.
Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.
I’ve learned to say “Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke” in 6 languages.
There are two kinds of people: those with Attention Deficit Disorder and those… oooh, pie!
ESCHEW OBFUSCATION!
Internet Relay Chat: where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are FBI agents…
God gave women buttocks because, sooner or later, they have to walk away from us – and at least this way there’s some consolation.
I’m lost… I’ve gone out to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
Comfort the disturbed; disturb the comfortable.
Most people are like Slinkys(TM): they aren’t really good for anything, but they’re sure fun to push down a flight of stairs!
My gun collection has killed 5 fewer people than the Kennedy clan has with cars, airplanes and golf clubs.
Hah! I knew it wasn’t “unbreakable”!
If At All Possible, Involve A Cow
If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
The United States Constitution 1791. All Rights reserved.
911 – Government-sponsored Dial-a-Prayer
79,999,987 firearm owners killed no one yesterday.
I am in shape! Round is a shape.
Any resemblance between myself and someone who knows what’s going on is purely coincidental.
Jesus saves. Allah forgives. Cthulhu thinks you’d make a nice sandwich.
Ignorance is not a point of view.
You are entitled to your own opinions. You are not entitled to your own facts.
A rule of thumb is accurate only four times out of five. Including this one.
When I said absolutely not, I didn’t necessarily mean no.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.
Gun control didn’t stop Lorena Bobbitt.
Political Correctness is the conviction that it is possible to pick up a turd from the clean end.
Just because I have a short attention span doesn’t mean that I
Screw world peace, I want a pony!
Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter-accusations.
As a matter of fact, the world does revolve around me.
Reality is for those without the strength of character to handle drugs.
There’s no place like 127.0.0.1
I’ve upped my standards. Now, up yours. — Pat Paulsen
Seen on a blackboard in the background of a “My Name Is Earl” flashback:
“Screw The Cheerleader, Destroy The World”
Hey Drumwaster,
Can you even see out of your rear window?
Yeah, but the billboard is MURDER on gas mileage.
Wind resistance, dontchaknow?
It’s called “PMS” because “Mad Cow Disease” was already taken.
Your attitude is not my problem.
It’s not wise to justify your paranoia by deliberately getting powerful people pissed off at you.
If you could read my mind you wouldn’t be following so close.
The left just loves diversity — as long as everybody thinks alike.
Stop honking! How’s a guy supposed to sleep?
My mom told me never to play with people’s heads unless they bounce really good.
“I’m easily distrac”
(actually, a T-shirt my wife is getting)
“There’s no place like 127.0.0.1”
The fact that I understand this gives me pause indeed.
Glenn Beck offers a sticker that says “Hydrocarbon-fueled Eco Car” and people actually ask the owners how they can get their own car to run on hydrocarbons.
Honk if you think drivers who honk at bumper stickers are too dumb to drive.
I’m here to pick up your daughter
Imagine using your turn signals.
Coexistential: How can I get along with you if I’m not sure you’re real?
01/20/2009: psyche!
Errors have been made. People will be blamed.
I just remembered one from my days as a Trekkie…
“At Warp 9, they ALL look green.”
Reunite Gondwanaland!
In case of Rapture.. Can I have your car?
299,792,458 m/s. It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law.
Oh yeah? Well my honor student will be defending your kid someday.
As a matter of fact my Mom did drop acid. Why do you ask?
Jesus loves you! (The rest of us think you’re an asshole)
Bumperstickers are not the answer!
Yes, this is my truck. No, I’m not going to help you move.
Stop honking! I’ve got PMS and a gun..
Hukt on fonix wurkt fore me!
Ask me about my grandchildren! (The miserable little ingrates)
If a man speaks in the forest and there’s no woman there to hear it.. Is he still wrong?
Don’t laugh at my car! (Wait until your kids are in college)
Marijuana is bad for you! (But I can’t remember why)
My Karma Ran Over Your Dogma
My Dogma Pissed On Your Karma
Park Your Karma
Walk Your Dogma
Sierra Club kiss my axe
To everything there is a lame excuse.
If you can read this.. You didn’t go to public school, did you?
Welcome to Wyoming! Have a good time! Spend lots of money! (Then go home!)
Sex is not the answer! (Sex is the question, the answer is “Yes!”)
I got this truck for my husband! (Pretty good trade, huh?)
I asked for a blow job, not a job that blows!
I’m so happy to see “Reunite Gondwanaland” again! I was just wondering a couple of weeks ago if I could still find the t-shirt anywhere, with the Fist Of Power and all.