me: “So I hear they’ve got that chimp stuffed and stored here somewheres. Can we see him?”
YAF tour guide: “Chimp?”
me: “Yeah. The monkey Reagan starred with in Bedtime for Bonzo. Rumor has it he’s kept in a secret chamber, along with the uniform Dutch wore when he played Grover Cleveland Alexander.”
YAF tour guide: “There’s no stuffed monkey here.”
me: “Well, that’s what Reagan told the Soviets, sure. But you and me, we know better, don’t we? So where is he — buried out along one of the horse trails?”
YAF: “I really don’t know anything about a stuffed monkey, sir.”
me: “Okay. But just so you know, I’m going to report that as a non-denial denial.”
“There’s no stuffed monkey here.â€Â
….
….
….
The ole Wishbone Univac is OVERLOADED with punchlines here.
Have to reboot.
YAF tour guide: “and sir, we specifically told you not to touch the former presidents chaps much less put them on yourself, and even more specifically told you that he certainly DID NOT authorize anyone to call the viets on the white phones in the guest house.”
YAF tour guide (through a megaphone) : Chimp, step away from the jellybeans!
everyone knows chimps are always hidden in the trunk.
YAF guide: Sir, excuse me, but is that an armadillo in your pocket or are you just h . . . wait, that is an armadillo (sniffs) a very drunk armadillo, without um, pants, and he clearly is happy to see me, er a little too happy . . . sir, please remove your armadillo from my leg . . . security!!
YAF tour guide: “Sir, there is no stuffed chimp here. Also I can say with complete certainty that Jane Wyman has not been stuffed and mounted in Mrs. Reagan’s sewing room.”
me: “So I hear they’ve got that chimp stuffed and stored here somewheres. Can we see him?â€Â
YAF tour guide: “Chimp?â€Â
Nancy: He’s talking about Jane Wyman. HEY BLOOMY, FIX ME ANOTHER VODKA STINGER WHILE YOU’RE IN THERE!
I’m pretty sure stuffing monkeys is illegal here. They’re enacting this one on a local basis since I think it failed in Sacramento. And don’t even think about getting your cat declawed. Well, maybe you can declaw them when they’re dead but I wouldn’t risk it.
Zombie Reagan might not appreciate that.
You wouldn’t want to make Zombie Reagan angry…
You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.
So, the Reagan Ranch…..is it like Graceland for zealous college republicans?
I’ve got a great family recipe for stuffed monkey.
Stuffed family of monkeys? Banquet recipe, then.
Meh.. That’s because everyone knows it’s Jane Wyman that’s buried out along one of the horse trails..
YAF Tour Guide: Sir, I cannot confirm nor deny that Mr. Reagan stuffed his monkey..
Me: … They looked pretty affectionate in Bedtime for Bonzo is all I’m sayin..
YAF Tour Guide: …
YAF tour guide: “Sir, please, I assure you. Not only is Bonzo not stuffed and Jane Wyman is not mounted in a sewing room but Mrs Reagan will most assuredly not be holding a seance in the atrium to channel the spirit of John Sununu.
And, please, just ignore her when she starts ranting about the “dammed stupid rising house of Virgo!”
Just then, a herd of drunken elephants burst in…
Ghost of Bonzo: “Sometimes this place is more fun than a barrel of my relatives.”
RACIST!!!!!!
I’m not sure if it’s funny or what that your readers think you are making this shit up…..
So, the Reagan Ranch…..is it like Graceland for zealous college republicans?
You could say that. Thankyuhvrrmuch.
Tofu and bean sprouts / RACISTSEXISTWARMONGERINGHOMOPHOBES !
Pretty sure I saw Bonzo in one of the back rooms at the Smithsonian. Right next to the guy with the 20-foot-long beard. Like one long scraggly dreadlock it was. The beard that is, not the chimp.
They don’t put that sideshow stuff on display anymore you know. It would upset the relatives. Bonzo’s, not the beard guy’s. And I’m pretty sure they didn’t stuff the beard guy, that had to be wax.. Didn’t it?
Oops! I stand corrected:
Dang! Sorry! Close that blockquote!
Swen, we have learned long ago to never trust the Scandi Snow-Billys.
My wife and I are in Santa Barbara and would like to see the Reagan Ranch. We are traveling in our motorhome and are currently staying at the Sunrise RV Park. Please provide an address that we can plug into our GPS. If the Rance is not open to us, we would like to drive by. Thank you in advance. Blair