Yeah, I know. But it’s the best I could come up with off the cuff, and besides, it beats “Aceapalooza” — which, let’s face it, is so remarkably lame that were it to have any designs on walking, it would need a helmet, and one of those giant-soled shoes made specially for Flannery O’Conneresque clubfoots.
Anyway, if any of you are in the Santa Barbara or surrounding areas and wants to meet up, we’ll be at the lobby bar of Fess Parker’s Doubletree, Santa Barbara, Thursday evening at around 9:30-ish.
Otherwise, it’ll be just me and some Ace and Jawa groupies.
— Which means, of course, that the chances are next to frickin’ nil of going the entire evening without some super-pale mondo geek going on about wizard hierarchies, then segueing into a drunken pseudo-academic exegesis detailing the influence of Lewis Carroll’s “Through the Looking Glass” on Led Zeppelin’s “Battle of Evermore”.
And that’s almost too depressing to think about.
But then, who knows? Maybe I’ll get shitfaced and start showing off my scars. “Moray eel,” I’ll roll back a sleeve, matter-of-factly. “Bit clean through my wetsuit.
“How ’bout you? Ever had your flesh chewed open by, like, a warlock, or a one of the guardians of the Gates of Despair…?”
Christ. Now I’m depressed again.
Did you mean to say Caklifornia, Jeff? Cuz I’m not sure what you mean by that. But I’m glad you called. I was worried sick about you, young man.
You know what I’m glad about? Your long-suffering wife gets something out of the blogging stuff, and you guys get a junket together.
Just start telling them the tales of teh ‘dillo.
Wish I could join ya’
““How ’bout you? Ever had your flesh chewed open by, like, a warlock, or a one of the guardians of the Gates of Despair…?â€Â
No, but a drunken, cranked up truck stop waitress once tried to chew of my earlobe. Thank God she didn’t have any teeth.
Wait, did I say that out loud?
I once got bit by a deadly but unpredictable zombie midget. Does that count?
Fucking zombie midgets. A shifty lot, they are.
When you swim in the sea, something chomps on your knee, that’s a moray.
I got a partial thickness burn from a cookie sheet once. Slow to heal.
The cookies were black, black like a doll’s eyes.
I had a xan prick my knee once. It made me collapse under my load. I dropped everything, whacked on it with my flaming longsword, and killed it, only to discover that it was poisonous! Fortunately, I had eaten a killer bee earlier and was “Healthy”, so I didn’t lose any strength over it…
Damn. Santa Barbara is too frimping far away for us to make that kind of drive, especially after dark.
Through the LA area.
Where the armadillos roam.
(Didja know that ‘dillos are known as “biological speedbumps” on the highways of West Texas?)
oh I so want to go
but the idea of driving 150 miles on a workday evening through some of traffickiest areas of Los Angeles is just not going to happen.
damn damn damn
It just so happens I will be in Santa Barbara Thursday on business. By what signs shall we know each other? I will be the exhausted-looking aerospace employee completely lacking tiny, yet telltale, scars from pelagic eels.
The Jawans linked me today.
I’d love to meet you and Mrs. G. in person, Jeff, but it’s too dang far. (I live in LA also.) I’m probably headed to a military reunion in Colorado next year. Maybe then.
I’ll be the guy who looks like the guy over on the sidebar. With the shorter hair.
Also, you can just look for the crowd around Ace. I’ll be someplace nearby, nursing a beer, pining for my lost youth.
Probably in a t-shirt.
Play the Battle of Evermore backwards; it is a searing indictment of Petraeus and the whole BushCheney regime.
I believe it contains a code that guarantees that votes will be found for impeachment if Code Pink waterboards each other 24/7 for the next seven days.
Use Evian at first and then transition to San Pellegrino sparkling for the weekend.
Nope, no chance. Hoist one for me, I’ll be doing likewise. Possibly two.
And be on the look out for zombie midgets. You can’t be too careful…
People used to walk a mile for a Winston.
I guess I’m the anti-Winston.
Thank god for alcohol.
They walked a mile for a Camel. A really hot camel.
They used to come home with black eyes after people tried to make them switch from Winstons to other cigarettes. Those strong-arm tactics never worked with Winston guys.
I know I can’t go cause I have to do a report. And then a proposal. And then this other thing I will have to go back and look at what I said that one was supposed to be. I had all year to do this stuff, but I didn’t, and now I have to cause if I don’t… I’m not sure really, but it would probably be deleterious in some way. I have never been to Santa Barbara I don’t think. I went to the Reagan Library once though. That’s where I got my Peace Through Strength t-shirt. You have a good time though. I have to do a report.
This one time, in band camp…
Okay not really. It was outside the theater waiting for the midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Jeff G – I really wish I could meet y’all out there, but according to Mapquest, if I started driving now, it would be a total elapsed driving time of 31 hours, 47 minutes to travel the 2175.43 miles between my house and Santa Barbara, one way, without stopping. Not sure I can do that. Let me ponder it …
Well, I’d come and buy you a beer but Google Maps says I’m 2,073 miles away. Damn the luck.
But if you get kidnapped by a drunken ‘dillo and show up in Chicago, I’ll show up in my “I heart Jeffy” t-shirt and ask you to sign my bicep with a Sharpie. In a manly way, of course.
I’d walk a mile for a Camel if I was sure it’d put out.
Otherwise I’d just as soon kill me some Jews.
/pinot grigio, bottle 3.
Tareyton Cigarettes. I’d rather fight than switch. Winston on the other hand tastes good. Like a cigarette should. Or as they said back when they sponsored The Beverly Hillbillys:
Jed: Winston tastes good…
Granny: Like a cigarette had ought-a!
Yes. I was born in ’61, but I think of myself as a child of the 80’s. A really old one.
The weather is very odd here by the way. Someone today told me the skies looked like the skies of Flanders. Flemmish gray he said knowingly. Sinister.
I told him I had to do a report.
Oh. Flemish has just the one m it seems.
Once had a stripper bite me on the tonsil, does that count?
So there I was, stuck halfway up a cliff outside Ashrafkhel when the guy yells up about the landmines…
Wish I could buy you a strong one, Jeff. However, I will be starting my 400 days of fun with OIF – tomorrow. Oh, and I am in Illinois, so there is the whole, “I’m half a continent away” thing too.
Make Ace buy you a Bombay Sapphire martini (dry). Tell him it supports the morale of the troops. Well, my morale anyway.
Godspeed, Major John.
MJ – Don’t forget to get us your APO once you get settled over there. You will remain in our prayers. These Kool Aid singles ain’t drinking themselves, and Rice Krispie treats only have a shelf life of about 3 decades.
Hurry back. Keep your chin held high. Godspeed.
Yes Major – I was serious about the deal about hooking you up with whatever the Iraqi analog to Crystal Delight might turn out to be.
Also, pictures!
BTW – If anyone knows how to get a hold of WISHBONE, we have a care package that we would like to send to him.
#12 Darleen
oh I so want to go
but the idea of driving 150 miles on a workday evening through some of traffickiest areas of Los Angeles is just not going to happen.
damn damn damn
Wanna carpool?
/2004 LGF
Stay safe Major John.
Hi 5!
I was getting my ass kicked by a Great White Shark once, fled from battle, quaffed a recall potion, and bad-recalled straight to the Demon Realm, right next to Ebencalaneezer himself. The quest to recover my equipment was epic and long-lasting, involving multiple, horrible deaths, but ultimately successful.
I’ve got scars, but they’re emotional.
If you drink enough, you might show those, too.
If we actually had the Aurora, I’d have to hijack it and fly from the B-dad to SB, Jeff.
If.
I’ll be on a vigil for MJ’s arrival.
MJ: Down the stairs off the rotunda in the Palace. Go left to the end. Announce yourself. We’ll talk.
wishbone – I have a package for you. What is your APO? Any specific requests?
Jeff! How I wish you were in LA and not Santa Barbara! I would walk a mile for you, but can’t drive the 150. Especially not the drunk drive home.
JD–hit me at wishboneorama@gmail.com.
Wishbone – will do.
Anyone care to guess on the over/under on when Jeff’s hangover wears off? How many bottles of vino consumed?
you’re not a real man until you pull your shirt open and declare that your body is “a roadmap of pain.”
I just did the math, from Athens:
Total Est. Time: 34 hours, 21 minutes
Total Est. Distance: 2327.01 miles
But that route takes me right through Memphis and Flagstaff, so it would definitely take quite a bit longer.
That is amazing, it came out exactly the same for me.
Mapquest sez:
Total Est. Time: 21 hours, 7 minutes
Total Est. Distance: 1464.44 miles
Not this week, I’m afraid :(
Regards,
Ric